Why do we use so complicated terms and language in business?

Nojokur
Nojokur

Why can't we talk simpler so that everyone will understand, even the most retards at the company? Why do we need all these terminologies and sophisticated language to describe a simple acts like "HR is about preventing the company from getting sued form its employees." instead of all that inspirational bullshit businesses use to seem that they care about your wellbeing and your happiness?

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cbsg.sourceforge.net/cgi-bin/live

Need_TLC
Need_TLC

1. you need to disguise the violence inherent in the system.

2. it's secret code that the morons don't understand.

if you don't understand it then you're the morons we're keeping secrets from.

Raving_Cute
Raving_Cute

Because as my Grade 9 phys ed teacher used to say. "you need to learn the bullshit and you need to speak it, no one cares beyond that"

Lord_Tryzalot
Lord_Tryzalot

an example from a 2 minutes google search:
Our principles guide us to make better decisions as we all work together to deliver our promise. The principles encourage us to be responsive to one another – and that means being more flexible and innovative to make things better. Sticking to our principles means working as one team, being transparent, supportive and decisive.
Does anyone actually believe that any company in this world cares about John or Tim, more than they care about profit? You must be pretty stupid not to see behind the deception they make their employees believe.

Sir_Gallonhead
Sir_Gallonhead

This. If anyone could understand it, then noone would have to be paid to understand it one someone else's behalf. Look at how a medieval trade guild operated and keep in mind that modern businesses aren't all that far removed from them.

Soft_member
Soft_member

No, nobody believes it.

It's just something you say dude. It's like when a relentless, unrepenting criminal who for years said "FUCK THE POLICE, FUCK THE JUDGE" and then he's wearing a suit and puts on a remorseful look on his face and tries to seem to repent.

It's just part of an act, thats all life is

girlDog
girlDog

Sounds like you need to touch base with new strategies of communication and a changing paradigm of business interactions

takes2long
takes2long

shit like that. You can simplify it by saying "FUCK OFF, DO SOMETHING ELSE" but noooooooo, let's use shit that doesn't make sense

Poker_Star
Poker_Star

It's just a bunch of upper middle class narcissists trying to justify their massive salaries for doing worthless busywork all day

Flameblow
Flameblow

This. Thank you

TalkBomber
TalkBomber

/lit/ here
Adverbs ("much more financially"; "very cool",)
Accusatives (You, Need, I)
Non-deriving knowledge (Strategies, Understand, Agenda, Responsible)

TurtleCat
TurtleCat

fpbp

"Hey Jim, what do you do for a living?"
"I migrate systems integral to cloud managed operation systems management training fund data collection analysis cloud."
"Oh cool, my son does that too."

StonedTime
StonedTime

That wasn't the first post though

VisualMaster
VisualMaster

Lmao office lingo is a meme for lower employees and middle management. Everyone at the top knows this shit is fuck all bullshit used to trick idiots into thinking the company cares about something other than mAklng money

Nojokur
Nojokur

This.

Evil_kitten
Evil_kitten

Jargon in a professional setting can be categorized in three ways with two sets of purpose and degrees of need. That sounds complex, but allow me to break it down.

Suppose one chemical engineer says to another "Hey, I've got this new molecule that is water soluble that I'm experimenting with, and I'm adding a few moles of it to some water in order to determine it's acid constant based on how much hydronium is present. Can you spare some purified water from your lab?"

All that jargon? Serves a purpose. Without a college level of understanding in mathematics and a thorough understanding of the field of chemistry you have no fucking idea what the two chemists are talking about because the ideas themselves are so inherently complex that the layperson cannot absorb or contribute to the discussion. This is prevalent in STEM.

Then, there's:

A Historian, an International Relations professor, and a Political Scientist are arguing about immigration patterns in an obscure nation of Central Asia. Our International Relations guy discusses in depth legal policy and Push-Pull factors relating to net in-migration (yes I spelled that right). Our Political scientist makes an argument based on the Demographic Transition Model. The Historian brings up straight line comparison to historic trends and talks about observable statistical trends based on seemingly unrelated data.

Your layperson won't get this conversation without a lot of explanation of terms, and even if enough is spoonfed to them that they can kind of follow the discussion it would consume a ridiculous amount of time and they would have nothing to contribute. The Jargon expedites.

Then there is this horseshit here:

We're going to integrate our new Blue Ocean business strategy with Scrum workflow in order to better synergize our energy.

There is no idea in the above statement that requires the use of jargon, it's meant to make the initiated look smart and keep out the uninitiated.

takes2long
takes2long

Suppose one chemical engineer says to another "Hey, I've got this new molecule that is water soluble that I'm experimenting with, and I'm adding a few moles of it to some water in order to determine it's acid constant based on how much hydronium is present. Can you spare some purified water from your lab?"
All these words were prsesent in my school chemistry class.

massdebater
massdebater

Calculate an acid constant for me based on ph and molality.

lostmypassword
lostmypassword

Monoprotic or polyprotic?

Skullbone
Skullbone

Trying to be cute with some basic chemistry terms

Why don't you calculate the acid constant of a strong acid?

Emberfire
Emberfire

What are you trying to prove? That basic chemistry terms are studied only in college?

SniperGod
SniperGod

inspirational bullshit
HR department are infested with women. The eat that shit up. To them, their job is an extension of their FB status.
Men in HR are faggy gaylords who couldn't hack a real business course

TurtleCat
TurtleCat

What temperature, nigga?

ZeroReborn
ZeroReborn

to keep the normies out.

TechHater
TechHater

Implying being an HR director with 150k per year is a faggy gaylord position

eGremlin
eGremlin

Our best-in-class learnings generate our functional, under-the-radar and cognitive measures going forward. A solution orientation invigorates the enabler by thinking and acting beyond boundaries. The policy makers engineer the intra-organisational leadership. Our long-established priorities gradually empower the enabler. Market-changing sign-offs promote systematized credibilities. Core meetings transfer the standard-setters. In the same time, policy and ROE strengthen the business leaders. The stakeholders dramatically embrace our relationship. Problem-solving, technological, connectivity is all about critical core meetings.

BunnyJinx
BunnyJinx

Thinking any amount of money can get you past your faggy gaylordness

GoogleCat
GoogleCat

The white-collar workforce facilitates the trustworthy branding. Pursuing this route will enable us to culturally stay in the zone within the silo; nevertheless the human resources minimize downtimes.

Fuzzy_Logic
Fuzzy_Logic

That's deep man

Stupidasole
Stupidasole

Is there a program that can generate this shit?

whereismyname
whereismyname

Dashboard and vision inspire the project leader. The powerful champion synergizes sales targets. A well-communicated core business empowers collateral, ubiquitous and values-based rewards. Our rock-solid strategy architects our ground-breaking impetus. A collateral strategy formulation delivers maximum impact from the get-go, while the enabler co-develops an extensible and responsive brand image. The executive committee seamlessly strengthens an informationalization. As a result, the sales manager drives the empowerments within the industry. Our business enabling reputation cultivates the open-door policy. Our cornerstone drives the group. The game changers dramatically mitigate our issues. A synchronized benchmarking influences the powerful champion. The Chief Innovation Officer standardizes reality-based insights, as a Tier 1 company.

Need_TLC
Need_TLC

Nevermind, foud it. cbsg.sourceforge.net/cgi-bin/live
The team players strategically whiteboard our acculturated, business-for-business, SWOT analysis up, down and across the cube; nevertheless the clients engineer vision-setting brand values. The resources co-create a cross-breeding. The Chief Management Office Officer pre-prepares plans. The enablers influence our operational pipelines. In the same time, technologies 24/7 iterate an alternative. The stakeholders articulate our challenging potentials. The Chief Business Operations Officer straightforwardly focuses on the bottom-up and/or powerful pipelines on-the-fly. A big picture differentially transfers the standard-setters, whereas the General President of Innovation efficiently formulates forward-looking internal clients. We are working hard to manage differentiated and/or innovative engagements.

Sir_Gallonhead
Sir_Gallonhead

Holy shit this is gold !!

iluvmen
iluvmen

Look up Sokal.
That's where this originated

Illusionz
Illusionz

That man is a genius

LuckyDusty
LuckyDusty

Literally automated business shitposting
A Veeky Forumsraeli's dream
Fascinating.

Skullbone
Skullbone

Reminds of that quote from the Big Short

Illusionz
Illusionz

The robust growth straightforwardly strengthens the Principal Chief of Identity, while the niches reconceptualize contents. Our innovation engages our ground-breaking, leading-edge, platform. A siloed and coordinated trend influences the Chief Management Office Catalyst. Emerging benchmarks conservatively enable consumer-facing momentums across the wider Group. An inter-company measure significantly strengthens our structured, relevant, result-driven and core attitude. The sales manager visualizes our team building; this is why the standard-setters optimize divisional structures as a consequence of a superior expansion. Benefit, market environment and asset operationalize images because a vision produces an unparalleled cost reduction. Value-enhancing measurements diligently target the resources by expanding boundaries.

farquit
farquit

God, this garbage infests job postings/descriptions too.

The worst part is that people buy it. I have been in jobs where I knew something was like 3 lines of code but a faggot made it sound really hard so management wouldn't let me do it. And we wonder why nothing fucking works in this country.

StrangeWizard
StrangeWizard

ping
market-based solutions

Ignoramus
Ignoramus

/thread

Business is just basic planning and human politics. But the men that run it get all the money.

In order to keep the sheep working, the lingo helps convince them that this is complicated stuff that only we are capable of.

Human nature is a tough red pill to swallow.

let's touch base on Monday

hairygrape
hairygrape

It's time to roll up our sleeves and talk about vertical integration

Evilember
Evilember

twice I prove I don't know what I'm talking about

Monophonic and polypeptide don't affect acid constants. Strong acids don't have an acid constant because they convert 100% to their conjugate bases given the opportunity.

I'm glad that your school taught you to parrot a few words you don't understand though.

Raving_Cute
Raving_Cute

your brain, if you can't understand it then business isn't for you

CouchChiller
CouchChiller

It was a joke

MPmaster
MPmaster

synergy

Bidwell
Bidwell

its easier to talk in jargon. like for example, would you prefer saying "Equity" rather than saying "things of value you own n shiet"

RavySnake
RavySnake

more /sci/ on Veeky Forums than on /sci/
Thanks user.

CouchChiller
CouchChiller

I got some vertical integration that could substantially energize your base.