>Kathy sends a polite e-mail asking Mark for a report. Because the e-mail is calmly worded and lacking in profanity, Mark does not feel stressed, and he finishes the report and submits it without typos. Kathy does not have to edit it, so uses her free time to play with her hair, and her hair begins to fall out.
------
>Jane writes “do not eat” on her salad, and no one eats it. Then, because the salad remains in the fridge for too long, it goes bad, and an ant colony forms around it, destroying the fridge.
---------
>Lisa comes in for an interview. All the interviewers judge her objectively, based on her qualifications and the candor of her responses. This leaves her so confused that, on the way out of the office, she accidentally walks into traffic and dies.
Has anyone in the history of written thought come close to this scathing indictment of toxic masculinity in the workplace?
It's toxic masculinity to not steal someone else's food? Damn, made me think
Jason Sullivan
More:
>Paul takes a two-month paternity leave. He becomes a loving, caring father, and his son Baxter grows up unscarred by his parents. At the age of twenty-seven, Baxter begins performing standup comedy but realizes that he doesn’t have enough angst and fails at it.
-------
>Jessica begins speaking, and no one speaks over her. She didn’t actually have an ending to her presentation prepared, because she expected to be interrupted. She is mortified.
----------
>Christine wears a skirt. No one stares at her legs. She worries that she no longer has good legs, so she blows three hundred dollars on an Equinox membership.
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>Members of the all-female upper management of a company never think to talk about sex in the workplace. As a result, they forget that sex exists and uniformly fail to perpetuate the human race. This is a global phenomenon that accelerates the demise of our species.
Damn...really makes you think....
Jackson Wood
wait, was she confused because everything she believed about men in the workplace was utter bullshit? also, does that mean the position of interviewer is strictly held by males? wouldn't that imply only they can be conventionally trusted as interviewers?
Samuel Walker
the only thing i hate about toxic masculinity is feminine passive aggression.
Connor Hughes
These little stories seem to be based on common complaints rather than reality or experience.
Xavier Garcia
Based Neechee girl
Samuel Howard
well, it IS the new yorker, have you seen their comics?
Angel Nguyen
>the New Yorker
Jaxson Murphy
This piece is called "Examples of Toxic Femininity in the Workplace." It's examples of women being TOO nice, TOO diligent, TOO industrious, TOO cooperative, TOO respectful, and so on. Of course, there's supposedly nothing wrong with this, so the author adds bizarre failures at the end to point out it is ridiculous to think there is such a thing as "toxic femininity" and that anyone is ever hurt by traditionally feminine qualities. The point, basically, is that women are SOOOO fucking great and feminine qualities are the best and nothing could go wrong if women ruled everything and look at me I have a cunt i have a vagina pay attention to me i have boobs and an ass because i am a woman and i have a vagina i have xx chromosomes btw im a girl btw please respect me! please appreciate me! btw did i mention i'm a girl? ugggggh stupid men!! so sexist and chauvinistic!!! omg, i'm sick of sexism, women are SOOOOO much better than men like seirously like --- oh - em - gee.
Matthew Torres
It really is enlightening that even the most autistic of male and female authors have a better grasp on reality than whoever wrote this
Easton Perez
Protip the feminists aren't telling you to stop having sex. they want you to not have the 'i want sex' part of your brain firing any time you see a girl because it makes you into a retarded lecher. Go watch the movie apocalypto or whatever. You're supposed to be like the son of the tribes leader and engage in prosocial behavior then go have sex with your wife, not be some horny fucker who goes around your home trying to fuck every girl who talks to you and doesnt accomplish anything useful. Acting like that traps you into having a harder time even getting a relationship cause youre displaying retarded qualities instead of attractice ones
Carson Peterson
>Fembot
Why would we want to interact with the fairer sex unless it's for:
1. A wholesome relationship/ short term hedonistic pleasure (sex) 2. Personal financial/reputational gain.
We can suit our emotional/passion needs by talking to our groups of male friends. Why would females want to be friends with a person who will practically lust after you night and day until you tell them to fuck off? They aren't being your friends to be your emotional tampon, they want that pussi pussi.
Liam Adams
Wouldn't that last one be a net positive
Dominic Nelson
If people only knew how bad women truly are. How many times have I seen pedophilic images in my work in which a woman, seemingly the child's mother, is assisting in its abuse. Women are horrific creatures, crushing infants, smashing their skulls when they won't quiet down, tossing them into dumpsters, raping them with hair curlers, etc. What utter trash this world is on the backs of women and men side by side.
Austin Bennett
>Christine is worried because her skirt is no longer garnering attention, positive or negative. She responds, not by using the reduced distractions of such attention to be more productive in her job, opting instead to get a needlessly expensive gym membership as a means of maintining/improving her superficiality.
Great work, Christine
Austin Cox
It's another women are great and men are awful story. . .
Why do you guys still support these Jews? This board is too far gone.
Joshua Jones
...
Alexander Long
I'm beginning to think that this board is full of women.
In brutal honesty, giving women equal rights was a huge miscalculation. There are liberties and there are simply masculine liberties that cannot suit a woman. This is the truth. That doesn't mean women are useless. That doesn't mean it's "sexist." It's the truth.
I don't mind arguing this
Luke Jenkins
>user willfully clicks on a thread about satire from the New Yorker. Because the short pieces in it are artistically poor and narrowminded to the point of being infuriating, he cements his misogynistic outlook. He then masturbates to cuckold pornography, musing in between strokes how much better the world was in the fifities.
Josiah Myers
I disagree with your truth.
Christopher Richardson
t. Leftypol
Eat any shit lately?
Nathaniel Edwards
these are funny, is there something i missing beyond it being funny?
Ayden Morris
See:
Eli Perez
not commenting on the article's message but you have to have a double digit iq to misunderstand this basic satire the author is making fun of people who think treating women with equal respect (evaluating them fairly during an interview, not being interrupted, etc.) will have a negative outcome by providing ridiculous examples of such negative outcomes again, not commenting on whether or not women are actually treated in such ways in workplaces. I'm commenting on the lack of intelligence one must require to make these posts
Grayson Powell
the stories are funny by themselves, but the title ruins them. they don't involve women as agents at all
Anthony Bailey
These are funny but I don't get the joke
Cameron Jackson
>Claire makes a youtube channel. Because she enjoys a refined taste in classical literature, strangers begin to harass her and pry into her relationship with her mother. The channel is deleted and she is never heard from again.
Aiden Sanchez
That doesn't fit in at all. I don't think you understood.
Connor Myers
should be something like >women does something neutral >people react in a non-evil way to it >this unexpected non-evil event turns bad for women
Cooper Perez
Pretty sure you have single digit IQ.
Bentley Torres
These are painful to read
>something something things are going great in the workplace
>people r flummoxed, wacky thing
This is shit comedy writing at its most formulaic. It's sad that the New Yorker would print this when there are so many other really funny female writers in the world. It's also sad because this girls comedy career is going to be tarnsihed by this shit writing. Go read her twitter if you want to feel sad.
Nathan Allen
The New Yorker is the most cucked liberal magazine on earth. I got one sent to my house by mistake and i started reading it while taking a shit. I literally tore it in fucking halfa nd threw it at my garbage can half way into the first article i read. The article was about how its good to cheat on your husband and how thats a reasonable way for couples therapy to work.
Zachary Foster
the author
Christopher Roberts
looks like someone deflated amy schumer
Zachary Morgan
These would all be a good starting point for a distopian short story
Brayden Gray
>Jane writes “do not eat” on her salad, and no one eats it. not even jane?
Ethan Jackson
...
Daniel Hughes
>they want you to not have the 'i want sex' part of your brain firing any time you see a girl because it makes you into a retarded lecher. Digits aside, this is intellectually dishonest. 3rd wave Feminists are generally very upset with the natural order altogether.
Easton Carter
>Eve and Adam are chilling in the garden. Eve finds some yummy fruit and shares it with Adam, who is thankful for the nourishment and does not reproach her. Eve is pleased with this outcome but begins to enjoy these apples so much that she gains 30 pounds and develops tooth rot.
Brody Johnson
>Go watch the movie apocalypto or whatever. You're supposed to be like the son of the tribes leader and engage in prosocial behavior then go have sex with your wife Listen to yourself. You're taking life lessons out of a Mel Gibson movie.
What about you stop telling men to be like you want them to be and instead do something so they don't do things you don't like, like for example not spending most of your waking life on looking like a doll.
Eli Gomez
Not really. Tumblr/twitter idiots are not "3rd wave feminists" and they do not represent feminism in any way. The fact that you don't know this is because you might be too socially awkward and insecure to interact with women with average IQ IRL, so your only knowledge about them are those stupid people.
Ryder Williams
Digits, good imitation
Michael Diaz
This one made the least sense
Lincoln Nguyen
>Ann gets tired of her husband staying at the bar all day instead of helping her. Ann has friends who feel the same way about their husbands. Ann and her friends prohibit the sale of alcohol instead of standing up to their husbands causing gangs and violence to rise from their cowardice
Joggins the noggins
Lucas Fisher
lol, getting cucked by a magazine while shitting
Wyatt Thompson
The one about jessica is pretty good desu
Jackson Parker
>and they do not represent feminism in any way. except for controlling literally all of the media and meme "women degrees" universities, yes, except for all that authority that's given to them they don't represent anybody
James Collins
I agree with your truth.
Jaxon Wright
I never thought about the possibility that there were quite a few women on this board. unsettling. god damn you're some cruel bitches.
Jaxon Cruz
yuppie problems
Hunter Johnson
>Hilda sees a picture of a dead child in the newspaper. This triggers her repressed maternal instincts, heretofore sublimated into caring for a small dog. She supports sheltering endangered children at someone else's expense; unfortunately, most such "children" actually in existence are either surplus adult males from backward, heavily polygynous cultures undergoing unprecedented population growth, or deserters and remnants of various barbarian armies. Soon, roving bands of Saracen marauders terrorize and rape her country's citizens with impunity.
>Meagan works in Marketing but likes to go to the wine bar with the girls from HR on occasion. She tells the girls that "Willy" recently crept up behind her and put his hand on her shoulder while she was working. He's so weird with his shirts and his cartoon girl figures on his desk, she felt so gross when he touched her! He asked some awkward question and then just stood there sweating before he walked off -- ugh! The girls agree she shouldn't have to feel grossed out like that at work (they tell her to use the word "hostile" when she talks to Mark). Mark sits her and Willy down in his big office with Julie from HR and asks a lot of questions in a low, steady voice that Meagan finds really sexy. Eventually Mark asks Willy to apologize; he stammers that he hasn't done anything wrong, and Mark gently asks her to leave. Willy is gone the next day. Wow, Mark was so in control the whole time...she says so at her next get-together and asks Julie what happened after she left, but Julie smugly says she can't talk about it. What a bitch!
>Katie joins the Army in order to prove her strength and determination to herself. She misses her first deployment after being impregnated by a generator mechanic while on reduced duty from a chronic foot injury that first appeared during Basic Training. She marries the soon-to-be father, but feels lonely and sleeps with an older sergeant while he's away. Her husband eventually finds out and spends the rest of the deployment in a field psychiatric unit after admitting to suicidal ideation, although she doesn't file for divorce until after he gets back for financial reasons. Katie is medically discharged as 50% disabled six months short of her contract.
>Wanda wants to find a good man, but for some reason she only ends up with the bad boys. Her mother warned her to stay away from no-good deadbeats like Wanda's father, although she had her first child by a man now serving two consecutive life sentences when she was seventeen. She hasn't been getting child support payments since her third babydaddy skipped town, but thinks if she works hard she just might make it work like her mother did. She recently made a false written statement to a larceny detective in order to provide an alibi for her oldest, a son, even though he had recently hit her and threatened her with a knife during an argument. Where did he learn to be like that?
Juan Adams
>Susan is an unmarried, overweight 47-year-old government bureaucrat. She enjoys helping to integrate refugees at the local asylum centers. She especially enjoys it when these young refugees ejaculate inside her age-fallowed womb, a feeling she had not experienced since breaking up with Matt twelve years ago when she was promoted and transferred to the capital city. Susan is in favor of more migration and often makes impassioned speeches. She routinely reports complaints about both government policy and the behavior of migrants to corporate and governmental authorities.
Levi Carter
these are fantastic. i applaud you.
John Jones
Good shit.
Dominic Sanders
I am so glad I don't have to interact with women at work, especially lazy, worthless, nepotistic affirmative action white collar bitches. They are hideous creatures existing only to infuriate me.
Dylan Sanders
Why do you all get so easily triggered by poorly written satire?
Levi Walker
We'll it failed at that then because this piece is not funny at all nor is it particularly clear what the author is attempting to satirize. It just reads like "thing happens that feminists don't believe happens often then weird shit follows" which isn't funny nor is it clever nor is it particularly insightful.
Elijah Hughes
because we're insecure and lonely
Chase Green
honestly I just hate women, but I also love them
William Stewart
>Kelly commutes into the city because she doesn't particularly like living in crowded places. Because there only white people in the ethnostate, there are no crowds of stinking Pakistanis or obnoxious Negroes and her daily train ride is overall a pleasant experience. She and many others never buy a car; several auto dealerships close down.
>John is married and owns his own house. Unfortunately, since there aren't any black people in the ethnostate, he doesn't have to move out of the city when he has children to avoid them being beaten up by feral Negroes. When local real estate developer Chaim "Chase Redwood" Rosenbaum looks at buying land outside of the city for development, he's forced to build a power plant instead of a more profitable housing development.
>Chad flies for the Air Force in the ethnostate. The government spends trillions of dollars on a space program instead of wars to make the Middle East safe for Zionism, so instead of bombing Muslims Chad becomes the first man to walk on Mars. Many Africans feel angry that Chad doesn't look like them.
Now imagine the New Yorker published these instead of an anonymous cartoon discussion board.
Aaron Cox
Does this sum up the condition of the modern man?
Jose Mitchell
>implying that sentiment is unique to modernity
Women have always been a meme.
Landon Sanchez
consider i’m showering you in gold
Jackson Jones
bc normal people find the new yorker as some sort of vertiginous cultural zenith and this suffocates us
Henry Nguyen
>Molly has dated Dick for 8 months. They are both 33. They meet in central park for a snack, like every other day. His roommate is not in town next Saturday so they’ll have sex at his apartment. He teases her about the impending act, she boomerangs herself eating spicy chips. Cycling on her way home, she admires the tendons on her neck, interpreting them as a sign of her new skinny condition after years of dieting rather than the occurrence of getting older. Her mom left dinner for her, she consumes some of it before going to her bedroom, puts her laptop on a chair next her single bed and rewatches the last episode of the newest hit tv series targeted at pre-teens, which she found a bit confusing. He sends her goodnight. They sleep tight.
Joseph Nelson
Isn't this the girl that did that ATKHairy porn after getting socked in the face by some Richard Spencer look-alike?
Nolan Smith
Huh?
Kayden Campbell
>she boomerangs herself eating spicy chips what does this mean
Landon Brooks
no, that was nazi scalps girl. absolutely horrifying pics. OP's pic is canadian august who doesn't know how to pronounce nietzsche and involves herself in many questionable situations
Leo Carter
>>Katie joins the Army in order to prove her strength and determination to herself. She misses her first deployment after being impregnated by a generator mechanic while on reduced duty from a chronic foot injury that first appeared during Basic Training. She marries the soon-to-be father, but feels lonely and sleeps with an older sergeant while he's away. Her husband eventually finds out and spends the rest of the deployment in a field psychiatric unit after admitting to suicidal ideation, although she doesn't file for divorce until after he gets back for financial reasons. Katie is medically discharged as 50% disabled six months short of her contract.
Holy shit where have you been stationed? This is not satire, this actually happens frequently.
Ian Lee
THEY CAN'T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH IT
Nicholas Gonzalez
I wonder who could be behind this... kek
Caleb Gray
more please
Evan White
...
Owen Watson
>I'm beginning to think that this board is full of women. It would explain why the board is overflowing with idiotic nonsensical feelings that can't be conveyed very well to anyone else. OP included.
Hudson Hill
kek
Gavin Cooper
Husbands form gangs which keep them even more away from their wives.
Alexander Young
Fuck off, fag.
Adam Perez
Are women a spook?
Ryan Campbell
who is this semen demon?
William Mitchell
These are funny. What's the need for butthurt?
Nolan Turner
yes leftist i think
Nathaniel Williams
...
Zachary Sanchez
the stories are funny, the title is shit
James Sullivan
You're a moron
>have xx chromosomes btw im a girl btw please respect me! please appreciate me! btw did i mention i'm a girl? ugggggh stupid men!! so sexist and chauvinistic!!! omg, i'm sick of sexism, women are SOOOOO much better than men like seirously like --- oh - em - gee
It’s an Instagram app that records a short looped gif.
Ethan Flores
>ant colony forms in cold fridge Does this actually happen?
Luke Stewart
These all seem like negatives, so are they arguing toxic masculinity is good?
Anthony Torres
>Claire makes a youtube channel. Because she enjoys a refined taste in classical literature, strangers who are too nice fail to criticize her thoughts leading to intellectual stagnation.
