Greentext Robert's point of view

Bad kisses are pretty easy to decipher. Don’t even need to be that experienced

>Losing her virginity had been a long, drawn-out affair preceded by several months’ worth of intense discussion with her boyfriend of two years, plus a visit to the gynecologist and a horrifically embarrassing but ultimately incredibly meaningful conversation with her mom, who, in the end, had not only reserved her a room at a bed-and-breakfast but, after the event, written her a card.

Who does this?

He's an old man with little sexual experience who crushed on a girl and overthought his standing with her to the point where he thought she really liked him. But it was only a moment for her, and she broke off with him. They met a bit later in the bar, where she took to avoid him. But he saw her, and sent her a drunk text calling her a whore. Obviously resented her for breaking up.

Are you a virgin?

The semi-colon is fine. Quit projecting your hatred for women.

the quote in OP had me guessing but this can't be real.
the new yorker is bad but they don't actually publish drivel like that.

Are you just annoyed that it's from a woman's perspective?

imaginary girls 20-something women who write for the New Yorker think they would have been had their bitch mother not chewed them out for sucking dick when they were 15

Spoiled western women who think one below-average sex experience is the hardship worth writing and thinking about.

yes women fucking suck

no, it's from a crazy person's perspective.

next question: which one of us is pretending to be called kristen and exporting r9k princess points stories?

Women aren’t as brutal as you imagine them to be.

No, it's fine. It's expansion on/an explanation of the preceeding clause so textbook usage really.

I don't have to imagine

Why do you keep posting this?

a lot of literature is from a crazy's perspective

After this bit, I couldn't take the story seriously anymore. I can't imagine this happening in reality.

yes, but this flavour of crazy stinks of us trying to get the new yorker to publish shit they should recognize as Veeky Forums crazy. i call oprah and the 9000 penises on this.

one of us should own up in their suicide note.

I wonder who could be behind this post.

Yeah, but really, the semi colon is almost never actually called for. People just think it looks neat, and seem intellectual, so they use it to feel cool. The only time it really works is when writing stream of conscious when you accidentally add a just-a-little-too-far removed sentence fragment after a comma, but it adds an important detail. If, I’m that scenario, rewriting the whole paragraph would interrupt the flow of things, and turning it into two short, choppy sentences is an eyesore, you may be able to get away with it.

In almost any other case other than that extremely specific scenario, you’re just being pretentious, or eagerly naive.

Is the "t" in Margot silent?

dude i'm not the guy you're talking to, but your whole post is a sign you can't proofread.

why are people talking about this stupid fuckin story so much?

poor women, honestly. no irony... so glad I am a man

It is easy to read and justifies any man women dislike being a bad person.

She went home for the holidays you pleb

>“Concession-stand girl, give me your phone number,”
Do people talk like this?

No. Not even socially awkward nerds talk like that.

Only in the minds of creatively bankrupt, spiteful women.

What an unnecessary ending.

>Margot met Robert on a Wednesday night toward the end of her fall semester. She was working behind the concession stand at the artsy movie theatre downtown when he came in and bought a large popcorn and a box of Red Vines.
>bought a large popcorn and a box of Red Vines.
>buying food at the theater
>ever
She should've known he was a faggot. She's in the wrong here for getting involved with a retard. they're both retards. They were made for each other.

>he bought crab legs, and we texted back and forth joking about crab legs

> Girl Meets guy
> Awkwardly
> Not too awkward, but like a cringey thirteen year old kind of way
> Eventually start texting
> Go on date
> Go to bar afterword
> Girl gets carded
> lol nope
> “Wait, how the fuck old are you?”
> “Like 20, ok!” She says with tears
> It’s cool
> Go back to his place
> Hipster Man child House
> They start to fuck
> Oh God he’s hairy and slightly pudgy I’m literally going to puke
> I can’t say no now though, I literally twisted his arm to do this after he tried to white knight out of this because I had a beer
> He’s so gross though
> He notices
> “Are you a virgin?”
> Literally laugh in his face
> Have fucked so many guys
> Ones even trans now, I’m worldly and experienced despite not old enough to drink
> He’s mad
> Fuck we're fucking again
> Ugh, he’s so bad
> I can’t believe he just sad that shit, what a dweeb
> He’s being really rough though, this sucks
> Afterwords, awkwardly confesses his love to her
> “Wait, how the fuck old are you?”
> “Like 34 lol”
> Gross
> “I’m going home.”
> Ignore Him
> Roommate eventually breaks up with him for you via text
> Whatever, don’t have to worry about him anymore
> Eventually see him at bar while out with friends
> Sneak away because I’m an immature child
> He sees me anyways
> Texts me afterword
> “Whore.”

>TFW this faggot shares the same name with based Robert.
Feels bad man.

Does it bother anyone else that she named the characters after Margot Robbie?

Daily reminder that Robert did nothing wrong

xd

WITH GASOLINE

Anyone else feel like this story was practically just a Seinfeld episode?

>self-absorbed main character dates caricatured weirdo.
>thinks he's just a little quirky at first but his weirdness keeps showing through.
>main character goes to comically extreme lengths to avoid being honest with weird guy.
>nobody learns anything or develops as a character.

The only thing missing was Margot sitting across from Jerry at the diner saying "And get THIS-- he couldn't even unhook my bra!" Followed by audience laughter.

That's terrible. But it's really the guy's fault for loving a slut.

fuck lmao

yeah i felt pretty embarrassed for robert, i mean, 34 and chasing 20 year olds while having that level of experience? yikes.

I don't know if this was intentional on the authors part but it's clear getting with Robert was a bad idea from the start. She didn't find him physically attractive because he was fat and hunched. He didn't get her initial flirt. His texting was alternatively needy and despondent. She was cool about the whole thing until he kissed her forehead.(bitches go mad for this) She only wanted to fuck him because she was drunk. They both should have realized by the gas station incident that they weren't for one another.

>That part detailing how her mom practically ritualized her losing her virginity

What the fuck

3 beers is the classic amount a girl needs to drink to say "I got a little tipsy and went home with that guy xD" while still having full cognitive function.

If anything this is a story about the state of men today. How is Robert a 34 year old with a house, a car, no girlfriend and such a loser? How is he a grown ass man who wasn't aware that he was only chasing after this girl because he kissed her forehead outside a gas station once? How did he get so clueless and bitter?

wow yeah, uncannily so

I don't understand the significance of the forehead kiss

>he asks, on Veeky Forums.org

kekku

Well it's obvious that Margot whole disposition changed everytime he kissed her forehead. I'm just projecting for Robert but sometimes I've kissed a girl on theforehead because she was sad or it felt appropriate and then I've felt that that nurturing act has brought be closer to her even though I know I'm gonna break up with her next week.

bbc.com/news/blogs-trending-42307714
>Cat Person: The short story people are talking about
Headline of the year right there.

>Decent but awkward guy hits on you
>Manipulate him and constantly feel disgusted by inconsequential things about him
>Bring up your life of whoredom and get mad when he's put off
>Lead him on to the point where he develops real feelings for you
>Ignore him and laugh about it with your friend

>Book is praised by women for illustrating the horrors the modern female has to go through

>Author's experience fucking guys from Veeky Forums

Something similar actually happened to me. It's too long to greentext, so I wrote up the story and put it in the attached image.

It would be funny if new websites printed Veeky Forums posts like they do tweets

*news websites

This, but she hit on him. Not because she was interested, but because she was bored and learned that men give her money when she alludes to being interested in them.

>Roughly one year ago, I signed up for Tinder
w h y
h
y

Weird story though. I fear something similar will happen to me when/if I ever lose mine. People (including girls) mockingly say they can't believe I'm still a virgin, imply there's something wrong with me.

Is it true that this story was the woman's first ever story, and that it got published out of the slush pile? I've heard rumors about that, but I'm not sure it's true. That would just be fucking insulting.

>if you press the buttons on a phone in the right sequence a stranger may show up and fuck you
>why would you ever do that

scribd.com/document/366773966/cate-person-lel

for anyone without access to the newyorker

Makes me happy people are talking about literature in a mainstream forum, even if it's only a New Yorker story

Posted this in a r9k thread, relevant:

The writing is airport paperback-tier, but the author does a good job of not making obvious which character you should root for. They both act like cunts, but you only get to really hear the narrator's side of the story. Unfortunately, she decides to cut it off on a really bad cue for Robert. I think the author knew that members of each sex would read into this detail differently, and I think it's a subtle way of pointing out that women unfairly get the last say in matters of sexual conduct.

See

>why

I wrote that up a while ago. As of today, it would be more like a year and a half. Obviously, I wasn't yet aware of the full extent of my issues around sexuality. There's actually a part two to the story that involves me catfishing women because I enjoy the positive attention that I get from them, but am too afraid or depressed to really meet them.

Maybe you shouldn't have sex with people you barely know.

I want an actual relationship with a decent girl, not drunken top from some 5/10

I agree with your interpretation and do think the guy seemed like a loser, but what raises my eyebrow is how if you look at the tags on twitter or comments on articles, it's women saying that the narrator was perfectly fine and that the book's a commentary on how "nice guys prey on women" or some weird shit

if you google her name she's had some nonfiction essays published around the internet for the past decade or so, she also went to harvard and teaches at a decently known university so I don't know if it was exactly just out of the slush pile

The real redpill is that Larry and Jerry’s Judaism keys them in to the Kabbalistic metaphors that correspond to everything.

I think a lot of women have a huge block with realizing that they can be cruel to men and it's not ok just because they're women and of societal sexism. It's also apparently tough to look at your own dating and sexual past and examine how you own choices put yourself in awkward or unpleasant situations. If you're so bored or desperate that you continue to hang out with someone you view as a loser who's less than you or if you decide to have sex with someone who grosses you out and have to trick yourself into feeling attraction for then that's on you.
The author clearly intends for both characters to be read as flawed people and goes out of her way to show that it's Margot who a few times is the one who pushes for them to continue being together after Robert is ready to say goodbye after the movie and isn't expecting her to want to go home with him.

Oh shit didn't even think of that.

If the writing's so shit how are you certain there was more intent than what people give it credit for?

I don't think the narrator was "perfectly fine," defintely didn't make great decisions, however she was a 20 year old college student and the guy was 34. So.

Have you ever watched a Woody Allen film? He would never say fuck. If he was nervous he would chatter away not be silent.

She also wishes repeatedly in the story that one day she will have a boyfriend where she can laugh about Robert and how awkward and gross he was.

>greentext robert’s point of view
Way ahead of you, it already happened to me

>"date" girl met off tinder for 1.5 years
>constantly texting each other and messaging each other with snapchat
>too cowardly to tell her that I like her
>balance on the ambiguous threshold of intimacy constantly
>only meet her in real life 3-4 times
>try to explain my coldness to her by sending her Kafka's "the ghosts won't starve, but we will perish" quote from his letters to Milena
>finally decide to tell her how I feel directly, in person
>meet up
>build up my courage all day
>night falls, we go to the beach, we lay down on the sand
>the darkness makes me less nervous
>try to confess to her why it's so hard for me to get close to people, try to apologize for being so cowardly, try to express all my deepest fears to her
>she says she's not looking to date anybody now
>waves crash against the shore
>we walk up the beach, past hundreds of young people partying by bonfires
>she goes home
>I drive home and fall asleep in a puddle of gin and vomit

>I agree with your interpretation and do think the guy seemed like a loser, but what raises my eyebrow is how if you look at the tags on twitter or comments on articles, it's women saying that the narrator was perfectly fine and that the book's a commentary on how "nice guys prey on women" or some weird shit

I haven't paid much attention to the wider Internet's repsonse, but the few headlines I've read about the story confirm what you say about the general consensus Robert is a creep. I'm not surprised, though. I think it's a really great story because for whatever reason it has revealed how poorly each sex thinks of it's opposite.

>If the writing's so shit how are you certain there was more intent than what people give it credit for?
The prose is nothing special, I meant, which is actually in its favour because if it was a little more sophisticated for its own sake I don't think people would still be talking about it. Like I said here the strength of the story is that the author doesn't clearly take a side. Whatever conclusion you arrive at is solely because of the precedents you yourself bring to the table.

wypipo

how many red flags did this bitch wade through to herself into that position?

>meet an older guy who's going to see movies by himself
>first exchange with him he's defensive and lacks interpersonal skills
>asks for my number like some kind of retarded robot
>text stupid immature in-jokes back and forth
>he has one hell of a fucking inferiority complex
>he's aloof and distant, makes me uncomfortable
>takes me to see a fucking holocaust movie unironically
>the only time he gives a shit is when i sob like a baby about stupid shit
????
>ask him to take me back to his house and fuck me
???
>it turns out he's an asshole

she literally ignored every indication, and there were a lot, that robert was a fuck-up because she was too preoccupied with how he saw her as precious or young and sexy because she's a self absorbed narcissistic bitch. the lesson i learned from this short story is women create 100% of their own problems by being retarded cunts.

imagine getting fit, becoming social, turning your life around from the incel high school/college hole so many fall into and somehow, by the grace of god, finding a girl. She empathizes with you, shares emotions with you that you could never quite put into words before, and starts to let you into her inner life. You open up, talk about your past, let the armor down. Every signal you have is that this woman is uncommonly good. A real person you couldn't imagine not caring for. Then the cunt tries to laugh with you by ridiculing a guy she once fucked's sexual inexperience and physical shape. "ohmigod he asked if I was a virgin can you believe it". You're just wondering how close you were to being that guy. Knowing you let your guard down near a person that can even think that about someone she's actively making love to.

>actually in its favour
Say what you want about the story nuances but the prose is fucking nauseating and honestly makes it unreadable to me.

Huh. As someone who is abstinent but not otherwise very different, that's interesting to read

Hey so everybody is aware that this story absolutely sympathizes with Robert's point of view, at least a little bit, right? It's told in third person for a reason, and though it dips heavily into Margot's inner thoughts, I think it tries to be semi-realistic about the fact that she is just as guilty of creating a false-identity for him as he is of her. That's what the title is all about--his cats are representative of the side of him that she doesn't get access to, that she doesn't really feel the need to engage with. She wonders about it kind of absently, but doesn't do anything about it. That's what's so significant about the title of the story.

I think the story pulls its punch a little, in a sense, by ending it with Robert's text. I think it's a story about how both of these people are both products of society that makes superficial judgments through an inadequate medium (her friend, Tamara, is absolutely representative of this) but I think the author decided to end with his text to appeal to the #metoo agenda. She tried to balance it with the title, but I don't think it was enough, in terms of the thematic success of the story.

In terms of the popular success of it though, it knocked it out of the park. Couldn't have done better.

everyones retarded. you dont need to pick a side in this story. you can just read and it emphasize with the TWENTY year old college girl who is fairly flawed and doesn't handle the situation the best but is certainly no villain, and the 34 year old guy who is endearing in some ways but obviously has some maturity issues of his own. there is no person entirely in the right, but i'd say robert going to the student bar at the end is pretty creepy. sucks to get rejected but it happens to just about everyone at some point.

You're an idiot if you can't see the author is glomming on to the metoo stuff with that ending. This is pandering aimed at "calling out" men. It's not a story for story's sake.

it's much more nuanced than that. If you just don't accept the narrator as the protagonist it's much more ambiguous.

I don't get that as much because there is more emphasis on him being a loser from his appearance, clothing, taste in Red vines (is that a thing?), his car, his apartment, whereas we hear nothing about the state of Margot's home/dorm or appearance other than small or much about her clothing that bare descriptions.

As for the end, just texting the word "whore" is IMHO hardly some terrible thing belonging to #metoo where women have been violated. She hurt him by listening to him pour out his feelings then not responding. She hurt him so he wanted to hurt her. Two wrongs don't make a right but it doesn't give Margot a #metoo badge especially as she initiated the flirting and the sex then dump him cold without explanation like the stereotypical heartless jerk in chick lit stories.

It really isn't. You're reading the author with way more good faith than she deserves. She literally ends the story with the "nice guy" stereotype. And it only ever gained traction from women empathizing with the narrator about this creep guy. Stop over thinking it.

"Cat Person: a Synopsis"
"Cat Person" is a fictional short story written by Kristen Roupenian and published in the December 11th, 2017 issue "The New Yorker".
The events of the story follow a dumb slut name Margot, who while working in a movie theater meets some loser autistic faggot named Robert, who likes Red Vines candy because he is gay and autistic.
As their relationship develops the reader is shown that both individuals harbor unhealthy fantasies about the other. Margot believes that Robert is nice and not a loser or a male with a functioning penis, while Robert believes he is a feminist and that he is not a loser because a woman has finally talked to him.
Since Margot is a dumb slut (see third paragraph, lines three through seven) although she begins to doubt the validity of her relationship with Robert, she eventually decides to fuck him, because as she knows well, the bedroom is where women are most powerful against men. However, she comes to regret this decision as Robert is a thirty-four year old man with an average penis, excess bellyfat, and multiple personality disorders. Robert is fairly satisfied with this exchange because his dick is wetter than it was two minutes ago.
After this fuck sesh, Margot ignores Robert's text messages for a period of several days because she regrets touching his man meat. Her friend and roommate becomes annoyed at this and sends Robert a break up message, which Robert responds to despondently, like the homo he is.
Some time later the two see each other in a bar, which culminates with Robert texting Margot the next day asking why she decided to end their relationship and eventually (correctly) calling her a whore. This a powerful passage because feminism is important.
Praise be unto the vagina, from whose silken lips pass life. Amen.

~The End~

he went there a month later not the next day. If Margot had just been upfront with him citing the age difference either it would have defused the situation and not left Robert confused or i Robert reacted badly it would have shown he truly was a creep and not someone who got hurt and tried to pathetically return that hurt.

t. woman hating brainlet