This is my first post to Veeky Forums, I have a lot of questions

I'm a 44 year old schlub. I'm 5'8", weigh 270 pounds. When I left HS, I was 165, but my wife is an amazing cook. I've been married for almost 22 years, and yesterday my wife said I dress like I'm "homeless". This is new to me.

I'm a Nuclear Chemist by trade, so I buy my clothes from Goodwill or similar. If I shit up my clothes with chemicals and shit, who gives a fuck? What I won't do is buy a nice new $40 shirt, just to have stains all over it and ruin it.

I scored a bunch of brand new, with the tags still on them Columbia PFG shirts. They are ULTRA comfy, and I thought because they were a name brand, they were supposed to look really good. The only other shirts I own are humorous logo T-Shirts.

This is the "straw that broke the camel's back", so to speak with my wife. She saw my nice Columbia shirt hanging in the closets, and that's when she lost her shit.

WTF am I supposed to do? I'm not dressing like those GQ guys, because, #1, I see someone dressed like that and immediately assume he's a pole smoker, and #2, I don't have that kind of money to waste on fancy clothes anyway.

I'm just a normal cut my own grass, drink cheap beer, work on my own cars, kinda guy. I thought everything was cool. WTF am I supposed to do about this?

What exactly are you asking for help for?

It seems your problem isn't rooted in your fashion

How am I supposed to please my wife with my clothing? I am really, truly lost here. I literally have no frame of reference for what she wants me to look like.

I know I said I have a lot of questions, but really, I am so lost, I don't even know what questions to really ask.

I guess, what am I supposed to do to be comfortable, yet "look good", whatever the hell that means? I don't even know what "looks good" even is, to tell you the truth.

How is it that jeans (or shorts) and a comfortable shirt makes me look "homeless"?

How do I keep from looking "homeless"?

This board is bunch of cluelesss teenagers hopping on the latest trends they find on social media
Is this really the place you want to be asking advice?

I don't know. I don't know where else to go. I'm just that fucking lost here.

This to be quite honest with you, my kinfolk.

Think of it this way OP: your wife probably isn't attracted to the homeless, and by comparing you to a homeless you may feel she is not attracted to you.
Attraction goes beyond ones physical qualities, and beyond even ones personality, one of the ways it does so is in one's expressions of personality, especially with regards to how we present our physical forms.

You should consider how you can be more attractive to your wife in general, though your fashion is a good place to start.

Lol, this is a fashion board. We won't have the answers you are looking for. Why don't you just ask your wife what she wants or let her dress you? Otherwise, /r/malefashionadvice is the place you're looking for

tell her to buy your clothes if it's such a big deal to her

also lose some weight

you probably just look like an ordinary dad, homeless might be a bit harsh. Ask your wife what kind of look she prefers, then dress accordingly. Wear that stuff occassionally, preferably at times when you don't have to worry about your clothes getting dirty. It's not a difficult fix.

since you're a bigger dude may I suggest Rick Owens

>nuclear chemist
>doesn't have any money
>fat as all fuck

Step one is go to the fucking gym. The key to looking good in clothes is looking good without clothes.

So you're saying two sets of clothes? I honestly never thought of that before.

I guess, let her buy the shit she want to see me in, keep my present shit for work and working around the house.

I don't know how the fuck that never occurred to me before.

Could the solution to my dilemma really be that elegant?

Just wear slim fitting denim and simple plain tees
Maybe buy few flannels and shit
Have beater 'work clothes' and dress in the better shit when not at work
> this is a fashion board
m8 you don't have to troll the poor guy this bad

Yeah, we're kina broke. We have a very nice house, on almost 4 acres, but my wife is a stay-at-home mom. My oldest son is 18, and he has mild-moderate autism. You can't imagine how much the bills were for therapy in the beginning. On a one income family, with a child with special needs, you tend to be broke. But I wouldn't change it for a minute. That boy, well man now, is my life.

The dude is 120lbs overweight. He's packing an entire extra person on him.

Clothes are the least of his concern if he wants to look presentable.

yes?

>oldest son

So you had more than one?

>Clothes are the least of his concern if he wants to look presentable.
he doesn't, he wants to make his wife happier

Wow that is some retarded fag shit

Yeah. My youngest is 16 who is neruotypical. That's my two kids, both of which I'm extremely proud of.

My younger son, I got him an old F-150 4x4 that had some problems. Under my supervision, I watched him remove the entire front suspension from his truck, from wheel to wheel, repair it and put it back on the road. You can't imagine how proud that made me. Plus, he's a program at his HS that he will have 3 different Cisco certs when he graduates, including CCNA-Security.

I love those two kids, and am proud of them like you couldn't imagine.

Then he should just buy some craft and borrow shirts and dockers from kohls like the other dads.

Or spend a little more and get polo at macys.

Reminds me of how goddamn fat my manlet dad is, christ. He just keeps eating all day. Last time he came to visit he starts off with a crescent sandwitch at jack in the box (1200Cal) and then continues stuffing his face the rest of the day. I had my coffee and juice and was fine until 2 and I'm 6" taller than him.

this sort of sincerity is rare on this board. What are you doing on Veeky Forums? Are you a Veeky Forums or Veeky Forums regular or something?

You should go to reddit.com/r/mfa i'm not even kidding. This place isn't for you. These people are gigantic faggots who will make fun of your autistic son for literally no reason, and they'll make fun of you for being fat. Idk you personally and maybe you're secretly sensative about your weight or maybe you just don't give a fuck but these people will not help you, their advice will be "lose weight faggot." The people on /r/mfa come from various walks of life. There's fatasses there and they'll be more friendly to you.

Exactly. I don't want to look homeless.

As far as being fat, yeah, I know I am. I gave up on that shit LONG, LONG ago. I get up at 5:20 every morning, and work 12 hour shifts. When I get home, I just drink a beer and crash. My job isn't physically demanding at all, but it is mentally draining sometimes.

I don't have time to work out, and besides, I usually have lot of other shit to do around the house. My wife is in Law School right now, so the cleaning and vacuuming and laundry and shit has to fall to me. When I'm at work, she's taking care of my oldest son, when I'm home, she's studying.

>nuclear chemist cant fathom the idea of having clothing you dont trash

All you have to do is eat less. It's a nonaction. You have to be eating 4000-5000Calories a day to maintain 270lbs. Just eat 2500 like a normal person.

Mostly Veeky Forums, /k/, and /pol/, in that order.

>Buy flannel shirts
>Buy plain White/Black tees
>Buy well fitted blue jeans
I can't really help you with shoes, maybe a good pair of boots?
Also lose fucking weight fatty
Good luck

Buy some of these fat guy shirts. I got this one at dillards.

Just buy some nicer clothes for when the two of you/family go out to the movies/dinner/whatever the fuck. She's probably fucking embarrassed to be seen with you in public because you sound like an unhygienic slob, and you most certainly dress like one. No one, hopefully not even your wife, is telling you to buy pricey clothes to wear to work. Keep wearing your cheap trash to work, and expand your wardrobe so you actually have something to make you look presentable in public when you're not working.

As far as actually what to look for, I'd just suggest typically dad-core stores like LL Bean or Duluth for example. Browse the sites with your wife and get her input on things. You can get away with jeans and button up shirts easily enough. I'd suggest losing some weight.

Honestly, this has fuck all to do with the clothing advice but you wanna lose weight
You wanna be around with your sons as long as possible probably right? That's like super easy way of ensuring a lot of that and it will be great for your mind as well.
My dad eats like shit and is bit overtweight and it kinda hurts me watching him being obviously not as well as he could be just because he can't put the effort in to it. Be better dad.

Not to mention you are setting an example for yours sons as well.
They look up to you, you wanna be the best example for them probably.

I have like 5 Hawaiian shirts! I love those things! We have "Hawaiian Shirt Friday's" at work.

Are they in good condition? I like these white trash ones too.

I hear all of you about losing weight. Maybe in the future, but not now. I don't have the time nor the energy, nor the wherewithal to tackle that right now. Maybe when she's done with Law School and is working? Possibly. But until then, that's just off the table. I do appreciate the suggestion, but at least for now, that advice is a total non-starter. I can't do it.

I thought they were. But then, of course, I thought that my shirt in my original pic was in good shape, too. And that particular shirt is what sent her off of the rails. So really, I don't know? That's the best answer I have.

Stop eating sugar all day you fat fuck

You sound like a whiny reddit Hillary voter

It's not that hard man. The best thing you could start doing for yourself is cutting out the beer.

You can easily stop eating shit bro.

Get a burger? Skip the soda and fries. Eating breakfast? Eat eggs and an orange or apple and skip the bacon. Eating panda express? Eat the veggies and skip the fried entrees. Drinking coffee? Drink it black. Drinking beer when you get home? Skip it for some chamomile tea on ice.

You don't have to exercise to lose weight. Just eat less and stop drinking calories. Avoid foods bloated in calories like pasta and noodles. Don't drink soda.

Stop eating garbage and if you do, simply eat less.

Bring a gallon of watet to drink at work instead of snacking.

Losing weight is extremely easy.

you can you just dont want to

probably starts to sound like preaching at this point
but as much as it seems to go against common sense, working out and exercising actually gives you more energy
like straight up boosts your energy levels and you get more shit done even if you 'waste' some time from your day for it

I gave up all soda 2 years ago, and coffee a year ago. I had HORRIBLE gastric reflux all of my life, and didn't even know it. Every single day, from teenage years up until a year ago, I got up every morning and puked. This was my normal. It was normal to me, I didn't realize other people didn't do this.

The only things I drink now are plain ice water and beer. On a Friday or Sat night, I'll have a couple 3 fingers of Jameson over ice. Those are honestly the only three things I drink.

As far as my beer consumption goes, a 12 pack will last me 2 weeks. I drink about a beer a day, but not even every day.

>Get a burger? Skip the soda and fries
And the burger too.

your terrible diet causes this, eat better you rube

Thanks guys. I appreciate the help. I'm going to have the wife pick me out some shit she likes, then I'll put that in a separate part of the closet, only to be worn when we go out of the house.

How I didn't think of that before, I have no idea. It just makes sense.

Wear a fucking lab coat like everyone else, dumbass.

>we're kina broke
Then stop spending your money on Cheeseburgers and buy a treadmill.

Losing weight takes less work than maintaining the fat body you have. Eat less, it's that simple. Take your portions and halve them.

>How am I supposed to please my wife with my clothing?

I'd suggest to just hit the higher tier mall stores (those that stock Hilfinger, Boss, La Coste etc.), and get a few basics from there. A polo, a sweater, an Oxford button down shirt, some chinos.

That should most likely please your wife, but it sure as hell won't impress Veeky Forums.

Get soon well.

>having your wife dress you

Fuck off

sell car/house, buy full rick

Lose some weight and go shopping with your wife, let her dress you up, don't buy anything you hate but if she picks out stuff you like (or at least don't mind wearing when not at work) buy it.

When you're married your reputations are tied together. She might be bringing it up because other people are saying it behind your back.

Awww OP you're a genuine kinda guy. I hope everything works out for you.

>tfw I will never make my parents proud

I feel like this is a copypasta off /mfa

>simpsonposting
what is this 2008 again

Only wear your bum shirts to work then.Buy nicer ones for time off.Lose weight and do exercise.

I'm going to unironically refer you to reddit/mfa, they will serve you much better in terms of helping you dress "nice". They also tend to lean towards styles that look more acceptable on older guys and they tend to avoid the more expensive stuff where possible.

this is not the place for you. fa is for 18-25 year old skellys. r/malefashionadvice on reddit will be a much better suit. also maybe check out alpha m or realmenrealstyle on youtube. they can give you good "dad" fashion advice.

Get Veeky Forums and go rugged dadcore my dude