ITT: Historical figures who need a their own movie

>cortez
yes
>scipio
yes
>william the cunt
yes

>the rest
no

also coronado is the sexiest of the conqs

>poleon isn't interesting to general audiences

How not?

He's basically a romantic hero come to life.

Just shear away some of the headache inducing revolutionary politics and people would eat it up.

Why haven't they made a Kant movie?

Because they Kan-

Ah, fuck it.

Charles Manson does have a very interesting backstory. He was essentially raised in Prison and grew to become a small cult figure that would shock all of America. The Donald Trump part was more ironic. Maybe someone like Martin Luther would be better?

french nationalism makes most of the civilized world whoozy and sick to their duodenum. glorifying napoleon could only be done by a french film company, which means it would have limited release. like that shitty turkish movie about how mehmet 2 took constantinople and any movie about genghis khan, just wouldn't play well for westerners. the germans would resent it, the brits would be uncomfortable, the americans would be totally disinterested. idunno, just doesn't seem marketable for some reason.

If they make a movie about Justinian the main character should actually be Belisarius.

He was the one who accomplished all that Justinian was famous for, and he would have completed the conquest of Italy had not Justinian recalled him for fear of his general becoming too popular and overthrowing him.

So instead of the swift return of Italy to Roman rule we got an indecisive war that accomplished nothing but destroying the lives of all Italian residents, Lombard and Roman alike, and the bankrupting and overextension of the Eastern Empire.

A GOOD movie on Alexander the Great.

>Scipio Africanus
is there any movie about Rome that doesn't center on Caesar, gladiators, Christianity, and/or Britain

There's a movie about Augustus at least. It's called Imperium Augustus

A Hiss/Chambers movie not made by Hollywood commies

Nestorius Cyril and Eutyches

i would love to see a proper big budget epic about the obliteration of carthage, with plenty of backstory for context of the 2 prior punic wars to really hammer home the hundred+ years of tension and fear that led to one of the most viscous sackings in history. and the fact that rome thrived for hundreds of years because of it shouldn't be taken lightly either....

>Maybe someone like Martin Luther would be better?
>He hasn't seen it

Heraclius needs his own movie way more than Justinian.

>Overthrowing Phocas in dramatic fashion (the infamous "will you do any better?" line from Phocas would be perfect in a show)
>blackmailing the church into agreeing to help fund his war effort
>rebuilding the army while simultaneously fighting off the Persians
>invading Persia itself
>fighting enemy generals in single combat
>regaining all the lost territory plus a little extra

......then he goes insane as the Arabs rise to power and conquer all the territory he just reconquered, leaving him a broken and bitter man. It's a perfect tragedy. Plus he married his niece, which is Game of Thrones-tier incest.

Just me and my daddy, hanging out I got pretty hungry so I started to pout He asked if I was down ⬇for something yummy and I asked what and he said he'd give me his cummies! Yeah! Yeah! I drink them! I slurp them! I swallow them whole It makes daddy happy so it's my only goal... Harder daddy! Harder daddy! 1 cummy, 2 cummy, 3 cummy, 4 I'm daddy's princess but I'm also a whore! He makes me feel squishy!He makes me feel good! He makes me feel everything a little should!~ Wa-What!

>man literally stops and converts an army to his side with a few words

user that would be the Oscar bait scene of the decade.

>there will never be a high-budget Caligula-style porno about Theodora

just kill me senpai

MAHKNO
A
H
K
N
O

Paul Dano as Joseph Smith

Fug, I spelled his name wrong.

Nestor Makhno.

there are already plenty of joan of arc movies user

>Hernan Cortez

This would just be used as an opportunity to push a specific political ideology. His historical impact would likely be washed over and belittled. In summary; it would only be historical or factual in areas it agreed with the established narrative.

>Scipio Africanus
>William the Conqueror

These would be interesting although I would worry about obvious bullshit being told and then having to deal with people claiming that the bullshit mentioned in the Hollywood movie actually happened.

>Donald Trump

Impossible to have any sort of objective film about this man for at least 50 years assuming he doesn't win the Presidency. 100 years if he does.

That would be an instant classic

kek

Yakov Pavlov

I've always fantasized about making a movie about the Conquest of Mexico that's at least somewhat even-handed and doesn't go full Black Legend or White Legend.

Like you say though, almost impossible.

me

Justinian II > Justinian I

>Lose throne and nose
>Get exiled to Crimea
>Escape to Kazharia, marry hot jewish princess
>Brother-in-law send two killers, kill them with his bare hands
>Escape to Bulgaria, befriend the Khan
>March to Constantinople, get through the walls using the sewers
>Execute usurper, get a nose made of gold
>Kill the traitors and then descend into paranoia
>Start wars against neighbors, including Bulgaria
>Get killed and send the empire into 20 years of anarchy

I read that Spielberg wanted to direct Kubrick's script as a miniseries for HBO.

Edward VII and his wife.

Directors would get stuck in their own vision of the movie.

i've thought for years now that they should make a long running byzantines tv series. game of thrones shows that people like long-running, complicated medievaly political intrigue and nobody did that better than the byzantines.

but if i had to pick just one for a movie, it would def be heraclius

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I'd say give Belisarius a movie instead. Or Heraclius or Basil II.

basically any of these byzantine emperors could have a great movie about them

Constantine
Leo I
Zeno
Justinian
Heraclius
Justinian II
Irene
Leo V
Basil I
Romanos Lekapenos
Nikephoros Phokas
John Tzimiskes
Basil II
Romanos IV Diogenes
Alexios Komnenos
John II Komnenos
Manuel I Komnenos
Andronikos Komnenos
everyone involved in the Fourth Crusade clusterfuck
Michael VIII Palaiologos
John VI Kantakouzenos
Constantine XI Palaiologos

A movie or series about the Fourth Crusade. That'd be the shit.

Would watch

But the 1970 Waterloo got panned by critics.

Varangian guard's one and a half year deffence of Constantinople during 4th crusade Legends!!

I've thought for a while that Baron von Steuben would be good oscar bait, especially if they go extra hard for it with the "rumored homosexual" angle. Whether he needs it or not? Eh I'm indifferent. I don't know if I'd even watch it.

It would be incredibly difficult to do right but if someone pulled it off it could easily be the best historical movie ever made.

Hannibal would be pretty good if done right. Although anything Byzantine would be way better, it's criminal how little media there is about the Byzantines.

I think a movie about Constantine XI's last stand at the fall of Constantinople would make for a great blockbuster.
There's something so visceral about it that could appeal to a modern day audience.

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>implying the Turks wouldn't get butthurt over it even if it was as nuanced and balanced a portrayal as you could get

Was it Steuben or someone else who was a phony? I think someone bullshitted his way into the revolutionary army.

>Constantine XI's last stand at the fall of Constantinople
Yes, this could be a very hood cinematic moment

Titus Manlius Imperiosus Torquatus

>mfw Sabaton has juat released teir new album about last stands and didn't even include a song about the fall of Constantinople
Missed opportunity right there

this please

jiuyangda.tumblr.com/post/148169241725/reign-of-terror

This mad man needs his own film.

Eternal Anglo and Ruskies still hate Nappy. SJW's will get butthurt about Haiti.

Come to think about few men have caused as much anal devastation as Napoleon did.

>That smirk

A literal Khorne champion was among us gentlemen

Because he lived an extremely boring life.

As did most good philosophers.

If the confederates won the Civil War, what would America be like?
At the very least, would we be called the CSA instead the USA?

Dude it took me five days in campus library to get them straightened out. It would need fucking diagrams

Pic related

>tfw will never watch a 3 hour hollywood epic about a fat mercenary from Shropshire conquering India

ehem

There're bretty good Russian series about him
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nine_Lives_of_Nestor_Makhno

Well he had the advantage of not getting any orders easily so he just went and took it. Hell they even let him off the hook in the trial because successfully argued any man in his position would have gone off the rails.

Li Guangli would have made for an interesting movie, from his wars to him leading a troubled life with his despicable Xiongnu wife.

Depp is already finished career wise, 100 mil loss last year on his movies

Constantine XI's attempted escape you mean.

Alexios Komnenos
>boudica
The movie would be 99% non-history. Boudica has been heavily dramatized.
Oh gee? A soviet movie panned in 1970? Most critics today give it good reviews, especially for the battles.

Flavius aecius definetly

i want an action/history film full of violence, but without good guys

t.Mehmet

I haven't heard anything about Steuben being anything other than legit, doesn't sound familiar to me. Lemme know if you find out who you're thinking about though, I'm unfamiliar with that.

Thomas-Alexandre Dumas

>Come to think about few men have caused as much anal devastation as Napoleon did.

Hitler, Muhammad and Genghis Khan are the only ones that come to mind.

If the Confederates "won" the USA would be spilt in two. Condfederates were never going to take over the North. Them winning would just be defending themselves from invasion to the point where the Yankies say it's not worth it.

Elagabalus

Any good movies recommandations ?

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>implying this isn't the best moment to make a movie against the roaches

I believe there was a 4 hour long silent biopic that covered his early life up to his invasion of Italy. As far as I can recall it was a French/Italian production and was intended to be the first in a series. Other than that the only Oscar-bait film I can think of centring on Napoleon is the 1970 Waterloo film.

Brian Boru

Charles Martel the Hammer

Ivaylo of Bulgaria, The Cabbage

Stephen Báthory

Zeljko Raznatovic "Arkan"

Ivan the Terrible

Charles Vane

Yermak Timofeyevich

There is simply too many.

>A gay porno featuring dressing up as a prostitute, pedophilia and human sacrifices.

Olga of Kiev

Sabaton is shit though

I am so sorry.

It's just that, for a heroic last stand supposedly, some guy thought of discarding everything that marked him as Emperor.

If I did a fucking last stand, I'd keep my imperial shit and let the enemy know i defy them to their fucking faces.

this.

>tfw you will never see Alexander's companions being the interesting guys they were
>instead we have a 2 minutes introduction to all of them in a 2 hours film

I got my Hildegarde movie why cant I have a Bernard of Clairvaux movie. Come on france.

I think what he did was actually even more poetic and movie-worthy: casting away your imperial garnments, resolute to die the same as any other footsoldier, the very same that stand around you in your last moments of life.

>en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nine_Lives_of_Nestor_Makhno

Neat. I'll check it out. Thanks.

damn that was good

maybe a miniseries would be better for this

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