Veeky Forums, I do not visit you often and thus, like many before me, I come to you in my hour of greatest need...

Veeky Forums, I do not visit you often and thus, like many before me, I come to you in my hour of greatest need. Due to overexcited and overbearing parents I bought a car. A 2010 Chevy Impala LS the 174,000 miles on it. the prices was 3,500. My father drove it around and seemed to find it to be perfectly fine. it drove straight, no alignment issues, no leaking, no breaking problem, everything was absolutely perfect. The engine was literally clean enough to eat off of. the only issue was that the check engine light came on. well, nothing seemed remiss overall. Well, the dolt decided to hand over the 3,500 (1,700 of which was from my insurance on my last car) before they'd come back with the car and said that the check engine light had been sorted out. I should have said something but I did not.

Well, they said it was the purge valve, something whose function I do not know.
Anyway, this was less than 24 hours ago. Since then, on my way home from work, a drive of a little under twenty minutes, the car has:
Stopped being able to break properly, the vehicle glides gently to a stop over a long distance even when I was standing on the breaks

Stopped Accelerating properly. If I try to do anytihng more than gingerly touch the gas petal the car grinds and growls and will not accelerate whilst the rpm soars. if I just lightly step the car will speed up very slowly until about 45 mph.

It sputters like an old timey car or someone revving a motorcycle dramatically whilst shakily moving along.

When starting it up again at home it would barely stay on and I could smell something burning.

There (of course) was no warranty on the car, but the thing was literally in perfect condition, no rust, no scratches, the tires in front were a little balding but eh.

Please help me. What the fuck is going on with this thing, should I go hold the skinny jew who sold this to me at gun point? Can it be fixed? If this post is stupid and clogging up the board just let me know, I'll delete it.

Other urls found in this thread:

bestrex.com/2010-Chevrolet-Impala/Used-Car/Cleveland-OH/7787294/Details.aspx
twitter.com/NSFWRedditGif

Also, here's the web page for the vehicle in question

bestrex.com/2010-Chevrolet-Impala/Used-Car/Cleveland-OH/7787294/Details.aspx

fucking I have no money, I make almost 50 dollars at the end of the month after all my bills (student loans and insurance, no kids, no credit card debt) fucking I am just sick over this.

How the fuck do you put that many miles on a vehicle in 6 years?

>buying a gm product
>buying an impala
>buying a car that had almost 30k miles put on it each year
>not just buying a civic for 3k with 150k or less miles.

You're an idiot. You don't even make enough money to buy a car. Should've bought a bicycle.

It's called being a salesman with a large territory, or being a high level manager for a nationwide corporate chain

>the only issue was that the check engine light came on.
>well, nothing seemed remiss overall.
A CEL is remiss. A CEL is very, very remiss.

it was apparently a fleet car for some pharma company down in south carolina and georgia. just for transporting reps to places and shit. that's what I could find on the carfax as well as stuff I gleaned from the secretary who brought it in.all the miles were on the first owner who had it for two years, where it was in their fleet. second owner had it for ten months, third owner had it for two years and some months, all down south, and now it's up here in ohio.

hahahahahahahahahaha
I needed a good laugh today

Your dad fucked you really hard on that one.
> engine clean enough to eat off of.
You can do that to any hunk of shit.
> Check engine light on.
Are you fucking retarded? Unless you know exactly what the code is and the cost to repair don't assume that its ok.

That dealership looks shady as fuck too. You are both idiots and you deserve what you got. Have fun with your 6 year old car with insanely high miles for it's age.

see, that's the deal though, they took it to their mechanics and the only report they could find via the machine was that the purge valve was fucky and they replaced it for me and the dealership ate the cost. And from what I read about the purge valve, all it does is deal with emmission stuff, nothing that could make my car basically fucking explode.

well, at least someones getting a laugh out of it. I mean, listen, they fucking took it in and fixed it (allegedly, because I couldn't convince my dad to just let me take it to an autozone or some shit and have them hook it up to get the code) and the dealership claimed it was just a purge valve.

>they took it to their mechanics
>their mechanics
There's where you went wrong. Before you buy you take it to YOUR mechanic, or someone you know that is a mechanic/car enthusiast. If they refuse, tell them that you refuse to buy. Tell them that they can come with if they want.

For instance, how do you know they were telling the whole truth?

exactly. They kept asking us to take it home for the weekend. I wanted to, my dad fucking said "uh yeah but the check engine light is on, I don't want to deal with that."

Like, listen, I know I'm as culpable in this as anyone, but fucking living with these people and knowing that every time I try to handle my own shit they blow up at me and threaten to kick me out oh I paid for so much for you and raised you etc. is like watching a train crash really slowly. except the train has all your fucking money and possessions on it and if you tried to stop it the train would call you a piece of shit. I'm an idiot. And like, if that bitch hadn't hit my last car I'd have been able to move out, but that perfect toyota camry got absolutely obliterated so fuck me.

>Fill up all the leaking ass fluids with super thick shit that will cushion noises and not pool on the ground during a test drive
>Power wash the shitty engine (TOO clean is a red flag)
>Sell to a couple idiots
>Laugh all the way to the bank
The only thing missing is a buy-here-pay-he[re contract where you also owe them $200 a month for the next 18 months.

ok, so barring the fact that I'm a retard, does anyone have even the foggiest idea what the fuck happened to this thing? I drove it around all day running errands at work, dropping off paperwork etc. and had no problems whatsoever except that at one point when I tried to speed up to pass someone the car just wouldn't pick up and go.
And then it just absolutely shits itself a couple hours later. It's not like I drove it like a maniac.

Like, obviously, this is a problem that's going to end up with me driving all the way back up into fucking cleavland to deal with this asshole, but in the meantime I wonder if anyone has any idea what made my car fuck itself in the ass so spectacularly all at once.

Get a proper diagnosis from a mechanic.

bruv, I can't make this bloody thing move down the road, but i will try my damndest. diefendorfs is just down the way a bit and they're more than fair. but yeah this thing is absolutely fucked.

>brakes weak
>poor acceleration
>grinding noises

Parking brake left on?

Yea, you fucked yourself. First call a mechanic to come out and see it or tow it to one. Then after the diagnosis is in, call a lawyer and see what he thinks.

That's your best bet, OP. Use this as a learning experience.

How does the engine rev in neutral?
Did you check the trans fluid and engine oil?

Holy god damn you are a fucking idiot. Fucking, like, you don't even make enough money to own and use a car, like, fucking, how stupid are you?

Also, fucking, like, how the fuck do you have no money when literally all your responsibility is loans and insurance? Like, fucking, I live on my own while making $12 an hour for now, and, like, I can still pay my bills, throw some money in savings, and afford two cars with money left over to play with.

Like, fucking, you deserve this for being such a fucking idiot who can't manage his own money.

Fucking, like, damn you're a retard. Also, like, saying fucking, like after every other sentence you say is, like, fucking annoying and just exhibits how much of a like, fucking retard you actually are.

>like, fucking

Oh, and another thing. How could you POSSIBLY think a 6 year old car with 175,000 miles,with the CEL on, with FOUR DIFFERENT FUCKING OWNERS from a shady ass used car lot be a good buy?

God damn, serious, honest question, are you mentally challenged in any way? Even a non car enthusiast knows that's a terrible, terrible deal.

>Stopped being able to break properly
>Stopped Accelerating properly
>grinds and growls
>will not accelerate whilst the rpm soars
>the car will speed up very slowly until about 45 mph.
>It sputters like an old timey car
>shakily moving along
>would barely stay on
>I could smell something burning
Sounds like the body and interior are ok, recoup some of your money by parting it out.

It still revs weird in neutral and though I haven't gotten to check the trans fluid yet, the engine oil was the correct color and wasn't particularly thick and was still full. I was planning on changing it this weekend.

I've said like exactly three times in this thread, eat shit you pedantic cunt I almost got creamed by a semi a few hours ago.

Weird how?

Shame it didn't happen. We need less fucking idiots like you.

Still curious as to how you can't afford jack shit while only having two responsibilities.

...

Also, fucking, like, you didn't answer any question I presented to you, like, is your aspergers flaring up and you're having B a hard time comprehending words?

i was just on vacation and drove one of these as a rental. it was a 2016 with 30k and it drove like absolute ass it rattled over bumps and shit. i can only imagine how horrible a 6 year old one with 174k would drive....

nigger car/10

the rpm, even just setting in neutral, just jumps all over the place without me even doing anything. Without touching the accelerator or the pedal the rpm will just keep shaking as the car sputters. and revving it makes the rpm go up but it still also sputters. And it doesn't go up in a way that suggests that it's somehow stuck in neutral or something, the rpm doesn't go up that much, it doesn't rev loud enough for someone just pressing down on the gas whilst parked or in neutral.

I agree. my father (from the post) bought an SS in 06 as a midlife crisis mobile and even with him taking great care of it, it still feels like it's going to come apart. it shifts poorly and won't stay in place, the shifter button will get stuck occasionally and the door always feels like it's going to fall off. And he's never driven it in the winter either. Impalas fucking suck, you are correct, nigger car/10

Fuck you retard, I hope your piece of shit shitbox you were retarded enough to buy kills you. Fucking idiot.

>2010 chevy impala ls

You have my sympathies OP.
My friends ex-gf had an Impala basically like yours.
It was fine during city driving but anything over 40k and it rattled everywhere.
Other than the rattles and the 22s she had on it, it was okay.
If i recall correctly the trans in that car died twice in the year that she owned it. Probably because GM and huge ass rimz.

Oh, hey, and for anyone who's getting off on my idiocy right now, just a little bonus fact to warm your heart: The day before my old camry got obliterated in the accident I had bought:
Lock fluid for the trunk
car washing sponges and clothes
wax
a squeegee sponge thing
aaaand
a new key fob. Less than 24 hours before I would total the car.

gee whiz you sure are mad, don't stroke out over there mate. Honest to god you seem more mad about me buying a shitty second car than I am about having bought said car.

Yeah, because I can't believe people that are as fucking stupid as you are actually exist. You deserve to die in the shitbox your stupid ass bought. Fucking retard.

>Stopped Accelerating properly. If I try to do anytihng more than gingerly touch the gas petal the car grinds and growls and will not accelerate whilst the rpm soars. if I just lightly step the car will speed up very slowly until about 45 mph.
Either the automatic clutch is going or you need to put some more fluid in it

thank you
and thank you to you as well for your interest. I've written both of these down and will try them tommorrow.

I hope you fucking die before then dumbass. Fuck you.

still going at it? Well, you are nothing if not persistent, kudos. Perhaps my atrophied troglodyte brain will just short out tonight and I'll be unable to breathe due to the sheer mental strain of maintaining basic bodily functions.

If it truly is the clutch or just the tranny period you're fucked, that's so stupidly expensive to replace. It's not like a standard tranny that's easy to fix, an automatic is way more complex and way more expensive because of it.

The cost of the tranny is gonna put you in the hole for at least the money you bought the car for

Damn that sucks. If you had a camry before though why not just get another instead of a gm pos?

Also OP you really dug yourself a hole, for 3500 you could have done a lot better than a 6 year old car for 174k miles. You have like 7 days to go back on any contract so I hope you bought this shit recently. Also worst case scenario youre stuck with a broken car and no money. Best case is you can get out of it and get your money back.

If you're still being swayed by your dad you need to not buy a car with him or take his advice seriously.

Fuck you dumbass. I literally can't even comprehend how fucking stupid you are.

buddy, I am right with you. I was going to buy a camry, but any of the toyotas I found around here were rusted out. That and because my folks are snobs they couldn't accept anything less than a seemingly brand new car (because doing literally any manual labor is below them. class issues, you've seen it before). But yeah, the market where I am was just terrible.

Check the air intake for leaks after the maf sensor and/or the idle air control valve. I'd check the car for codes again even if the cel isn't on. Get a code reader or a Bluetooth adapter and torque pro if you have an android phone.

>20 years worth of milage
>6 year old car

Good buy OP.

>low trim Impala
Well we know it wasn't the second option.

>But yeah, the market where I am was just terrible.
You should branch out of your local vicinity. I was shopping for a few different cars but like you my local market was pretty over priced. I drove 1.5 hours to Connecticut from NY just to see a Honda civic si that was 1000 dollars less and I'm better condition than the local Honda dealership wanted to sell me

vacuum leak or EGR shit

>check engine light on literally in the pictures
>still fucking buys it
>brings it back for Same issue
>"their mechanics fixed it"
No they erased the code. I bet it only took like less than hour to "fix" it huh? Your parents are shitty as fuck and you're spineless for not speaking up your whole family deserved this car.
Also that impala is a fucking Fedora fag car Jesus Christ

yeah, this was a dumb idea entirely. And the thing is, you'd think it was the dumb kid that wanted a shiny car with tinted windows, but it was my dad that wanted to dive head first into this piece of shit. But, fortunately I only bought it yesterday so we'll be alright if I can return it. I mean, my financial situation isn't great but I've got a ton of money saved up (about two thousand, so not much but enough to dip in for some things) so I think I can make it. I'm telling both parents to fuck off from now on though. I'll go look at cars with my grandad. he was a mechanic and a shop teacher. he knows better what to look for than an office worker who did nothing but buy cheap meme cars back in the 70's and wreck them. Shit, I think my dad only wanted me to get a GM because he still gets their pension checks.

thank you very much, I'll remember that.

I would never buy a car from a shady used car dealership, period. In this price range, you're basically buying the previous owner's maintenance habits. I want to talk to the guy who owned it and see what sort of person they are ie upstanding member of society or some mouth breather who doesn't know what an oil change is.

Pic related, the '96 Lexus ES300 I scooped up this weekend for $1600. 203k miles and owned by a very OCD dude that worked for a pharmaceutical company and owned the ES since 1998 and kept meticulous records. I mean oil changes at 5k at the Toyota dealer on the nose, tire rotations every 5k, tracking every single fuel fillup, keeping the car spotless. It drives amazing and looks great. It will need just a few odds and ends (brakes, t-belt, clunk in rear suspension, blower resistor) but I just got back from a trip to the casino tonight and man what a fantastic highway car. The guy kept fixing things that needed fixed right up until the very end, hence my own list of to-dos is nothing too long or arduous.

To the point at hand, definitely try to identify a shop that knows diagnostics (maybe look on yelp?) My brother is actually a mobile diagnostician for a living, if you're anywhere near Central PA I could direct you to him, or a friend of his in Staten Island, or another guy in Western NY.

>ton of money saved up
>only two grand

Oh I see why you're such fucking shit at managing money, it's because you don't know shit about HOW to manage it. God damn you're even more retarded than I thought.

Why in the name of fuck didn't you lurk Veeky Forums for information and advice?

Your boomer dad knows absolutely nothing about cars, next time he tries to give away your money you tell him to fuck off.

When buying used you have to know;

1. The model you're buying isn't a piece of shit from new. See: econobox GM cars from bankruptcy days.

2. That there is absolutely nothing wrong mechanically or electrically with the car.

3. Is the price right.

Rule of thumb is that you're better off buying a nice car with absolutely nothing wrong with it than try to fix a shitbox, unless said shitbox is free.

You purchased a shitbox and now you're going to have to either lurk on some Chevvy shitbox forum to find someone with the same issue as you and copy their remedy, or fork out for a mechanic.

oh fuck me I didn't even notice that the CEL is on in the pictures. fucking christ. yeah, this one's on me. fuck.

And I agree. I've always hated the look of the impala.

And yeah, I need to speak up to them, but they always pull the "under muh roof, muh money, muh rules" shit literally every time I politely ask them to let me handle things myself, and I have literally nowhere else to go, so you understand how it's a bit difficult. Neverheless, this was stupid, I'm stupid. i shouldn't have allowed this to happen.

FUCKING DIE YOU FUCKING IDIOT. I PRAY YOU FUCKING CRASH IN YOUR SHITBOX FOR BEING SUCH A FUCKING IDOT. YOU DESERVE THIS FOR BEING SO FUCKING STUPID.

FUCK YOU FUCKING DIEEEEEEEEEE

Wow, cool it with the anti-normie remarks.

All these rude anons

If it shudders under heavy acceleration / free revving it's probably fuel related.

The weak brakes could indicate a failing brake booster, however you're experiencing numerous issues which points to an unlikely vacuum leak.

Vehicles generally don't go from running great to poorly after a day of running fine.

I'd say fuel delivery, vacuum leak, or they just cleared the codes and you have a failed sensor.

Has the light reappeared? If so disconnect the battery for ~15 minutes to reset it.

Welp beside people who are trying to treat you like shit or, maybe, just one guy, I'll throw what I can in. I don't know how much help I'll be because I'm just about useless on these modern/more complex cars without motivation to look up the various systems, plus I'm slightly drunk so I'm not even sure I'm typing coherent sentences. But instead of berating you for your car choice that you obviously didn't have full say in or whatever the fuck here's what I say

You gotta make a decision though OP figure out what you wanna do, invest the money and keep the car (I'd advise against it from what I've read it's not a good car so it needs to go) or you can try to get money back

You need assessment from a good reputable mechanic to figure out exactly the problems first.

Then you can decide whether it is worth fixing or you can use mechanic's results as something in court if you decide to try to get it back and need to go to court

If giving back and the dealership gives you any shit you get a lawyer for help, I can't help you on legal shit man.

So once you get that sorted out, just be more careful man.

Go on Amazon and get you an OBDII bluetooth reader and pair it to the Torque app on your phone. Readers like 20-30 bucks and app is free for code reading IIRC. Read up on how to read OBDII codes and don't let this shit happen again. Next time you're buying try to get something that's had it's shots and have a good mechanic go with you or inspect the car and you can get a more reliable car than the obvious lemon you have now.

Again if it's like post-2010 and relatively complex I'm not a whiz on those but come at me with a 90's Benz and I can help all day long. I'd recommend sticking to a Toyota though. My dad's had them all through his history and they've not once led him wrong.

Sucks you got screwed but not everyone on this forum is a festering asshole.

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oh shit, that is an absolute dream you've got man! I envy you (I mean, I'd envy you for that car even if mine wasn't shitting itself). Yeah, the bunch of used that I'd gone to look at with my mother were all fairly rusty and didn't seem great on the mechanics either, but that's bumfuck ohio for you. If it's not a jacked up truck, these people don't know what to do with it. And I appreciate the offer for the diagnostician, but I feel like it'd be way too long of a drive for him from central PA to Akron OH (closest recognizeable city to the middle of nowhere I'm from.) I'll likely just see if my uncle can help me out with that, he's one of those dudes that's constantly buying, fixing and selling cars in his spare time so we'll see if it's not totally borked. Honestly, I think I'll likely just send it back to the dealer and try to negotiate about getting my money back. Then from there I'll lurk here for a while and get my head on straight about what the hell I even need to look for in a used car. I read the sticky, and I'll likely write down a shorthand version to keep with me, but you know, reading here for a bit to get my shit together.

Not always. My CEL's have always turned out to be O2 sensors.

t. toyota owner

What part of OH are you in? Trucks are way fucking over priced here and the rust is horrid. Welcome to the rust belt. When I buy me a nice car I'mma going out west or south.

>You have like 7 days to go back on any contract
Pffffthahahahaha

Assuming you got taken by a dealership, take them to small claims court. Document everything, obv.

Just be aware, small claims is easy to win, hard to collect. However, it will fuck their credit rating hard if they don't settle.

My fiance's family is in Massillon, but yeah none of them are in that business.

Definitely ask around and try to identify not just a mechanic but truly someone who knows diagnostics. If they don't have some high end shit (Snap On Verus, Autel, etc) and aren't booked up with work, they might not be who they present themselves as.

thank you so much, and you are typing more coherent sentences than I would be if I were drunk. And yes, I am definitely getting rid of this car, the number of problems it's gotten at once have completely turned me off from it and I don't even honestly like it that much to begin with. it's just that my dad is a GM guy and thinks it looks like HAWT SHIET and we gotta get it. So, I'm putting my foot down, I'm returning it, but first I'm taking it down to the mechanics in town to see what's wrong with the thing. I (surprisingly) have pretty good access to legal help, so if it comes to that I can clean this guy out. Not that I want to, I just want my money back, not to ruin the guy. Other than that, I'm just going to get some reputable jap car from the 90's or early 2000's from around here, private owners only. I just gotta do more research.

Use your legal help to rattle their cage hard enough to refund your money and then go buy a Camry or Civic.

>not buying a late 1970s Jaguar

Poofter

thank you very much. And no, the CEL has not turned on, which is hilarious seeing as this car is practically spitting gears. And yeah, a car really should not be doing that after doing both city and highway all day and then suddenly deciding to shit itself near the end of a twenty minute trip down the highway after sitting in the parking lot for a few hours in the shade. What would a vacuum failure entail anyway? Could it domino all of these other problems? one of the mechanics that walked in offhandley mentioned something about a problem with a gas pedal sensor when I was in the bathroom and they were discussing my car out in the lobby, I overheard them talking. And that's the fucked up thing, they don't seem like they were leading me on. I'm fairly paranoid and even I was pretty sure this dealer wasn't fucking me, especially seeing as I was recommended there by the guy that's done our families car insurance for decades. (it was sort of his "hey, sorry for dropping you after only one insurance claim and then not making a decision on your totalled car for almost a month" present to me).

But yeah, I'm writing this all down and will take a look at it tomorrow. it's late as fuck here and I've got work in the morning. thank you again, so many of you have been so helpful.

>I can clean this guy out
What makes you think that, Son? Was there some warranty either expressed or implied in the sale of this car? Contrarily, considering the shadiness level of this dealership I am confident they have ample paperwork signed by your idiot father agreeing extensively to the as-is nature of this sale.

mostly that I have on record a bunch of stuff about the car as advertised that is now broken, and that all the paperwork I signed only said that I don't get an extended warranty on parts or anything. that and I got him to agree, with multiple witnesses in the room, that if "the engine blows up tommorrow you just bring it back here" and well, here I am, tomorrow, and the engine blew up. I mean, I don't have a GREAT leg to stand on as you've noted, but I have a stump at least.

Aren't there lemon laws that give protection against this sort of thing?

As long as OP didn't sign a "as is" waiver, yes.

No. There's not. Only on new cars. Used cars are more or less assumed to be sold as-is though there can be disagreements about "verbal contracts" and so forth so most shady places have a standard as-is agreement.

Between this and them offering you to take it for the weekend it does sound like they honestly expected it to at least last a week or so. Hopefully they will take it back and refund your money but it's equally likely that they will try to give you some runaround about "We'll fix it, come back and pick it up Monday" etc so work out a script in advance to deal with that. You want to get your money back and leave with it and they want the opposite of that but nobody wants to get aggressive so it's a delicate art. Gonna be seriously stressful so get ready for it.

thanks. I'll prepare. If not in the presence of my father I can negotiate with the best of them. I went to nationals three times with the debate team for different events so I can just about talk my way out of a wet paper bag. But I absolutely believe this is going to suck major dick seeing as the commute up to this place is almost an hour long and the guy I need to be talking to is almost never there (conveniently). but, hopefully this all gets sorted tommorrow. I'll make a call to the local mechanic and see if he can't help me out. he's a family friend (grandad saved his grandad from bears, long story, fucking ohio) and won't give me bullshit.

Dude, please for the love of God check the parking brake. That explains the performance issues. That would explain the grinding and burning smell. That also explains the breaks not working. They got too hot and quit working because of brake fade. It may be on. It may have gotten stuck. I wish the best of luck to you.

thank you, I will check that in the morning. If it is I swear on your dubs I will punch myself in the balls.

>you got dubs too
Shit user, it's gotta be the parking brake.
You better really smash your balls, no weak sack tap

Although parking brake doesn't explain the acceleration issue with high revving

The chime would go off if the parking brake was engaged and the vehicle was placed in a drive gear.

At least that's how my brothers Buick is.

also, the parking break is something I could have hit while I was getting in, but if I got it while climbing into the vehicle I'd have notice right away. It only kicked in halfway through my ride home after getting stuck in traffic. And yeah, as the other user said, I'm pretty sure there'd be a warning if the brake was on. But, we can only hope. we'll see.

>I have literally nowhere else to go

A little while ago I would have said take your car and just go, but now you can't even do that.

Jesus, thanks for at least making me feel way better about my life.

This should be a dumb question, but does the cel come on when you key on?

Your damper pulley or drive belt/that other belt is dead. Pop the hood and check the belt with the engine on. The belt or one of the pulleys(the ones close to the alternator) should be shaking or not turning smoothly.

No idea if these are the proper english names for this shit

At least in New York I have the right to revoke my signature up to 7 days after I sign it

No you fucking don't

Small claims court or lawyer up.

Dude are you alright mate? I think you need a chilly pilly

>I've got a ton of money saved up
>(about two thousand)
Nigga when people say a ton of money usually they mean a lot-
>A ton
>2000
Oh. Well, it checks out.

yes, so i know the CEL works, but when I actually fire the thing up it won't activate CEL. Also, the car apparently sounds fine now, my dad fired it up this morning while I was at work.

to update anyone who gives a shit, the car has been towed back up to cleavland at the dealerships cost, he apologized profusely and swore to get it fixed if at all possible. Hopefully that works out. He won't charge me for any repairs and honestly, if this doesn't work it's not like I've missed out on anything by having someone else fix it. Also, the parking break was not on and upon starting the car this morning the engine sounded completely fine and wasn't burning anything. Fuck. If it was burning up and sputtering still this morning at least it might prove that this is a repeatable problem.

Rezzy is that you?

if i could throw my hat into this piss-ring...

I'm British, and a mechanic.
From what i've been reading it sounds as though the car, and we don't have impalas in this country (or atleast i dont think we do, maybe a rebadged impala masking as some chevvy shit we now have), has a problem with its fuel/air mix along the line with regards to running issue - check air hoses for splits, any vacuum lines, check for leaks there. The purge valve simply takes fumes from the fuel tank created by..the fuel...and sends it to the intake manifold. That's all.
All warning lights should come on and then disapear after a couple of seconds. If the CEL doesnt appear AT ALL they may well have just taken the CEL bulb out behind the instrument cluster and said "its fixed m8", whilst bodging the problem long enough to get you home and away from them. It sounds like you've learnt your lesson, but also your situation doesn't sound ideal with your parents, so no h8 here m8.
-britbong

With regard to braking, do the pads/discs look worn or "fucked m8"? Rusty perhaps? Check that the brake lines are not touching the discs as this can cause the burning smell of which you speak. usually cars will have brackets along the suspension strut which attach to the brake hose and keep it from touching anything. The brake fluid itself is hydroscopic, meaning it absorbs water which is why it is recommended it's changed every 2 years. Do you have any history for the car? An increase of water-brake fluid ratio means the boiling point will decrease, causing the fluid to turn to vapour quicker and decrease braking performance (brake fade).
-Britbong

nope, no clue who that is, sorry. Hope your friend rezzy isn't as dumb as I apparently am.

Dude what did I JUST tell you here ? Are you EVER going to be confident enough in that car's reliability to trust it with your education, your relationships, literally your life?

Are those people by chance Ivan or eric