I lied on my CV and said that I'm a master guitar player and now my boss wants me to play in front of some clients. What should I do?
I lied on my CV and said that I'm a master guitar player and now my boss wants...
Break a finger.
buy a splint and some tape
tape your finger up
say you hurt it somehow
Micro or Macro? What college?
Get fired and learn from your mistakes
It won’t help, this will come up again.
Amputate your finger.
hire a retired celebrity to play in your stead.
Can you say Danger Zone?
he'll obviously have to change jobs. easier than coming clean.
tell him el bucho shot your hand and you have to avenge your lover
tell the truth. what is he going to do? fire you for lying about a stupid guitar skill ?
It's not what he lied about, it's the lying. Speaks of him as person.
Can you play at all?
Tell your boss it was a joke, you actually suck. Is that hard? Wtf?
If you can't play at all and dont even own a guitar then that's weirder and more cringe-worthy. Burn the building down.
dude if you knew someone was so fucking insecure and beta they lied about being an expert guitar player you'd have to spit in their face and fire them.
What situation would even require you to play in front of clients?
Top of my head:
"Don't have a guitar at the moment"
Start taking guitar lessons
Say you had nerve damage recently and can't play anymore
Else "hurt" your yourself now and claim injuries will prevent you from playing in the future.
Come up with a better idea to replace guitar act.
Hey, I've seen this meme before. Only last time it involved a piano :^)
Nice try op
Are you George Costanza?
Is this Seinfeld?
Tell him to bring the guitar
When he brings it say "Oh no, I'm left handed, I can only play left handed guitar"
you knowwhen you lie on a CV or resume, it's supposed to be something you could pick up in a week or two while using the excuse "it's been a while" meanwhile, going home to frantically beg google for help
Winner of the thread.
Loser of the thread.
"I haven't plaid in a long time, and I have stage scare"
Tell him some bullshit story about how you were kicked out of your band because you had panic attacks whenever you tried to play in public for strangers
tfw if I wasn't this good at making up excuses my life would probably be a lot less miserable
THREE CHORDS that's all you need user.
Or you know, you could just set up a P.A. plug an iPod in
I need some backing music, drums, bass etc.
And then just mime to a prerecorded guitar track.
Make sure the guitar sounds like it was recorded live.
That's if you want to be George Costanza and weasel out of your lie by lying more.
did i say guitar?? oh I meant AIR guitar.
lol that's some I Love Lucy tier shit right there
Could this work if I lie about having done 1st Line IT Support?
Chop of your hands
No, just tell it straight to his face, we don't live in the 1800s anymore,
works erof the world , unoit!
break your hand on "accident"
Screw Jimi Pretendrix up there, someone answer me here
Attach a blue tooth speaker to the back inside of an acoustic guitar. Record some classical guitarists and act like your playing while the mp3 does the real work for you!
When is the performance? I happen to be a Veeky Forums guitar master and I can train you for $120/hour via Skype. For an additional flat fee of $500, I will record and edit a one minute Rocky-style training montage video to document your progress. I can also work with you on your diet plan and sleep schedule.*
*Additional fees apply.
Ask him why he wants you to play. When he says "You said you were a master guitar player" just chuckle and say "No, boss. I said I was a masturbator."
YEAH NIGGA HIRE K-LOG
Agreed or tell him that "guitar" is the name you gave to your penis... or the name that you gave to his if you are looking for a promotion.
Tell him that you mistyped in cv and you are actually an excellent air guitar player. Don't fuck up at playing air guitar though.
Tell him you're a lying piece of shit and should never have gotten the job.
source: back to the future III
learn like 5 cords, 2 or 3 stupid little riffs, and learn a song. Variate between the stupid little riffs or notes on a scale for the solo. Practice that and play it, you can pretty much play 90% of songs after learning 5 cords.
tl:dr wing it
This is how you solve your own riddle.
First off, everybody lies on their CV.
You just need to make a bad thing into something good.
You're going to need some balls for this one, though, and seem as self confident as possible.
Come clean with your boss. Just plain admit you lied. Then remind him you did what had to be done to get the job you wanted.
Tell him this is the way you do things. You do what needs to be done to achieve your goals. You push the limits to improve.
What is next is you hire a pro to play because that needs to be done.
You just proved you have 'it' in you.
Thank me later.
You actually told a girl you know how to play.
but you are too fucking autist to admit it.
why would it be relevant to tell them you know how to play the guitar? would that make you a better worker?
kek lie harder stupid fickk