I lied on my CV and said that I'm a master guitar player and now my boss wants...

Raving_Cute
Raving_Cute

I lied on my CV and said that I'm a master guitar player and now my boss wants me to play in front of some clients. What should I do?

Sir_Gallonhead
Sir_Gallonhead

Break a finger.

MPmaster
MPmaster

buy a splint and some tape
tape your finger up
say you hurt it somehow
can't play

Micro or Macro? What college?

King_Martha
King_Martha

Get fired and learn from your mistakes

Spamalot
Spamalot

It won’t help, this will come up again.

takes2long
takes2long

Amputate your finger.

askme
askme

hire a retired celebrity to play in your stead.

Can you say Danger Zone?

massdebater
massdebater

he'll obviously have to change jobs. easier than coming clean.

Poker_Star
Poker_Star

tell him el bucho shot your hand and you have to avenge your lover

StonedTime
StonedTime

tell the truth. what is he going to do? fire you for lying about a stupid guitar skill ?

AwesomeTucker
AwesomeTucker

It's not what he lied about, it's the lying. Speaks of him as person.

Nude_Bikergirl
Nude_Bikergirl

Can you play at all?
Tell your boss it was a joke, you actually suck. Is that hard? Wtf?

If you can't play at all and dont even own a guitar then that's weirder and more cringe-worthy. Burn the building down.

Lunatick
Lunatick

dude if you knew someone was so fucking insecure and beta they lied about being an expert guitar player you'd have to spit in their face and fire them.

Sir_Gallonhead
Sir_Gallonhead

What situation would even require you to play in front of clients?

Top of my head:
"Don't have a guitar at the moment"
Start taking guitar lessons
Say you had nerve damage recently and can't play anymore
Else "hurt" your yourself now and claim injuries will prevent you from playing in the future.
Come up with a better idea to replace guitar act.

viagrandad
viagrandad

Hey, I've seen this meme before. Only last time it involved a piano :^)
Nice try op

happy_sad
happy_sad

Are you George Costanza?
Is this Seinfeld?

Crazy_Nice
Crazy_Nice

Tell him to bring the guitar
When he brings it say "Oh no, I'm left handed, I can only play left handed guitar"

Simple

Raving_Cute
Raving_Cute

you knowwhen you lie on a CV or resume, it's supposed to be something you could pick up in a week or two while using the excuse "it's been a while" meanwhile, going home to frantically beg google for help

takes2long
takes2long

Winner of the thread.

Spazyfool
Spazyfool

Loser of the thread.

Fried_Sushi
Fried_Sushi

"I haven't plaid in a long time, and I have stage scare"
Tell him some bullshit story about how you were kicked out of your band because you had panic attacks whenever you tried to play in public for strangers
tfw if I wasn't this good at making up excuses my life would probably be a lot less miserable

Raving_Cute
Raving_Cute

THREE CHORDS that's all you need user.
THREE CHORDS.

Or you know, you could just set up a P.A. plug an iPod in
I need some backing music, drums, bass etc.
And then just mime to a prerecorded guitar track.

Make sure the guitar sounds like it was recorded live.
That's if you want to be George Costanza and weasel out of your lie by lying more.

Sir_Gallonhead
Sir_Gallonhead

did i say guitar?? oh I meant AIR guitar.

kizzmybutt
kizzmybutt

lol that's some I Love Lucy tier shit right there

ZeroReborn
ZeroReborn

Could this work if I lie about having done 1st Line IT Support?

Nojokur
Nojokur

Chop of your hands

No, just tell it straight to his face, we don't live in the 1800s anymore,
works erof the world , unoit!

Stark_Naked
Stark_Naked

break your hand on "accident"

Evil_kitten
Evil_kitten

Screw Jimi Pretendrix up there, someone answer me here

Inmate
Inmate

Attach a blue tooth speaker to the back inside of an acoustic guitar. Record some classical guitarists and act like your playing while the mp3 does the real work for you!

Illusionz
Illusionz

When is the performance? I happen to be a Veeky Forums guitar master and I can train you for $120/hour via Skype. For an additional flat fee of $500, I will record and edit a one minute Rocky-style training montage video to document your progress. I can also work with you on your diet plan and sleep schedule.*

*Additional fees apply.

Methnerd
Methnerd

Ask him why he wants you to play. When he says "You said you were a master guitar player" just chuckle and say "No, boss. I said I was a masturbator."

Skullbone
Skullbone

say no?

Nojokur
Nojokur

YEAH NIGGA HIRE K-LOG

Snarelure
Snarelure

Agreed or tell him that "guitar" is the name you gave to your penis... or the name that you gave to his if you are looking for a promotion.

TalkBomber
TalkBomber

Tell him that you mistyped in cv and you are actually an excellent air guitar player. Don't fuck up at playing air guitar though.

JunkTop
JunkTop

Tell him you're a lying piece of shit and should never have gotten the job.

Harmless_Venom
Harmless_Venom

brake hand.

source: back to the future III

5mileys
5mileys

learn like 5 cords, 2 or 3 stupid little riffs, and learn a song. Variate between the stupid little riffs or notes on a scale for the solo. Practice that and play it, you can pretty much play 90% of songs after learning 5 cords.

tl:dr wing it

Nude_Bikergirl
Nude_Bikergirl

Alright OP,

This is how you solve your own riddle.

First off, everybody lies on their CV.
You just need to make a bad thing into something good.
You're going to need some balls for this one, though, and seem as self confident as possible.

Come clean with your boss. Just plain admit you lied. Then remind him you did what had to be done to get the job you wanted.
Tell him this is the way you do things. You do what needs to be done to achieve your goals. You push the limits to improve.

What is next is you hire a pro to play because that needs to be done.

You just proved you have 'it' in you.
Thank me later.

Nude_Bikergirl
Nude_Bikergirl

You actually told a girl you know how to play.

but you are too fucking autist to admit it.

why would it be relevant to tell them you know how to play the guitar? would that make you a better worker?

kek lie harder stupid fickk