Why do we fall in love and what makes people love us back or not? I don't mean liking or wanting to fuck someone

Why do we fall in love and what makes people love us back or not? I don't mean liking or wanting to fuck someone.
Asking in a philosophical, antropological and human manner.
Stay out /r9k/

We fall for the set of characteristics we want for ourselves and at the same time is familiar, be the family member we love the most or the person we imagine we want to become. We want to feel safe and to be taken care of.

Do you think love is such a systematic process? Is there a kind of love without a selfless goal? I like your thought, though.

All love is selfless. There's no such thing as selfish love. I just told you what make us fall for someone, it can lead us to brief infatuation or real love.

I wrote an essay on this but I'll try to keep it short.

Going back to the Greeks and Afrodite, every girl you love is because she possesses your Platonian form of beauty, which is Afrodite, for a lack of a better word, possessing this girl, or a nymph-nymphet according to Nabokov.

In my experience, that is why every girl I fall in love with is so easy to talk to. Because it's not the girl but the love I've had for all girls that live in her, and we can talk forever, and like we've known each other for ages, because we have. Or rather, I've known my Platonian form for 'love' through all my girlfriends that I've truly loved.

And also, it explains why people find love in peculiar places, and not necessarily the most beautiful.

A man likes comfort from a woman who only wants to please him, and women like attention from a man who other women want.

>All love is selfless. There's no such thing as selfish love.
The exact opposite is true infact. We love people for what we contribute to one another. It is a mutualistic relationship. Take marriage for example, love and marriage from a selfless perspective would mean that an honest man would tell his wife "I am marrying you for your own benefit, but I have no interrest in it". What woman would want that? If we love without selfish intentions we are loving people for nothing, infact we are asked to love people without any standards and then the love becomes meaningless.

Purely looking from a biological perspective, we find a lifepartner who have qualities that we find usefull for ourself and for our child. This has been true forever. From finding the best hunter/gatherer a thousand years ago to finding the most successful business owner in the modern age. There are also more factors to this, such as if you find what they do for work interresting (will it be fun to talk about what they do for the coming years, or will you be bored out of your mind), do you find other benefits in it besides the economic benifit (such as social contacts). Is their other interrests (outside work) in line with your own?

We love people for their values, their virtues and their contribution to ourself. This has been shown to be true. We all know that love is more likely to last if both parties take steps to improve themselves every day. The better we and our loved ones are, the more we can progress together. The more we progress together, the more we rely on eachother and we then develop more trust in eachother. If we are not willing to find individual points of value that we want our partner to have, then we are unwilling to ask our partner to progress with us, and in turn unwilling to progress together. The relationship then becomes stagnant and very dull, this is the best way to fall out of love.

it's a feature of our language

God is love, but in order for that to be a meaningful sentence you need a subject object and predicate, so God gets divide, there is always the thing which is doing the loving to another thing

The lover loves the beloved, which would you rather be? loving or beloved?

Love (like Rationality) is classically a divinity and therefore in itself an irrational imposition- it cannot really be discussed because the discussion will not end to anyone's profit. That said the nifty timely answer I'd say is 'Need'- one that's becoming less common. I'm sorry, mom. There's just so much stuff

I don't get how people can give such a cold rational answer to this and think they are correct. Have you people never been truly in love? It feels like some sort of strange, divine power overcomes you.

Love is the master under which all other states of being serve. In the end, love is probably the only thing that ever truly matters, if you've felt true, unbridled love and longing, you know exactly what i mean.