So Veeky Forums how much of your resume is bs? If your boss found out the truth, how fucked would you be?

Post another pic(or your whole collection of cosplay girls making faces) and i'll answer any question you've got.

yes, tell me the name of this girl

I remember the good old days. Here I found a lead for you, for free.

warosu.org/cgl/thread/9211759

every word is true, pic related

0% i only put in the facts no hobbies, no interests, no bullshit about my qualifications. just educations and past employments most recent first.

This.

I need to bullshit on account of only ever wageslaving on a short-term basis when I need money quickly and my passive income and freelance work won't cover it.

Would not hire/10

Past courses like ASP.net which I did a long time ago, but don't remember anything, because I haven't used anytime so far.

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Thanks! 3 technical courses are complete bs. I choose to put them in there because i knew that the topics of these courses are directly related to the products my company produces eventough you don't have to know about it, if you are working with them. Sounds complicated, i know.
Either way, they seemed like a nice plus to my boss and thats why i got the job

Serious question: Was this a retarded ponyfag making his resume thinking other people would like it

===OR===
was it a relative normie who realized the boss/recruiter was a ponyfag? Pretty genius if that's the case.

>0% i only put in the facts no hobbies, no interests, no bullshit about my qualifications. just educations and past employments most recent first.
That must have been a small resume for your first job, if that's always how you've done things.

this, literally this.

Just elaborate wordings on old projects make them sound a lot better without actually lying.

90% of it is 100% BS
they wouldnt care, cause I dont do shit anyways

Government work is best work

What do you do for the government?

It support, for a county

This. Had an internship at UBS back in the day. I was printing research reports and doing filing for a team of financial advisors. Described on resume as working closely with a team of financial advisors on investment research and client relationship tasks.

Didn't need one to get a job where I work. Got my current role through being competent.

The current system is 'come work here for free for a few hours/days/weeks and we'll hire you if you pass a criminal records check, and keep you on if you're not a lazy cunt'.

just wat the fuck

Where do you work at?

All pony shit aside those are some impressive stats

This is absolutely disgraceful and vomit inducing. I would never even talk to the man that made this, clearly his judgement is impaired in a very deep way. Horrible.

What's the easiest thing to BS on a resume?

social skills

Would it be wise or not to pad your resume with time spent at a company that had a massive middle-management layoff after a merger or acquisition... ya know so there's literally no leads and an employer has to take you word for it.
Naturally you make up a job title that fits your actual skillset, and choose a time-frame that fits a hole in your work experience and falls right on the cusp of when that company folded.

Or have I been on Veeky Forums so long that I'm starting to see false shortcuts to success?

NEVER lie

eventually it will come out and you'll be fucked

Amen. I love hearing my friends bitch about partners at big 4 accounting firms dangling promotions and only ever receiving token gestures as rewards.

What the fuck was that retarded shit you just posted

Nobody's going to hire you just because your resume says you have social skills

Putting down "minor in leadership" or "professional speaker courses" is much smarter

>That must have been a small resume for your first job, if that's always how you've done things.
and? small resume easier to read the employer does not freak you you want a shitton of money... i remember we had a dev applicant that had 3 pages of past employment listing and stuff like executive director and whatnot was in there, we didn't even gave him a call.

My resume has no BS on it. my status: forget fucked, try gangraped

>2016
>even having a resume.

All a resume ever did was get me job denials.

Fuckit.

I play the good ol boy network and invest.

>tedd needs a pulling unit hand.
>call ted. "Sup homie." "Hey user, sup." "Lemme get dat job bruh." "Be at the shop at 6am tomorrow." "Aight." "Buy u a beer at the bar 2moro boss." "Cool"
>click.

I didnt even fill out the app for this job. I got one and put the number in my phone and trashed it. I just called them and said "hire me." They laughed and asked where my app was. I said ina trash. They laughed even harder. I said ask a few of your guys what they think of me. Ask anyone in this small town what they think of me and my work ethic.

I havent called in sick to my current job in 3 years and also been 5 minutes late 1 time.

I broke 40k last year at 12 bucks an hour. I wanna work for u guys but im not affraid to do it again.

Got a call back 10 minutes latter and put in my 2 weeks notice.

Year 3 here is in march and ill either get rich or die in this equipment.

Yup that's 100% my resume and what I say in interviews. Work somewhere from October to the the beginning of January? That's 2015-2016, you've got two years' experience!

This is the guy you wanna hire and hide on the basement. Because his autism nobody would hire him so you don't wanna overpay and I'm sure he knows his shit.

Also I would warn all secretaries to never ever make fun of him.

>he doesn't put a team oriented sport in his resume

enjoy your declines faggots

That feel when this resume (minus the ponyshit) blows mine out of the water

I put varsity tennis in high school. It's texas so no one is going to dig too deep into male tennis.

Why would you put that on your resume unless you're still in high school?

I actually write resumes for a living, all that stupid shit we just get rid of.