Post a single sentence from something you've written and people will try to guess what it's about

>I told him that he sucked and was nothing.

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>I felt like I had fumbled a responsibility by allowing my mother to start discussion's roll with that heavy first push, the arduous task of picking words, the right ones, to lift us both out of somewhere low and deep with a new conversation, so we can begin the easy process of falling effortlessly back down again while finding some respite that, at least for a little while, it is all too reasonable to just fall.

Some teenage love story.

Bildungsroman of a young man, involving his relationship to his family and mother specifically. Also nice visualization, although the sentence runs on a bit convoluted like, took me a second read, but its nice.

forgot my prose.


>The old Ford Taurus clunkered up I-55 towards the Siren city. Rick gazed at his country. Barren cornfields flecked by lonely farms split for his iron Moses. Gaudy billboards declared God's Life and the radio quoted scripture. A communication breakdown had crippled His power. Glorified street preachers mangled Beatitudes in slurred verse, while poor sheep were led astray in static deceit as their shepherd slept.

ty about my long sentence.

An Italian-American family struggles with drug addiction
Supernatural detective novel

Noise on the wire to God, everyone's playing broken-telephone with His word. I like the imagery, and the point ,if I understand it. Reminds me of White Noise, DeLillo.

Any reason Italian-American?

its really convoluted, you should be less of a faggot

I'll take the risk, and from daddy, a kiss.

Well to be honest I just imagined a big old pot of spaghetti and some belligerent mama mia who laments that things were so much simpler back in the old country. Italians tend to turn family conversations into a form of combat and word "roll" made me think of bread.

Gonna tell us what it's really about? How close was I?

>Supernatural detective novel
nope

>Noise on the wire to God
What do you mean by this? Thank you for the compliment, I haven't read anything by DeLillo, but I will check it out. I think you do get the point, since I am not trying to be derogatory towards God, but the shameless people who do not honor him with their actions.

Oh, my piece is just a little short story about a guy heading to Chicago after his dog dies, I've only written that little bit.

Noise on the wire is like referring to ambient noise (from frequencies in the air, muting materials near by) bleeding into electronic equipment, specifically sound equipment, and interfering with the intended signal distorting whatever was really being sent. You should read DeLillo!

but what my sentence as about is a small quiet moment on the phone between son and mother after having learned of a family member's death, the complex relationship between the dead and the mother, and the son misinterpreting the silence as "right", then fretting he should have said something after she took the initiative to speak up, as if she was picking up painful slack.

>"Well people have their own way of making their documents, but this dosen't make sense too, because, if people wrote their juridical documents in any way they wanted, we would never be able to read any..."

Try me

Hmm, I think it is saying that if people could write legal documentation in any way they wanted.. they would either be so full of legalese that no one could read them, or they wouldn't write them at all because who would want to?

lawyer drama about an autistic man in prison learning legalisms so he can represent himself on appeal and clear his name

I read the letters, and they offered but impressions and outlines. Only a striking description of a blue feather, coaxed into submission and struck deep into her earlobe, fought the general sentiment of 'so what' warping all accounts.

falling into some kind of passion over the beauty of someone you only read of in a book.

Maybe my faulty because I just put a small fragment of the scene, but actualy SHE is complaining about the way a person wrote a legal document concerning a case she is dealing with.

Oh well I can still see how that applies. I don't think you failed even if you made a mistake. Comes through.

No, but that would be a nice story to read about it.
I don't actualy write in english (tho i need to start doing it), so I made a rought translation of the scene

>yfw it feels like there's more foreign posters on Veeky Forums writing in English than native speakers

Unlikely. Americans everywhere.

that's pretty close actually

haven't completed the manuscript but it sort of follows the age old 'discovers a girl in some old journal or other account' and becomes obsessed with reconciling what you've read with the '''real''' person...something something cosmology and demiurges and shit idk yet

>convoluted
to this point, how do people who write long-sentences intentionally react to this? Obviously, there are times where ideas can be clarified or conveyed in simpler words or smaller sentences, but if you wish to intentionally affect with a long sentence, one that burrows and burrows and burrows then suddenly comes back up (or maybe doesn't, depends) "convoluted" must sometimes mean long, or too long for me, really.
The romantics and modernists wrote very long sentences which tried to hash out metaphysics and hair splitting details and created beautiful sentences that are just kind out of fashion these days. I know I am inspired by those, but seeing criticism that says "its convoluted, hard to follow" is so perplexing sometimes - I'm always torn on it.

'In the ravenous dark, all these little certainties light up like stars to guide you.'

I like the idea. I heard a song a long time ago that inspired a similar plot in my mind. Something romantic, impossible, ironic.

Dunno how to describe it, but seens some people traveling around the country eventualy comming into what they think is the meaning of life and/or how to live it, that remebers me of "The Stranger" from Camus.
Should it be somewhat existencialist, user?

I don't mind it being long or convoluted, but the structure of that sentence left me confused, but on second reading it was clear. Recently I'd read an essay by Nabokov on being a good reader, and he said you are only reading something, when you take it in the second time (or something to that extent). So I'd say he's alright. If its what you are attempting to do, then do it, but don't reject criticism like that, because often times, it might just be shit.

This the "little certainties" provide a steady presence and anchor

Thank you for the assurance, I agree with the sentiment you convey through Nobokov and so I don't worry too much. And certainly, I am always on my toes about producing crummy long sentences. Thanks a ton.

And cool analysis about "little certainties" playing into the theme of baring points and guiding constants in such a small sentence. Maybe kudos to the user who wrote that too, if he wants to claim it intentional lol

"It refused to bloom, and instead hung silently, a pale reflection of its own majesty."

Like a dirty French novel,
this sentence could be paired with something vulgar.

short and sweet, could be about a flower, but also unrealized potential.

thanks friend; do you remember the song?

I may end up repurposing the line in another work for that exact usage
Bingo to both, as an allegory to a woman I dated, and who I in turn ruined

Caroline, Please Kill Me by Coma Cinema.
youtube.com/watch?v=r6ksuNpt3hU

I imagine it was like an old photograph, someone dead for centuries. I started reading obituaries because of this song.

>Bingo to both, as an allegory to a woman I dated, and who I in turn ruined
son of bitch i am just jealous

What is there to be jealous of? If it's words or allegory, I can help you
If it's a woman to ruin....I could probably still help you

I suppose I could use help with both.

I would like to describe things with sweeping metaphors. I love women, but have little experience beyond the platonic, therefore writing about them outside of pornography or puppy love observations always seems fraudulent.

>implying that people who write about women with little experience about them aren't the ones who wrote best.

Dont make so little of yourself, user

In general I dislike contemporary bathroom design because there’s never any concrete. There’s just grey or dark green maybe even dark yellow tiles that make it feel like you broke into a sanitarium right before dusk so you could see for yourself if the legends were true.
In general I like the idea of being able to pick somebody up.
In general I like the idea of being able to throw somebody whole hog out the window since seeing somebody hit tiles isn’t all that satisfying.
In general I like the idea of being able to watch somebody sail briefly through the air and then crack open on the pavement like a balloon full of marinara sauce.
In general I’m afraid of heights and I can barely stand looking out any window above the third story.

What's this guy's name again?

"Please, just believe with me for a moment."

The spoken attempt at post-religious nuclear liberation towards the absolute

He fingered his hemmrhoids till he passed out.

Sorry for late reply, I'm at work
I find it easiest to describe things as my favorite things. In this case being a flower, which already has many similarities to women, and also are very animated things that have all sorts of surrogates for emotion and feeling. In your notes compare possible subjects to the things around you, and then write from that things perspective. Do this for many things and everything.

Women in a literary sense aren't too much different in my opinion. They have just as many wants and needs as men, and they often lay in the same areas. Think about the women you like and make adjustments to fit to whatever work you may be doing. As you continue to do this, you will be able to spawn women for specific works without needing a specific person to base them off. They will naturally fill the plot or progression based on what the story needs from them, and in that, they will be well written women, much like how you write your men to fit the plots needs

"Why the fuck do you get the all you can eat pancakes at Denny's? You only ever eat two"

Two sentences because fuck you

>They had about them such an air of noble antiquity that I couldn’t help but to feel a tremble in my hands as I turned through the pages.

Some sort of coming of age story about two outcasts in a rural Midwestern town.

She put on her gas mask in under 10 seconds, she needed to be quicker (and another for that girl, who she doubted could get it on below even a minute... she needed more filters and bullets).

Sounds like a stalker fanfic, tbqh, senpai.

I'll take that as a compliment.

Well, is it? I certainly didn't mean it as an insult, anyhow.

Isn't this the jewish pedophile who makes kid shows for Disney?

It is. Dunno how it could be an insult. Apologies for the confusion.

they have left. he spent todays income on cocaine. having lost my keys i thought id open the doors to my roomate coming home. i was mistaken and it was but an old friend, an old vice. we emptied his pockets and my nose, oh god my nose, the stench to be input was stronger than the 250w of a vacuum cleaner. i have to get up tomorrow, earning the money i just spent on drugs. the portraits we drew. the champagne we downed. i wish i were part of this bohemian lifestyle. but i am nothing more than an onlooker. pardon me for taking any drug which is put out in front of me iin those mesmerizing lines. Veeky Forums is full of eighteen year olds if you count the votes of one of those threads. heck, i have had nearly half of it. god damn coke fiends. however i try, i dont seem to get rid of them

>Haque wasn’t one to keep all her assets in one basket, but she didn’t like it when they scattered all over the place like dandelion seeds on the wind, either.

If you guess, my eyebrows are going to crawl all the way into my hair.

Whatever the fuck this is about, It's got great style. Keep writing, bud.

Best in the thread tbqh.

That's a bit over congratulatory. It's a good sentence, but it's just another flower metaphor.

Thank you both, that's more than the motivation I needed
I just really like flowers man

Flowers and your sentence are good!

>"He's the kinda guy to ask for a receipt from the strip club."

Plz guess

>1: Weed, Also known as the devil's lettuce is beloved by the unemployed, unemployable, and actors (what's the difference between the three anyway?) everywhere.

CLOSE
Angsty coming of age story about 2 outcasts in suburban California

A crushing wave of regret and disgust hit him in an instant, a dread that only belongs to the damned.
its not actually as edgy as it sounds.
I hope to be this good one day.

You will be
Also your sentence sounds like either someone cheated or committed a murder. Very interested to know what comes next
It's about me
Pothead, wanna be actor, coming of age story?

Alright so I did take off my pants in his apartment.

My exe's diary desu

>"As culture accumulates, the inevitably homogeneous host population benefits at an exponential rate over each generation."

>"What a god awful smell her putrid mouth exaled, the one of a rotting carcass was the closest thing I could compare. Everything of that face screamed for some care, yet I can't imagine even vultur's chicks feeding off that mouth"