So Veeky Forums here's a story

So Veeky Forums here's a story.

>be me
>own bmw e39 540i
>have battery die
>take it out of trunk to charge it in garage
>close trunk
>big mistake
>go on Veeky Forums to see if anyone knows how to get back in my trunk with no power.

side note all the locks are electric not mechanical.

Other urls found in this thread:

oppositelock.kinja.com/replacing-bmw-batteries-yes-it-is-ridiculous-1681775778
twitter.com/NSFWRedditVideo

he's a big guy

Pop the hood and "jumpstart" it with the provided terminals. There problem solved

help me :c

plan on doing this but what do I plug the negative into? I could only find the positive terminal.
I know absolutely nothing about electrical.

>inb4 the car is locked too.
Lol, bought European engineering.

This was kinda a problem in my 2000 focus, the trunk wouldn't open without power. But it was OK, cos it still had a key hole to open it.

the frame

Chassis?

Exposed metal, anything without paint. Engine is the best place

>Doesn't know what ground is
IMPRESSIVE.

Connect negative to the engine block, or some other part of the frame that is metal. Fucking moron. Hell, you could even do something outside.

In fact, hold the negative in your hand, and jump start it.

You must bet 18 or older to post on this Filipino flip flop forum

The e39 has a keyhole in the trunk. does this not release it?

Fuck bro. LOOK UNDER YOUR HOOD. There is a + terminal to connect to under a plastic cover. Ground should just be your hood latch.

READ YOUR FUCKING OWNERS MANUAL. The battery being in the trunk means that jump starts take a special procedure. Literally any ground will work as long as you hook up to the + jump start terminal, but just see what the manual says. Every BMW manual ever is available on the BMW USA website.

You do not jump start a BMW with a trunk mounted battery via the trunk. You jump start other cars that way, but you don't jump start your own.

You have a nut for the negative but literally anything on the chassis will work. Read your fucking owners manual.

Shit sorry OP, use my pic for how to jump start but I misunderstood your OP. If your trunk is a electronic lock then you need to get in through your doors using a key, fold down the rear seats, and pull the child safety lever. As I said, read your owners manual.

Yknow you need to register your battery in a BMW right? Can't just swap a new one in and be set for 8 years

Pre 2007 new-model BMWs don't use registered batteries. E39 is old school.

>side note all the locks are electric not mechanical.
No they aren't, the doors 100% are not, and the trunk probably isn't either.

You are incorrect friend. E46 and E39 both need them registered

4u

Nope, not the E39/E46.
It started with the E65 in 2001
oppositelock.kinja.com/replacing-bmw-batteries-yes-it-is-ridiculous-1681775778

Thanks for the misc blog link but I'm an apprentice tech at BMW and we're always registering batteries for E46.

well I changed my 1999 e46 328ci battery with no issues

>apprentice tech at BMW
Then you should pay attention, because you're arguing that this needs to happen for E46 and E39.

This does NOT need to happen for the E39.

>apprentice tech at BMW
they lie so the service advisor can cuck the customers. My '03 designed Z4 does not need registration. Nor does an e46, or e39.

"Registration/Programming" at a BMW dealer = Resetting the clock and fucking the customer.
Dis nigga gets it. I suppose it trickled down from the 7.

>Dis nigga gets it. I suppose it trickled down from the 7.

here. Yeah, I believe it trickled down from the E65/E66. Even my E61 ('08 535xit) didn't need the battery coded to the car.

I can't blame the BMW "tech." I had to argue with the service advisor that my battery didn't need registered. BMW is really lacking in their education of techs imo. Really not the same marque I fell in love with.

Yeah. I was planning on pickup up an '11 760iL with my review bonus. Instead I'm likely going to do a ground up rebuild of an '00 750il, for exactly that reason.

Mate you don't know what you're talking about. We don't even charge extra for registration. /tinfoilhat all you like but fact of the matter is they require registration. Yes you can plop a battery in and it'll run just fine. But without registration... you'll start running into problems after a couple years.

Word. I've a Z4M and it is imo the last of the real BMWs. Shame that the dealers don't know how to maintain the older cars as they always used to. That said, I'm still buying an M2 in a few years cuz reasons.
E85/6 and E39 and E46 do not use such a battery. Stop trusting the retards that "train" you.
· 2002 and newer 7-Series E65/E66 chassis
· 2003 and newer 6-Series E54/E63 chassis
· 2004 and newer 5-Series E60/E61 chassis
· 2006 and newer 3-Series E90/E91/E92/E93 chassis
· 2005 and newer X5 E53 chassis with N62 engine
· 2007 and newer X5 E70 chassis
· 2008 and newer X6 E71 chassis

>you'll start running into problems after a couple years.
I'm 5 years in on a '03 540iT. Still no problems.

When exactly is this supposed to happen?

Oh and e89 Z series. Anything older, is just a fucking battery bud. The ECU does not regulate charging cycles. If you want to be a good BMW tech, trust the forums. The current training is shit without regard for anything a decade older.

Never. He is a victim of modern day BMW tech training. Hopefully he opens his eyes and realizes old BMWs are not like "new" BMWs.

Next thing he will say is my e30 needs the battery registered haha

>Next thing he will say is my e30 needs the battery registered haha
>haha
Well at least I know I'm being trolled now.

So..e36? e46? e9X? or F series?
Which needs registered retard?

Cuz the answer is also not e39 dipshit. Just in case you thought I was trolling you.

they open without power you idiot.. i just opened my e39s doors with the key and it's been dead for like 5 years.

wow great thread

>We don't even charge extra for registration
Do GM cars using AGM batteries also need battery registration? Or is registration just part of the BMW mystique thing?

E39 owner here.

The battery does not need to be registered upon replacement. This is fact, not up for debate.

Check other forums if you still need validation, but otherwise stop arguing your point. You're wrong.

HAHAHAHAH!!
I had a very similar thing with my E34 535i. Left it sitting for almost a year, and ofcourse the central locking wasn't going to do its thing. I ended up jacking the front of the car and jumping a spare battery to the alternator.
Apparently there's a manual override but it didn't seem to work on my car.

>tfw I put in the cheapest battery they had at my local car store 6 years ago in my dd e46 and still no problems...

>Yes you can plop a battery in and it'll run just fine. But without registration... you'll start running into problems after a couple years.

So, even if I avoid the stealership dealer costs, I still have to go back to the stealership dealer to get the battery registered? He'll charge me $120 because that is like the minimum fee for any stealership dealer service charge unless it is an oil change.

any decent bmw indie can register a battery, and it's relatively simple stuff for bmw software, just need a cable that can talk to the car properly

>the locks are electric not mechanical
both the driver's door and trunk have a mechanical override you mongoloid, you turn the key to the regular unlock position and then turn it about a quarter of a turn further
this will work even if your actuator is broken
retards general?

>focus wasnt made in europe

Isn't the point that he has now locked the boot where the battery goes, so wants to jump start the car to open it?

Surely you can just use the key to open the boot and avoid pissing about jump starting it in the first place?

Or am I missing something?

>Surely you can just use the key to open the boot and avoid pissing about jump starting it in the first place?

OP said:
>side note all the locks are electric not mechanical.

OP set the condition that all locks are electric and that there are no keyholes for any doors or for the trunk. No door or trunk can be opened by using a key because no mechanical means are allowed for this car model. Therefore, OP states indirectly that the car cannot use keys to open any door or trunk lid as there are no keyholes anywhere.

>E36
>dead battery
>insert key
>turn and push
>pops open

Are you sure you're not retarded? Hell even my driver side door has a broken actuator and I can lock and unlock with the key.

Missed the part where they said that, apologies.

Would be surprised if this is the case though, the E46 locks are mechanical so I would imagine the E39 ones are too.

People are stupid do not listen to them.

There are two types of BMW negative terminals, only use them. Yours should be the brass colored bolt on the passenger side strut tower.

>as there are no keyholes anywhere
Except OP is just retarded, because there are keyholes on both the driver door and the trunk. You can actually see the one on the driver door in OP's pic.
The locks are mechanical but are normally operated by an electric motor. To bypass the motor (in the case of dead battery or failed lock motor) you simply turn the key 90 degrees instead of 45 degrees like you normally would.

Dunno about OP, but I'm the one with an E34 who posted earlier. The mechanical actuator on mine didn't work and I had to jump it from the alternator underneath the car.
Even if there's clearly visible key holes in the door, doesn't mean there's a mechanical link (as I rudely found out).

I don't know anything about E34, but the E39 absolutely, 100% has a mechanical lock on both the door and the trunk. I use the one on the door daily because my actuator is broken and I had to use the one on the trunk once because my battery shit itself.

All the other doors also can be unlocked mechanically by pulling the interior handle twice.

>BMW removes mechanical locks
>BMW removes dipsticks
Stop doing this, BMW. What are you going to do next, remove key starts?

That's all well and good... Unless you're locked outside. A similar trick is meant to work externally, but didn't for mine, hence the alternator trick.
No kidding. It's advancement with no real advantage... And a shit load of drawbacks.

>It's advancement with no real advantage... And a shit load of drawbacks.
It seems a lot of manufacturers are just jumping on the TECHNOLOGY bandwagon without really caring about its application

you can still open it with the key. there is a spot for it to the right of the license plate. it's a mechanical override

You're full of shit

If it's a manual just start it in 2nd gear by pushing it.

Considering he's too retarded to know how to mechanically override his trunk lock, I'd guess it's an automatic.