When I was eight or nine my family had stopped at a truck stop somewhere around barstow...

>"there is berry puddin in the back of this truck! just for me!"

I had never seen a naked truck up close, what else was I supposed to think?

Yeah, it's red and looks delicious but fuck, it tastes awful, how did you not say to yourself "this is not berry anything"?

I'm 28, I can't remember if I was a stupid kid who ate things or not. I do remember trying to taste a scented marker once though. Like, just licked it, not full on bite the tip off. That's when I learned that scent is just a scent and doesn't necessarily mean something is edible or not. This was like, kindergarten.. not some epiphany I made in 4th grade art class, so thankfully I don't think I ate a handful of grease or dog shit or anything.

>I like puddin

What did that first handful taste like?

>eight or nine
>eating grease

>"oh so this is what it looks like"
>"what is this black substance dad, can I eat it?"

i one puked all over the backseat of my aunts brand new VW touran.

my presents for the following years where a lot smaller.
Not that i blame her, if some little shit puked all over my car and the smell never really goes away then fuck that kid.

>asking your parents if you should eat food before doing so

do you also raise your pinky finger when you drink?

>grease in the back of the truck
>food

it was at this moment that you fucked up

ever try to fry an egg on your hood when it's really hot out? That's the situation I (thought) I was in but with berry pudding

At what point in time did you realize that it didn't taste like berry pudding at all? Did you ever reach that point or did you only stop because it was time to leave?

>ever try to fry an egg on your hood when it's really hot out?

no

not really

I mean not even once user

besides its not the same situation at all
you know an egg is food, but you had no idea what grease is?

>hating fun

This is a normal learning experience, also scented erasers (although I still don't understand why they make some markers specifically to sniff when others are way-toxic to sniff)

Eating three handfuls of grease from a fifth wheel at nine years old, on the other hand, is not normal at all. Something was amiss developmentally.

...

>eating grease is fun

>this entire thread

ITT: OP tries to justify being retarded when he was a kid

I'm choking on my food thanks to this thread.

Shit like this is why I keep coming back to the stupid website.

Iv shared this thread with all of my friends, I can't stop laughing at this post in particular >this is not berry anything

>Also when I was 17 I jacked off into the gearshift.

So you were stealing a trucker's berry pudding?
You little shit.

>berry pudding

thanks for the laugh OP

am I good or retarded too? made carbonara with chocolate milk because I had no ordinary milk pic related

>that soupy mess
>carbonara

>milk or cream
>carbonara
0/10 see me after class

God dammit OP this is some quality shitposting

I only followed instructions nigga

Oh god dude, I've been to Needles before. I'm amazed they have a hospital there.

>I like puddin

carbonara is egg, pepper, prosciutto or bacon or pancetta, and parmesan.

are you thinking of alfredo? also I put grilled chicken and fresh homeade olive oil based pesto in my carbonara

...

nah it was carbonara came in some dodgy packet thing though didnt really make it myself packet said creamy bacon or some shit

vegemite

/co/o/king thread?

Then you're a dumbfuck. If you're older than 4, you should know no to eat any kind of mechanical grease. That should have killed your dumbass and removed you from the gene pool.

had avocado on toast didnt take a pic though

>cooking carbonara out of a packet

no

nice stew m8.

never been to Veeky Forums, how is it there? been cooking my whole life tho

Not him but Veeky Forums is 90% crying about Americans and 10% women making threads to blog about being women

You're just dumb. I was never this stupid even when I was 7

But you can't smell it when approaching to your mouth?
Jesus plz don't have kids or you pollute gene pool

Weird, me neither. I obviously didn't even remember their correct board name I go to actual /co/ more than there. I went there to try starting a thread about getting maximum crema on my espresso and quickly came to the conclusion they don't know much about cooking.

so if I made a thread on the 4th of july about me making my own smoked trout/salmon fillets/brisket with american flags in the background or a fried turkey would they be horrified or something?

it's not like Veeky Forums knows much about cars either

a lot actually do know stuff about cars although the majority probably doesn't know shit

Veeky Forums knows WAY more about cars than Veeky Forums knows about cooking unless you count knowing how to drive stick about the same as say knowing how to eat with chopsticks which actually has nothing to do with cooking at all.

Some britcucks might get triggered but you should be good.

You were 9... There's no excuse. That kind of retarded reasoning goes away at 4

You were the kind of kid that would take candy from a stranger weren't you?

I mean to be fair, it's also a free ride in a van.

How did one taste of the grease not put you off?

Granted I don't know what grease tastes like but I can't imagine it's good. Why would you shovel three handfuls in your mouth? It's not like it's anti-freeze which is supposed to taste sweet.

Hey guys, I come on Veeky Forums sometimes but Veeky Forumshas been my main board for years. Ask me stuff I guess if you want.

>It's true there are many many fast food threads
>It's true lots of women post there
>The worst threads get the most replies
>Many of us are fat and don't really cook at all, we just like food
>Some actually cook well and some work as cooks/chefs

>I like puddin

what's the best dry brine for smoking salmon filets?

I ate a big spoonful of wallpaper paste when I was 4 or 5. It was in a plastic or paper bowl and had the same texture as applesauce. I like to imagine I can still remember what it tastes like

why do sometimes my farts smell good when I eat certain foods, but for others it smells like shit ?

hot or cold smoked

It means that the invention of easy hospital accident is destroying natural selection and allowing drooling mongoloids to survive and breed

Top kek

OP is Retard

>It's not like it's anti-freeze which is supposed to taste sweet.
Antifreeze has bittering agents in it, and has had them for the last few decades.

kek

>I like puddin

>not using your own organic lube
what a faggot

That sounds terrible but at least it isn't fucking grease flavored berry puddin

>Was
Implying op isn't retarded anymore. That shit doesn't just wash off with a bath or two.