Lobsters

Just a few years ago, I was an unknown professor writing academic books that nobody read. Then, with God’s help, I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and develop my potential. Pinkos and wishy-washy liberals had cornered the market in cod psychology, so I guessed there must be a huge hunger for a self-help book, backed up with religion, mythology, CAPITAL LETTERS and stating the obvious – one directed at responsible, socially minded conservatives craving some pseudointellectual ideology to prop up their beliefs. And bingo! Here are my 12 Rules for Life.

1 Stand up straight with your shoulders straight
Most lobsters are complete bastards left to their own devices. Most humans are complete bastards left to their own devices. This proves there is a God who wants us to have Order. Order is Masculine and Chaos is Feminine. Therefore to move towards Order, we all need to man up. Happiness is pointless. We are all on this Earth to suffer. So learn to suffer like a man. Not everyone can be as rich and successful as me, but try to be less of a failure than you already are.

2 Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping
The story of the Garden of Eden shows that we are all touched with Original Sin But you have a choice. You can either seek Heaven or be dragged down into Hell. Yes, you have a shameful, sinful nature but for God’s sake just make a bit of an effort. Stop waiting for other people to dig you out of your pitiful hole.

3 Befriend people who want the best for you
We are all Being. Just some of us are better Beings. Learn to tell the difference. Some people are beyond help. They are merely exploiting the willingness of good people to help them and, as Dostoyevsky rightly observes, will drag you down to their level. So stick with the winners. If people are determined to screw up, let them. They are nothing to do with the Divine Purpose.

4 Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not the useless person you are today
Face it, you’re never going to be that smart, so don’t compare yourself to someone who is. Start by getting on your knees to pray. Even if you don’t Believe in God. Atheists are merely people who are blinded to the true way of Being. There, you feel marginally less useless already.

5 Do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them
Remember that children are born with Original Sin and have a huge capacity for Evil. They are not Innocent Beings. They need Discipline if they are going to grow up to be even vaguely worthwhile humans. And slap them if necessary – don’t listen to what the lefties say.

6 Set your house in order before you criticise the world
Remember the story of Cain and Abel? Well, read it then. Yes, Abel was a schmuck who deserved to die and Cain wasn’t quite as goddamn perfect as he thought he was. He deserved to die, too. We all deserve to die. So stop moaning if someone is richer and better looking than you.

7 Pursue what is meaningful, not what is expedient
Life is suffering. The Book of Genesis tells us that. There is no easy way round this. So quit looking for short cuts and start reading Nietzsche.

8 Tell the truth. Or at least don’t lie
To be honest, I’m scrabbling around for things but my publishers tell me I need 12. By telling you the Truth about this, I am an Improved Being. Certainly better than you.

9 Assume the person you are listening to knows something you don’t
Just shut up, quit moaning and listen to me. I know things you don’t. So don’t expect me to listen to you. That’s not the way things work. I’m here to make you feel Better about Yourself by telling you things you already know in a way that makes you feel clever.

10 Be precise in your speech
Confront the chaos of Being. Don’t try to beat about the bush. Things are going to be terrible. Oedipus killed his Dad. You may well kill yours. Get over it. Face up to the real horrors of the world.

11 Do not bother children while they are skateboarding
This is the rule that’s the real catnip for right-wingers everywhere. Want to know why the world is falling apart? It’s because liberals are turning boys into girlies with their namby-pamby ways. Let boys do boy things and girls do girl things. Nowhere in the Bible does God say anything about this trans nonsense. There’s nothing wrong with men having all the best jobs and women staying home to look after the kids. So back off, ladies, and give us men a break.

12 Pet a cat when you encounter one in the street
OK. So I really am scraping the barrel now. We’re all going to die. Probably painfully. So just make the best of what you’ve got. If you see a cat, stroke it. You might feel better. Though probably not. And if there are no cats, pet something else. Like a dog.

All true

The funny thing is he's not wrong about many things.

>1
Order is Masculine and Chaos is Feminine. Therefore to move towards Order, we all need to man up.
>2
Stop waiting for other people to dig you out of your pitiful hole.
>3
. Just some of us are better Beings. Learn to tell the difference. Some people are beyond help.
>4
Atheists are merely people who are blinded to the true way of Being
>5
They need Discipline if they are going to grow up to be even vaguely worthwhile humans.
>6
Set your house in order before you criticise the world; stop moaning if someone is richer and better looking than you

Can we meme him into the next Canadian election?

>Just some of us are better Beings. Learn to tell the difference. Some people are beyond help.

This ones bullshit though, I'm unconvinced any human being can be described as morally superior.
We're all just looking to gratify ourselves, after that there's only the spooked and the unspooked

>we

Would you say that the unspooked are closer to the truth of Being (moral nihilism) and therefore more moral by proximity?

No thats an absurd proposition. They simply are and if they're better looking and funnier then I rather be around them

Does he actually say Chaos is feminine?

Because that sounds really cool.

>Order is Masculine and Chaos is Feminine. Therefore to move towards Order, we all need to man up.

What if I like Chaos more? It's stronger.

that's an ancient concept and in no way credited to peterson

>kid tortures dog
>other kid plays video games

Hmm yeah they both have the same standing on morals

Lol you don't chanhe the laws of the universe because it doesn't match your favorite color.

You are correct but he expands upon it in a Western setting

U.S got trump
Canada gets Peterson

Read Camille Pagluia or something

Ask yourself why is the other kid torturing dogs?
Ultimately he's just trying to derive some sort of pleasure or significance from the act just like the kid playing video games.
Different act sure but its ultimately just about stupid self gratification

wtf i love jesus now

>what is pyschopathy

Seriously, tell me. What is psychopathy?

The universe is chaos though and that's a good thing.

A condition, that the person is diagnosed with.

Symptoms; Apathy, Predatory state of needs, Narcissistic

For as much as I don't like Peterson and for as much as I hate his Peterboys, the Guardian is trying to make fun of him as if he was Milo, with the difference that he's not. He's an academic, and well prepared to sustain complex discourse - let it be write a book.

The book sure isn't great and Epictetus would do the job better, probably, but still: how comes that even in a parody there's a lot of stuff that sounds like it needs to be said? Moreover, what is the author's problem with the "life is terrible, therefore man up" statement? Isn't it true that life is -mostly- terrible and that we all have to face bad things? Why has it become wrong - or rather, unfashionable - to say so?
How much of a generation of a pitiful mass of pussies are we if we had to project every dad's message of be strong in front of difficulties upon a mediocre canadian professor? It is possibly the most redundant message in literature since the Greeks, and yet we need to glorify this guy for saying it again, because we buried it so deep under a TV fueled worldview showing you nothing is ever going to be wrong that we need this guy - with Kermit voice, otherwise we woudn't get the message as the overgrown children we all are - to tell us that.
Again.

I'd argue the opposite, we find Chaod through the order of the Universe, but the Universe follows laws that do not change.

Oh woah, its a word people say to try control how you think. Amazing

Can someone make a Virgin Being vs. the Chad Chaod meme please?

WOAH. Holy shit... do do you mean????

Do you mean????

We use definition to record phenomenon!?!?

More like Cuck Chaos, who relies on luck to get a girl

A legitimate mental illness requires a tracable cause. An actual observable lapse in the capacity to reason.
There is no such phenomenon in those categorized as psychopaths, its an arbitrary umbrella term.
Just a convenient myth that makes perpetuating a flimsy of rationality possible.

There's so much space for Memerson pastas and lots of content to work with and use as inspiration, but this write-up is overdone, sadly. Doesn't even use Peterson's favourite words like 'malevolence', and 'man' used as a punctuator. I believe one day some particularly autistic user will come and present us with the ultimate Memerson pasta that uses a carefully researched style that takes into account target's idiosyncratic speech patterns, vocabulary and even intonation. Today is not the day.

>tracable cause.
DNA and brain make up is enough.

Mere supposition. There is no such gene or neurological state that we know of that can be reduced to "cause" psychopathy. As there are is mere correlates none of which necessarily makes one a psychopath nor is required by one to be a psychopath.

The fact is that the category is pure unscientific nonsense. Archaic

The universe is like a woman. There is an order to her thoughts but you will never figure it out, at best you'll make some educated guesses. And even with those you are still basically at her mercy. For instance your mortality.

Chaos is also alligned with evil which the universe has in spades.

“Is your cucumber bitter? Throw it away. Are there briars in your path? Turn aside. That is enough. Do not go on and say, "Why were things of this sort ever brought into this world?" neither intolerable nor everlasting - if thou bearest in mind that it has its limits, and if thou addest nothing to it in imagination. Pain is either an evil to the body (then let the body say what it thinks of it!)-or to the soul. But it is in the power of the soul to maintain its own serenity and tranquility. . . .”


― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

>thinks it can't be valued through Math constructs and logical assumptions of the person brain, and the choices the patient has made

Bruh.


I'm guessing you think all pyschology is 'bunk'?

You realize all western pyschology is but an analyses of early basturdization of eastern self philosophy?

They have a smaller amygdala. Stop larping

I agree, that's why we call her Sophia, Mother Nature, etc etc.

But the fact is, she follows higher law.

You mean to say SOME people diagnosed as psychopathic have been displayed as having an amygdala SOMEwhat smaller than an average persons?

prime minister peterson would be fun, i think america would be able to start taking territory without pushback if such a weak man won an election in canada

To say all of psychology is bunk requires it to actually have a foundational basis on which to criticize, it doesn't. All in all its just a stupid Frankenstein stictched together from a varying nexus of naive ideas, half truths and extremely selective notions of evidence and inference along with some legitimate insights in the mix of course.

All in all its a stupid non-science though, yes

In the Greek religion the first thing in the geneology of divinity is Chaos itself. Out of that comes Gaia, or mother nature, who gave birth to her own husband Chronos and than set out to destroy him.

The order figure is Zeus, but Gaia proceeds him by 2 generations and she herself is just an aspect of the big chaos.

Yeah would be interesting. All the 'men' would continue to support peterson to

Chronos is but the Demiurge

It's based off fundamental truth that we've extrapolated into religiom.

lel I think you mean to say that we're retroactively projected onto EVERY world religion and created a narrative of progression by ignoring every aspect of them that suggested against the desired conclusion.
Much like the show Ancient Aliens deals with history, its the same delusion that Jung carries

Their amygdala is less connected to the cortex and one part of it (I'm not sure how it's translated form my language I guess it's called the crust if translated literally) is 18% smaller in all of them.

canada should be annexed by america and all canadians should die they are squatting on precious lumber and oil and are preventing alaska from being fully connected to mainland america
if i were president my first act would be to mobilize america for total war and conquer canada

I can't change the way you view the world my dude. Have fun in your box

18% smaller in ALL of them?
Horseshit
I guarantee you're miscalling a report that either said it was 18% smaller in some individuals with the diagnosis or that it was 18% smaller on a median scale ignoring all those diagnosed without any difference

Yeah absolutely, I think if they want to refuse are declaration of annexation, we will sink their land, and create another atlantis.

Yeah because you're an ignoramous. If you want to be religious have some self respect and own your faith, don't try pass it off as science

??? What are you talking about

I made myself clear, have a nice day friend

Someone do the coloring.

Your life is pathetic

You are delusional. Seek help.

stfu loser faggot. what are you credentials you fucking pseud?

Nice bump you fucking retard

neither you nor Peterson deserve attention but here's your (you) anyway you midwit

what exactly is meant by feminine and why is that bad?

Peterson never actually says chaos is bad, he just says too much chaos is bad just as too much order is bad and we need to find a balance between the two

okay but what does femininity have to do with anything?

I don't know, Peterson is an idiot

Lol

There are two aspects of Reality, Yin and Yang.
The duality and non-dualism philosophy

two aspects
two genders

there, it's settled

What do I need to read in order to understand spook talk?

Peterson, like all plebeians, finds a grain of truth, runs with it and builds a cult around it

sounds like you just need a mirror

>The Guardian

...

What's he say?

I don't agree with anything he says but he makes some interesting points.

The Universe is indifferent, not evil.

Indifferent implies it could be partial to anything to begin with. The universe is certainly not indifferent you fucking idiot

are you stupid? how is he a weak man?
you are just an emotional pessimist who will not dare to support someone because it might turns out to be wrong so you feel save by critizising everything. Your kind of people want to seem intelligent by not supporting someone who's "famous" because the masses are stupid. You wouldn't stand a chance in a debate with peterson, meme all you want, it's true.

I'm not saying you have to like peterson or his philosophy but he's undoubtedly intelligent and stronger (more character) than fucking trudeau.

>taking cheap bait this seriously

>dude if like 1 outlier case exists then we can throw science out the window lmao

When there's more outliers than inliers then its not science

thanks daddy

>okay but what does femininity have to do with anything?


>what exactly is meant by feminine and why is that bad?

This isn't his idea, this is Carl Jung's idea. There are biologically inherent archetypes that we use as building blocks for the world. Chaos/the unknown/nature is the archetype of the feminine, and the proof of that is the vast majority of mythology displays it like so.

One suggested explanation for this particular biological archetype is that in humans women select the position of men in the dominance hierarchy. For men, women therefore represent nature - nature selects. Order is predictable, chaos selects the survivors.

It's not bad by the way.

I find the Petersonite take on chaos fairly heretical to be honest

Thanks daddy

THANKS DAD

Wasn't he a stoic? Because it is pretty epicurean thing to say.

I like to imagine that all descriptions of Chaos are accurate to some part of the larger ever-changing whole.