Having to critique the writing of a freshmen girl in a creative writing class who has never read anything bigger than...

are we (post-90 generation) the laziest generation in history? I think so. I've seen plenty of millenialposting about how we are actually the best and how the boomers fucked us over yadda yadda. I don't deny economic opportunity seems to be evaporating, but that has less to do with the boomers than the growth of the techno-media driven service economy which millenials don't only buy into but actively promote. I can't think of a generation that's had less physical activity and so much media stimulation and coddling. With the internet and the conquest of our stomachs by junk food shit's just gonna get worse. I shudder thinking about the generation being born right now. Imagine growing up in the Trumpian post-truth age where hyperreality has had its mask of normality ripped off, where the internet's conditioning has become so deeply set that we think entirely in short term dopamine reward cycles and echo-chamber group think leads to horrifying ends. Brb killing myself.

don't shitpost in my thread
this wasn't meant to be about girls, it was meant to be about bad writing in classes if anything.

don't shitpost about some ugly bitch you wanna fug in my hyperreality dread thread user

Remember how the opposite sex has treated you over the years: the bitter sting of rejection, the lonely cold nights on your empty bed, the jealousy for seeing them succeed with ease where you must put effort. Don't deny yourself this meager carna- I mean intellectual pleasure of crushing your inferiors. It is only fair

Not op but I do have to say there is something incredibly satisfying in the most fucked up malevolent way possible in putting down an attractive woman you have power over, whether through rejection or some other means. If they're ugly there's no pleasure in it, I just feel bad. Is it fucked up that I get off way more on rejecting girls than sleeping with them? I'm honestly disappointed in myself when I end up sleeping with them when I could have had that blissful cathartic moment of power. I think I'm in love with myself desu.

user, though I do not feel the same as you do, I totally understand your sentiments. You're very good at self-analysis, you should be a psychologist.

this is man is right, they deserve it OP, I suggest you rap- I mean be rude to all the pretty girls in your literature class. You know, just in case.

>Take On These Dubs.gif
Also this thread will be interesting.

80s kids are the laziest Gen.

plot twist she rips OPs writing to shreds along with all of his hopes and aspirations in the field of writing

>OP is a pseud looking to wank to his own superiority over this girl when he should be figuring out how to assert his dominance and fugg.

i wish i had this kind of killer instinct for getting laid, most of the time when chicks talk to me i just like talk to them and dont even try to fuck, which is why i fuck so rarely i suppose

Post her shit here, you pussy

I've actually had this happen to me. In highschool a girl with a bit of a crush on me (unbeknownst to me at the time) was my partner for an exchange critique. I destroyed her because her writing was awful. She went on and on about how amazing I was. I felt nothing because I harbored no feelings for this girl. She got pregnant a year later in our junior year.

Fucking this, what's the point of this thread if you're not going to share her work here, OP? Fucking faggot.

It's a series of dated entries/correspondence between Girl and Brain. Girl needs Brain to explain things, to give her less stress, to encourage her on her first day of Kindergarten. The exchanges happen during """"significant"""" young person moments, such as when Girl's parents fight and she fears they might divorce, or when she's going to go into surgery. The date jumps around, the first two being in 2016, the next in 2014, and then in 2004—very abrupt, no reason to it. At one point, she has an entry that is dated and it turns into a narration thing where it's like Brain and Girl (her, I imagine) talking to each other like different people under a tree on a grassy hill as she deliberates over which college to go to. She says stuff like "But the art's program is so good" and brain goes "but that's 8,67202.356 miles away." Then it just ends without a sign-off, and I don't get why she used this form.

One of them is her talking about how she doesn't want to go to church, and Brain says "I also agree that not going to church anymore is beneficial to us" like a fucking parasite brain-slug she's come to believe is her very mind... "I think we should give some serious though to this 'God' though. I'm not so sure I believe he really exists, considering the lack of evidence available."

oh, at the end it has four Unknown entries from Girl to Brain where she's like "Where are youu?? I hear sirens... it's cold.... I think something is wrong. I know things aren't good right now, but I am scared what will happen if we stay asleep any longer." It just comes out of nowhere and does nothing.

just pretend that you've misunderstood the premise to be science-fictional so that the girl is literally talking to a copy of her brain in a future world where people get brain backups. have the entire critique be an autismal comparison between her story and the dumb netflix show "altered carbon".

I read this as Girl and Brian, and was like, maybe she's doing a subtle critique of facebook relationships, but that literally is Girl and Brain. Jesus. I think her Brain divorced her when it started having to use decimals with miles near her.

Actually thinking about this for a second, just tell her she misspelt Brian, but you're glad she's out of that relationship because he was obviously a pretentious idiot.

Just fucking post it nerd

maybe later

Lmao this is a good one

NOW BITCH

Just critique her writing without being mean. Literally just tell her how would you do it

Tell her there's a lot of potential (which is the nice way to say it sucks) and then fuck her

>being this insecure

Reminder that if you're happy with anything other than reciprocal love with a woman you have mental issues

haha jokes on you, im going to become a hermit

Pretty much what I did. I didn't hold back, just addressed my befuddlement at how dumb and cliche the whole thing was.
Actually, she seemed to be lucidly aware of most of the criticisms I brought up, and had reasons to support her thinking. She gave me really good feedback, too!

Gay people have mental issues? Good luck getting a girl with those bigoted opinions shitlord. And yes I am insecure I'm only interested in women as objects that validate me. What's so wrong with that. I tried the whole date somebody and fall in love with them for three years and it was dull, if comfortable. They ended up being just as selfish and insecure as me though, so what's the point?

Tell her the concept is sound and leaves lots of room for exploration, but the execution leaves something to be desired, eg;

-Decision making usually isn't a conversation, but more like a swing of emotions and feelings, which are then translated into words when they need to be described.

-The duality between mind and body can be explored through a sort of mental split, à la Confessions of a Mask variety. Discordance can be built through the exposition and then pulled through by quality narrative. If theres no point to the story, then theres no point to writing it. Creative writing should have a focus, whether it is a theme, a feeling, or an exposition of an idea. Free-write has its places but doesn't produce a compelling piece unless the author has a considerable command of the English language.

-Finally, tell her to read out the sentences out loud, and ask yourself if you would want your future publisher to see what you've written. This will help weed out sloppy, rushed writing that is all too common in writing courses.

She is likely one of those students who come to class, turn stuff in, and leave expecting that the reward of grade is more important than the experience of learning. Correct her, then fuck her.

kek

Nice input
Cute

hey

you are probably just mildly sociopathic and attracted an unloving partner user, why not try to develop some compassion go find a beautiful loving girl (make sure she is healthy, both good looking and robust fitness), dedicate yourself to her and see how you feel. Love is character forming if you can go all in with no reservations. It will completely change your personality forever, not only this but you'll become much better to be around for others too. I went from being a pessimistic autist to being happy, dominant, lively in social situations while I was deeply in love. Has a wonderful effect on people who really experience it

>She got pregnant a year later in our junior year.
well that was a complete 180
she must be a cutie

This. Grab her by the pussy.

I don't have any problems in social situations, I actually mask my problem pretty well (I have some form of BPD, I know DSM definitions are vague and often unscientific but it very closely describes my issues) and have always been a natural social chameleon. When people get to know me well then they start figuring out I'm not all there. Most of my good friends don't care though desu, put one drink or coffee in me and I can be the life of the party. It's mainly affected romantic relationships obviously. I know I'm not mentally all there user and I don't have any illusions that I'm ethically in the right I just can't help feeling the way I do lots of the time, it's hard to explain if you don't get mood swings, and it's really affected my romantic relationships. In the same way it's made me almost disinterested in sex in and of itself but interested in the personal validation from having sex. Maybe once or twice I built a genuine connection with somebody (i.e. I fell in love with them but they didn't necessarily love me back or they did but they stopped) and that basically fucked me up for good with the whole abandonment issue that lies at the base of BPD. That's how I got into my last relationship out of insecurity and loneliness and being sick of hookups that left me feeling worse after (part of the reason why I said I'd rather reject a woman than sleep with them, it's nice to know they wanna bang me but I don't really wanna go through with the emotional toll). So yeah I'm basically in a phase where I'm trying to work through it, while my original post may have sounded proud it was anything but, I know I'm not well lmao. Sorry for the blogpost just wanted to clarify.

>a fucking parasite brain-slug she's come to believe is her very mind
Too bad it wasn't actually some surreal horror based around this