Resume/Cover Letter/etc. Thread

Hey look its the Resume/Cover Letter/etc. Thread

>experience in management, teamwork and volunteering are considered good on resume
>can't add my years of experience janitoring/moderating an imageboard or else they'll know I masturbate to cartoon porn and not want me
inb4 b& again for imitating a janitor; I'm talking about a different *chan site.
>bonus points: definitely can't use it to apply for that government job because the site contains porn that is illegal here

Anyone else got experience they probably shouldn't put on a resume?

Other urls found in this thread:

linkedin.com/title/janitor-at-Veeky
ocs.fas.harvard.edu/files/ocs/files/undergrad_resumes_and_cover_letters.pdf
smashingmagazine.com/2006/10/17-more-free-quality-fonts/
twitter.com/SFWRedditGifs

Kek
Reminds me of a janitor from a popular French forum (pretty much the equivalent of /b/ ) who was complaining about having professional trouble cause he used his actual name all that time and it would show up on Google.

Holy shit this is the best thing I've read today.

Didn't a janitor here put on their linkedin that they were a janitor here?

holy shit you aren't kidding
linkedin.com/title/janitor-at-Veeky Forums

Anyone wanna look at this resume and tell me what they think? Looking to get a job really anywhere and could use some help with my resume. Thanks.

Looks pretty good, bro. Since you have musical talents why don't you try a part time job at Sam Ash (or an equivelant music store)? I'm sure they would be happy to take you on.

They only hire pretentious musics douchebags

You worked outside 'The System',
And now you want back in?
Fuck. That. Shit.
So you're an outsider.
Use it.

Go to porn webmaster forums and pimp yourself there as an admin or webmaster.

A popular one is gofuckyourself.com
There's another one called blowme or something.
I know this sounds like a troll but I'm serious.

I have a list somewhere of these.

suggestions attached.
good luck with the job hunt.

>"taught private lessons for the guitar privately"
>putting the fact that you babysat on a resume
>putting "academic" "achievements" from when you were 12 on a resume
>making it seem like 90% of your time is spent playing the fucking flute
you're immediately trashed, mate. even at mcdonald's

Give me some ideas for fake job experience and fake volunteer work that
1. doesn't imply that I have any special, industry-specific skills, and
2. where verification can easily be faked

My resume is already 90% bullshit and includes two fake jobs, but apparently the shit I've chosen isn't good enough

Dude. Look for large companies that went bankrupt or closed their doors. Its not hard.

Shit man thanks for the suggestions, will read it over!

Saw a resume thread the other week and instantly realized my resume was pretty shit tier. The last job I applied to with my crap resume was for dishwasher, and I'm pretty sure I got /trash/ed. So I took it out back, put the barrel to the back of its neck and pulled the trigger.

I resurrected it with this: ocs.fas.harvard.edu/files/ocs/files/undergrad_resumes_and_cover_letters.pdf
because I figured if it's good enough for Harvard it's good enough for me.

The .pdf said to not list references, thoughts on this?

For someone out of high school for just under two years, how did I do? Any and all criticisms/comments/thoughts/roasts/flames WELCOME.

This resume is NOT tailored at all. Any suggestions regarding this welcome but keep in mind the next job I apply to is probably gonna be for a cashier position at a gas station.

I know it says October 2016, I'll fix that.

1. needs better formatting. easy fix

2. soldering and teaching are two different worlds. maybe add an OBJECTIVE: at the top to clarify what kind of work you're looking for.

3. Don't include anything that doesn't pertain to the job your seeking. For example, if I see origami on a resume, that shit's going in the circular filing bin aka trash can.

Good luck user with your job hunt.

One more idea: just glanced over your resume again and noticed some of the items in the bottom section (extracurricular) could be put under a new heading called TRAINING.

Help. Where do I put publications on a one page resume. I've got several publications on pubmed for my research work.

Thanks for the advice my dude.

>Rewrite job duties. Currently sounds awkward and pretentious.

I've rewritten everything and cut the fat and overly flowery wording

Does "-Improved student behavior with family cooperation and effective teaching methods" sound less pretentious?

>soldering and teaching are two different worlds. maybe add an OBJECTIVE: at the top to clarify what kind of work you're looking for.

Good idea, I also rewrote the job duties in both jobs to convey that I'm the "teamwork and communication" guy, while leaving specific things like "Organized supplies and kept records" and "Assembled electronic parts for clients" at the bottom. When I get home from work I'll write the objective to kind of tie in with this theme.

Will post updated resume tonight.

Posting my resume for any advice. Thanks for any help been on the job hunt in LA recently and looking for work not hearing a lot of feedback from employers.

I get phone calls but after the 1st or 2nd call I don't hear anything. Maybe my breakdown is over the phone.

...

>"-Improved student behavior with family cooperation and effective teaching methods"
I would change it to something like this:
- Used strategic teaching methods to increase academic performance.
- Led family cooperation and teamwork program to successfully improve student behavior.

Good luck from former USF Tampa

Thanks again for all the advice.

New and improved new and improved resume, now with bullet points! Can't believe I forgot my CPR Cert ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

Objective format looks off to me because it extends past one line and doesn't have a bullet point like the other sections, will research and revise if necessary.

Going to post old trash resume for shits and giggles.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Thank you very much for your edits! Great advice! Go bulls!

Massive improvement, I like this version so much better.
>Final tweaks:
- under Objective, hyphenate "hard-working" and "part-time."
- under Experience, change the 2nd bullet point "Led students" to "Guided students" and change the 4th bullet point "kept records" to "managed records"
- under Western Electronics, 2nd bullet point, remove "them" and in 3rd bullet point, replace "various" with "intricate"

>based 9-9-9 trips of Herman Cain
>witnessed

Saving your edits for future reference.

The world needs more user like you, cheers.

Here's a phone wallpaper.

From the thumbnail, I initially misread his name as "cunt scene".

room for one more?
side note: compensating for lack of professional experience

what are you fucking blind?

Just throwing my resume out there. Any advice welcome. Thanks.

Sure, I'll work on it later tonight.
Questions:
1. what kind of family business - is it retail? What industry? This is most important section on your resume, so we have to expand on this.
2. give me some details about "Bay volunteer" - what tasks did you do? I'm looking for any other work experience that we can add.
3. What kind of engineering most interests you? Civil, mechanical, etc? Did you learn any software, like CAD, that could be a skill on your resume?
4. Do you know QuickBooks or PeachTree or any office accounting software?
5. Can you make a website? What about a company's presence on social media? Do you code? I'm looking for any sort of skill that we can add

>Have a "normal" cv
>Not getting any hits
>Change the layout at the weekend to this
>Didn't change any of the wording
>Post it on here and people say it's the worst fucking layout they've ever seen
>Decide to put it out there anyway
>9 phone calls in 2 days
>3 interviews lined up next week

Don't use words like Extremely or Very.

"Working with others" sounds shit, change that to working as part of an efficient team.

"Learning information quickly" doesn't sound great.

Don't have your work place and job title both in bold (Needs formatting work there)

Fix the formatting first, user, then we'll discuss how to flesh-out / improve the wording

left or right, which side is the new version?

That's the entire CV

>checked
so were you going for a Manager vs. Analyst, Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde theme?

Not really. I just wanted a CV that would make someone pay attention when they were sifting.

In my experience people don't actually read CVs and a lot of CVs get binned during the sifting process where the recruiter spends an average of 6 seconds looking at each CV.

...

well your plan worked, even if you came across as a madman. Congrats on the job interviews, well done.

I feel fucked.

btw-I have to make this for a college course and I feel fucked even when I graduate.

you sir are a badass

If you dont include a headshot and a cover page on your resume in 2016 kys

1. The company was construction/ home renovation I helped out whenever I could and learned to use power tools and do a few things here and there installing windows and such as well I learned to write emails to customers and write up proposals and invoices with ms word
2. on volunteering Ive actually not started yet but I'll be doing beach cleaning and staffing at public events
3. I think I've decided on mechanical but I really want mechatronics, something involving multiple fields and I've only started (freshman) I did a semester ( 2 courses) an English course and a general studies one my grades not to good either life's been cunts
4.also no I haven't had an official job or much experience
5. I thought myself to solder (basic electronics) and I do digital art I don't know what else I can help with but thanks for the help

It's totally normally to feel that way, user, as long as you don't reveal your power level in public. Remember, their reactors can't handle it and they'll meltdown.

Good tip on the importance of a cover letter, but beware about including a photo. Here in the USA, a resume with a headshot goes in the garbage. HR won't even look at it because it's a tremendous liability. If the candidate doesn't get the job, they're going to sue and claim discrimination based on appearance/race/gender/sexuality/etc.
The only exceptions are going to be actors' resumes for casting decisions, where they specifically want a certain look and request a headshot photo.

What about electrical engineering or working as an electrician apprentice in the trades? Does that interest you? Having experience in home renovation is a great way to get your foot in the door, so to speak. The electricians I know here in Florida make great money and have fun doing it.

Do you really need an objective? Also my cover letter is like pretty much one paragraph summary of relevant exp + intro/sucking up and conclusion/begging pls hire. Do I need to fluff it up?

>If you can’t figure out what job you want, then how can you expect a stranger to match you up with the appropriate position? Some candidates mistakenly believe that recruiters have all of the time in the world to infer from a one page document what position would be best suited to an applicant and vice versa. Wrong. Recruiters typically spend about 10 seconds scanning a resume. If they can’t immediately tell what position you are applying to then your resume will be headed for the trash.
>Entry level resume objective statements should clearly and concisely indicate the following:
>Job Type (ie., Accountant, Electrical Engineer)
>Industry (i.e., Retail, Banking, Insurance)
>Geography (i.e., Pacific Northwest, Oregon, Portland metro area)
>EXAMPLE: Seeking an entry level staff accountant position with a public accounting firm in Texas.

I can't say anything about cover letter without seeing it. Don't suck up or beg because everyone else does that and it doesn't work. You need to use the powers of persuasion and make valid points for why you're the best candidate. Since it's an election year, watch how the candidates do this by talking up their strengths and experience.

That sounds great rout to take,I'll look into it and I know I'm not doing so hot right now but I wanna at least give it a shot in the future

Yeah actually I'll look into apprenticeship tomorrow

Yay. Thank you.

> Apply to PhD programs in I/O Psychology
> Barely get rejected
> Told to work for a year and try again, preferably HR

HERE'S the thing, every HR job needs experience or a Certification, and every Certification needs experience and $500. Just need help right now

> Should I include that I know Microsoft Suites? SPSS?
> How else should I change it?

First, embellish the Experience section.
Add any accomplishments at the Direct Support Professional.
Get rid of Temp Tech Support, it's an irrelevant 2 month summer job totally unrelated to your field of study.
Add all software, especially MS Office Suite
Add an objective, see example here:

I started laughing when I read the thing about straight A's
But then I realized you're still in school.

Idk, it'll probably work to get your goal job of "anything". You can probably land a solid job that'll pay decent to get yourself started. Definitely research interview stuff so you can rock that. The interview is where you're going to earn your job, the resume is just to get you to the interview.

Just gonna ask this here: If a security company is hiring armed guards and they say they PREFER current CCW holders, does that mean that if you don't have one and get the job, they'll make you get one afterwards? I don't really know how security companies work.

ur resume could use some fancy editing

Would you give me some advice?

How necessary is it that I put explicitly "Microsoft Office" as a technical ability if I already put that I've worked as a web developer / programmer? Isn't just implied that I can work in fucking Word and Powerpoint.

this is actually sound advice for once

CLINT in capitals looks like CUNT

Impressive content, but layout is shit. You need a job at an international corporation where you travel a lot, a consulting group.

No bully please , student who need a new job asap here

also advice on places to apply?

What? How??

Nigger, you have these awesome awards but you emphasize classes and store jobs? Talk about skills and certs, not that irrelevant bullshit

>mowed neighbours lawn
relevant?

How to beat screening applications that companies use?

Seeing as how companies screen words phrases etc wouldnt a 'less is more' approach be better? just so it actually gets into a humans hands that is

>places to apply?
Good news is your degree says Lockheed Martin or General Motors.
Bad news is your experience says Foot Locker stock room or Walmart warehouse box mover.

...

Everyone can use Windows and Microsoft office. Not even worth mentioning. If you want to get a computer related job, learn programming and Linux, it will make you much more relevant.

Thanks, man. Much appreciated.

Looking for overall input, and if I should go with color or monochrome.

Would appreciate it if someone could look at this and give me your thoughts.

Please note I'm still at uni, just a grad student now. Removed all the personal info and stuff.

I don't really like any bit of the Windows IT world so I'm trying to find an internship for entry level *nix systems admin, systems engineer, or possibly a software dev/engineer considering I do quite a bit of programming.

I don't have any experience unfortunately so my projects are pretty much all I have.

I like this. I also feel like the color brings up some life after reading endless amounts of plain shit.

I am however 22 and just got laid off, so take my words as what they are.

>skills
>window 7
>msoffice
>50WPM

Really good layout, just replace Project 1...9 with actual names

Thanks. They have actual names I just replaced them for the sake of anonymity.

What font is that?

Bump please someone fix, make more HR related

Dynamite resume incoming........

>suggestions

...

Thank you for your service USAF
user, can you post a larger screenshot, please. 432x517 is too small to work with.

I wont nitpick each item, let's just do a complete reformat. Google resume+templates and pick a template you like.

Thanks, I really appreciate it. Two questions:

1. If I don't include my GPA, won't employers assume that it sucks? 3.6 is decent enough (not amazing, though, I know) -- but it seems like it's better than them assuming I was a 2.7 or something.

2. Why not include what I'm able to do in Excel? Seems like it gives them a sense of my level of proficiency than all the dipshits who just say "Excel" on their resume.

wait, do you run the app on afb to check weather conditions? i use it all the time when i do groundwater sampling on base.

You think GPA matters because you're still a student. Maybe a highly competitive finance job at a Wall Street firm expects candidates to have gone to a top school and earned a minimum 4.0. Most other places really could care less. Leave it off your resume, you really don't want to start off an interview explaining why you went to a shitty school instead of Columbia or Cornell, and why your GPA is so shitty. (note, I'm not saying you personally, user, I'm talking about in general)

If you list Office Suite as a skill, it's implied that you are proficient at Excel. Never want to repeat yourself on the resume. And you certainly don't want to put pivot charts and cell formula on the resume (EXCEPTION: it appears as a requirement in the job's classified ad and you're just tailoring your resume for that specific job application).
You could probably argue that it might be a good idea to put down Excel because perhaps it could be a keyword used by headhunters to weed out resumes, so in that case, do something like: "MS Office Suite with expert proficiency in Excel code."

IMPORTANT: the purpose of the resume isn't to tell prospective employers everything there is to know about you as a candidate...the purpose of the resume is to give just enough information about you to get you an interview. That's it. Save stuff for the interview. That's where you can get specific, e.g., user, it says you know Excel, what experiences have you had? Then you can elaborate in depth.

Also keep in mind, your resume only gets a few moments in front of a recruiter so it's critical to give them a clear, concise objective statement of what you want and an easy-to-understand list of your qualifications for the job.