ITT: absolute madmen of history

I refuse to believe this is true.

Trump is like Andrew Jackson and Gordon Gekko rolled into one

This is Forrest Gump tier

I refuse to believe there has been someone with this much luck in the world.

Joan Pujol i García aka Garbo aka Alaric Arabel
>Be Catalan
>Deceive and mislead the Germans
>Win WWII
>Both a MBE and a recipient of the (nazi) Iron Cross.

That's a claybeg not a claymore. I hate reading about Jack Churchill now because everyone is mostly wrong. He was cool and all, but he was also cool after the war and in his civilian life.

>overrated meme soldiers general

Man, if he wins this he'll feel like a quadrillion bucks, especially after he makes half the world eat crow

Read about him. He is a spy, not a soldier.

>Got into politics for one purpose
>Resigned immediately after that purpose was fulfilled

Bless that beautiful bastard.

Every time.

...

what a magnificent motherfucker

aside from being loud they have little in common

lmao

>Believing meme stories
Obviously the generals would have fought. They were all highly influential and ambitious to just step aside for an appointed Successor

With ELEPHANTS

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Publius_Clodius_Pulcher

>Start off as a prostitute.
>Become Chinese Pirate Queen.
>In terms of manpower, command the largest navy the world has ever seen.
>Beat the Portuguese navy.
>Beat the British navy.
>Beat the Qing dynasty navy.
>Loot everything (but no rape, cuz yer progressive pirates.)
>Get granted amnesty by Qing.
>Pardoning you, and all your captains and crew...
>...and they all get to keep their loot.
>Retire, die of old age while swimming in gold at 69.
ABSOLUTE MADWOMAN!

Baron Adrian von Folkersam

>In early August 1942, a Brandenburger unit of 62 Baltic and Sudeten Germans led by von Fölkersam penetrated farther into enemy territory than any other German unit. They had been ordered to seize and secure the vital Maikop oilfields. Disguised as men of the dreaded Soviet security police, the NKVD, and driving Soviet trucks, Fölkersam's unit passed through the Soviet front lines and moved deep into hostile territory. The Brandenburgers ran into a large group of Red Army deserters fleeing from the front. Fölkersam saw an opportunity to use them to the unit's advantage. By persuading them to return to the Soviet cause, he was able to join with them and move almost at will through the Russian lines.

>Operating under the false identity of NKVD Major Truchin, based in Stalingrad, Fölkersam explained his role in recovering the deserters to the Soviet commander in charge of Maikop's defences. The commander not only believed Fölkersam, but the next day gave him a personal tour of the city's defenses. By August 8, the German spearheads were only 12 miles away and the Brandenburgers made their move. Using grenades to simulate an artillery attack, they knocked out the military communications centre for the city. Fölkersam then went to the Russian defenders and told them that a withdrawal was taking place. Having seen Fölkersam with their commander and lacking any communications to rebut or confirm his statement, the Soviets began to evacuate Maikop. The German spearhead entered the city without a fight on August 9, 1942.

I doubt there's a woman as mad as her. Except maybe Olga of Kiev.

Julius Caesar and his story with the pirates is pretty absolutely mad.

>On April 11, Hauptsturmfuhrer Fritz Klingenberg’s instructions were to reconnoiter and establish checkpoints, secure any bridges and roads encountered, then hold for reinforcements. Heavy rains and melting snow had washed away nearly all soft surfaces, and bridges had been destroyed by retreating Yugoslav forces. The main avenues of approach to Belgrade were no longer viable routes, and the tanks would be hard pressed to continue without massive engineering support to clear those areas. After several hours of observing the stricken city from across the Danube River, Klingenberg believed that Belgrade was his for the taking, due to the confusion caused by the bombardments — provided his unit arrived in time. He had only 24 hours to submit a report to his command, and a decision had to be made quickly.

>Klingenberg saw a chance to probe more deeply into the city’s environs when one of his men found an abandoned motorboat tied to a tree along the banks of the swollen Danube. Taking only one sergeant and five privates, he negotiated the treacherous river. The trip was extremely dangerous, the currents raging from the runoff of melting snow in the mountains and from torrential rains. The boat was overloaded, as well. Reaching the far side of the Danube, Klingenberg sent two men back to ferry more troops over before sunset. On the return trip, however the boat struck a submerged obstacle and sank. Klingenberg’s ‘navy’ ceased to exist, leaving the captain and six of his men stranded. They were totally isolated, with limited supplies and ammunition.

>The squad advanced along the road and encountered a few British-made vehicles manned by Yugoslav soldiers. They captured two trucks and a bus, along with some 20 enemy soldiers. One of the men on the bus was an inebriated German tourist who had been trapped in Belgrade since the invasion started. The tourist, who spoke Croatian, had been apprehended as a spy by the Yugoslav soldiers and was being taken to be executed. He was still drunk and unaware of his impending fate. When he sobered up, he thought that he was still among his group of partygoers until he was informed of the situation. Klingenberg used him as an interpreter, in which capacity the grateful German was most helpful.

>The SS men continued on, using their prisoners and a few captured uniforms to get past several enemy checkpoints. They made good progress the first day without any of the enemy checkpoint guards becoming suspicious. The Germans added the Yugoslav guards to the increasing number of prisoners they were collecting along the way. The population of Belgrade, after several days of bombing, was anticipating a long siege rather than an attack, and the lax security that Klingenberg encountered played directly into his hands.

>Upon entering the outskirts of the city, the Germans became involved in a two-hour running firefight. They finally drove their captured vehicles into the city with many wounded prisoners aboard, including the hapless tourist. Miraculously, none of the SS men were wounded in the fight. They ended up in the city center, all alone and surrounded by a wide-eyed, bewildered population. The only SS casualty in Belgrade thus far was a private who had fallen and sprained his wrist.

>The Germans were amazed to find that no one attacked them in the city. The civilians went about their daily business as if nothing had happened. Klingenberg ordered Sergeant Hans Hossfelder to raise the German colors, replacing the Yugoslavian national flag with the German ensign shortly after 5 p.m. on April 12. Under Klingenberg’s orders, his men began to strut about the city on patrol, giving the inhabitants the unmistakable impression that they were in charge.

>The mayor of Belgrade came up to the Germans, complete with his entourage of city officials and in proper ceremonial dress. After asking what was going on, he inquired about the terms of surrender. Klingenberg told the mayor that his was the point team of several SS tank divisions, and if he did not check in with his unit by radio with the information requested, the Luftwaffe would continue their attempts to level the city. He also said that the air attacks would be followed by an artillery barrage and armored and infantry attacks that would spare no one.

>The other Germans looked at their leader as if he was mad. Their radio was damaged and could not transmit, only receive; their unit was a considerable distance away; and they were out of ammunition and food. Sergeant Hossfelder later told his captain that he was in the wrong business, adding that the Propaganda Ministry could surely find a use for him.

Is nothing sacred anymore?

The mayor fell for the ruse, and after an hour-long conversation with Klingenberg, he began the necessary arrangements for the surrender of the city. Then, as if on cue, a group of German aircraft flew over the city on a reconnaissance mission, and Klingenberg took advantage of the moment. He looked up, pointing to the sky, and reminded the mayor that the clock was ticking. Klingenberg gave his word that if all instructions were followed, no further harm would befall the city or its inhabitants. The city officials seemed relieved to hear that.

The soldiers and city militia agreed to lay down their arms in exchange for the Germans’ ceasing additional attacks. The Yugoslav army stacked its arms in the city square, and Klingenberg had all of the men register with the mayor. Klingenberg then ordered the prisoners to quarter themselves in four of the largest hotels and posted a German guard to each building. The handful of Germans had just captured more than 1,300 troops and a city with a population of over 200,000 without firing a single shot. The city had suffered considerable damage, but not enough to prevent the locals from continuing with life and business as usual. Yugaslav soldiers outside the city, unaware of what had happened to their capital, drove into Belgrade only to be ordered by their superiors to lay down their arms, abandon their vehicles and march to the hotels. All the Yugoslavians complied without hesitation.

Klingenberg and his men made themselves comfortable in the city’s finest hotel, making fake radio transmissions to reinforce the charade. They stockpiled bottles of wine and weapons, and two of the men disappeared with a couple of local women. Meanwhile, Klingenberg consolidated his position, knowing that things could still go wrong. If the main force did not arrive soon, the game was up. He had his men recruit locals to help procure every map, police record and tax record in the city.

>His relationships with his wife, daughter, and son also suffered. This became evident when he started telling visitors that his wife had died (despite the fact that she was still alive) and that the woman who frequented the building was simply her ghost
> In one notable episode, Dexter faked his own death to see how people would react. About 3,000 people attended Dexter's mock wake. Dexter did not see his wife cry, and after he revealed the hoax, he caned her for not grieving enough.
>Aged 50, Dexter wrote a book about himself – A Pickle for the Knowing Ones or Plain Truth in a Homespun Dress – in which he also complained about politicians, the clergy and his wife.

oops

>The chief of police was ordered to provide a list of all criminals in the city, stating their crimes, age and other pertinent information. Women with nursing skills were to report for duty immediately, and all doctors were called in as well. Every liter of gasoline was accounted for, and oil, medical supplies and other necessities were placed in special holding facilities. The hospital was to be neutral ground, and all health care was to be maintained as a gesture of good will. Klingenberg even ordered the schools to remain open and placed no restrictions on daily business. He did, however, place an 8 p.m. curfew on the city; only citizens with a pass signed by him could legally venture outside their homes after that time.

>The next day, April 13, more of Klingenberg’s men who had remained on the opposite side of the river followed their leader into the city. Seeing the German flag, they believed that the main force had somehow bypassed them. They were amazed to find the ‘lost’ men in command of the primary objective, with the locals not hostile but actually accommodating. Hossfelder told the new arrivals what had transpired and warned them to play along. They flexed their military muscle by commandeering every vehicle they could find.

>Finally, on the night of April 13, the forward elements of Das Reich entered the city expecting a heavy fight. They had disregarded radio transmissions they had received telling of the city’s surrender, believing it was an enemy hoax, possibly an attempt to lure German units into an ambush. Rumor had it that Klingenberg and his men had been captured, tortured and forced to release the codes required for proper radio communications. The XLV Corps commander was so furious at not having received his intelligence summary that he had threatened to have Klingenberg court-martialed if he were found alive as a prisoner. The first place he inquired for Klingenberg was at a brothel, figuring that he would find the renegade captain there. The corps commander’s fury soon subsided when he learned why his junior company commander had been negligent in his duties.

>The rest of Das Reich and supplemental army Panzergrenadierunits entered Belgrade in force the following day, and instead of fighting their way into the city, they were greeted with wine and cheese. The Yugoslav prisoners were conscripted to reinforce the German defense in case of partisan attacks.

>Sadly, when the mayor realized that he had been duped, he shot himself.

On April 17, Josip Broz, better known as Tito, the trade unionist and leader of the ‘illegal’ Communist Party, acknowledged defeat in Yugoslavia and surrendered the country in name only. He fled into the mountains with his partisans, where, supported by the British, he waged a four-year guerrilla campaign against his country’s invaders. He would later become president of a Communist Yugoslavia, which nevertheless rejected association with the Soviet-dominated Warsaw Pact.Klingenberg persuaded the garrison commander to relinquish his maps and divulge the location of his minefields and gun emplacements, as well as the nearby anti-aircraft emplacements and adjacent auxiliary airstrip. Markers were placed that could be clearly seen from the air, and German transports were able to land, bringing food, ammunition and war correspondents. Klingenberg even had some of the prisoners repair the damaged runways and confiscated several obsolete aircraft.

German Intelligence had projected before Belgrade surrendered that Yugoslav army casualties would number approximately 10,000 to 15,000 wounded and 2,000 dead after massive Luftwaffe and artillery bombardment and a subsequent fight to enter the city. Civilian casualties were predicted to be 10 times those figures. Klingenberg was concerned for the welfare of his men, yet he was also worried about the fate of the civilians. He did not see the need for further bloodshed in the city, and his men were actually treated well by the civilians, who knew that they could have suffered a much worse fate.At first, the German high command did not believe that the city had been taken. There was even word that Klingenberg would be shot for trying to fake such an exploit. Two days of radio transmissions were needed to convince Berlin that all was well. Lieutenant General Paul Hausser was ordered to inspect for himself.

>When Klingenberg reported to his superiors to explain why he had not followed orders, he was drunk, unshaven and smelled of perfume. After several minutes of heavy grilling, the frustrated Klingenberg said, ‘What was I to do, give the city back?’

>His indiscretions were overlooked, and the German battle plan, now obsolete, was stamped ‘completed.’

>The drive into Greece was now ahead of schedule. The cost of the entire Yugoslavian campaign to Germany was 558 wounded and 151 killed, with less than a dozen aircraft lost. More than 340,000 Yugoslavs were captured. The exact number killed will never be known.

>For his daring exploit, Klingenberg was awarded the Knight’s Cross, and he became a favorite of the SS inner circle. The ‘Old Man,’ as he came to be known, was periodically sent to Bad Tölz as an instructor on tactics and battlefield initiative. On March 15, 1944, he became the only Bad Tölz graduate to assume command of the school Klingenberg was not a hearty drinker or talker and never boasted of his accomplishments.

>When later asked by students at Bad Tölz how he had captured the capital of a country, he simply said, ‘I was not too preoccupied at the time, and found something to do.’

Those mothafuckers gon get haunted.

the only thing left sacred is the almighty dollar.

Any good links for it?

Hilariously, it is. You can even read his book for free on Google Books. It's probably on Archive.org but I never read it there.

Enrico Dandolo

Looks like I know who my history waifu is now

You mean
>Got into politics to get more famous
>Started shit he didn't expect to be responsible for
>Actually got shit done and destroyed the EU accidentally

I have having trouble finding a good video on schadenfreude, so please accept these historically-accurate English Anarcho-Syndicalists.

youtube.com/watch?v=rAaWvVFERVA

Holy shit, that grin. He looks like a fucking madman.

>Sadly, when the mayor realized that he had been duped, he shot himself.
That's both incredibly funny and a rather disheartening turn.

fucking legend he is. I'd watch this movie

Too bad its impossible to make a movie abut a plucky and heroic Nazi underdog

They are both political realists with very low opinions on things like social norms and listening to authority figures.

Napoleonic wars aaw the establishment of many madmen. Among them, during Russia's retreat, after 3 weeks of walking at -40 degrees without sufficient supply, any man to have fought in the Berezina was clearly a mad man. The French faced 3 russian armies on 3 sides, each larger than the total remaining French fighting force. They had to cross this big ass river that was cold and saw icebergs going down the flow at killing speed. Nonetheless, a bridge had to be made. And the bridgers did it, with the General jumping first in the freezing cold water (!). After that the French waited till the very last moment to blow up the bridge (hollywood tier), not before kicking the Russian arses on the 3 (!) fronts. At once, with a starving army. Madmen.

Makes WW1 germany look like amatuers

>Alvin York, known also by his rank, Sergeant York, was one of the most decorated soldiers of the United States Army in World War I. He received the Medal of Honor for leading an attack on a German machine gun nest, taking 35 machine guns, killing at least 28 German soldiers, and capturing 132 others. This action occurred during the United States-led portion of the broader Meuse-Argonne Offensive in France to breach the Hindenburg line and make the opposing German forces surrender.
He was also a contentious objector

forgot pic

That spelling mistake seems more accurate tbqh.

>"I am the first in the East, the first in the West, and the greatest philosopher in the Western World"
it's true though.

>Communists gaining momentum
>Guy giving speech
>Someone should stab that guy
>He did it, the absolute madman

The first and last Emperor of the United States

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emperor_Norton

There are tons of building in the US built directly on top of Indian burial mounds. My old school had one next to the playground. Surprised they would even bother fencing this off.

I remember this guy from old AFN commercials when I was a kid. They had all kinds of madman stories on AFN commercials, they were better than most of the shitty shows they had on.

This cemetery should've been entirely removed, the "sacred" bullshit is not an argument.

le engineering autism detected

Someone help me

I can't remember the name of that group of madmen that were going to be conquered by some tyrant that was requiring their surrender and they sent a letter back to the king full of as many curse words as they could think of

What was their name?

"Sacred" is a spook

Reply of the Zaporozhian Cossacks?

Ding ding thanks senpai

The cossacks

>The book contained 8,847 words and 33,864 letters, but no punctuation and its capitalization seemed random. At first, he handed his book out for free, but it became popular and was reprinted for sale eight times. In the second edition, Dexter added an extra page which consisted of 13 lines of punctuation marks with the instructions that readers could distribute them as they pleased.

>Klingonberg

>WWII
>American company occupying one half of a french town. The germans the other half
>Recieve completely green reinforcements
>Captain command the platoon to take a house down the street occupied by the germans
>A few minutes later the entire platoon is marching down the street in full view of the disbeliefed captain and the germans
>The lieutenant walks right up to the door, knocks and wait for someone to answer
>Some german sergeant opens the door and they talk for a bit
>The lieutenant and sergeant starts walking together with the german calling out to different houses down the street
>German soldiers pour out and start marching back to the american lines with their hands in the air
>Some 300 men taken prisoners without a single shot fired because of one very ballsy and inexperienced man

Can't confirm if this story is true in any way, but I always found it to be pretty damn impressive if it is.

These types of threads are my favourite on /his

Alexander cochrane and Leo major are worth mentioning

Someone help me figure this out
>Fisherman's boy impressed into piracy at 15 by Ching Shih and her husband (Cheng I)
>Became lovers with Cheng I
>Adopted by Cheng I
>Ching Shih also becomes Cheung's lover and marries him and has his child
Is that right?
Was there some pirate threesomes going on there?

wow

forgot picture

Adam Smith
>Smith was described by several of his contemporaries and biographers as comically absent-minded, with peculiar habits of speech and gait, and a smile of "inexpressible benignity".[53] He was known to talk to himself,[47] a habit that began during his childhood when he would smile in rapt conversation with invisible companions.
>According to one story, Smith took Charles Townshend on a tour of a tanning factory, and while discussing free trade, Smith walked into a huge tanning pit from which he needed help to escape.[55] He is also said to have put bread and butter into a teapot, drunk the concoction, and declared it to be the worst cup of tea he ever had. According to another account, Smith distractedly went out walking in his nightgown and ended up 15 miles (24 km) outside of town, before nearby church bells brought him back to reality.[54][55]

No wonder he believed in invisible hands and shit

To be fair, the plan had existed before Hannibal took command.

BTFO
based nips

>ywn be the teenage boy toy of the Chinese pirate Queen
why live?

>Perhaps he'll bring with him, AN ARMY OF ELEPHANTS

based japs

>Reply of the Zaporozhian Cossacks?
Zaporozhian Cossacks to the Turkish Sultan!

O sultan, Turkish devil and damned devil's kith and kin, secretary to Lucifer himself. What the devil kind of knight are you, that can't slay a hedgehog with your naked arse? The devil excretes, and your army eats. You will not, you son of a bitch, make subjects of Christian sons; we've no fear of your army, by land and by sea we will battle with thee, fuck your mother.

You Babylonian scullion, Macedonian wheelwright, brewer of Jerusalem, goat-fucker of Alexandria, swineherd of Greater and Lesser Egypt, pig of Armenia, Podolian thief, catamite of Tartary, hangman of Kamyanets, and fool of all the world and underworld, an idiot before God, grandson of the Serpent, and the crick in our dick. Pig's snout, mare's arse, slaughterhouse cur, unchristened brow, screw your own mother!

So the Zaporozhians declare, you lowlife. You won't even be herding pigs for the Christians. Now we'll conclude, for we don't know the date and don't own a calendar; the moon's in the sky, the year with the Lord, the day's the same over here as it is over there; for this kiss our arse!

- koshovyi otaman Ivan Sirko, with the whole Zaporozhian Host.

TURKROACH ABSOLUTELY BTFO

>goat-fucker of Alexandria

Still pretty accurate.

>but muh wellington

>e is also said to have put bread and butter into a teapot, drunk the concoction, and declared it to be the worst cup of tea he ever had

> He is also said to have put bread and butter into a teapot, drunk the concoction, and declared it to be the worst cup of tea he ever had

lol what.

...

> he actually got kills with the bow and arrow

literally who?

The father of american economics everyone.

...

>Fakes death
>Wife doesn't cry at fake wake
>Beats her
Why are rich Massachusetts people so fucking weird?

Serbia is the only country in which the Jewish question and the Gypsy question has been solved.

>Leo major
Yup, definitaly worth mentioning!

>What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch?