Mfw received my fifteenth (15th) rejection letter (email) today

sometime's you gotta start over man
it's life

>Carmella had only one enemy left, two if you counted God.

It's very awkward. The thing about description or metaphor is that it has to make sense, intuitive sense. That doesn't mean it has to be cliche, but it does mean there has to be some lightbulb going off in the head of the reader. "That makes sense", they might say, or "I never thought of it like that but yeah, that fits," or "Strange, but I like that." "Flatbush scent" is such a strange description and it doesn't fit. It's not strange in a pleasant way, just a disconcerting way; it's strange in a way that tells me you just wanted a descriptor that stood out, regardless of it's appropriateness.
You write like you want every sentence to be spectacular, but not every sentence has to be spectacular, and even if they did you don't have the skill for it.
But you're aren't hopeless, in my opinion. Practice and read your writing out loud.

I can sort of see what you're aiming for but this needs to be seriously polished. What does neither garden nor dancer even mean? Your use of language is unnecessarily complicated but doesn't help paint a detailed picture which is the point of using more complicated language in the first place. Each sentence seems like its close to being a cohesive and stimulating one but misses the mark. Its sort of interesting because its almost like reading poetry but it seems like your trying so hard to write well that you overshoot and write a sentence with too many adjectives and not enough meaning.

For example take
"God grumbled impotent in gray skies like so far flung detached little-child's balloon now letting down their chilly rain."
I seriously have no idea what the hell this means since it could mean so many different things and has so many unneeded words. Honestly the more I read it the more I think you need to work on your grammar. If english isn't your first language I would recommend you write it in your native language and have someone else translate it for you. Also with a name like Carmella this book seems to be aimed at pre-teens but none of them would bother trying to extract some sort of deeper meaning which would be the only way I could see this book being liked by anyone. If you were able to somehow string together a deeper meaning and someone analyzed it and found it was consistently supported throughout the book but was unseen because of the strange language and this went on to be a widely accepted analysis.

Sorry if what I said seems harsh or doesn't make sense, i'm just writing down my honest first impressions.

thanks for the feedback fellas. more helpful than the editors who say nothing

Attached: 1493925868000.png (400x400, 29K)

Good writers need to be to the point, even in drawn out writers like Dostyo every single sentence does something to build a character or progress the plot.

But you have to be straight to the point, or you will have no ones interest. The only time you can dwell is when you are describing something or someone in detail. But when you describe every single noun, it all loses its importance and effect.

I agree, I should be dying to read the next sentence or faithful that its building up to something worthwhile. Descriptive language without payoff (world building immersion, deeper insight into characters, nuanced but valuable understanding of something) is just unnecessary adjectives in my opinion.

man I don't want to read any more. the girl is named like a chocolate brand and the descriptions are out of hand. especially with the dialogue which could function for itself if you included emotion

keep your chin up, if you really care about this and work hard at it you can be a great writer

If only there were schools that allowed you to specialize in creative writing where you could get detailed feedback from professors who are published authors themselves. Oh, but who cares, it's obviously the fact that I'm a misunderstood genius and my works are simply too brilliant for mainstream publishers and that is the only reason imaginable for my works getting rejected.

The prose is not good enough to justify that pace

word salad

i liked it op :)

so is sufjan stevens but its pretty good

Everybody gets rejected a million times because the people in charge of gate keeping are stupid

All of the major bestsellers, just take three off the top of my head for example:

1. Stephen King (literally THOUSANDS of rejection letters)
2. J.K. Rowling (everyone and their Mother thought Harry Potter was piss and drivel. Everyone.)
3. Stephanie Meyer (Same as above plus 1)

All are disgustingly rich from selling the same books everyone told them were pure shit, and if you don’t think someone whose even worse than you already has been published, just go out and grab any random fade into the background book and read it for yourself. Hell, go out and buy “Your Heart Belongs to Me” or “The Key to Midnight”, both by Dean Koontz, and tell me our books is worse.

The key to success is persistence

If he cleaned up the rest that’s the type of thing the John Green/Cat Person type people would eat the fuck up with a smile and jack off to the memory of the taste about

STINKY! PEE (YOU)!

Attached: confused-little-girl.jpg (327x327, 17K)

If you want a tip go ahead and write a passage of yours that you particularly like in a minimalist style and see how it changes. Compare the two.

>starting a sentence off with "And"

And mass appeal

Your attempt at bringing dostoyevsky to the modern era is never going to be a bestseller

t. 6th grade english teacher

I'd call it dribble, but even dribble has substance.

Hey lads rate my book
>Wilhem woke up at 10 in the morning and didn't go to church that day.Priests bored him and he was always more interested on hunting.Birds,boars or deers all were a perfect excuse for him to go into the wilderness and scape from the moistering pot that was court. >He had to meet with prince Kara Boga from some African shithole named . Those fucking niggers he thought.They smell so bad that I could ride Hercules into palace to remove his stench. "I FUCKING HATE NIGGERRS"- Wilhem shouted while shooting 33 bullets into the death boar. But he couldn't refuse this meeting. His alliance was fundamental to preserve the colonial empire that he had forged in Africa after his victory in the Great war. "Bismark thought that I could never make it,if he was so smart he wouldn't be death"- Wilhem thought outloud.

Awful satire. Kys famalam.

I don't see how this guy's writing is like Dostoevsky at all. his excerpt is so awkward, everything is off

Is English your first language?

Is this stream of conciousness op?
This is incomprehensible
Just like Ulysses

Careful. The STEMtards will start screeching at you if you imply that there is anything to major in other than engineering.

I like it the style actually, but I understand how most people would detest it. Try writing a little bit more staight-forewardly and it will be great, I can asure you it will not lose its imagery-dynamic, which is what makes it good for me and for most people that will think it's good I guess. It will also be more bearable in terms of boredom, as, at least in this paragraph, the narrative advances very slowly.

I'd suggest you start by cutting off the God part; it's cringe-worthy.

Try Zero Books publishing. They'll publish anything from anybody. Just sign up and start paying them $$$

I'm sure this made sense to you as you wrote it.
You have potential, but you're burying it in an avalanche of inconsequential words and obfuscated context. Usually you use complex words and sentence structures to pack vivid images in the most poetic and concentrated packets possible, but just spewing out words hoping they sound profound is the layman's idea of literature.

Listen, you might not like this since you seem to love your florid word spaghetti, but above all, scene, dialogue, and action are the more integral parts of literature. Prose comes after all of that. Once you're certain those have all been expressly established, THEN you can start worrying about flighty prose -- just make sure you don't damage those three things while doing it.

I've given up writing for this exact reason. Three book attempts, forty total rejections, no good criticisms for me to internalize and improve upon. I have no idea if it's the book subject or my writing that is the issue. It's always just an apology and a general explanation that what I wrote isn't what they are looking for, or that my book didn't reach the quality standard for them

Attached: 1521570298805.gif (500x500, 1.78M)

Just about everyone replying to this is right. You need to read more classics bro.

Okay. If you want to get better, stop using the 'pathetic fallacy' if it has no meaning to the character. We aren't told why the 'God grumbling rain' effects Carmella. prose is alright, but as many have pointed out there is a distinct lack of meaning.
You did a brave thing, I'll give you that. Not many people have the guts to post out of fear of harsh critique. That or it gets stolen, but I'm sure you figured out which one it is.

Stopped reading halfway through the third sentence desu. It sucks.

Post excerpt

kek, these are the people giving me book recommendations and criticizing me for reading translations

yup, barely sapient

For fuck sake senpai get to the point

just self publish

>God shouts; exit Carmella.
>Door open.

You expect publishers to give you (and, by implication, every one of the thousands of other would-be writers they see) criticism for free? Pretty sure they have a job to do.

>give me the benefit of your time and experience for free
>If you don't you're an arsehole
No u

what

How many stories have you written? How many have you read? It takes reading a thousand stories and writing a hundred to produce something worth publishing

That would explain Fifty Shades of Grey

no

wait

to be bluntly honest, I think you should do something else

Don’t give up. If any shmuck with a pen can make a shitty or generic book and pop up in a library or a bestsellers list, there’s nothing stopping you from being a good shmuck, or an average one. You’ve made it this far. That is an accomplishment on its own. Keep going. I have faith. What’s the worst that could happen? At least you’re trying. At the end of the day, that’s what really matters.

Remember that someone’s rooting for you. Always.

Keep asking what’s wrong with what you do, to yourself and others, and take steps to improve. It’s your choice. Starting over is natural.

keep trying bruh
*patters you on the head*

user, I...

You want constructive criticism?

It’s shit.

But shit is better than nothing.

I'd rather have nothing on my bed than shit on my bed

Then you’ll die unfulfilled, and bitter.
Take your lumps. Or lay with jealousy and regret at your sides. It’s your choice.

Comma after dialogue come on man, English isn't this user's first language and if it is I'm leaving this shit hole

Are u even sending a synopsis of your work?

Jesus fucking christ

Lmao

Think of writing as a piece of artwork. Every fixture in a piece has a purpose, and can be interpreted to give an idea of what the image is. Anything unnecessary will distract from the artist's intention; in a piece of work, all is symbols.
To first write you must have an idea of what you're crafting, have you looked at Ulysses' drafts? Or Finnegans Wake designs? It's like architecture. Each character, setting, narrative, means something. You must make your writing have a purpose, and lay that purpose out well. A poet knows a single extra syllable spells his doom, destroys what he's trying to communicate.

Try writing smaller pieces (short stories, poems) to get a voice, and an idea of what you want to write. You must understand yourself and what you desire to express, good luck user.

This is the person you argue with on Veeky Forums

Attached: images (3).jpg (300x168, 9K)

The fact that so many of you think this shit is good says a lot about the literary taste here. This is garbage. He's saying absolutely nothing via horrible prose and a butchered stream-of-consciousness style. I'll never take criticism here seriously again.

Unironically incredible, y'all have no taste

not gonna mince words it's fucking awful m8, my plebby little sister who writes silly fantasy stories is better than you

you are a long way off from being published, you need to practice your writing a lot more before considering sending this stuff and also read a lot more

explain how it's good

you are a mental midget then

you should be experiencing pleasure just from the act of writing itself, from seeing your vision come to life and your skills improving with each story

if you just wanna get published you aren't cut out for it, you just want the status of being a writer rather than actually writing

this MIGHT be worse than 'oily wits'

>total rejections, no good criticisms for me to internalize and improve upon. I have no idea if it's the book subject or my writing that is the issue. It's always just an apology and a general explanation that what I wrote isn't what they are looking for, or that my book didn't reach the quality

The last line is good, but joycean style is a bit trite, you're trying to hard to make alliteration and rhymes. Literature can contain poetry, but poetic writing needs to be spectacular in its musicality to be pulled off. I can't really understand what is happening, maybe my reading comprehension is too rudimentary.

When I read joyce, it's difficult to understand what is happening but there are tidbits of wisdom that provide a break for the reader, that even if they don't understand on the first pass through there are combinations of words or concepts that recant memories or feelings that make it worth reading again.

I want to re read this to try and give you the best criticism possible but nothing is really yelling at me to do so, except some neat little alliterations. It isn't bad, but with this style of writing you need pointed images/concepts within the sea of words.

it's awful, he is nothing like Joyce, just a college kid writing random crap because he has nothing of substance to say

Needs more talk of feet.

>>total rejections, no good criticisms for me to internalize and improve upon. I have no idea if it's the book subject or my writing that is the issue. It's always just an apology and a general explanation that what I wrote isn't what they are looking for, or that my book didn't reach the quality

I didn't say their skill was comparable to Joyce, i said it's a joycean style, obviously they are trying to emulate Joyce, no writer is too holy to try to emulate, it's kind of weird to be defensive over it.

It exist entirely in purple abstraction, I love that type of shit

yikes.

you're telling me buddy

And?

But most replies agree with you you paranoid idiot.

People are saying he can sort it out and be published one day, that he has a great idea buried under a pile of shit, etc.

There is no great idea. It's just a pile of shit.

Do you feel better?

>that he has a great idea buried under a pile of shit, etc.
But most replies said he had nothing of substance to say.

submit to softcartel

Slip some cash in when you send your manuscript off

If you had really learned from Joyce you would realize his latter works were only published because on connections

>joyce couldn't even get his shit published without connections

What hope does anyone from Veeky Forums have?

That's because Joyce's later work had relatively little commercial potential to any reasonable publisher. It's as simple as writing something they think will either sell or win awards (which will then cause it to sell at least a little) and convincing them as much.

good advice desu

now hush

Just keep trying and stop worrying about it faggot.

>tfw I spent an entire paragraph in my novel detailing a girl's feet and what the protagonist wants to do to them

Am I a better writer than OP?

Learn to edit. I'm not telling you to pare your writing down to the bare minimum but keep in mind that you have a story to tell and this sort of flowery, tangential prose will only succeed in pissing off the reader.

you have created pure hyper reality

The state of (You)

the fact that anyone responded even remotely positively to OP's bait excerpt has completely destroyed what was left of this boards credibility