Lets write a play

Woof! Har har! get me a sandwich, keep, and two pints of anything bubbly, and quicker than I can sit! I shall drain my self in the loo and return and consume my goods and all shall be well! Now!

...So...as I was saying, Raq, when you square the square root of pi, you need to imagine the circle enfolding, and a collapsing in on itself, like the nexus of a semi succinct uncertain oblong territory continuously undepreciating across the median of the prime divisor from the rate of the y x axis middle portion twice removed, the perimeter is a little over 3...you do follow...you do understanding the significance of this dont you...it could not be 3...never could be...there is only one relationship it could possibly be...and its a little over 3...but fated imprecision due to the ever malallignment of the unconcieved ill conception of immaterial facts

Hey Telby... I couldnt help but overhear that most rivetingly enchanting explanation, what is that you are discussing?

Telbias: Oh, I am just helping Raqial with his homework, he is studying the become a watch maker, heh, dont worry, I know what youre thinking, I already warned him about the sketchyness of price signs

Whats that guys problem... does anyone know his deal... I see him storming around town in a blaze but never really know what hes up to

Hey guys... what do you think of these images? They are diamonds you know, I probably have enough saved to get one, what do you think?

hey, you wanted to know who the harpsichordist is? That is John Stanley, he comes here every ning after work, and drinks about 8 pints each night, I believe we are on 3 now, so if you do not like these current tunes, just wait a bit and they shall change, and no you may not ask him to stop, the owner of the tavern had that box specifically made for him, his wife is over there in the dark corner dancing, there is a hat on the floor if you gents want to tip

Ahhh, now whos ready to have a grand time! Keep, is my supper ready? Is my seat reserved?

Selsi... those are nice... but why dont you find someone to get them for you?

And Masquaino, would you like another green stout? How has the practice been going? Did you hear about the new building they are putting up in Tripply Gartens? Supposedly apartments and store fronts, any guess on what will be in there? are you considering moving shop?

Yiiiiiii harkkkk harken!!!! woooo,, yes, I dance with the fire... yippeeee I dance on the wooden tile floor...play it honey...play the fire...yes...forget the children for a while..yesss... forget the dentist...forget the dreams... forget the sky... bring me that shine... bring me that chalice...woohooooooo.... honey kick it up a notch babe...

Yes Brussardino, that would be quite fine indeed I feel, that would be awfully kind of you

Bruss: Oh its no problem at all, I am very well inquainted with the keep,

Masquaintiano: Swell then, very swell then, indeed, surely that is gravely fine, but I must say I do hope to hear what you have been writing, and how are the kids?

Brussardino: Oh, yes, well let me just check through my pad, and I will read through including the mistakes... the kids... oh they are in school: little Fillipia Bellsini is studying to be a nurse, but the kind that knows how to use fancy machines, and Glork is studying bridge design. And how is your wife and your younger ones?

Masquaintiano: OH, Lcuinda is doing dearly well, really, still cooking nearly every night thankfully, having her community meetings, and we like to spend some time up in the mountains when we get a chance, the kids are just great, really, really swell...someone needs to get Johnny another brew, I am not involved with this harps tune at all, and forgive me saying but his loved one is quitely dancing like a sass

Bruss (covering his mouth giggling): yes, one could say that I suppose, Keep! another round for the boys! and keep em coming sir!
Hey Selsi when are you done sweeping, lets dance!

Rape my bumhole please now lol quoth God

Gorbon (sits at bar and peers over to the tables)
Hey keep, sorry for the rude, its been a busy day at work, you know how it is, had about 100 orders, stacks and filing and calling and running and hammering and lifting, im pooped! leaving me quite famished indeed, quite empty and i need a fixin and a fillin, ye art mine saviour sir! But..ahem...can you tell johnny to tone it down a bit, im not in the mood for such speed.. my whole day was non stop speed and annoyancy, hammering in my head all gog damn day "I need this on my desk by yesterday" "the Melberdeens are on line 7 and they are wondering why the delivery did not show up?" "did you check the spec chart gog dammint! the crane is suppose to be 93 stories!" "Gelker is at the launch site with several loads of scrap and the rust man was supposed to rondayvoo at 40 past noon by the Spring Lake to take the cargo up to Ulpser valley for the trade show"
(looks at wrist)
not long till we are all back at it again

Barkeep: Oh...oh you know its alright Gorb, you are a favorite, dinners and the drinks are on the house for the night, just let us know when you want another, and Johnnys about onto his next anyway, the tunes should start to slur about starting shortly

the stark shining day
yipee we lay the night
yesiree the branchs sway
on the decor
lilac blooms with the fruit of the sweetest herb
the tantric tendrils of the day
sweep sweeping away
on the line
oh the fancy tiles
oh my shiney shoes
yesy do, yesy may
sweeping the day away
oh my the windows need a wipe
yes the hulls need some dedusting
all the darn day, fixin the way away

(makes her way towards the table)

Oh Brussy boy, you know the diamonds look just fine, it is not trouble to get them and wear them around, you couldnt believe how easy of a thing it really is, to just get the and wear them, and how much this simple thing enhances my appearance and mood

(starts to twirl and sweep away singing to herself)

the view is really fine, from the wicked window
stained shattered glass heard down the endless hall
oh I want to be the prettiest lass at the ball
oh how I love balls
the majestic majesty of it all
the spinning swirl
the vibrations of love in the air
only a perfect joy reverberating the mirrored ceiling
only 7 more hours till closing
and I shall meet Jereme at the corner and waltz in the moonlight
and drink some sparkling grape juice by the reflecting pond
oh if only ma could see me
just keep sweeping girl

seated at the table:
a servant
Masquaint
Brussardo
Telbias
Raquatio
Selsintina

Now THIS is some GOOD chow! Clams and oysters and muscles and chicken and beef and pork and shrimp and garbonzo beans and fettucini and tomato sauce and kale.. right on, right on mates

Hey... Hey! Selsi babe! why dont you come over hear and give me a little dance sweety!

Hello dearly dear! how are you sweet tiger wonder!

Gorbon: im doing quite swell me lade, had a rough day, but got some good gruel in me and gonna kick me feet up and forget about the hours for some time, how are you darling?

Selsintina: Oh I am quite fine, every day is the same

Gorbon: what do you say you give me a little dance, a man cant help but notice the way you move with that stick in your hand, you are like a gasoline river aflame heading towards a falls, and I wish for that rump to be swirling that way you do onto my lap for a little while while I finish my supper if you dont mine

(Selsintina begins to groove and dance her body onto Gorbon)

End of Act 1

(the princess strums her lute laying around some blueberry trees, whistling and singing to and with the birds)

(singing)
all the merry suitors
in all their merry laboratories
all their sacred studies
yet none with a steady enough hand
to touch my entombed heart

if only
the henchmen
could burden themselves with the
unfurling of the crimson rug
and dangle thy figs betwixt thine own snout
and father let me romp my way across the medows
look at the winged pillar
how it doth flutter from birch to bow
and how many cares does it bother
just a saintly girl
shining in the saintly sun

lalii daaa
lowwww ohhhiiiii yaa oooo laaa laaa
looo leee laaarrrr
lummm layyyy leeeee
rowwww rayyyy raaaaaa
wiiiii waaaaa wuuuu
woammm
woammmm woahhhh

all about le nectar
sweet succulent drip from the rinds of time
le vacant mortiorary dream
le endless deed teething on my blue skies
the vast empty unchartered
let me my land
let me my lay
father
oh I do love to go to the grand hall and get all dolled
please dont let the blue skies end
please just let the waves continue the shore
please father
please
just let these flowers spurl
please, just let the winged pillars flutter under the soonmon
perpetual creek
fuck the seasons father
just let the sun be
and the blue skies
and waves laughping at the sandy shore
father when is the last time you laid in the warm crystal bed and let the sun work through you
when was the last time you disappeared for a long time and became your realest state
most prescient present
oh the honey suckle savage
let the vineyard enrapture me this spring
and let the dogs run all day in the endless fields of merriment
let every day be only picnics sir
please the air has enchanted me
and I no longer care that I have bones
please my ventricles are horny and at home
please my mast has come erect
father we have discovered new worlds
let the pleasants play
let the presence be its own reward
let the shrubbery bare its golden fruit
and let your daughter lay in eternal gardens
let the morrels burgeon and the pickers pick
the warers ware, the markets mark
father, think of all the types and trees
father, think of all my songs
my love,
your love

Do you think I didnt think like you? Do you think I still dont? am incapable? of holding your views and much more? The day is perfected and you are an idiot. Slave to your ignorance and your jerked need. You simple simple baby child, you easy easy fool. How dare you let your lack of understanding do damage. I asked for the fabrics to be here before a fortnight a fortnight ago, we are putting on a very important party in just 2 weegs and there cannot be a single garnish tarnished, you insepid undicrepity antiinimbeciles!

yes master, just write down the specifications and we shall establish the party rooms most enchantingly sire: there will be the baby blue sea room, the velvet bedfloor, the room of all fruits, the dance hall decorated with extreme flower fragrance, and the banquet shall be prepared to your specifications, the golden dining ware, and what have you

Raffiel: Everything. Now make haste, and beway from here, I am going into the village to seek some gifts for some of the distinguished guests, prepare my town coat and chariot, and make sure the carriage is stocked with my choice amenities madamemoizell

(I meant end scene 1.. end scene 2..end act 1)

Enter Moogins (the racist Jew stereotype)

oy vey just what the h e double hockey sticks is going on here

..odd... I dont remember that being there

(he speaks to himself as he barrels down the freeway)

sweet...everything is great...if it werent for all these massive amounts of subhuman races I hate i never would have made my fortune...as long as they stay far away from me the world is perfect

...

Oh boy I sure am a STUPID IDIOT

why do you say that honey?

*Dramatic device set to go off in T-minus 5 minutes*

*all the actors begins to slightly break character due to nervousness, as this device was not in the script, though they hear from the stage crew that their avant garde director has placed it there*

*the director starts to pace back and forth just off stage, and removes one layer of black turtleneck, without removing his hand from his chin, semi quickly reverting between a very inspired grin and something of a serious though barely scowl. The actors and crew are not sure his idea or plan, or the nature of this ticking device, and of course the audience has no reason to suspect a thing. The actors begin to whisperly mouth their concerns and grapevine knowledge about the device in between their lines moving along stage briskly while passing one buy and mumbling a "what the hell is going on...what is that" while performing a miniature ballet*

*stray dog skitters across the stage*

"I-i think the ticking is coming from that dog...what the hell is Director doing! who does he think he is!

*a pack of 30 or so stray dogs begin to slowly meander across the stage, all apparently propagating the sound of ticking*

*the sound of ticking appears to grow louder from the speaker sound system*

*The director begins to pace quicker and his scowl intensifies: he puts back on one of the black turtle necks he removed, and places his other hand on his chin in an inspired manner*

*a single kitten struts across the stage*

*audience "awwww"s*

*all the dogs scamper away as the actors continue their places and spins and jumps*

*when the kitten reaches the center of the stage it explodes*

*a red goo splatters the front row of the audience*

*there are screams and the actors begin to run off stage*

*the words: "It was a fake robotic cat" are projected above the curtain, and the director tells this to the actors as they hysterically run off and are compelled and prodded back by him convincingly*

"Hey everybody I think the show is still going on, look!"

AN ABORIGINAL SCREAMS

SUCK ME OFF AT THE NEXT STATION YA DOG

My son, i bring news.
Methinks thou shouldst not live in idleness.
It appears Walmart bred another heir.
Thou shouldst go there, speak to the commander
Use thy strong hands, shake his hand
Look at the window of his soul and be confident.
In idleness thou wilt live not more.
Or else thou shalt be forced to go back to CS.
Or else, thou shalt be thrown on the pavement.

SON:

In idleness live i not.
For there canst not be idleness in my mind.
For it lives and reveries
In the works of the Romans and The Greeks.
Aristotle, Virgil, Xenophon, Aeschylus, Cicero.
All but live on my godly mind sea. So how couldst thy say
I live in idleness, when the case is clearly not.
Thou slander shalt not affect me.
Thou bred me, feedst me and still canst understand
The nature of thy breed. His hands fragile.
His speech incorrect.
Spago comes out of his purse.
He was not made for working the land.
He shalt succeed in cerebral play.

MOM:

O! My mind believes not in my ears
Thy father shalt be called.

Mom exeunt.

Enter Father

I like thee big buttocks and thee small cocks that fill my cavities. Dost thou noteth son?

End of Scene 2

(a large group soldiers gather on the battlefield, in preparation for the battle and discuss why they must fight)

*he rallies the men*

To fight and die! Hold, enough! There are few die well that die in a battle. Follow thy drum, and all the gods lead us, upon our swords. God I'm so fucking horny.

This is my favorite character!
(He loudly proclaims after catching eyes with the director)

Yeah goyim *rubs hands*
Fight and die. I've seen enough. you guys are hired. Audition is over. Let's do a war movie.

*an enemy calls from the other side of the battlefield*

What the heck didst thee square hecking say about me, thee little filly cur? I’ll hath thee wit I graduated top of mine class within the Navy Seals, and I’ve been intrinse within numerous intrinse raids on Al-Quaeda, and I hath aloft 300 fastened kills. I am weaned within gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper within the entire US harnessed forces. Thou art naught to me yet square one other wipe. I shalt wipe thee the heck forth with precision the likes of which hath nary been seen fore on this Mould, dint mine hecking words. Thou repute thee can backare with adage that poop to me aloft the Internet? Trow once more, hecker. As we wield I am contacting mine intrinse network of proditors across the USA and thy IP is bosom traced yare so thee out-wage greeting for the storm, rampallian. The storm that wipes forth the bawbling little article thee beck thy essence. You’re hecking expired, imp. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can abrogate thee within aloft seven century ways, and that’s square with mine unbarbed pickers and stealers. not bare am I extensively weaned within naked martial, yet I hath access to the entire arsenal of the Unsevered States Marine Corps and I shalt expend it to its trunk extent to wipe thy ill posterior off the visage of the continent, thee little poop. Would'st that thee could hath known what unsanctified correction thy little “clever” comment was about to procure under upon thee, haply thee would'st hath held thy hecking tongue. Yet thee couldn’t, thee didn’t, and yare you’re paying the fee, thee goddang mome. I shalt poop mood all aloft thee and thee shalt drench within it. You’re hecking expired, kiddo

*Suddenly the director descends from the cieling into center stage. Suspended on wires in a figure skating pose he points to every member in the audience individually before proudly proclaiming: "And you're all going to be in it."

End of Scene 3 End of Act 1

(there will be a short intermission for refreshments, and several orgies which you have access to depending on which wristband you qualified for and purchased)

A well trained monkey wanders onto center stage squats and begins urinating on the floor, then walks towards the edge addressing the audience (it mouths the words as a recording plays):

Family, friends, loved ones, you have been gathered here today not of your own accord
but of a divine treatise signed and sealed with your very womb-ed blood
see how the rolling hills care not of what day it is or may be
see how the rolling wind caresses the dunes and plays with the water
the alphabet sprung up like a grass of wheat to be plucked and tossed in wind so that a bread tree might grow
and a tangled hearth weeps in a forgotten portion of mud where the bugs do lay and remember
there shalt be no bad cancelations
there shult be no connections missed
run and tell the settlers
run and tell the new borns of the good news
the blessid bossom booms
hear the arachnid cry
to the rivers we must run and splash the water to our front and rears and lay and float down and try to swim up stream
why?
because the courses set in stone are writ not on our soul
but a million hands in one all held and scrambling to scrawl the proper scribbles of the haughty light
take this ode and omen
take this rhine and place it in your golden coffer
skip in the fields of heavensent glory
and bow thy needs on the rosy bow
do not freely falter so when the great concordance fruitiates
(and if you are just visiting town please if you feel inclined leave a nice review as a token of appreciation to our humble land and craft, and perhaps make a purchase in our nice gift shop, salut!)
*bows*

*all 39 of the audience plants leap from their seats on cue and applaud riotously*

(The monkey then hops down off the stage and begins walking up and down the aisles with a hat expecting money to be placed in it)

A badly trained monkey was supposed to do a reading of GZA 'Livin' In The World Today'. The monkey held a Banana aloft and intoned:

Quaesitum ad fontem solos deducere verpos

Instead, the monkey used the banana (in typical monkey fashion) to murder a member of the audience. For a moment there, it looked like there was two monkeys, but actually he was just moving too fast, creating a motion blur. The game has started. 38 members remain, the last one alive is the winner...

(The Crowd Returns From Intermission: an interludinal Overture plays as they take their seats and settle their snack arrangements on their pull out tables)

ladies and gentlemen, distinguished guests of honor,

rows and rows, lines and lines, miles and miles
the wood, the steel, the nails and screws, the stability
I saw a man on the street and was not pleased
I saw a single scrap of dust drifting towards the sewer and was not sufficed
to say this was an understatement would be an understatement, I was not happy in the least, in the most
and my friend, Torkin, happens to agree with me
ok, it is Torkins turn to speak

(the little boy steps up to the stage front and center)

you people sicken me, and I hate you all
your taste is atrociously erroneous and you are most certainly and abasedly seemingly proudly of the lower classes, take this lady for instance, look at her hair... look at that shirt...what has this world come to? Why are stores allowed to make such clothes? Why is such a hairdresser allowed to have a career? They probably make more money than me too, which is a pitiful affront to all that is good and fine and meaning. I have been trained at The Universal School Of Fine Arts since I was 2, as my Father is the headmaster, my Mother is too so my Father says, but she is only a teacher of manners and diction, my Father teaches rhetoric, materials science, the aesthetics of nobility, the art and science of nutritiolgy, the music of sublimity, and stage direction, he owns several cloaks and practically wears one every day.

*the stage director begins to sweat more furiously and presses a remote control button which gives the boy a little shock*

*Torkin and Gwetchinviere begin a miniature ballet recital, leaping and jumping and spinning and dancing smoothly*

I am thinking about joining the army, I have heard the tales of the ancient barbarians traveling from land to land in search of rape and booty, I think this sounds much more compelling than my day job, I am too antsy, I see so many nice things I just want to take, and nearly every woman who I am called on to do a job for I want to fuck, why do we men not just go to some foreign land and take all their stuff and rape their women? Whos with me!

there is now an army of 300,000 blue collar workers on stage: with the first one as their leader)

Listen up men. We are destined with a sacred task. To rule the world, and fulfill our desire when and where and how it seeks its whim. Many of you may have wives and family..many of you may agree that they are shit and suck. Many of you may seek adventure and glory, and riches, and that we shall have. Think of the births of civilizations, we are the dawners, we are the erectors and electors of what is want and right. All who are not ourselves are savages, and it is our duty to provide them with a savage fate. There are women in foreign lands, who belong to us, who without knowing or meaning to call our name, and we must show up for service. There is gold and timber, spices, water, lands that call for us to take them, prepare them to sell to our country men. We the brothers of destiny, will be fair, and share among ourselves, as we are the kings of this world, and the saints sent. There are flowers which dare to yield their ugly head and soak an ounce of our light, something so weak is begging to be squished, and thus, we must squash every flower in every foreign land, until the land is no longer foreign and we may call it ours. We must each have over 10 wives or you cannot be a part of our crew. The ships and supplies are set, we set sail tomorrow: tomorrow is the first day of your lives.

*the crowd of men erupt in cheer and begin to drink their beverages in celebration*

(*while the army is preparing their supplies and drinking in the festivities the leaders personal scout spots the two 7 year olds dancing in a neighboring field, captures them and brings them to the commanders quarters*

let us go you louch! wait till my father hears about this! And you better not lay a hand on Gwetchin!

Bah....bahahahah! You cant be serious kid... I rule the world, there is no thing my hand does not claim, not a soul untouched which is not by right mine. You are my son now, and she my daughter, and if I say you are married you are, and if I say you are married to me it is done. And if I point you to post in the militia you run there, and if a solider needs wound nursed, she will make haste to do so. And you will do about it what?

*just then Gwetchinviere lounges from behind and stabs The Blue Captain from behind with a poison tipped dagger that was stowed in a cubby just off to the side of his desk*

Arghhhh hrahngggggg!!!! ....no....nooo.......noooooooooooo....

*The Blue Captain Leader dies*

*looks at Gwetch*
...that...was...so...fucking...cool...

holy shit...youre the best...but now what.. the guards are just outside the door..

Hmm....well havent really thought that through...

First thing that comes to mind is we can do that stack on top of each other in a large coat and pretend to be the captain?

Maybe we can just slip out the back? Or be honest with the army and guards? Maybe we can be their leaders? They have done an awful lot of preparing and they are all ready to leave off on the campaign of foreign lands in like t minus 0 700 hours or something like that, I never could understand that time format

*knocks from the inside of the door to the guards outside*
Umm...ello...ermm... guards?? yeah hello..

Guard: What is it Mastersire?

Torkin: um, no, ok, well, ... I have to tell you something but you have to promise you wont get mad..

What the fuck.. you have 10 seconds to open that door before its blown down, TEN! NINE!

Torkin: NO! Dont! The Leader has left you a letter, it was a strange thing, we just spoke for several moments about these past few months of events, (*"EIGHT!*) and me and Gwetchi put on a little dance routine as we spoke, and he began to cry: then he wrote this letter, (*"SEVEN!"*) telling us we were in charge from now on, we begged and pleaded with him, but he wiped the tears from his eyes, (*"SIX!"*) and jumped out the window, ran off and that was the last we ever saw of him (*"FIVE!"*)..just stop, just shut up! let me read the letter! (*"FOUR!"*) we will let you in but you have to promiseee promise promisssseee you wont be mad and treat us poorly (*"THREE!"*)

*Gwetchini hands Torkin a piece of paper, and she begins to struggle to lift the Blue Commander up onto the table near the window*

Ahem.

Dear Trusty Faithful Guards, yours truly, your Perfectionate leader Highest Head Captain Commander Of The Holy Blue Army:

For months, we had worked tirelessly around the clock, to raise funds, and gather supplies, to cartograph the routes and plans and train our soldiers to ride into that sunset and into that sunrise of each day with more vigor and horror than that last, for desire and satiation to increase with each passing hour, and to crave and claim the booty of gold and women of every land, and now, on the eve of the morn we ride, I have seen that I have completed my own mission. As you may know, as the funds and supplies came in I always scraped some off the top for my self and stowed it away, and now, I no longer need to slug my way across mountains and seas to get what I want and need, I will be catching the first plane I can to a tropical island where I will retire a satisfied man, and spend my days fathering children, playing poker and billiards and darts, opening a bar and grill on the beach, and maybe attempting to start a religious order with some of the locals. These two who stand before you appear as children, but any man knows appearances can be misleading, especially a man of the camo'd arts.
They have what it takes to lead the men into battle, and obtain a perfect victorious conquest. Please tell the men to hold their heads high, and remember their training and desires, let them simply know how weak they are if they think they would need me to lead them. All the ranks and crafts have everything mapped and planned out, tell them to hurry up and meet me on the beach, to get their prizes and enjoy their rapes, do not let this be even a murmur in the plans: they now have 2 heads that are better than my 1, and I am certain they will succeed, satanspeed, yours falsly, mine truly, yours, me..mine.

"TWO!" "ONE!"

*door is broken down: right after the Blue Captains body clears the window out*

"Stand right there and dont move!"

*Torkin and Gwetch stand still with their hands up*

*the other guard enters in after and checks the room, then they stand next to one another facing the two children, and they get on one knee and bow*

End of Act 2 Scene 2

"what the! theres something moving up there in the rafters!"

holy moly! and look over there more motion!

Random audience member: what the fuck!!! I just got shit on!! what the fuckksfsdfk!!! Ahhhhhh!!!!!

*the audience begins to panic as more and more shit begins to fall from the ceiling, and it is finally noticed that the rafters of full of various birds: eagles, owls, hawks, falcons, vultures, crows, doves, hummings, sparrows, flamingos, ostrich, pigeons, osprey, albatross, etc.

*The audience begins to run to the exists with much noise which startles the birds who begin to swoop around, shitting and pecking and colliding, and all the exit doors are discovered to be locked*

*The actors turn to the Director and begin to yell at him "what the fuck is going on! what the fuck are you doing, call 911, this is insanity! restrain that man!"*

*The Directors hands are now and have been for the past few moments in the triangle by his mouth and chin as he looks on in severe concentration intently*

*someone has pulled the fire alarm and the sprinkler system is now on full blast*