BMW engines are gigantic pieces of shit

thegarage.jalopnik.com/bmw-engines-are-gigantic-pieces-of-shit-1784684330

Jalapeño claims (rightfully) that BMW makes craptastic engines.

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BMW fanboys on suicide watch!

But yeah, BMWs make great cars for the first 60k miles, I wouldnt touch them after that.

>jalopnik

the only cars the article author has owned are beat to death bimmers so l idk

Verbal KEK.

>inb4 OP samefags pretending to be a butthurt BMW poster after no body replies

mine has done almost 5 times that mileage and runs like a champ, no issues at all

>Automatic

why the fuck would an E60 be manual, it's a huge car

For you

>davis
Fuck off that's not even impressive. Even Fords can get past that.

youtube.com/watch?v=JVRo05riefw

>huge car
>basically as big as a new 3 series
OK david

...

I never doubted that some car can do more miles than mine, but the claims that BMWs or german cars in general can't do more than 120k miles are ridiculous. I know several 300+k mile bimmers, mercs and volkswagens running with no issues

I would never want a manual car bigger than a 3 series unless it's an M

>German reliability is a myth

Who told him that German cars were reliable?

I cant wait til gawker declares bankruptcy so we won't have to deal with this inane drivel and its reposts.

Big bodies cars are fun as fuck with manual.

A guy I work with has a last gen 335i

The rear main seal was installed wrong at the factory and constantly leaks oil lol

actually a manual 540i or e39 m5 is on my bucket list

>davis says "why the fuck would an E60 be manual, it's a huge car"
>davis then says "a manual 540i or e39 m5 is on my bucket list"
Jeez Davis, your European education is showing again

>Before I get several angry, slur-laden, and poorly-spelled emails from bimmer bros that need to prove that their 130,000 mile, salvage-title 335xi with the M-tech package is just as reliable as it was when they first decided to finance it for 96 months from their uncle’s buy-here-pay-here-lot, let me give you a little much-needed perspective.

projecting so hard he hit his own ass close to home.

But he's right tho.

>KM
>KILOMETER
That's why SOME beemers are still running. In America these cars are literally driven on 2 years leases before being passed off to poor people pretending to be rich that NEVER DO MAINTENANCE. That's why they have the reputation here.

The E39 is the same size as many contemporary coupes.

kind of this
after the car gets off its original lease it either goes to some 18 year old kid or Jamal. the 18 year old kid maintaining it is 50/50, but Jamal sure as fuck isn't going to do any maintenance beyond adding some new rims
actually an easy way to get a good maintained one is to just buy a manual because retards don't know how to drive those here.

Lexuses seem to handle that pretty OK.

>Jalapeño

Kek that guys name is a chilli.
>opinion discarded.

They do, but they also look like ass, handle like ass, and are difficult to find in manual, if the model you're after even comes in manual.
And lexus doesn't even make anything that compares to the M cars that jalopnik fag is talking about.

>compares the reliability of a BMW M car to a toyota corolla
wew lad
I have yet to ever hear of someone comparing a BMW to another performance car in the reliability sector, particularly a japanese one
probably has something to do with 90% of japanese cars making less than 150hp

There are a ton of japanese v8s that are far more reliable than anything out of germany. Like, why does BMW over-complicate their engines with shit like VANOS?

VANOS seems to be the shit people always go after on BMWs but what you guys don't realize is with the widespread VANOS seals issue, the cam is just stuck in the "hot" mode and has an annoying rattling noise. No running issues, no performance issues.
Plenty of companies have variable valve timing, Honda just took the better implementation of it and BMW can't exactly copy them.

Before you make such claims, have you ever owned or driven a single bmw that wasn't wrecked or beyond 400000k's?

No? Then shut the fuck up, nobody is interested in your opinion when it's not backed up by any evidence. Jaopnik doesn't count, they are the equivalent of buzzfeed for cars, an journalistic fucking joke.

>Jalopshit

the E39 is not that big and the 540i is almost like an M car
BMW doesn't need to copy honda, BMWs torque curve is traditionally very linear, Hondas VVT is not linear

BMW S54B32, 73k miles, no problems.
BMW N51B30 SULEV, 95k miles, no problems.
BMW N52B30M1, 130k miles, no problems.
BMW M52B28, 180k miles, no problems.
BMW M20B25, 210k miles, no problems.

No internal work, ever. Stop with this meme. The engines (less their first turbo forays) are bulletproof. Its the parts in the US that rape you. Hell even the autotragics I had have never failed.

So according to that guy this car is a huge piece of turd then
whew

>540i is almost like an M car
No buddy, its not. Its cool, its fun, but it ain't an M.

But yeah the e60 is a fucking boat. Anyone who compares different year 3, 5, 7, etc series in size is a retard who thinks a 1988 civic is the same size as a 2016 civic.

literally almost
with some suspension mods the 540i m sport is about 70% of an M5, it's about as fast as the E34 M5

Oh forgot the M42B18 that made it past 160k, autotragic and all.

You want to talk about trash cars with trash transmissions, let me tell you about my Mitsubishis.

>I cant wait til gawker declares bankruptcy
Jalopnik is owned by gawker? Jesus fucking Christ. I guess I'm done going there. Thanks for the info user. Don't want to give those cocksuckers any of my valuable clicks and views

Not even a 2001+ 540I with the M62TUB44 sport package and same Getrag will ever feel the same as chasing those last 900 RPMS in an S62 with .6 more liters. The e39 M5 is intoxicating.

total anecdote but my mother's honda needed a transmission at 40k miles, so I guess it's time to start memes about honda too

Meh modern Honda automatics do have a pretty bad reputation desu. Fact is, it is hardly the motor or transmission that fails on any car, its everything else that breaks which makes the car worth more as scrap unless you are okay driving a shitheap, which most BMW drivers (in the USA) do not.

But seriously. Fuck Mitsubishi. The 4B11T engine is shit (despite the 4g63t being made by God herself), all GSX, VR4 (galant or GTO) transmissions and majority of the drivetrain are fucking made of glass. That is a brand worth memeing.

Besides BMW fucking up their first turbos, shit is good. Problem is more "enthusiasts" own BMWs so you hear more bad in the US. In yurope they are just shitboxes.

>Besides BMW fucking up their first turbos, shit is good.
Oh sorry, I also forgot about the first generation SMG BMWs. M3s only in NA, but they sold them in lower models elsewhere. Those are fucking shit transmissions. Just as the e38 seven series or the 8 series is a money pit because its electronics were way ahead of its time.

With a little research you can learn what is or isn't shit in a car brand. To blatantly label any marque (except Mitsubishi you pieces of shit) is just silly. Except Mitsubishi. Consider them shit until proven otherwise.

Shitty m52 owner right here with 205k mostly trouble free miles

BMWs here are very cheap with tons of parts available, E30s , E46s and E36s are basically the Miatas of yurop.
In fact upkeeping an E36 325i drift missle is way cheaper and easier than upkeeping a NA Miata, Nissan 200sx etc in europe.

ive owned mitsus since the 90s. specifically dsms. beat the shit out of them respectfully, never a serious issue.

its not the cars fault that most in the community are incompetent.

>literally
You have no idea what that word actually means, do you?

The M62 (540) and S62 gRub while both V8s, are not even close.

*(M5)

(M5)
gRub
kek'd

Yeah...

The difference is 104hp and 45 lb ft, and 900hp rpm.
The S62 is based on the M62, tuned by BMW M
It's the suspension, sound, LSD and 100hp more that make the difference
Not completely different worlds

>900hp rpm
I mean 900rpm

You're missing...

Bored out cylinders
VANOS on intake AND exhaust
Individual throttle bodies
Additional air intake plenum
Different oil sump

And that's just the engine...

They're different engines and different cars.

interesting, so the S62 has 4 vanoses?
I mean 2 times double vanos

>(except Mitsubishi you pieces of shit) is just silly. Except Mitsubishi. Consider them shit until proven otherwise
I swear the Japs sent you guys shit quality models out of spite or something. It's an issue exclusive to Clapistan and hopping in bed with Chrysler did nothing to help it.

>look up DISA valve on the e46.

Hole shit BMW engines are bad design.

not even a common issue and not even expensive to replace. Vanos is a far more common problem, but it doesn't affect anything

>not an expensive issue.

if that pin falls in your cylinder, it is.

You're going to need a new engine.

Really? AWD? Even my 7bolt tranny babbied blew in 70k. Rear diff pinion gears went before 80k. A 2+ Shep rebuild street driven lasted 50k. And in that time the all the replaceable parts of the driveline back had to be replaced, with a transfer case rebuild cuz already in there. And it is still broken down in my driveway with a T25 and 100% OEM.

FWD seems to be pretty good tho. But the GTO is just as big, if not more of, a nightmare.
Agreed, but the EVO X engine is a timing chain stretching bitch. Two friends first hand. Clogged MIVEC ports. Just a shit engine.
$180 bucks. big woop.
Besides being noisy most replacement is "preventative"
Never happens. Regardless. Few hundred bucks. And they don't fail without warning.

But see that is the great thing about BMWs. Everyone knows anything that can ever break. Support is simply bar none (less the ~2010+ models) I've no opinion on those.

For instance lets talk BMWs objectively greatest engine...the S54. The best NA straight six ever made.
>rod bearings
recalled. old news.
>cam bolt gear
super rare, but that is fanbase support, plus mostly fixed under warranty
>Double Vanos
noisy, but only needs replaced every 150k. for a race car engine putting out 100bhp/L (like the beloved S2k) that is pretty fucking fine. Even clutches last at least 120k in M3/Z3/Z4s no matter how raped. BMW (used to) build good shit.
DISA is not VANOS newb

kek

Eagle may have in fact been revenge for Hiroshima long in the making.
>i miss my talon tsi

>Actually read jezebel article

Oh god, this guy is the ultimate troll. Like everyone on gawker he learned everything he knows about cars from Veeky Forums.

Fuck me. I took the bait.
Still got my shitheap. Assuming it was FWD it may still be alive in some poorfag's apartment lot.

And ethanol mixtures fucking up the HPFP. Over here in NZ, failure rates are much lower.

>inb4 "race car engine"
Don't blame emissions. Shit was serious business, and still is today. The S54B32CSL is a true race car engine without emission bullshit.
Good point, but I've only heard of that on N54/N55 engines. Fuel pump failures outside of that one engine is unheard of...probably cuz NA tho

Yep, the N54 is notorious for that in America. Which is a shame, e9X 335i's are pretty cool.

The hpfp issue was fixed several years ago.

>durrr my cars are fine and they will never break down
Bullshit just because it didnt happen to YOU doesnt mean thousands of people wont get raped by bmw

>I have yet to ever hear of someone comparing a BMW to another performance car in the reliability sect
Corollas are a better performance car than bmw
Also bmws arent even performance cars

>They were still warrantied by BMW NA to 10 years or 120k miles (thank you American laws for once) and BMW did eventually make a replacement HPFP that fixed the problem. It was a design flaw, they owned up once they figured it out, and took care of it.
>Can't really ask more out of somebody. Everyone makes mistakes. Not like Porsche and the ISMS or god forbid VW and their EPA violations (may they burn in hell).
Shit happens, no one I have ever know has been raped by a BMW (less my aunt, but her POS auto had 180k miles on original fluid) unless it was some top of the line 100k car 10 years ago with electronics no one should have bought anyways unless they were leasing. Like it or not, BMW is on the largest mfgs on earth, and only in the USA do tripfags sperg on them based on word of mouth or anecdotal evidence from fellow friends who own shit cars.
If your idea of a good car is it makes it to 300k miles without oil, buy a 1990s corrola or civic

I'm saying that ethanol fuels exacerbated the design flaws of the N54's fuel pump. It received a lot of bad publicity that's still around, despite the recalls.

nope

Sorry I typed it back up on my PC and not phone. Even then the ethanol content destroying it is an (imo unlikely) theory. Regardless, shit is fixed, just like S54 rod bearings, old news and free.
>Ah this shitposter, my third favorite to alphonse and the fwd doesn't suck guy.
Pro-tip: corrolas aren't even sport cars, but BMW Ms are ;) sorry u poor bey bey. I'll give you a ride in my bimmer if you give me a ride on your boi pussy.

I didn't need Jalopnik to tell me that. Everyone knows Germans design shit automobiles with their """"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""engineering"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

>If your idea of a good car is it makes it to 300k miles without oil, buy a 1990s corrola or civic
Hurrr my car is betterer than your car waaa

Typical elitest BMW crap go stuff your german barge up ur ass

I never defend FF.
BMWs arent sports cars

Ahh...poor babby can't afford a nice car and you are a fwd cuck? Or are you the rare breed who actually likes a manual lexus or owns a vette?

Cuz anything but the latter and you can fuck right off without bread.

For all intensive purposes this is a sports car.
>2 seater
>only compromises are street legality
>disgusting S54 NA motor
>one of the most rigid chassis ever made
>not wrong wheel drive
If you are the "it can't be a sports car if it is based on a shitbox user," then suck on the Z4 porsche lover and git. Call them sport sedans or sport coupes if you must, but remind me what toyota makes since their flagship car dropped off 20 years ago...and is coming back thanks to BMW?

>gets called a sports car when questioned
>gets called a luxury car when questioned
>in reality its terrible at being either
A corolla is more of a sports car
>light weight
>bare bones
>zippy engine
>tight turning
>agile
All the while still managing to be more comfy than a bmw and the interior holds up better too.

>living in the early 1990s still
Even Paul Walker is looking up from hell and disappointed in your shitposting user

The BMW revs higher so it's a "zippy" engine, it turns better, is faster on straights and tracks, still has better sound insulation and more luxuries, is safer, sounds better, looks better etc.
BMW M cars are famous because they are track cars that can be easily daily drivable

Paul Walker is a blind badgewhore because he didn't drive a corolla but the inferior car - an m3

>he thinks its faster.
>he thinks it handles well
>he thinks is luxurious
>he thinks a bunch of subjecrive things are factual
Hahahaha

>unironically taking the bait
do you know what they call street sport or homologation model corollas?
..........nothing, they don't exist.
He still ass fucked your mother in his collection of Supras, Porsches, GTRs, E30 M3s, LTW E36 M3s, and oddly his fetish for Rouche or whatever the fuck those gay ass mustangs he hoardered are?
IDK, not my thing. Like buttsex and shtiboxes^^^

>they don't exist
Hahahahahah
Then what are these?

it's pretty damn fast for the age, 4.5-4.6 seconds 0-60 for a 12 year old car is not bad at all
it was even faster on track than the 2012 ZL1 Camaro despite having 250hp less

>He doesn't know what homologation means
Next thing you're going to say is Tsukuba is a real circuit and gook racing series actually matter. Paul is looking up from you in hell with shame user. At least shitpost an 86 or something?
Damn straight nga. Hence why I bang this shit everyday. Really looking for an e46 for a DD, but they are too cheap and just raped now.

fucking paul he had all of my dream cars how is that possible
even the M1 procar wtfff

>He doesn't know what homologation means
Yeah you dont.
I suggest you look it up. Because that is exactly what these cars are

i dont have to prove shit to you retard my 15 year old ls1 would smoke your gayass bimmer

corollas are mass produced shitboxes, none of them have been homologation specials.

I hate to admit it, but he's right.

Really, at this point, there is no excuse for an unreliable, poorly engineered mass produced ICE. Sure, some here might brag about their exceptions to the rule, but those are the exceptions.

>about to be lapped
I'd certainly hate to be a Corolla enthusiast when that pic was taken.
>Prototype WRC Entrant with a Corolla body
>actually a Corolla
Kek

Prolific collector of all great cars, but he especially loved BMW Ms and Mustangs. He had more M3 LTWs than anyone else on earth. Just google his collection after it went to auction. Simply amazing. Superb taste.
Ah yes the 1989 base model in a series no one knows. I'm sure Paul had one of those right next to his two virgin e30 M3s haha
Then buy a chevy volt

Lol k
>In motorsports, homologation is the approval process through which a vehicle, a race track, or a standardised part is required to go for certification to race in a given league or series

>smoke your gay ass
Leaking hot transmission fluid on "gay asses" doesn't count.

they are very well engineered and innovative actually.
BMW is the most awarded engine producer, there is a reason other companies are asking BMW to produce engines for them, even Toyota did so.

>bmw fags
If you dont acknowledge it then it doesnt exist right?
>kinda like bmw unreliability

learn what a "homologation special" is, go in a corner and be ashamed

Not that guy, but I think you need to look at the homologation requirements of that very WRC vehicle you've just posted.