Is anyone here mortified by writing? I'm not talking about the writer's block, the hopelessness of the blank page...

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Free_writing
would you say this is the proper article then?

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surrealist_automatism

found it

thanks user, I'll look this over a bit more. I hope this doesn't sound cliche or retarded or something, but when I'm like half-asleep/barely conscious, I start gushing out a shitton of prose with what feels like extreme clarity. I'll try my best to get over this bump.

The process of writing a story is extremely taxing for me, I hate. Will avoid it any chance I get. I will sit down and write fragments of stories unprompted on occasion but the second it becomes a possibility that someone else might see it, or I might try to get it published, I get protective.
I hate working on stories, that is until I’m basically done with them and just tweaking sentences here and there, and even then I am plagued by doubts and urges to throw it out and rewrite it in a completely different way.
I’m not even shitty, I have been told I’m one of the best writers to come through the program at my small liberal arts college in the last 5 years. Even had a professor offer to help me through the MFA application process and she thought I could get into a fully funded school. But in the grand scheme being a “good” writer at a small school is nothing. I barely let myself accept praise.
The first thing I ever submitted for publication was accepted, even though our professors had been constantly telling us it would take hundreds of rejection letters before we got a story published. Honestly, I had mixed feelings when I found out I was going to be published. Thought about pulling my story because I worried I would be embarrassed by it later in my career if I ever actually get good.

boo hoo hoo

I know where you're coming from. Writing is tough, especially starting out. I particularly have trouble with continuing a book. The farther in I get the more I want to tweak it and the more I feel like I've been making mistakes. The one thing which really helps me is writing for myself. Write something you never expect to show anybody else. Something which will never see the light of day, just for yourself. Write something for you, something that you yourself would want to read. Then go through it, as you write it and after you're done, and read it as a reader. Don't get discouraged if it feels off to you, or if things aren't the way you thought they were when you wrote them. Remember that your first, second, and maybe even third drafts of each chapter will probably be steaming dogshit, but a few passes and you can turn it into something fun to read. And when you're finally done give it a read, touch it up. And if you feel like it's not what you wanted then keep it to yourself. I've written two books now, and only a couple of people have read each. They tell me that they're good, but I think they can be better. With each chapter I write, I get just a bit better, and it gets a bit easier. The best way to get started it to take comfort in the fact that nobody ever has to read it but you. And if you want help, or critique, let a good friend or family member read it first. Then, if you feel like they thought it was alright let a few others try. Nothing ever comes out right at first. When I first started I thought that writers must be geniuses. That people wrote by planning an entire story ahead of time and then did it all in one go. Write out a basic story, add new things as they come to you, and go back and add flesh to the skeleton. Pass after pass it gets better.

There is always a way out, user. Most of us don't want to take it, though.

I know that it sounds immensely unhelpful but it really is what you need to do: "just start writing."

You want some kind of reassurance that your writing will be good even before you've written anything - obviously this is impossible. The only way even to know if you are good is first to produce something, to write.

That's why you need to get out of this loop "I want to write, but I don't know if I'm good, so I'll wait until I'm good, but how do I get good if I don't write, etc" and just write.

Really you're just afraid of being seen in full daylight. As long as you keep your ideas ambiguously mixed up in thoughts, away from the sight of other people and yourself, you can comfortably wring your hands over what to do, and how you'r going to do it, and why haven't you done it already, my God I've been sitting here for over an hour looking at a blank page, I've erased the same sentence I don't know how many times how shit am I - and just go ahead and write.

Only by writing will you improve at writing. Just like swimming is how to get good at swimming, dancing is how to get good at dancing. Confidence is the ability to face risk and can't be gotten in another activity than the one wherein you risk something - so write damn you, what else would you imagine the answer to be?

I'm into writing poetry, and I usually write late in the night (nearly 1 am) and I never have this problem. I sometimes feel like I have endless creativity and just can't stop writing about thoughts or situations. I finish the poem, and I happily go to sleep.

The morning after, I start to hate what I've written and I end up being insecure about it. When I get home I just throw it in the bin.

I miss Rothenburg. Such a lovely town.

I also like to drink when I write. I tend to find that slightly tipsy me is better at getting basic writing down on the page, after inhibitions have been loosened slightly. Then sober me can come through later and fix things and flesh out the work more thoroughly.