How do I avoid melodrama?

Watch Yu-Gi-Oh

...

>the jist of it:

just give up

Kek
>pic relevant

melodrama is hyper-dramatic: The Saw franchise is melodrama. you 're working on a modern day drama.

and it's not a terrible summary at all. there's a lot of interpersonal stuff going on, like a proper drama should have, and it sounds like it could be a movie, maybe, i don't know...but is it compelling enough as a speculative script to get green-lit?

if the main protagonist is woe-is-me for 90 minutes...then no. he must pivot and change himself or someone else or both.

damn bastard laptop guy bastard

seriously, screenwriting threads like this are more helpful and pleasant (rare Veeky Forums) than official screenwriting threads. keep going...

the steps John takes to improve his outlook, how will they manifest? it's a visual medium, what are you going to show us, how are you going to show the audience that he's trying to be better and getting better?

Was asleep, just bumping to avoid archive before I answer

Okay, now I'm really on the laptop so I'll try to give a good summary. Was with a friend last night so couldn't post. Oh, and I'll stop being coy about the scenario, I don't know why I was. The main character's name is Jake. The story is set during a rainy weekend in Tel Aviv (it only rains for two or three months a year, storms only happen in January). Some of the details may seem irrelevant at first but I promise they mean something. I'll also be a bit more detailed in the beginning to set the scene, as it were.

>Beginning
We see Jake staring out the window with a mug of coffee in his hand. Then he goes over to a desk. He fishes out his phone, puts in his headphones, and starts a song. We don't hear it, but we can hear him sing some of the lyrics. Then he crosses out a day on a calendar above the desk, grabs his notebook, and goes to the kitchen to dump the undrunken coffee in the sink. He hesitates at the umbrella in the hall, but then takes it and walks to the coffee shop. (little montage here. If you want to know the "feel" of the movie, you can listen to this song: youtube.com/watch?v=u4H2138PL68&index=10&list=PL5E9268C1397C7C08) I'm using only hebrew music.

>The meeting
We see a girl standing under an awning, looking out. This is Liat. She has fragile, sensitive eyes. We see Jake, and he walks right up to her and asks her if he can sit, thinking that she works at the cafe. She laughs and says that she doesn't, and it's a cute little awkward encounter. Jake apologizes and goes inside to meet his friend Dan at this big, communal working table. He puts his stuff down. We see Jake write the number 18 on a post-it note and put it on the current page of his notebook. A few moments later, Liat comes in and sits down a few places over from Jake. They make eye contact but Jake is here to work and it's more cordial. Some time passes. Both Jake and Liat take a few furtive glances at one another while the other is looking away.
We see Jake having issues with writing; he spends a lot of time tapping his pencil on the page and looking around. Some time passes. Liat is trying to catch the waitresses attention, but failing. Jake puts his hand up, and manages to catch her attention. Jake and Dan order coffee (also ends up being undrunken - the whole point about this pattern is that I was doing all this shit because I was in the habit of it, not really thinking if I wanted it or not), and Jake tells the waitress that Liat is trying to order. Liat smiles at Jake and thanks him. Some time passes. Liat sits with a friend. They both look over to Jake, and say something between them. Jake is leaning on one hand, the other hand tapping the pencil on the table. Some time passes. We see Jake's paper - some sentences, but most are scribbled out or circled with derogatory notes. He stares ahead into the distance. We see Liat look at him, steel herself, and then she says: "Hey. What are you working on?"

Cont... character limit.

Btw, funny thing is, this first bit really happened to me, and I posted about it here. People didn't believe me, obviously, but it really changed my perspective on the last year of my life. Obviously I kinda played it up in the greentext, but fuck it, sue me lol.

Okay, so:

>"falling in love"
Jake and Liat talk for a bit. Jake is coy about what he's writing about - he just says it's about his past and some things he's interested in understanding about himself. Liat asks Jake what his favorite book is, and he tells her, and the reason is a little story which suggests that the summer before he came to Tel Aviv maybe wasn't the best. Jake asks Liat, and Liat tells him her favorite book (The Bell Jar), and there's a little story there too. Jake laughs, because he was just reading The Bell Jar but stopped halfway through. Liat asks him why, and he explains that, although he found it beautiful, he could tell that it was getting depressing and two of his best friends had just left Israel forever, so it wasn't the right time. We later find out that such is life as an expat in Israel: it's a hard society to assimilate with, and sooner or later everyone leaves. Jake brings up the topic of the waves, and Liat wants to go. They walk together towards the sea, and we start to learn more about each character. But what we learn is framed against the new romance: on one hand, we want them to be together - they have a good dynamic; they tease each other and seem comfortable. But there are worrisome personality traits. Among other things, it's hinted that, although Jake loves Tel Aviv, he plans to leave at some point. And we also see glimpses of issues with alcohol: he's been to the hospital after a friend's birthday because he drank too much, although he plays this off as being Canadian (Israelis drink less), and he seems proud of it. Eventually they reach the sea, and the shit in the screenshot really does happen. Jake climbs the fence with Liat, and they end up kissing. But as they're kissing, a massive rogue wave slams up against the rocks and drenches them (actually did happen). They run back, laughing. Safely down the path, they kiss again and Liat tells Jake that she's happy they climbed the fence (she was hesitant before but Jake pushed her). Jake says he's glad too, but then he remembers the notebook in his bag. He drops Liat's bag, and we see for a moment that he's forgotten she's there as he rushes to check that the notebook is fine (this didn't really happen with me lol, I was less worried). They climb the fence to get back, and Liat's ring gets stuck on one of the hoops, giving her a small cut. Jake is bothered by this and kisses it better, and we see that he does care about Liat.

Cont.

>More details emerge
Jake and Liat walk down the path from the sea-wall. Jake brings up going to a lookout about a kilometer north. The subtext in the dialogue is that he used to go there but hasn't for a while. Liat is down. They walk, and a few key things come up. I'll really try to cut it down, but this is the GIST: Liat asks Jake why he wants to leave Israel, and Jake answers that he still has places to see. He wants to live in Italy and go to India. (OH SHIT, sorry, I forgot to include in the beginning scene, that we see Jake look at some photos, but we can't see what they are). Falling in love comes up, and with some pestering Jake says that the last girl he loved was his ex, but he doesn't go into detail: only that it was long distance and it didn't work out. Liat's last love was he ex-boyfriend, they broke up six months ago. She explains that he was a planner, and although she understood that she'd probably end up married and with kids and a house and all that stuff, she didn't want to plan for it. If it happened, it happened, but she didn't want to see her future mapped out so clearly. Jake and Liat agree on this, and Jake tells the story of his mother, who ran away to India with plans to stay there. Jake explains how his mother realized that her challenge in life was to be an ordinary, average person; to live an average life, with kids and a husband and a house and all the things that were expected from the society she was born into. And Jake explains that sometimes a fig has been picked for you, whether you want it or not, just by the circumstances of your birth. The topic changes to something less serious and it comes out that Jake was planning on asking for Liat's number since the moment they met. Liat responds by telling Jake that the moment she saw him, she knew that she wouldn't let him leave without talking to him (srs), and that Liat and her friend had been discussing whether or not Liat should talk to Jake in Hebrew. Jake discusses his frustration with dating online, since you can have a great conversation and be attracted to the person, but at the end of the day, all that matters is that first spark, and whether you have it or not. Eventually, they make their way to Liat's apartment. Liat invites Jake up to get dry, and Jake of course accepts.

Cont.

>Physical Memories
Upstairs, Jake goes to the bathroom while Liat puts on some tea. We see Jake take his phone out and look at some texts. They're from a contact called "Jules". She's telling him to arrive at 8:30PM, and now it's around 8:15PM. Outside, Liat offers him some dry clothes. Jake accepts, and they go to her bedroom. She apologizes before hand, saying that the only guy clothes she has are her ex's. Jake says he doesn't mind. We see Liat go into her wardrobe. At the bottom of the wardrobe, tucked to the side, is a white box. She opens it, and we see neatly folded clothes. She takes a shirt out, carefully, and hands it to Jake. This means something to Liat: it's not just the normal giving of a shirt. Jake takes off his shirt, and Liat makes a joke about how pale he is. Jake grabs her, jokingly annoyed, and they begin to kiss. They fall onto the bed, and continue, but before they can have sex, Liat stops him, saying that it's going too fast and she has regretted having sex too quickly before. Jake says he understands, and he reveals that he has to meet a friend anyway and he's already late. Jake changes, and leaves his clothes at Liat's.

>Dan
Outside, Jake calls Dan (from the coffee shop) and tells him that he and Liat hooked up. Dan is happy for Jake, and they have kind of a dude moment. Jake then asks Dan if he's coming to Jules' to listen to them play music. Dan says that he isn't, that he has to keep working on the app or he's going to miss the deadline he set for himself (OH CRAP again, I forgot to mention that Dan is working on an app). Jake is reminded that he hasn't done any work on the novel. Dan asks Jake if he's going to hit his deadline, and Jake says probably not, and seems quite negative about it. Dan tells him it's fine, and then makes a joke about Jake hooking up with Jules. Jake says it will never happen, and that they're just friends. Dan doesn't quite believe him, but drops it.

what is OP's chart supposed to be?

Cont.

>Jules
Jake arrives at Jules' place, and it's immediately clear that there's a huge romantic tension between them. They're super flirty. But we also see that Jake cares for Jules. At one point they're in the kitchen, and we learn that Jules was sick on New Years and didn't end up going out to the club. Jake regrets not staying and taking care of her, but she says it's fine. It also becomes clear that Jake went to the club with Jules' sister that night, but it seemed totally platonic. Jules is a musician. Jake doesn't play an instrument, he just came to listen. We see him, lying on the couch, watching Jules as she plays. He clearly feels something for her. After the end of the jam session, Jake is the last to leave. Him and Jules hug, and Jake tells her that he understands those nights where you just need someone to talk to, and that she should never hesitate to call him. Jules thanks him, and reminds him that her show is tomorrow. Jake says he'll be there for sure. Right before he leaves, he asks her to teach him a song. Jake explains quickly that it's a song that means a lot to him, as it reminds him of a person (maybe I'll make it more subtle) and that he listens to it a lot. Jules asks what it is, and Jake tells her, and she says that she'll teach him. They say goodbye. Jake rides home. At this point, the audience should be wondering why the hell Jake and Jules aren't dating, and why Jake sees her as just a friend.

>Morning
We see Jake at the window with the coffee. We see him go over to the desk. We see Jake cross a day off on the calendar, but now we see the whole calendar, and a date circled a few weeks away, labeled: "get it done you fucking loser". Now we see the big stack of notebooks on the desk, and all but the top one are still wrapped in plastic - unopened. We see the photos now too, as Jake goes through them: it's all of him and a girl, Benedetta. Hopefully it's clear at this point that Jake is writing about her. We hear the song now, and it should be clear that it's the one that Jake asked Jules to teach him, and also the one that Jake was listening to the first morning. And it should be clear from this repetition that Jake listens to it every single morning. We see a montage from a different time: it's sunny, and dream-like. I won't go over all the images since it's too much, but to summarize, this is what we see: Benedetta has come to Israel to see Jake after some time, but their relationship has clearly disintegrated somewhat. They share beautiful moments exploring Israel together, but they also fight, and there is a lot of sadness between them. At the very end of the song, we hear her in the airport, leaving. It's clear that most times they've said goodbye have been sad, but this is the first time that Benedetta feels okay. Jake lies and says that he feels okay too. Jake then asks Benedetta when they'll see each other again, and she says that she doesn't know, and that maybe it's better that way.

Cont.

>she says that she doesn't know, and that maybe it's better that way.
She says that they need to live their lives without each other, and go their separate ways, and that maybe one day she'll be on an airplane to Tel Aviv and she'll let Jake know and it will have been meant to be. But for now, they need to move on. We see Jake, sitting on the sea-wall, watching the sunset, as a plane flies over towards the airport. The song ends. We're back in the now.

>Liat again
Jake walks back along the path towards the beach, the sun setting behind him. This is where he was with Liat the day prior. As he walks, he looks at the couples sitting on the stones, wrapped in each other. Then he sees a girl alone, and he realizes that it's Liat. He hesitates for a moment: she's sitting, eyes closed, enjoying the last heat of the sun. He decides to keep walking and not bother her. He gets to the end of the path before realizing that he's making a mistake. He turns around and goes back to her and sits down with her (this actually happened to me too lol). She's happy to see him, and they end up heading to the cafe to do some work.

>The second walk
As Jake and Liat walk back towards the cafe, some topics come up. Liat asks if Jake's parents are married. He says yes, but that they should have divorced. They stayed together for Jake. Jake asks Liat why she asked, and Liat explains that she just assumes people's parents are divorced these days, since it's so common. It's clear that Liat doesn't have faith in love anymore: she's been hurt before. Liat's parents are divorced, and they fought a lot. Because of that, Liat is very protective of her younger sister, who didn't handle the divorce well.

Sounds terrible. I implore you to kill yourself.

Cont.

>The cafe again
At the cafe, Jake jots down the number '17' on a post-it note, and puts it on the current page of the notebook. Liat notices and asks him what it means. Jake explains that it's the number of days until his 27th birthday, and then begins to list off authors who'd been published by that point. Jake says that he needs to get the novel done by then, or he'll feel like the year was a waste. He explains that he's getting older, and running out of time to succeed. Liat says that it's an unhealthy way to look at his life. Jake agrees, but he says that he tried the opposite, going out and not worrying about writing, and he felt even worse. He explains that he feels trapped between finding fulfillment and enjoying his life. Neither know what to say. Jake tries to break the tension by inviting Liat to Jules' show, that evening. Liat accepts, excitedly. We end the scene with Jake staring at the blank page of the notebook as it grows larger and more menacing.

>Before the show
Jake tells Liat that he wants to go home and change, so they agree to meet later, before the show. On the walk home, Jake calls Dan, asking him if he's coming to the show. Once again, Dan says that he needs to work. He asks how the other night went with Jules. Jake is a little shy about it. The topic of Jules' sister comes up, and Dan asks if she knows. Jake says God no, and we understand that Jake had sex with Jules' sister Isabelle on New Years, after Jules had stayed home sick. We also find out that Jake hasn't talked with her since, and that Isabelle left for Denmark the morning of New Years Day, and that she won't be back for at least a year. In the middle of the call, Jake gets a message. He asks Dan to wait, as it might be Liat. Checking the message, Jake sees that it's Jules, asking him if he can hang out and get pizza before the show. We should remember the offer that Jake made to her the time he was at her apartment. Jake agrees, and says goodbye to Dan.

>It also doesn't get close to stupid topics like suicide or anxiety or anything.
you sound way more stupid than these topics, mr. can't-handle-own-themes melodrama poster.

Cont.

>Jules part 2
We see Jake and Jules walking back with pizza. It begins to rain again, and they seek shelter under a nearby awning. Sitting on the sidewalk, they talk, and eventually Jake brings up how strong she is, coping with the death of her mother, and how she's always impressed him. Jake apologizes for never saying a true condolences, and he explains that he's always had an issue with it, ever since his own mother got cancer, because it just reminds him that one day he'll lose her as well. Jules says it's fine, and that she's good at coping with her grief, but that she worries about her sister. She explains that Isabelle is coping with her grief by seeking attention from men, and going too far with them. Isabelle always wants to go out clubbing, and Jules is worried that, although she knows that Isabelle will make it through this, she's worried what kind of person she'll be on the other side. We see tremendous guilt in Jake's face, as we know that he slept with her and hasn't talked to her since. The rain stops, and Jake and Jules continue. Jules asks anxiously if Jake will be at the show, and Jake says that he will be.

>The show
Jake meets up with Liat, and it's clear that something has changed in him. He tries to force himself to seem fine. At one point, we see that Liat wants to hold Jake's hand, but Jake doesn't want to. At the show, they take a seat close to the stage. Liat asks Jake if he wants a drink, but he says that he probably shouldn't. The show starts. Jules comes out, and she looks beautiful. Jake is only looking at her. She sits down on a stool in the center of the stage with her guitar. Speaking with the mic, she explains that she wants to play a song that she wrote yesterday, apologizing if it's not the most polished. She says that it's a sad sounding song, but she wanted to find some happiness in it, and that this is her attempt at seeing a silver-lining. She begins to play, and it's the song that Jake had asked her to teach him, but the lyrics are new, and Jake interprets them as being about Jules and him. Flooded with regret, Jake turns to Liat and tells her that he's changed his mind, and that he will have a drink. Liat orders two beers, but Jake also convinces her to do a shot, and he proceeds to get drunk.

working on it

I was just trying to be edgy to cover up my embarrassment over the topics desu. I only say stupid because I used to write a lot about those themes DIRECTLY, you know? Now I guess I try to approach them more tangentially. Anyway, I regret my word choice.

Cont.

>After the show
The relationship between Jules and Jake isn't blind to Liat. As the show ends, Jake tells Liat that he'll be outside, he just wants to say a few words to Jules. We follow Liat now, as she goes to the bathroom. In the mirror, she looks at herself, checking her appearance, trying to look unbothered. But we see the sensitivity there. We see that she's been hurt like this before, and she's it as just another time that she's coming in second place. She steadies herself, and goes out to join Jake.

We see Jake and Jules talking, when Liat comes outside. Jake feels awkward, caught in the middle between the two of them. He introduces Liat to Jules as his friend, but it's clear that Jules understands that there's something more, and she's hurt although she hides it. Jake then tries to defuse the situation but suggesting that they all get a drink somewhere, but Jules says that she needs to pack up her stuff and discuss a few things with the management. Jake says he understands, and they hug, and Jules leaves.

Liat and Jake walk towards Jake's place. Jake stops on the way and buys a beer from a convenience store. Liat doesn't want to drink anymore. The topic of the book comes up, and Jake ends up revealing that it's about his ex, that she was Italian (which clicks in Liat's mind, with all the references about Italy), and that it didn't work out because everytime they saw each other, they realized that they were chasing their past selves - this sentimental memory of how they were. And that they'd never be as good together as they remembered being. Liat and Jake arrive at Jake's place. Jake doesn't know what to do but invite her up, and Liat accepts.

Cont. (almost done)

>Jake's room
Liat and Jake begin to hookup, but Jake stops it, and tells her that he's realized that he's not ready for anything right now. Liat respects his honesty, and she says that she realized that since the first night. She explains that you want someone to be as interested in you as you are in them, and that Jake seems like he doesn't have room in his life for anyone. Jake apologizes, and says that he really does find her interesting, and that he'd like to hang out with her as friends. Liat asks if he smokes weed, since if he does maybe they could smoke and hang out sometimes. Jake says that he doesn't anymore, as it gives him anxiety. The topic switches to drugs, and shrooms come up. (SHIT I forgot something else. They talk about travelling right at the beginning, and Liat talks about how she travelled to brazil alone and hated it. How she missed her friends and family).

Liat begins to tell a story of the time she took shrooms. How she was in Brazil with strangers, and they were in the forest in the North at this hostel. A few people in the hostel heard about this grotto, and this cove, and how beautiful it was. They convinced Liat to tag along and to head out into the jungle to find the places. The group were total strangers. There were four of them, two girls and two guys. Eventually they found the grotto, and it turns out that one of the guys had brought a ton of shrooms. He convinced Liat to take some, and she ended up taking a lot. At first she loved it. The group decided to find the cove, so they left the grotto. Eventually they found the cove: a crescent shaped beach looking out towards the sea. The sun was setting and the light was gorgeous, but the shrooms had begun to wore off, and Liat explains how she just felt this tremendous guilt because she didn't find the scene all that beautiful. But she had come all the way to Brazil to see beautiful things, and what was wrong with her if she didn't enjoy it? So she ended up taking more shrooms to try and bring back the beauty. The sun set however, and then the shrooms kicked in, and she had to wander back through the dense, dark jungle with strangers, all while the trip was super intense. It was the worst experience of her life, and all she wanted to do was to be back with her family and friends.

Cont.

Jake explains that his anxiety with weed came from the summer before he came to Tel Aviv, when his Mom was diagnosed with cancer. He had talked to her one night before bed, and they had hugged and gone to sleep. Jake decided to get high. After smoking, he began to think about how many more conversations he might have with his mom, quantitatively. Ten? Twenty? How many more times would he see his grandparents before they died? Five? Jake explains how he began to have a panic attack, and he didn't know what to do but run down to the kitchen and chug a bottle of wine. And since then, he started to cope with his anxiety through alcohol. He explains how he left to Tel Aviv before the surgery, and how he wasn't there for his Mom. And now whenever he talks to her he's reminded that some day she's going to die, and it makes him avoid calling. Liat says that she understands; that death anxiety is the root of all anxieties, and they hold each other while lying in bed.

Jake apologizes for getting so depressing, and then he says that it's late. Liat agrees, and Jake stands up, offering his hands to Liat. Liat takes them, and they pause for a moment, before Jake leans in and they kiss. They begin to have sex. However, as they're having sex, we see Jake remember Isabelle; how they had sex in the same bed, in the same place. And then we see the morning after with Isabelle. She invites Jake to get a coffee before her flight, to spend a bit of time together, but Jake blows her off because he has to write. He's sitting at the desk as the door closes and Isabelle leaves. He didn't even say goodbye.

Cont.

We come back to the present. Jake can't finish, and begins to go soft. He pulls out and sits at the edge of the bed, frustrated. Liat asks him what's wrong, and Jake tells her that it's nothing. That he just can't do it. Liat presses the question, again and again, and eventually Jake lets it all out about Jules and her sister and how he doesn't know why he does the things he does. How he doesn't know who he is. How he's writing the book with the secret hope that his ex reads it and comes back to him. That he doesn't even know if he wants to be a writer: it feels as arbitrary as all his other decisions in life. Jake realizes at the end of this outpouring how fucked up it is to talk about these other girls to Liat, right after having sex with her, and he apologizes immediately. Liat keeps telling him that it's okay. Jake asks her why she keeps saying that, because it's not okay. It's rude. Jake knows that he hurt her and that it's okay to be hurt. And Liat realizes that she's just used to being hurt. And that she puts up these walls to protect herself, and she goes in expecting the worst. And that maybe she's realizing that now, she deserves something better. She tells Jake that she doesn't blame him for what he's done, but that she feels so sorry for Jules, because she knows that if someone treated her sister the way Jake has treated Isabelle, that she could never see them again. Jake says she's right, but that he doesn't know what to do. Liat says there's nothing to do.

Liat begins to leave. Jake offers to walk her home, but Liat says that he doesn't have to, and Jake realizes that she wants to be alone (obviously). He convinces her to take the umbrella, and she agrees.

Cont. Finally done...

She leaves, and we stay with Jake. He makes the bed, throws out the condom wrappers. Tries to return his room to a state without her. It still smells like her though, and he opens the window. It's raining out. He stands at the window looking out. He decides to call his mom. She's surprised and overjoyed to hear him. She hears something in his voice, and asks him if everything is alright. Jake says he's fine, and that he just wanted to hear her voice. He's sorry for not calling. She says that it's fine, that she's happy just to hear from him at all. I haven't decided this bit exactly, but I want Jake to ask her about her twenties, and how she accepted that the rest of her life would be ordinary. Jake's mom explains, as we see Liat walking home in the rain. Two guys walk past her, and one says 'Hey'. Liat glares at them, and we hear their english in the background: 'fucking Israeli girls, eh?'. I want to have something here with Jules as well, packing up.

The gist of the talk that Jake's mom gives him, is that our twenties are meant to be filled with drama. It means that we're alive, and really living. And that you're always going to hurt people without meaning to. Making mistakes is how you grow, how you become a better person, and that these are just the growing pains of adulthood. That this is the human condition, and that life without these moments is colourless. And that carrying the past with you damages your present; that it's important to look back on moments and understand how they shaped you, but not to let them consume your present.

Eventually, Jake says goodbye to his Mom, promising to call more often. Liat arrives home (I'm debating whether or not she should throw out the umbrella, but I think it goes against the theme). We see Liat take the box of her ex's clothes out of the wardrobe, and move them into her chest of drawers, with the other clothes - folding them in with her life. She also puts Jake's clothes there too. We see Jules do (something lol, I need to figure this out. I toyed with the idea of her putting the song she wrote for Jake in a binder with all the other songs she's written). And we see Jake erase the calendar, before moving the notebooks and the pictures of him and his ex to the bookshelf with the other books. And then, at the end, Jake goes back to the window and leans out, enjoying the storm, with a sad little smile on his face.

>fin

So there you go. The ending is super sketchy. I'm having trouble decided exactly how to end it. Whether I'm being too subtle, too over the top, too MELODRAMATIC. I dunno. So much hinges on that last phone call with his mom. Do the arcs seem good though? It's also hard because most of the Liat stuff is very much as it happened, and so I can't see as clearly with an objective eye.

This is the ending song, btw, if you wanna hear it: youtube.com/watch?v=dIfnDCAm6d0&index=4&list=PLCWdiweuLHK6HBlGH0dVJkcmYcl86DXTw

>I only say stupid because I used to write a lot about those themes DIRECTLY, you know?
well, I guess it's possible to keep the writing meaningful despite writing directly, but either way I'm glad you're developing user

Thanks man. I'm trying embrace my sensitive side a bit more I guess :). After this whole experience with the girl that inspired Liat, I realized I needed to do some serious soul-searching

I'd appreciate feedback on the summary, or just a short comment telling me why you didn't like it. Or just a post telling me to go fuck myself and quit writing, whatever works.

Obviously all the meat is missing, so maybe any criticism is kinda irrelevant. I dunno