How do I make birds stop shitting on my car?

How do I make birds stop shitting on my car?
Every day with this shit.
Go out and car is covered in it.
I'm afraid it's going to start fucking with my paint.

My parking spot is directly under some power lines btw

Park in ramp FAGGOT

Buy a garage you plebian

Put birdseed on the other end of the lot

A pet hawk will make those birds go away even if a few crows. Since that is impractical and you cannot stop birds from perching on wires, don't park the car underneath bird perches. Park elsewhere.

If you MUST park there, and you have no HOA (home owner association) rules, buy one of those clothlike parking shelters and park your car under it. If it is the flat top type and not sloped, then construct it with one side higher than the other so rain will run off the roof faster instead of pooling on top. Of course, make the rain roll off to the non-driver side. These shelters are commonly used by people who park under trees, so it may help you with some sap problems.

The name for these is "car canopy" so google it of find it at discount shops. Don't get the metal ones as those are expensive. In my area, simple ones are $39.99 each. You can brace them against the wind the same way you do for a tent. Some have side walls which are good in places like arizona to keep the sun and grit from beating on the side of the car. Those are hard to brace up against wind though. Anyways, they are nice and cheap. Don't overpay like those fools who buy car wax for $2000 per paste wax tin. Sure, your car canopy came in a gold-leaf embossed container to protect it and it was autographed by Britney Spears to certify that she approves of its protective properties, but that doesn't make the car canopy worth $2000. Uh, with Britney Spear's autograph, maybe $1990 or maybe $1998. Yeah, $1998. She's hot after all.

A lot of effort went into this post

pellet gun

bird sized butt plugs

also I hear alka seltzer gives birds a case of the explosions

Works wonders. If you shoot at them every time you are home the birds will learn to avoid the area when your car is there.

Fun fact: Birds piss and shit at the same time.

What is going on in this picture?

Police will sometimes go undercover as a protester and get fake arrested. It puts fear in the real protesters so they won't act up. Nobody wants to wrestle a smelly hippy to the ground and arrest them.

I had the same problem. I started tossing stale tortilla chips to the neighborhood crows until they got comfy with me around and would hang out in front of the house waiting for their corn chips. Side benefit: they kept other birds away and didn't shit on my car. They associated the unlocking chirp with me coming out and feeding them, I think.

man, crows and ravens rock

You have to paint protesters as violent anarchists to keep the normies from listening to anything they're saying.

Sounds about right. Crows are smart as fuck. Studies even show that they can remember individual faces of people they both like and dislike. Remember this next time you throw rocks at one, they know you and remember when you're a dick to them.

They really are quite smart.

>Give yourself diarrhea
>Harvest diarrhea
>Catch Crow
>Pump diarrhea into Crow
>Release Crow allowing it to tell other Crows to stay the hell away from you
>Winning

I'm doing this too

For starters, don't park below power lines.
Also, don't park under trees. Or buildings. Or lamp posts. They will still shit on your car but less often. Appearently it's hatching season or something so birds are pissed as fuck.

Fun fact: birds mouths are under their tongue

>I shitpost and pisspost at the same time

neat

buy a bunch of cats and let them loose

Bird tape and pinwheel windmills work great. Every time the wind kicks up it flutters all over and scares birds away. If you can somehow attach it somewherr high enough to the power line where they are sitting it should work.

Don't park under powerlines then

Park
Somewhere
Else