ITT: i want to hear some vehicle stories of friends/ coworkers that make you want to laugh/cringe

0 comprehension on what you mean guy

>1000hp 6cyl
I might just be retarded but aren't there r34s out there that make 1000hp easy, or is that to the crank? I agree with you though, that dude's a retard.

too soon jr?

A leppo?

not really a lie someone told but a funny story
back story- my dad is 58 so he grew up in the 70s. when he was in hs he drove a 63 nova. i gew up with muscle cars also and drove a 67 chevy II through hs

>best friend in hs had just got his dl
>wants to know more about cars so he can work on them instead of taking them to dealerships
>start hanging with my dad and i while we do breaks oil changes and general maintenance
>start taking my friend to car shows with us because he like older cars
>he is full of questions and i answer them to the best of my knowledge
>he is still new to the way an engine works and how a turbo is different to a supercharger
>explain the difference between the two
>go to a car show/swap meet in nc
>beautiful cars everywhere with chrome on everything you can think of
>he remembers that a supercharger is powered by a belt
>we walk up to a nova and it has a chrome alternator on it
>he looks at me and says to the owner. "what kind of super charger is that?"
>the owner and i bust out laughing
>my friend laughs because we are laughing
>i say dude that's a chrome alternator
>friend says oh. it has a belt and is shiny so i thought it was a super charger

dumb but funny story. we still laugh about it to this day and thats been over 8 years ago

r34s are built for torque and hp

v6 mustangs are built for girls in hs

I seriously dont understand what you mean.
>It's a shame he lost that race to the s2000 and then got shot
Im genuinely confused, is this some conspiracy about Paul Walkers death?

Fuck man, at least he's trying to learn shit unlike the dipshits in the rest of the stories ITT

>VW Jetta
>The Fast and The Furious quotes

18+

yea. now he's in the army doing fiber optic shit.

dude is really intelligent. everyone has to learn at some point

The adhd dude in fnf that lost the pinkslip drag race to the nip s2k. Didnt stop and got shot later.

>Using F&F as a metric for age
>2016
Neck yourself

That's a good point.

Good on him. Glad he was able to take it well.

Not him, but it works better than you might think.

Just never watched Fast and Furious. Guess I will now

It's good action to turn your brain off to and the cars are neat, but the demographic most attracted to over the top action and supercars are 14 year old boys.

>Co worker obsessed with making his Saturn a sleeper
>Wants to put a fuck huge turbo on it
>Advise him on the what he'll need to replace to not detonate it the first time he gets on it
>Agrees and is all gun-ho about it
>The next day starts asking if he really needs this or that
>Tell him "I told you what you need its up to you now"
>Know he's already destroyed his transmission twice without anything done to the engine
>Got a new job before I could hear what happened.

you can make 40k hp if you blow a 2 stroke dirt bike engine with alchol might cost you around 120 grand tho

i have a cousin that wanted to do that
>cousin had a 4 door saturn automatic
>grandparents gave him the car in perfect condition after they couldnt travel anymore
they towed the car behind their rv
>as soon as he got it he gutted the interior
>door panels, roof panel, center console, spare tire, jack, basically everything that wasnt welded
>always would drop it in 1st gear(auto trans) when stopped
>would shift the car manually so it would sound like a 5 speed
>always made fun of him for it
still do to this day
he drives a truck now.

Kind of dumb but

>guy in high school used to tell everyone he was a rally driver
>apparently he races for red bull
>performs in drift competitions and pulled a 90 degree drift

This guy told some insane fucking lies with the intention of misleading people that it's almost comical he thought people would believe him

This shit doesn't even scratch the surface

guy in hs tried to tell everyone that his uncle was on jimmy johnsons pit crew in nascar

he lied to look cool and it was to the point that he would randomly make shit up. i laugh every time i think of his bs stories

>be me, service advisor
>have stupid ass teenaged lube tech we call buttlick
>buttlick has late 90s explorer, whooped to shit
>one day he loses a ball joint going like 50+, crashes into fence, wrecks explorer
>starts talking about how he's going to buy a raptor next
>ends up buying a ranger from our work, 2011 4.0 4wd with low mileage, pays like 23k for the fucking thing
>keeps talking about how he's got a long travel kit and toyos and beadlocks and a coyote/6 speed manual swap "on the way"
>truck gets repossessed about a month after he buys it
>turns out he said he was going to put money down in order to get approved, they let him take the truck, then his check bounced
>the same day, he's asking me how I like my ecoboost f150 saying he's going to buy a new one and can't decide between 3.5 or 2.7
>I ask him how he plans to arrange that when he couldn't get approved for a used ranger
>he says he's going to be paying cash for an xlt sport crew cab 4x4, so a $40k truck
>find out later he was trying to convince his grandmother to refinance her house to roll an auto loan into it for him but she told him no
>he shows up a couple days later in a super whooped late-00's tacoma with a lift, custom bumpers, and stock wheels with bald stock size tires
>says he, once again, has toyos and beadlocks "on the way"
>next day he doesn't have the truck
>turns out he was test driving that one overnight and once again got denied for the loan
>today he shows up in a 2008 f250 6.4 powerstroke with 230k on it, bald tires, beaten to shit, CEL on
>says he's got suspension, wheels, tires, delete hardware, tuner and a bunch of other shit "on the way"
>I can't wait to see if he doesn't have this one on monday

oh and fyi this kid makes 9 bucks an hour and his cell phone is currently shut off because he hasn't paid the bill but he drinks 8 monsters a day.

>find out later he was trying to convince his grandmother to refinance her house to roll an auto loan into it for him but she told him no

Banker here, not only is that a really bad idea in general, asking that of your grandmother is the scummiest thing I can think of.

The kid should be hanged.

please tell us more stories

yeah he's a dumbfuck. he was also apparently offering to "take over the loan" on another coworker's WRX that has significant body damage and doesn't run well. said he would just need a week or two to straighten out the body and rebuild the engine (though I'm quite sure the fuel pump is the issue) and then he can sell it for twice what it's worth now in no time. it's really hard to tell if he actually believes his own bullshit or just doesn't realize the rest of us aren't as stupid as he is.

anyway he even lives with his mom and isn't even close with his grandparents but his mom's credit is shit and his grandma is the only person he knows who owns their home and doesn't rent. his mom is a piece of work too, drives a 2009 ford SUV that was also bought from us about two years ago and is in like once a week saying we should fix this and that for free because we "sold it to her like that" (again, about two years ago and with no warranty whatsoever).

honestly that's the majority of it, let me have a few more beers and see if I can come up with anything else. I get lots of wonderful stories from idiot customers but I've gotten pretty good at tuning them out.

im good with dumbass customers
i work in retail so i can relate

>Senior year of high school
>I drove an E36.
>Weird stoner acquaintance of mine who's always buying/modifying German cars notices.
>At the time, he was driving a beat to shit blue E30. This thing had lots of rust, and about 300k miles on it.
>We'll chat about our cars in the parking lot from time to time.
>Don't see his car parked one day.
>I hear from another friend that the rear part of his E30's frame started to give way.
>He decided to go visit a mechanic he knew personally.
>Miraculously manages to drive to a different town without getting stopped by a cop, all while the rear half of his car is sagging.
>Ends up getting a ticket anyway, and has his car towed. Not because of the frame, but because he was parked illegally.
He eventually got it fixed. He was a pretty cool guy, even if he probably spent more money on weed than he did maintaining his cars.

>neighbour moves in across the road
>parks her shitty Ford Mondeo all over the place every day
>she has a free driveway yet insists on parking her car in front of my house, in front of 2 homes down on her side, around the corner and across the road
>street has no traffic and she insists on parking around the corner on the other fucking side of the street because why no one knows.
>have bets with a mate on where she parks she is that fucking random
>parks up on the sidewalk in front of her house occasionally.
>leaves all windows wound down an inch and doors unlocked, regardless of rain, wind or shine
>puts ONE shitty plastic mag cover on her rear right wheel for a week and removes it promptly

She's a fat 40 year old single mum so I don't really need to ask what her illness is but fuck it's so random.

I haven't had anything too crazy lately, but here are a few that were fun

>young guy from out of state, probably 21 tops comes in with new Focus RS, has like 3500 miles on it
>says something is wrong with alignment or suspension, tires are wearing like shit and brakes are making noise
>of course wants it all looked over under warranty
>also wants a loaner, says he knows we aren't going to give him another RS to borrow but he will settle for an ST
>holding back laughter, explain that our loaner fleet consists of pretty basic vehicles of each category and they're all automatics
>says he'll take a diesel super duty then
>put him in a fiesta, had a fusion or an edge available but fuck that kid
>first thing tech notices when road testing the RS is that the lifetime average fuel economy is like check alignment, rear toe is out on both sides
>tires are horribly chafed in the front and fucking bald out back
>all four brake rotors are blue/purple from being badly overheated
>pretty evident that the kid just drives like a fucking whore
>call and tell him the alignment is out and he can pay to have it done and he's going to need four new tires as well
>pulls the usual "you're trying to fuck me that car is a lemon I'll take it to a better dealer blah blah blah"
>don't care, tell him to bring back the loaner and come take it elsewhere if he feels so inclined
>next morning as I'm pulling in to the parking lot, I drive around the back of the RS and on the rear window I can vaguely see where a track number had been written on and then wiped off
>just for shits I play dumb and ask him what the number on the back window means
>he's caught off guard, stumbles for a second and then says it was on there when he bought it, must have been a dealer stock number or something

the icing on the cake was that he brought the loaner back with the gas light on so we got to charge him $5/gal to fill it.

But the only thing under the hood is the spare tire.

At least he didn't get it tatood.

and two more short ones, both pretty enjoyable
>another young kid comes in with a Focus ST, has like 1500 miles on it and he's had it for a few months
>says it just seems really down on power, he understands it won't pull as hard at high altitude but still thinks there may be something wrong
>I tell him I've owned an ST, can drive it quick and give him a good idea if there is anything wrong
>before I even make it out of the service drive I notice it's not building a single pound of boost
>factory had left an intercooler pipe clamp loose, sounds like it fell off before he had even bought the car
>have a technician tighten it up quick, go for a ride with the kid and he's just laughing his face off, saying he can't believe how fast the car is and how his mom wouldn't have agreed to co-sign on it had she known

then, had someone who bought a pre-owned 2014 Raptor from us come back in pretty pissed a couple days after he bought it
>says someone pulled a bait-and-switch, removed the truck's supercharger after he agreed to buy it
>ask him how he knows it was supercharged to begin with (I had seen the truck when it first came in on trade, it was never supercharged)
>he says they're supercharged from the factory (nope)
>after getting him to understand that they are not, he insists that the salesman he worked with never specified that it was not, so he thinks it is fair that we purchase and install a supercharger for him

pretty safe to say he and the kid with the RS will not be returning. not our fault they're stupid.

I bought a Grand Marquis because the price was too good to pass up. I have made up for this in idiot coworkers who bullshit about my car.

>constantly asked by one guy if I had the V6 version
>I assume that he assumes that every car with a V8 comes with a V6 option--kind of understandable, lots of cars have lots of different engines, right?
>"no dude, all crown vics have a turbo V6 option for police departments, you can't even get them for civilians"
>I have since quit that job and never heard from him again, but he would literally ask me this question every goddamn time he saw me sitting in my car

>working at a casino
>we have a bullshitter who is notorious for making stupid, stupid lies about everything
>claims he raced Danica Patrick before she was famous
>claims he has a mustang he's going to get back into racing with
>a stock 90's V6 mustang with an auto that he wrapped the front bumper around a telephone pole
>made the mistake of telling him I had a CB750
>he goes on to tell me Harley ripped it off
>the conversation that followed damn near gave me autism
>who am I kidding I post here I already have autism

STkid sounds like a bro for not putting you through any shit and for having a problem he didn't have anything to do with.

Glad he likes the car.

>give ride to friend
>friend thinks he's cool because he thinks he knows about cars
>"dang bro I like your brakes, your brakes are good I can tell"
>brakes are 16 years old and stock

>give ride to other friend
>i drive a stick shift
>i put the car in neutral
>"don't do that bro thats bad for the car!!!"

>hanging out with friends
>friend drives an auto
>puts it in neutral before going down a hill
>he puts it in neutral on going down a hill
>we end up crashes

>pour coolant in radiator
>"BROO THATS NOT WHERE YOU PUT THAT IN"
>ignore him
>"alright then don't listen to me but don't get mad when it doesn't work"

Piggyback off of the worst vehicle you have ever driven thread
>be medic fag with emt partner
>24 hour shift in a hellhole of a city
>partner has already done two 24 hour shifts this week, fucked over by a call in
>every call today has been bullshit
>both puked on more than once
>crackheads pushing and shoving us trying to help an overdose patient
>no police to help
>on the highway doing 70
>partner has been talking about quitting all week
>says you know what fuck this
>slams the ambulance into park while at highway speed
And we still use that ambulance to this day.

how did the ambulance respond, or did he slow down to a stop?

No, he didn't slow down. Loudest noise of metal snapping I've ever heard. From what I know vehicles have some sort of safety mechanism to stop this from happening, but this was a 12 year old ambulance with 200k miles, and it snapped it's shit badly. Transmission blown out from what I heard. Rig was out for a month then back in service.

I'll go ahead and ask the stupid question. What happened to your coworker? Like, how do you even put that in a report? Did you cover for him at all, or was there any way for you to do that?

Nothing to cover. He admitted he did it and walked out that day. Very high turnover rate as it's essentially going into Baghdad in 2003 and the bosses didn't give a fuck. We usually wear bullet proof vests when going into the inner city. Most of our ambulances have bullet holes in them and most are well over 200-300k miles.

yeah factory fuckups usually make people pretty mad.
>"I paid x amount of dollars for this brand new car and they could even do this right blah blah blah"
the best is when the CEL immediately comes on in a $75k diesel and we tell them we're booked out two weeks on diesel work. half of them demand to be put in another brand new truck for free

they make a few hundred of these vehicles a day, yours isn't special and when it breaks that's what the warranty is for

Satanic trips checked

>tell me that the engineers of chevy limited chevy to 95 mph so the driveshaft wont explode

This is true.

Doesn't an alternator just supercharge the battery tho

What's wrong with going downhill on neutral? I don't into auto

You use more gas and give up control.

>use more gas
Like in a manual
>give up control
Why? How? Does it lock the steering wheel?
Cars are made to be driveable even if the power steering shits itself(if the belt snaps for example)

Engine breaking.

But why would your engine break because you're in neutral?

Because it knows you're coasting down a hill in neutral.

2jz's make that sort of power too, difference is the 2j and rb are inline 6 with iron blocks, whereas the mustang is a v6 with an aluminium block. doesnt hurt that the 2j and rb need forged internals and a fucking massive turbo to make that power

>Know this dumb fuck in high school shop class
>Always talks shit on American manufacturers and V8'S in general.
>"Rotary is best bro, torque doesn't matter, they're super reliable "
>His mom buys him a beat to shit miata, despite him not having a license or permit
>his older brother drives him around in it and to school with it
>literally a car cuck
>covers it in shitty weeb stickers, pulls out muffler

>A few weeks later he trades it for an 80 something RX7. 85 I think but not sure
>Crap tires, straight pipe, ruined interior
>Sits and idles it for nearly an hour each class, loud as shit
>All the sudden the thing doesn't want to start or idle when cold
>Abandons it in the school auto shop lot
>Revs the Fuck out of it whenever he can get the thing to start
>Swears he's about to get his permit, as well as a job to fix the car
>It just sits while he talks shit on chevy

i've never heard of this before, pretty sure you're mistaken but what car do you drive?

that guy, johnny something? he had like 100 grand underneath the hood of his car

hopefully you did the responsible thing and defaced his car beyond repair

I work for Toyota Entune tech support. We get a lot of people calling us thinking we're a service department because our number is in the back of their owner's manual.

>lady calls in
>starts yelling because her car won't start
>"I bought this brand new yesterday and now it won't start. Blah blah lemon laws."
>try to stall her while I look up the number to her local dealer
>ask her what happened
>"I just filled up at the gas station and got about two miles down the road, then it just died"
>my computer is having issues so I press for more information to keep her talking (I get a bad quality score if there is extended silence)
>turns out she filled her brand new 2016 Corolla with diesel
>try not to laugh
>transfer her to the dealership
>listen in while she explains it
>"no one told me not to put diesel in it! Toyota needs to pay for this!"

Tfw it says not to use diesel in the manual and she has to buy a new engine a day after buying her new car

>you should have told me not to be retarded!
plz more

>tfw I put diesel in my non diesel volvo once
Thankfully I realized what I had done as I was putting the nozzle back, so I never started the car. But getting it towed and drained was a waste of money.

I kinda have an excuse. I Was about 2 hours away from home and out of gas when I got a call saying my grandmother had died. Wasn't really paying attention when I was refueling.

if the nozzle on the pump wont even fit into your tank how do you fill it without noticing?

It fit and filled perfectly fine, proof being a tank full of diesel.

>doesnt hurt that the 2j and rb need forged internals
RB26 actually came with forged internals stock. I cant talk for the 2J however

2jz-gte stock internals are good for about 700 iirc, not sure what will give up first though

You're too young to be here

No one really gives a shit/follows the age rule.

This is my story. It was from years ago when i first got into cars..

>be me
>have horsevagina girlfriend
>she drives an 09/10 Barina (pic related)
>automagic little 4 cylinder econobox
>it needs an oil change
>i get under it and look for the sump plug
>unscrew it and drain it
>this oil looks practically brand new
>whatever let it drain
>it finishes draining
>check dipstick
>its still practically full
>must be some stuff on the dipstick
>pour a few litres in the engine
>dont replace the oil filter, thats too hard
>drive it round the block
>struggling to get into gears
>slipping like crazy
>tell girlfriend it just needs time to work the oil in
>drained the entire transmission instead of the engine

One more from recently, not completely retarded though

>be me
>have 5S Celica
>needs oil change, filter change, front main seal, sparkplugs
>drain oil
>fit new oil filter platee with sensor outlet
>fit new oil filter
>remove belts and harmonic balancer
>replace front main seal
>cant get balancer back on
>tap it back with hammer
>side breaks off
>have to get car towed to mechanic and get them to swap the balancer over
>engine still has no oil
>go to work next day, pick car up that afternoon
>drive it 200 metres to the Autoshop and buy oil
>fill the oil and drive it home
>get home, its pouring smoke
>turns out the wotkshop filled the oil for me as well
>rev the cunt out of it for a while to burn off all the excess oil

Oh and 1 more

>be me
>be 15
>cars are cool
>buy shitbox pulsar for $150 NEETBux
>decide to make race car that day
>weight reduction everywhere
>no dash seats panels or anything
>tap passenger window with axe
>it shatters
>cant start engine
>burn out ignition fuse
>replace but still wont start
>remove atarter
>take to girlfriends mechanic father
>the starter motor is fine
>cant figure out car
>call scrap people to pick it up
>they cant start it
>they give me $50 for scrap
>he pours a litre of fuel in
>starts straight away

And maybe one more.

t. Underage

Correct. Stock 2JZ internals are near bulletprrof. Even the NA version had rather decent internals.

The 2J was capable of near 4 figures without ever opening the block. They over engineered it. Not that thats a bad thing.

Source: owned NA and a TT

>tells girlfriend the oil needs time to work in after draining the transmission fluid
>driving car any distance when you don't think there's oil in the engine
>sells car he just bought for scrap b/c it's out of gas

Lord almighty...

This one's a classic. From right here on Veeky Forums, nonetheless.

Some say it's comepletely nothing serious puttion diesel in normal engine and vice versa, all you need is clean whole fuel system. Not so serios as buying a new engine block. No?

Alright, I've got plenty so here's another

>guy calls in panicking
>"I just drove my brand new Prius off of the lot and the lights keep blinking! I'm on the side of the highway, what do I do?!"
>ask him what lights are blinking
>"the blinkers are going on and off"
>tell him how to turn off his hazard lights and try not to lose faith in humanity

One more

>middle eastern guy calls in
>starts screaming that his car is a piece of shit
>says there's a warning light on and he's had it less than a month
>ask him to describe the light
>"it looks like a blue bullet"
>tell him his high beams are on
>hangs up on me