"Oh, so you like reading, user? Tell me, what's your favourite book written by John Green? You haven't read him...

>"Oh, so you like reading, user? Tell me, what's your favourite book written by John Green? You haven't read him? I thought so"

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youtube.com/watch?v=0LsrkWDCvxg
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I would rather date a girl who watches reality television than a girl who reads John Green. John Green fans are ten times worse than J.K. Rowling fans.

I've read all of his novels except for his most recent. My favorite is An Abundance of Katherines.

oh i dont mind as long we talk for bit its all i want we can talk about that author anything please i just want hear her voice and know she thinks something about me thats all

>ask to borrow one of her John Green books
>watch the first and last scene of the movie
>tell her it was a good reccomendation
>sex

>An Abundance of Katherines
>almost puked at the title
>then I looked at the cover
>then I read the plot
>and then, finally, I searched his photo
>...

You seem bitter OP, would you like to talk about it? I’m here for you bud.

Someone give me a detailed explanation for why John Green is a bad author.

No. But I'll give you this.

I hate him intensely. Still would prefer an analysis of his books, though.

what kind of man tries THIS HARD to relate to women?

Do you have an interest in history? Watch his episode on Alexander the Great
youtube.com/watch?v=0LsrkWDCvxg

A cuckold.

>"Are you serious, user? I guess you can't stand an intellectual like myself, and just enjoy going for the dumb ones. No surprise being dumb yourself."

...

This is exactly why I would rather date an idiot. At least idiots aren't pretentious.

...

its funny that Veeky Forums recognize itself and recoils with horror.

It annoys me more he didn't just write it into a single blog post and link to it. Makes both him and anybody who follows him seem like such lazy cunts. I mean writing that is not easy or simple given Twitter's character limit. How the shitting dicks is that considered progression in the blogosphere.

>No, I mostly read non fiction, why don't you tell me about him and why you like his work?
She blathers for 45 minutes while I make earnest eye contact and think about more important things and then I offer we swap some books and walk her home from the cafe and wa la successful first date.

> I make earnest eye contact and think about more important things

i laughed out loud

nicely phrased sir

This is perfect now I know that I can literally just turn on the corny phrase machine and get in her pants.

one of those is a DFW phrase get the fuck out of this forum and never come out you fucking
illettré

I feel like you have to be underage to think dating a woman for her interests is a good idea

Well I'm not a smartie like you are honey. How about we cuddle under the blanket and you can tell me about him.

>"yeah well, fuck you bitch, I bet you haven't even read Finnegans Wake"

>How are you user?
> Brékkek Kékkek Kékkek Kékkek! Kóax Kóax Kóax!
works every time

DFW a corny nigga then.

Good form user

I'd like you other autists to notice the periods and not question marks at the end. You do not ask roasties you tell them what they would like to do next but put why in front of it so they FEEL like they had input.

it's funny that this became a dating advice thread instead of insulting plebs thread.

you guys are all swayed by aesthetics to the point of distraction. no wonder you like nabokov.

Hey man you gotta get your dick wet too. Even Caesar and Nero understood this. I disdain plebs but love good lookin pussy.

Well, it's pretty easy to get laid. If I, a severely obese, petulant, socially inept, and unsuccessful manchild can get laid on a consistent basis, then it shouldn't be all that difficult for the majority of Veeky Forums users.
For chrissakes, guys. Have you never even honed your fingers to the edge of sexual frustration and unleashed an onslaught of romantic and titillating words to this or that cutie on the internet? you guys have the world at your fingertips, and all you need to do is take your time, and not stuff your own foot in your mouth. Go to a chatroom, make an impression, be clever and funny, and you will find yourself having sex if you only take the opportunities that arise.

what kind of chatroom?

You say that now, but try reading with a gf blasting housewives arguing.

IRC. just gotta look around. there are popular spots where people in their mid 20s sit around and chat for hours, irc or otherwise. you just have to find something in the spirit of old yahoo chatrooms. cess pits, one might say, but ripe for lonely women. I had a harem. There were several legitimately attractive women who have even watched me masturbate my sub-length penis. If I could do it, anyone can. Or would you rather admit my superiority to you? to any of you kissless virgins? Not that I think virginity is bad.

>talking to a male acquaintance
>"do you like to read? have you read anything by John Green?"
Thankfully he's gone from my life now.

eh, I'm not kissless, I made out with a tinder chick. Kissing is basically mouthsex so I'm good.

but have you had your less than four inch cock sucked willingly?

to be honest, making out is better than sex, at least it leaves you wanting more and not empty inside

I'm like the opposite bro. I can't write like that I need the instant gratification and calibration of face to face interaction. I'm also Veeky Forums with a nice face, but I am a manlet so there's that.

What in the fuck? How old was this man? Is he gay?

>Never having made a loving, monogamous partner cum her brains out and have her gently fall asleep on your chest afterwards while you shitpost on the chan

well, naturally, i prefer having nice conversations and cuddling and occasional sex, but the metric proposed was that sex was important enough to try to chat up some pleb chick who like john green
ah, well, if i can do it with severe social disadvantages, then you can do so as well. don't be a sissy. can you type well enough to express yourself clearly?

He was 21, and a straight conservative Christian. Single, unsurprisingly.

unrealistic
also gay

>not waking her up to laugh at plebs with you after fifteen minutes
you've never tasted love. hell, she even listens to me rant about pinecone.

>He was 21, and a straight conservative Christian
I'm so confused.

not really, you just don't have a clear understanding of women.

>this will never be you

>Can I type well enough
Nah not really. I struggle with tone and over think before I hit send, whereas in person it all comes naturally to me.

and why not? take risks. be corny, be emotional. be empathic. learn. open your eyes and find someone who likes you. and i don't mean has similar interests to you, but find someone who likes you.

Bruh get over yourself. Your ego is destroying your chance to have a fulfilling intimate relationship. It's not gay to love a woman. This is teenage "hard nigga" talk
Lol I do. I'm glad I'm not the only one.

dictate to text, then. i guess i just got lucky that i can't communicate in person, but can type to a person for hours.
also, there is video chat. get used to being a faceless voice. there were a lot of women who adored me talking for hours about total horseshit. some of the worst sounding voices are attractive to women. you'd be amazed. discord is probably where you will find a healthy and large group of people who use chat and voice chat.

every time I speak to someone I get pangs of anxiety that overwhelm anything else I'm feeling.

>It's not gay to love a woman
what if i'm a girl btw :3

my man. lucky to have them aren't we?

Indeed.

also I'm only attracted to thin autistic girls who are at least somewhat smarter than average. And they tend to hate anyone who doesn't fit their narrow autistic obsessions. So I'm p much fucked. I could try to like other chicks but then I'd just be lying to myself and them.

at least you have patrician taste

The older I get the less physical "types" matter to me. Now it's just cute face, not Skelly, not obese.

>sorry, I don't read white men

this is funny.

Holy hell this I know its hard imagine that you will ever "date" a girl or have a "girlfriend", but seriously user, be careful what you wish for. When god wants to punish us he answers our prayers.

Sorry, I meant to reply to

In the future you'll realize pretentiousness is still better than noisy plebs. At least you can deal with the former.

t. Ex-soldier who had to stay in a bunk full of vapid plebs

>An Abundance of Katherines
After graduating from high school, and before college, Colin's best and only friend, Hassan Harbish, convinces him to go on a road trip to take his mind off the breakup. Colin goes, hoping to find his "eureka" moment. After driving from Chicago to Tennessee, they visit the supposed resting place of Archduke Franz Ferdinand. There, they meet Lindsey Lee Wells. After a short time, Colin and Hassan find themselves employed by Hollis, Lindsey's mother who runs a local factory producing tampon strings. They live with their employer and her daughter in a rural town called Gutshot, Tennessee. Hollis employs them to interview all current adult residents of Gutshot and assemble an oral history of the town.
Holy shit is this real or some sort of wikipedia hoax I can't even tell the difference anymore, Please shoot me.

Infinite Jest

Lindsey's cave is her "super, incredibly top secret location that no one on Earth knows about."[3] Colin is the only person she shows the cave to. This symbolizes the comfort and trust in their relationship. It also stands for Lindsey's privacy. Green has acknowledged that the cave can also be seen as a representation for Lindsey's vagina. Green says that Colin's romantic journey with Lindsey "is a journey away from the (phallic) obelisk and toward the (sapphic) cave, and in the end only in the place associated with femininity is Colin able to become authentically himself with someone else."[
WhAT THE actual fuck?

This.

sad

To be honest, this pulpy is pretty good. He must have spent days on this allegory.

you sound like a cool fattie, the ones that don't unwantedly let their intense self hatred shine through. good for you man.

>tfw ur not the only one with a patrician gf

where the fuck were you niggers all this time? i'm literally about to enter the last level, receiving a footjob in my bathtub while reading ulysses and doing different voices for every character

I've seen the movies though.

>Do we really believe...that 10 million people were wrong.

The quote in question is from a particular character's point of view

>Who?
>Wait... I think I saw his ted talk... something about legalizing gay marriage is not actually a sign of societal collapse

>Implying all characters aren't different reflections of the author

So was he, I guess.