How to shave my butt? How do I get rid of the hair between my butt cheeks?

How to shave my butt? How do I get rid of the hair between my butt cheeks?

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Buy a fucking trimmer you moron

lol why would you need to shave your butt?

So his boyfriend won't have to deal with hairy anus?
Jesus man

You just stole his innocence

razor and shaving cream. don't shave against the grain and you should be fine, get a mirror or somethin so you can see properly.

Why would you shave your butt you insecure moron? On what planet is a stubbly butt better than a velvety one? Seriously you circumcised faggots are so fucking dumb.

>they like to have shit stuck in their anal hair

Did it once, it's really fucking uncomfortable once it gets to the stubble stage, and fuck shaving your arse hole twice a week

After I've started to shave my ass I use a lot less toilet paper. So worth it

>being so poor you can't afford a bidet

pls be joking :(

shaving your ass is gay

I always think of this:
Don't Shave That Hair!!!
I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble ****ting.

No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my butt-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my buttcheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.
I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my butt of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My butt was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.
Little did I know.

I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two buttcheaks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.
Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic poo- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky ****/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my butt off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering ****/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my butt cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own **** blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."´
Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my butt at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for butt-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my buttcheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your butt having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony. 4896

same situation i do exactly that
but i belive a progressive shaving could work, if you think that is less work that shaving it all

also used to shave with razor, and the only problem i had was razor bumps, switched to trimming instead and pretty happy with the results except that im not fully shaven which would be the best
no sweat problems, no fart problems like the story wich we all read and that was just posted

I think it’s legitimately dumb that we even have anus hair anyway. How does that biologically make us warmer when it is in a place that is already warm/hot?

All other races except for whites and arabs do not have butt hair.

i used to do it with a disposable gilette razor but then I remembered I wasn’t a faggot

i thought Veeky Forums was a SFW board

mods you have one fucking job...

Lmao it's retarded but same

This.

I do have a bidet, but that's not what they're for.

Hair removal cream.

desu I shaved all of it in the cracks and idk, it's not itchy at all even two weeks later.
Not really sure what I did, I was terrified that I was going to regret it soon afterwards but nothing happened.

arabs are the hairiest people on the planet what are you talking about muhammed?

>I can't understand English
He said the exact opposite, retard. I wonder who's the Ahmed here.

that sounds extremely painful

For you

I prefer astroglide

this

holy shit, you poor genetically defective human being

but i am gay

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Alright OP and any other confused faggots.

1. Get beard trimmer (I use an andis slimline pro LI)

2. Shower

3. Put one leg on bathroom counter

4. Hand mirror in one hand

5. Trimmer in other

6. Just spread your cheeks and get in there with the trimmer

It's hard at first but easy after you learn to coordinate

No bullshit mess with cream, no pain with waxing, and no gay business where you pull your hairs out with toilet paper

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Trimmers don't shave neraly as nicely as razors

Normally I would agree, but if you zero gap an andis slimline pro (or similar), it'll cut virtually at the skin

Also who gives a fuck about 1mm

wax it, look up sugaring wax recipes. it pulls the hairs out so they grow out smooth and not like stubble. no itchy and it's cheap and lasts longer

Use that hair dissolving cream, works for me only takes 10 mins and my butts super smooth and fun to play with for like a week

>tfw no ass eating gf

hello what did you mean by fun to play with

i have to part my ass hair round my anus when i shit so it doesnt get in the way.

much stress

what cream?

One time i had dingleberries (dried poop stuck to butt hair) and when i went poop the dingleberries didnt budge and forced the turd towards my balls and smeared poop on my taint

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Tapa ittes

Can relate

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y-you use a comb for that?

Kek'd

insecure cucks

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Is having to lightly shower after sex to get the nut out of your butt seriously to much work for you?

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hmm i wonder
nads.com/hair-removal-products/nads-hair-removal-handsfree-cream-for-men-depilatory-cream

He performs the ancient drug-myself-selfgrope-technique
You see, it starts with the ingestion of mind numbing drugs then groping yourself while watching porn, since you're too drugged to feel your ass being groped then it feels just like your groping the dude's ass in the video!

Do you drink from it? Or are you the type of nigger who thinks cleaning your own ass turns you into a raging homosexual?

this. hit up your local waxing spot, theyre everywhere.
the thought of going to get your ass waxed and spreading your buttcheeks for some stranger maybe be awkward but its the best option if you really want it hairless, smooth, and comfortable. and they see spread asscheeks literally everyday, youll just be another customer. they dont care. in my experince it dosent hurt all too much and even if it does its a fairly quick process if youre only getting your butt.

>never had a gf complement their ass
dohohohoho

So that makes me either white or arab while being a jew, thanks user.

jews are white moron

I hate having body hair. I'm always so irritable and unconfortable because of it. The hair on my scrotum and around my anus is the worst. I want to die.

I'm interested, does it hurt or anything?

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Give yourself a fade

It's easier to give a blowjob to a guy with balls and ass that are shaved

B A S E D
A
S
E
D

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Nair actually works
Don't believe the chemical burn fear mongering unless you have baby skin.

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this can lead to infection which is why you shouldn't rip out your nose hairs either

>Too stupid to wipe with paper and then with wet wipes.
Baby.

>It's easier to give a blowjob to a guy with balls and ass that are shaved
Now that's just retarded, baka.

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this is true, the only place that 'burnt' me (it was just a mild rash that went away in maybe 3 days) was my inner thigh, even tho ive accidentally left some on my balls and they were fine. I imagine its cuz the skin their is really thin, so probably nota good idea

>he doesn't wear thongs
u a gay

I do the same but with tape, just don’t rip too big a chunk at a time. Doesnt even hurt except for the gooch

did absolutely nothing for me, my hair is too thick. I left is twice for as long once, still didn't work. Tried another tube and had the same problem

bf would shave his butt

Straight man has to have his butthole dirty, so if some gay tries to rape them will be disgusted by their dirty asshole and leave them alone

literally take a razor and just shave your ass in the shower; use shaving cream if you want

be thorough, as close to your asshole and gooch as you can, top of you ass crack too.

never had any issues doing it whatsoever, not so much as a nick

also, if you don't shave your ass in 2018, regardless of orientation, you need to off yourself. seriously.

What if they gay's into scat?

a man who expects visitors, cleans his house

I used hair removal cream on my whole crotch area from ass to pubes and I don't know if I left the cream on for too long or used the scraper thing too hard, but the skin on my scrotum is a bit sore even after a whole day. Otherwise it worked like a dream, would recommend.

I like getting rimmed by women and it's easier to get them to do it. I don't shave though, just pluck hairs out with my fingers while I shower.

Lube is a scam. Asa Akira told me the best lubricant is saliva.

That works fine the first few times but you can turn allergic to Nair if you use it too much and it's painful shit.

Maybe his butt hurts

This sounds like a butt shaving Chinese proverb