Hey Veeky Forums Tell me some of the craziest shit rulers have thought or done throughout history

John (Too late to be know as John the First / He'll surely be known as John the Worst) Lackland was on Pope Innocent III's shitlist and to retaliate he offered Muhammad al-Nasir of Morocco to convert not only himself, but all of England, to Islam in exchange for military support. He was dismissed as a complete looney.

It's bullshit, I think.

reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/2dl88v/today_my_friend_told_me_that_king_john_considered/

i believe user. i believe.

Charles the Sixth (I think) of France thought he was made out of glass. One day, to cure him of his delusion, the court had someone "accidentally" bump into him, to demonstrate that he wouldn't shatter on contact. It sent him into a catatonic coma-like thing for a couple of months.

The factionalism surrounding who got to make decisions, since he clearly wasn't able, is what led to a lot of the last cycle of the hundred years war.

And all of western europe

Reagan took a cardboard box, spray painted it black, set it on a table, got in front of national television and said it could shoot down Soviet ICBM's.

sauce/link/pics?

Apparently the Russian consulate in a Western country somewhere once had to pick up Boris Yeltsin from the streets, utterly fucking wasted and completely naked.
He already was president at the time.

back to pol with you

One of Poland's Kings blew up a castle for fun.

Like not a siege or a massacre or anything. He just blew it up for new year or something.

>craziest shit rulers
>Reagan

kek you must be 12

John Lackland was on that Pope's shitlist for arguing who should be the Archbishop of Cantebury, but he was a raging cunt to almost everyone so it was more of a foregone conclusion. And even then Innocent III forgave John for.. SEIZING LANDS MEANT FOR THE ARCHBISHOP OF CANTERBURY, AND STARTING A QUASIWAR AGAINST THE FUCKING ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH. Also the Archbishop of Canterbury thing.

I've never heard of that story or of any contact John made with the Middle East. You'd think that would be important enough to even get onto John's wiki article. (It's not, and the >plebbit article disproves that story)

And the best part is the Soviets believed him.

There's a good vidya called World in Conflict where you literally have to drop a nuke on Russian troops in Oregon so they wouldn't find out the Star Wars program is a sham.

>plebbit article disproves
>plebbit
>disproves
well, it casts it into doubt but the story remains. kinda like Catherine the Great and the horsefucking hotness. not plausible but thanks to the chronicles of Matthew Paris (a John-hater btw) the story will linger for a thousand more years and deliver a thousand more keks.

>Hey Veeky Forums Tell me some of the craziest shit rulers have thought or done throughout history

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elizabeth_Báthory

>Báthory and four collaborators were accused of torturing and killing hundreds of young women between 1585 and 1609.[4] The highest number of victims cited during Báthory's trial was 650.

>The stories of her serial murders and brutality are verified by the testimony of more than 300 witnesses and survivors as well as physical evidence and the presence of horribly mutilated dead, dying and imprisoned girls found at the time of her arrest.[6] Stories which ascribe to her vampire-like tendencies (most famously the tale that she bathed in the blood of virgins to retain her youth) were generally recorded years after her death and are considered unreliable. Her story quickly became part of national folklore, and her infamy persists to this day.[7] She is often compared with Vlad III the Impaler of Wallachia, on whom the fictional Count Dracula is partly based, and has been nicknamed The Blood Countess and Countess Dracula.

What's this image from?

if you say some anime thing I'll be slightly disappointed

Thread. I meant thread.

Again, if the wiki article mentioned something regarding his relationahip with ANY Middle East power during that time period, it would have been somewhat plausible.

Yes, John was probably disinterested in Christianity. But God forbid he try that when there's a bonafide Crusader being one of your loyal retainers.

Keks will be had, yes. But John's main beef was literally "I want my guy to be the Archbishop of Canterbury" and when he didn't do that, he fucking forcibly conquered lands meant for the archbishop, which was also considered Catholic lands. Which did not need for any conversion at all.

>No, the manga in OP's post is innocent, it's about the Sanson family, Paris's executioners before and during the french revolution.

Nice christian propaganda.

into the hills the two cities

wasn't there a slav female queen that slaughtered an entire village? she's portrayed with crazy eyes

Morocco is in North Africa, directly south of Spain, not the Middle East; it's much more feasible that he made contact with them than, say, whoever ruled modern day Iran at the time

You're probably thinking of Olga of Kiev.

How?
Is she that bad? Isn't things ok in Germany?

yeah olga of kiev

pretty crazy lady, but i guess its better than the russian empress that fucked half of their subjects

A Portuguese king was so obsessed with killing moors that he himself led a small army to the middle of Morocco and never came back.

Oh yeah a bunch of dignitaries arrived by boat and she had them stay in the boat and had the boat carried onto land (to honor them so they wouldn't have to walk) and they tossed the boat into a giant ditch and buried them. Fuckin whacko.

Didn't Turkmenbashi rename the Turkmen word for bread after his mom or something

There is a vast disparity in how people view her as the foundation for the mass immigration of Islamic refugees, allowing Germany, as well as other nations, to be put in the paranoia of plausible ISIS assaults. It also hasn't helped that there has been a massive increase in criminal behavior among Germans and Immigrants, to both each other and to themselves. Most of these questions and challenges were raised after the Paris attacks, so there is still a lot of fresh hatred for her and the democratic system of Germany.

She wasn't a Slav, she was a Scandi Russian. It really starts to trigger me when people use Russian and Slav as synonyms.

Charlemagne

Poor germans and saxons

>Leviathan
>hero or villain

Dude, Behemoth and Leviathan were just monumentally immense creatures God showed to Job as examples of His Power in relation to that of a Human.

...

Don't forget that she has this bizarre determinism regarding the refugee crisis, and she seems to be adamant to take in as many people as possible without any regard for the Germans themselves.

Enver Hoxha of Albania banned beards and spent obscene amounts of money on building 700,000 bunkers in preparation for a supposed Yugoslavian invasion.
Mobutu Sese Seko ordered all television programs to begin with a shot of him descending from heaven.
Suharto transformed his country economically in the 60s until the early 90s, but also conducted THREE campaigns of genocide and stole as many as 35,000,000$, making him the most corrupt official of all time.

Now brought to life in song!
youtu.be/cvKRbi2ovDY

> Elagabalus was a notorious prankster. He would get his party guests black out drunk and then dump them into a bedroom full of toothless leopards, lions and bears. He also created the 1st known ‘whoopee cushions’ using inflated animal bladders.

They became pals, eventually.

He also sold his boipucci to strangers in the Roman Palace

To be fair, who'd deny the chance to fuck a Roman Emperor?

"he set aside a room in the palace and there committed his indecencies, always standing nude at the door of the room, as the harlots do, and shaking the curtain which hung from gold rings, while in a soft and melting voice he solicited the passers-by. There were, of course, men who had been specially instructed to play their part. For, as in other matters, so in this business, too, he had numerous agents who sought out those who could best please him by their foulness. He would collect money from his patrons and give himself airs over his gains; he would also dispute with his associates in this shameful occupation, claiming that he had more lovers than they and took in more money"

There are accounts of him not being in the city when the fire started. Actually, I don't think he was even in Italy.

when you're the emperor you don't have to actually do the chores yourself in person user

Of course, but watching Rome burn while playing a lyre requires one to be in Rome.

Yeah Germany's doing terrible...

He also watched "The Day After" and tried to contact the Russians to agree to destroy all nuclear weapons until his advisors told him not to. Guy was a loon.

That is a pretty good movie though. Fucking Mahoney trying to survive a nuclear war. It's great.

Rome sounds like it was a party 24/7.

Francisco Macías Nguema.
This guy sent soldiers wearing Santa Claus outfits to execute over 100 political rivals.

Depends. You either got great public works projects, orgies, or purges . Sometimes all three

He's talking about Hobbes', you dip

A real human bean

Zhang Zongchang, chink warlord in the early 1900s

>'Zhang was known everywhere as General Three Don't Knows. He said he didn't know how much money he had, how many concubines, or how many men in his army.'

>During one of his campaigns, he publicly announced he would win the battle or come home in his coffin. When his troops were forced back he was true to his word - he was paraded through the streets, sitting in his coffin, and smoking a large cigar.

>He "accidentally" shot Prince Xiankai, a cousin of the deposed emperor Puyi. According to Zhang the gun he was holding while standing at his hotel window happened to go off and shoot the young prince in the back. He was charged, found guilty by a Japanese court, and given the choice between 15 days imprisonment or a US$150 fine. He chose the fine.
B A S E D

This could easily be a hollywood movie these days
MUH STRONG FEMALE PROTAGONIST
MUH VAMPIRES
MUH HYPER-REALISTIC BLOOD

Ranavalona I, Queen of Madagascar

Contemporary accounts describe her as a tyrant at best, fucking nuts at worst. Since the 1970's though academics have also described as a strong womyn ruler who kept evil whitey out of her island.

>In 1845 she ordered a buffalo hunt, requiring attendance from all of the nobles at her court. Each courtier had to bring along a full retinue of underlings and slaves, and the expedition grew to an unwieldy crowd of some 50,000 people. Ranavalona commanded that a road be built, as the group proceeded, in order to smooth her progress. The expedition devolved into disaster as it went on, for it had departed with little advance planning; there were no food supplies for the workers other than what they could extract from villages along the way, and even noblemen were forced to pay exorbitant prices for rice. As road builders fell ill and died, they were replaced by fresh recruits. "The royal road was littered with corpses, most of which were not even buried, but simply thrown into some convenient ditch or under a nearby bush," wrote Laidler. "In total, 10,000 men, women, and children are said to have perished during the 16 weeks of the queen's 'hunt.' In all this time, there is no record of a single buffalo being shot."

>50.000 men hunt
Hahaha wow

That country was the US of A. He was in New York Shitty. The best part about the whole thing was that he went out for pizza

yeah sure /pol/, whatever you think

Olga wasn't a Rurikid. She married a Rurikid. Her own descent is unknown

>In all this time, there is no record of a single buffalo being shot."
kek
how do you fuck up this bad

In 93/94 or so Boris Yeltsin made a state visit to Ireland, except he didn't. He had gotten piss drunk on the flight over, passed out in the plane and never got out of his plane. For the entire time government delegates, and the Taoiseach (Prime Minister) were waiting on him

Wasn't Nero off fighting with his army when Rome burnt?

Chinese Emperors are always worth a giggle. Today we have the Zhengde Emperor.

>For instance, he set up a staged commercial district inside his palace and ordered all his ministers, eunuchs, soldiers and servants of the palace to dress up and act as merchants or street vendors while he walked through the scene pretending to be a commoner. Any unwilling participants, especially the ministers (who viewed it as degrading and an insult), would be punished or removed from their post.

>Then in 1517, the Zhengde Emperor gave himself an alter ego named Zhu Shou (朱壽) so he could relinquish his imperial duties and send himself off on an expedition to the north to repel raiding expeditions several tens of thousands strong led by Dayan Khan.[7] He met the enemy outside the city of Yingzhou and defeated them in a major battle by surrounding them. For a long period of time after this battle, the Mongols did not launch a raiding expedition into Ming territory. Then again in 1519, the Zhengde Emperor led another expedition to Jiangxi province to the south to quell the Prince of Ning rebellion by a powerful prince known as Zhu Chenhao who had bribed many people in the emperor's cabinet. He arrived only to discover that the revolt had already been put down by Wang Shouren, a local administrative officer. Frustrated at not being able to lead his troops to victory, the Zhengde Emperor's advisor suggested they release the prince in order to capture him again. In January 1521, the Zhengde Emperor had the rebel Prince of Ning executed in Tongzhou,[8] an event that was recorded even by the Portuguese embassy to China.

this all fascinating stuff, thanks for sharing.

This. Its the determinism that makes her so unbelievably bad. Current European politicians seem to believe letting in millions of refugees is impossible to stop.

>50.000
>.
Degenerate

How out of the loop are you? Germany won't be like it was a couple years ago for decades. She single-handedly destroyed a generation of Germans.

Being a Chinese Emperor during early Ming must've been like playing Civ with access to worldbuilder

This guy's pretty