*BANG! BANG! BOOM!*

You're too late mate

someone wanting to shoot me? i'd happily oblige

Please kill me

Goodbye cruel world.
*swallow keys*

>can't drive manual
>needs me in the car
>drive away as he is trying to get in
>run him over
>laugh

there is no keys, it's the yellow truck out front,go for it.

>i dont have keys, my autonomous car is unlocked and started remotely via the rfid chip in my left hand

Machetes are sold at garden shops, hardware stores, outdoors shops, thrift stores, some supermarkets, and harbor freight stores. Some homeless in my area carry machetes (and use them too).

Hopefully he can spell it though...

>Hand over your keys or your life

For responses to that, see Grand Theft Auto archived thread at:
archive.4plebs.org/o/thread/15409026/

Car Security thread:
archive.4plebs.org/o/thread/15672735/

>A carburetor (American and Canadian spelling), carburator, carburettor, or carburetter (Commonwealth spelling) is a device that blends air and fuel for an internal combustion engine. It is sometimes colloquially shortened to carb in North America or carby in Australia.[1] To carburate or carburet (and thus carburation or carburetion, respectively) is to blend the air and fuel or to equip (an engine) with a carburetor for that purpose.

Blow me

*hands over bus pass*

Car theft is overrated these days
>VINs fucking everywhere
>All sorts of computerized shit that's hard to program/sell (at least, vs. the price for econoboxes)
>License plate readers fucking everywhere in the northeast

Let's say you wanted to try to get my car out of the country.
>US ports
Risky
>Land border crossings to mexico/canada
once my car was reported stolen, as a trusted traveler the license plate would be flagged by US & Canadian customs. this information would generally be shared with mexican authorities too.
>drive around the US
E-zpass and others are ALPR points too

within the country, you have multiple copies of the VIN on the car, including the registration sticker with a PDF417 readable barcode that includes the VIN.

there's a reason comprehensive deductibles on newer cars can be a lot lower than older cars of similar value (anti-theft, more VINs, more computer shit, generally harder to chop).

Citation required

>hands over bicycle keys

Guess I'm finding alternative transport today.

Don't lose hope user it happened to my buddy
>be friend
>gf has peice of shit chevy impala
>leaks every fluid and stalls out on freeway, cannot go faster than 50mph
>heafgaskets leaky and already "fixed" once with that stop leak shit from autozone
>start saving money for all the repairs and whatnot because gf can't be in an unsafe car
>car gets stolen
>use insurance payout plus money saved for repairs to buy her a nice little econo box camry

here ya go, buddy!
>call 911 as soon as he turns around
>watch him struggle to start the car because it has a security system involving the clutch
>cops get here before he figures it out

get rekt m8

[Pulls out real gun] Hand over your Airsoft! Now!

>give him keys to a Ford
Good luck, you might might break down after a mile, because FORD.

Fix
Ot
Rgain
Dony

*teleports behind you*
*unsheaths katana*
"Heh, nothing personnel kid."

>give keys
>goes to car
>old Dodge neon w/ five speed
>tries to unlock
>power locks don't work
>tries to start it
>fails because fuel pressure regulator has to be primed two or three times before starting
>gets arrested because he tries to drive my car

>open car app on phone
>hit stolen button
>car stops

Fix your shit, Neons are easy to work on

Good luck, buddy.
>Clutch grabs way up high
>Gear knob doesn't display shift pattern
>Stick driving is becoming a lost art

That aside, should I let a mechanic install a killswitch in my car just in case?

america so american thief

>EVERYONE GET BACK ON THE FLOOR
>I NEED A DIFFERENT CAR

[Citation needed]

How the fuck are you meant to heel and toe that?

not even my pic, was just the first result in google for "manual car". It's more fun to imagine how it would be described by the thief as not working.

>FUCKING THING KEEPS STALLING WAY TO DRIVE A BROKEN CAR TO WORK EVERY DAY
>THIS SHIFTER IS BROKEN ITS GOING SIDE TO SIDE
>I HAD TO "FLOOR IT" JUST TO GET IT STARTED
>LITERALLY REDLINES AT 30

kek

I don't care about the power locks, I just a key to get in. As for the fuel pressure regulator, I'm waiting for the pick and pull near me to open back up again in a month from now, they closed down about 8 months ago for building repairs and renovations. the regulator went to hell about 2 months ago, and that scrapyard has lots of automatic neons. I'm gonna wait till then

>Hand over your keys or your life

Call Onstar with tollfree number from any phone or my cell. I am in a high-crime (aka "minority area"), so I have learned defense tactics. I keep home keys on separate keyring. I carry a 2nd old phone linked to my main cell plan since it allows family member phones. This is because robbers always take your cell, wallet, and car keys. But my house keys are safe and I use my hidden 2nd cell to call Onstar via the app (or onstar speed dial). Why house keys separate? Because the car registration has home address on it, so you don't want them to have your house keys, right? You'd have to change all your locks which is expensive.

The car stops immediately as Onstar knows it's me thru the signed registered app, serial number, and I say a few things fast. It is under one minute to do all that. Onstar commands the computer to taper off the fuel so the car slows to a stop instead of suddenly wrecking itself if everything stopped working at once.

Just yesterday, another car was stolen from the driver at a local Arco gas station. Top Tier car thievery. I'd say about one car every two weeks or so. It's sort of normal now to have cars stolen like that in our area full of immigrants (legal and illegal) and minorities.

>once my car was reported stolen, as a trusted traveler the license plate would be flagged by US & Canadian customs.

Car thieves will have traded license plates to a similar looking car. This is pretty standard when taking them across the border.

Tell you what, you give me a cut and I'll be a better getaway driver than you'll ever be.

>hand over keys, wallet and phone
>wait for him to try to get into the car
>didn't give him my gun
>use it
>check his wallet and use the cash for the detailing afterwards

I'm able to identify your posts based on your vocabulary, general sentence/post structure and obsession with Onstar/conspiracies regarding remote shutdown/insurance companies monitoring OBDII-connected black boxes etc.

Are you still mad that the shop you got your oil changed at reported your mileage to your insurance company?

Still paranoid that private detectives will be able to access GPS records from your car's computer systems and correlate it to your burner phones and then charge you not to reveal your extramarital affairs?

They have automatic plate readers at the border. If the plates are marked as stolen then you get the party of US CBP agents to come, stop you, and take you out of the car. This applies whether or not they didn't swap the plates.

You'd have to find plates from a similar vehicle that weren't marked stolen and have a valid registration/emissions inspection sticker that matched that plate too.

think you're the creepy one here!

Haha, joke's on you! I always eat my keys after commuting and have them digested for next morning, so you'll have to wait!

>carburators

Sure you aren't the normie faggot? You can't spell the thing that you "know".

>That aside, should I let a mechanic install a killswitch in my car just in case?

It would stop a simple mug and run of your keys at a gas station like in

Thief too busy not getting the car started. Gives up and runs away.

I would tell him I got neither

Is there a hierarchy of which vehicles attract what skill level of thief?

Let me just reach in my pocket to get them :^)

*doesn't hand over keys*

...

How the fuck are you going to drive all these cars user? It's just you.

whoever willingly steals a nissan puke has far worse problems than committing grand theft auto

there is something wrong with your pic and i can't put a finger on it.

Joke's on you I'm strapped

Shut up, nerd
He's got friends

>Is there a hierarchy of which vehicles attract what skill level of thief?

Thievery varies where you live I think. Most thievery here is by opportunity. Lots of homeless wandering around on bikes scouting for targets. I can't stop them from riding as I am not part of a HOA. I wish we had an HOA.

Down the street some anonymous trashed a really nice new truck at a house I often pass by on the way to work. Its pillars and seats were torn up and the dash surface was peeled back. Looks like airbag theft done overnight. It's well lit as there is a bright LED street light over the truck. But if they wear a cap and hoodie and mask, they are camera proof. Most camera don't have enough resolution to make a full ID solely from the camera anyways. The hardcore thieves know to call the police bluff and force it to court where they get acquittal.

A surprising number of people arrested get acquitted due to lack of full ID because anyone can be passing by and wonder why your car is like that. It really is hard to completely prove in court Tyrone was the actual one that broke the window. Innocent until proven guilty.

>Goodbye cruel world.
>*swallow keys*

Brass keys have up to 1.2% lead in them if they are from China. Still legal source of lead poisoning for those that keep them in pants pockets. It's the lead that makes cheap chinese brass zippers lubricated and stinky.

Good luck.

>keep my car keys separate from other keys
>just hand him all my other keys on the other keyring

>that picture
100% deserved

What's wrong with it?

>at a home depot lot
Its not even a hinderence, anyone will be able to cut it. Gotta chain it to his wheel so he'd have to buy cutters

Okay here!, I'll see you in the parking lot later after you stall it a dozen times
>inb4 manual
> manual masterrace

>Give him keys
>wait for faggot to turn around/leave immediate line of sight
get up, draw
Dump 8 rounds of Hornandy CD into his ass

And here are the controls.

It's your loss man, have at it.

I LIKE THE WAY YOU THINK.

Have a fake keyring of useless keys. And an old cellphone. While annoying to carry around, I'd give that to the mugger. I hadn't thought of that. I simply stopped thinking when I decided to carry two wallets. I don't want muggers to have my address or SSN.

There's no real way to fake a wallet with money in it, so I have two wallets. A tiny thin one with DL, cards, and some thinly folded bills. And the bigger standard wallet in the usual location with money, pictures, and old expired cards in it. No ID stuff or anything that has my home address in that wallet. I use it when I need cash transactions.

It really is difficult. I almost got surprised today from someone that came out from between some cars to ask for money. Not a mugger, but the usual asking for change. They hide between cars now to avoid security at malls and stores.

>car is insured for more than it is worth
>yes mr theif man you can have my automobile

If I let him kill me, the robber would just take the keys anyway right?

Just shove them up your ass. He'll never have them, not even in death.

And then you go to jail for murder because it's not self defense at that point

the law says it's your fault for not having insurance, better luck next time, here's your manslaughter charge

>"civilized" people

>pulls out a real gun
>I have some counter offers instead, option A: you take 5.56 mm to the face, option B: you take 5.56 mm in the back, option C: you take jail time

Get rekt

so let me get this straight, kind sir.

Provided that in this situation there are 5+ "victims" involved, if we all hand over all of our keys, what exactly do you plan to do with them?

You look like you're by yourself, you're going to drive 5 cars away at once?

And even if you do only one at a time, the police will be waiting by the time you get back to pick up one of the others (that is, if the rest of us haven't already gone home to grab a spare and take the car back by that time).

Boy, you really didn't think this one through, did you?

Better luck next time.

>tips trilby

>MFW I have zipties in my trunk.

Now I want to carry some heavy duty zipties in the trunk. I'll check HF next time I stop by. Hope they have some nice thick strong ones.

Every now and then I see these prima donna drivers taking up two spaces because they want no one parking next to them. They pretend innocence by putting their tire on the line instead of fully in the middle of 2 spaces. The effect is the same though as no one can park next to them. It's deliberate because it's always some self-entitled driver of an expensive car or a shiny new SUV. Shitbox drivers don't park that way.

Make sure you leave a lot of space in the loop around the handle so they can easily cut ziptie. If you cinch the tie tight against the handle, that makes it hard to remove.

Just start it with the screwdriver under the seat, dude.

Or if I'm in my Civic, he can have the keys. 1) it's manual, and 2) he can turn the key all day and never find the switch that enables the starter up under the dash.

>never find the switch that enables the starter up under the dash.

When I have the audio shop take out the dash to install the 3rd party gear, I'll have them put a switch inline with the starter wiring too. So when I get mugged, I'll still have the car.

*hands key for the tractor thats still at home*

You think a stickshift is hard to drive?

>Because the car registration has home address on it
I don't know about you, but here, it's not required to have it on the car's copy of the rego. I just photo copy it with a piece of paper over the address.

Give him keys. He can only go in straight line because I still have the steering wheel in the locker at work hidden away.

>Blow me
I think I can only blow through you, seeing as how that's the only way to employ forced induction with a carburetor

I wonder how he'll feel when he switches it out of park and the car dies, or if he manages to get it onto the road and in drive, how he'll feel when he hits the accelerator and the motor dies because I haven't put my new carb on yet...

Mr burglar sir your gun looks a little fake...

You think you can beat me 1, 2, 3?

>mfw driving my dad's shitty sentra while my truck is out of commission

>O-okay senpai desu
>shakily tosses keys
>intentionally land them on the ground slightly behind him
>wait for him to look down and turn to grab them
>pull ccw
>BANG BANG
>lol he dieded

........ the fuck is wrong with you? how many muggers ass raped you with your brand new phone and ssn?