Shit you do to piss people off at work thread

I don't work more than my hours. My salary is for 40 and I do that. Most do an extra 1-3 hours everyday. I see they look pissed off when I leave.

me leaving has zero effect on their jobs because we work on separate parts of projects.

I used to have a salaried job where I would work 50 - 60 hours a week. One night I was working with this other girl during our busiest season and we had one last project to finish up, but I was just so sick and tired of it. I had plans with my girlfriend that night so when 6:30 rolled around I grabbed my stuff and started to leave. The other girl said, "where are you going?!" in a really bitchy voice. I told her I had a previous engagement and was leaving. She says, "so you're just going to leave me here to do your job?" I said "yup." She was angry as fuck and I just kept walking.

That job was so fucking miserable. $28k salary for working up to 70 hours some weeks. Fuck that shit. That girl was a bitch too, just spent most of her time browsing social media anyways.

Ended up getting fired a few months later but I was happy.

This is the true Veeky Forums mindset. Pranks are funny but the energy expended can always be transferred to more lucrative activities. I suppose they're good for boosting your general happiness level which can be financially beneficial, though.

Anyway,

>smuggle my garbage to work and leave it in funny places (office refrigerator, toilets, break room)

Once left an expired raw chicken breast in the back of a toilet and it was there for 2-3 months before someone found it. There was an office meeting about it

>do all of my personal chores on company time
You can bet your ass that I'm getting paid to do things I need to do anyway if I can get away with it, which I can. I don't waste any of my limited leisure time organizing my life because I do everything that isn't leisure on company time.

>send pictures like goatse to my co-workers from fake e-mail accounts after hours

>take every single sick day and holiday possible

I get away with a lot of things because my boss is a 40-something year old divorcee and we got drunk and hooked up once. I ate her ass on a business trip so I'm in the clear for a few years.

are you at least better off now?

I'm high enough up that if this happened to me, I would immediately call security to review the recent most footage of the elevator and find you.

I would not only fire you but do so in such a demeaning way that your entire reputation would be ruined with any co-workers that may have previously liked you.

You have toilets in your office? Must be awkward taking a dump with everyone looking.

Sometimes a client will ask a special service from our company, and I will quote a cash rate which I will then pocket.

Sometimes when people are talking to me Ill repeatedly say fuck you in my head while looking directly in the eye. fuckin cunts

Yes, I make twice as much and work twice as less in a field that I actually enjoy.

I once took a shit in the back of the toilet, it took like two days before it was found because I think it must have clogged the drain or something. No one even said anything. One day I just looked and it was gone.

>Press Cntl + Alt + Down to turn the screen upside down on colleagues' computers and then lock them when they're away from their desks.
>borrow fridge milk without asking
>putting coffee grounds and food remnants down the sink
>spending most of the day reading business and other news and doing all the work required of me and much more in a few hours.
>being young and bright

It's called an "upper decker"

This.

Extroverts can't stand it.

Are u me?

Print out porn, gore, and unpleasant messages and shove it under the office door of my supervisor while he's on vacation. By the time he comes back, both shifts have worked multiple times so there's nobody he can blame it on.

Also put an old broken (disconnected) webcam in the women's restroom stall with the only woman was on vacation. She saw it (obviously) and all hell broke loose but nobody could be blamed. It did result in the women's rr being locked, though.

Steal coworker's smartcards when they left it behind and put tape over the metal contact witch makes it inoperable unless they figure it out. IF I have more time I would find a picture of a down syndrome person that looked like said co-worker, then laminate the printed pic over the photo.

And fake blackmail.

>be me
>hate guy, who is married
>know guy is fucking female co-worker on the job
>type out anonymous blackmail threatening to send pics of adultery to his wife unless he buys the entire shift pizza every Friday (there are no pics)
>mail it to work
>now my shift gets free pizza every Friday
>when asked why, co-worker just says "that we're good to him"
>kek

Fucking kek. Technically though that's real blackmail I think.

same here. when it was time to go i left. IDGAF but anything after 1:30am at my old job

what kind of job was it?

>>take every single sick day and holiday possible

well they are your days after all

>my boss is a 40-something year old divorcee and we got drunk and hooked up once. I ate her ass on a business trip so I'm in the clear for a few years.

G-got any storys? you got me excited now

well i'm a janitor there and i was cleaning the elevator after all. whenever there is a camera in the elevator i turn my back on it or wipe it down cause i'm suppose to clean it and accidently touch every button on the panel

dont be stupid

kek

LOL
O
L

>Technically though that's real blackmail I think.

SHIT. How do I delet this?

thats funny but messed up. make a sorry letter. he might quit

>There was an office meeting about it
kek

>I'm high enough up that if this happened to me

...

bump

Fuck you. You're a wasteful retarded asshole. There's no reason to stick something into a bag if it already has handles or if you can just carry it or stick it in your pocket.

I literally don't do anything at my job

Originally I was hired as an admin assistant. I did some billing in the beginning, as well as mailing some stuff out. But lately all I do is plug in a couple mortgage rates onto a spreadsheet for my boss and then I spend the rest of the day shitposting on Veeky Forums

could never do this at my old work cause theres a camera pointed right at the register

bump for moar

I sometimes call my boss, pretend to be someone from accounting, and say theres somethign wrong with the "computer log in". He then comes into my office and tells me to fix it - since theres isnt any problem, I go to the basement and shitpost on Veeky Forums for an hour or two from my smartphone

I used to work at a movie theater as a manager. On weekdays I'd hand over the wrong side of the ticket stubs (the one's we took from customers) and pocket ~$50ish and around $200 on weekends every day. Paid my rent and weed. We were a smaller theater and they never audited us.

Wouldn't recommend it, stressful as fuck. Only reason I did it was because they never gave me one raise the 4 years I was their during school and promised me back pay that was never delivered. Fuck em.

>I'd hand over the wrong side of the ticket stubs

How did you make money from that?

If it wasn't clear I gave them already torn ticket stubs from previous tickets. I'd hand them those instead of printing legit ones.

I'd normally do it on big groups and round it out to 10's and 20's so the drawer wouldn't be too janky and it would lessen the number of times I'd be potentially seen by a coworker.

It was a sketchy place anyway full of drugs and banging coworkers. Good times.

I buy spoons and forks for the break room.

>barista that makes espresso drinks at a large corporate office while in college
>often work till 2:00 a.m 'close' time giving a bunch of tired code monkeys their expensive caffeine
> $5~ for a latte
> code monkey acts uppity or tries to rush me
> 1:30 a.m
> I press the decaf button on the espresso machine and move along, > keking as they get all the shitty taste with none of the caffeine in the middle of some huge project

Devilish

bump

The message says " I'm an immature piece of shit with no regard for anyone but myself".

The hero the office deserves

Remember a thread where some user said he'd bake brownies or some shit every Sunday and bring it to the office and leave it in the general area with some note saying " - user :)". He would leave it closer to the HR offices/area to make them fat and get on their good side lol

I had a small summer part time job at a bike store and I had to work on a computer a lot. Long story short the owner wants me to login on his account to windows which gave me access to everything...

It was really fun calling up distributors or other people and making ridiculous claims about how their bike parts/bikes were faulty. "Yeah Dan, the new Bell XTZ120913 Seat is really comfortable, I think we'd need an order for 20 more. Customers have been telling me they like how soft it is when it slips in their asshole!"

Also did a month of doing telemarketing calls (fuck that) for minimum wage for some local maid services. The calls were placed in their automated system and I was on the job from 5:30-9 usually. My favorite calls were by the end of 9 where people would cuss you out and get angry easily. There was a command feature were you could save and "prioritize" the call so that the system would call them the next day however I never saved it to my account so the next day one of the older ladies would call the same pissed off person around 9 pm the next day and you could even hear the people screaming through their headsets. Sometimes I kept a couple of numbers and would call people later at night to fuck with them some more. Shit pay, good times. I think when I retire I'll look into doing part time telemarketing on the side for some lols

win-win ratio there, mate. Unless of course she was one of those wrinkled old looking bitch bosses.