Has anyone ever driven while on the verge of diarrhea?

Has anyone ever driven while on the verge of diarrhea?

How do you manage when you are like 3 miles away from the nearest bathroom?

Happened to me yesterday, had to stop at some bumfuck KFC in the middle of nowhere (which means no niggers thank god).

DESIGNATED

SHITTING

I have IBS and doctors took a while to diagnose it. Now I know what not to eat, but back then I always carried a plastic bag and toilet paper and my car. I shat in an highway exit and a high-school parking lot in Montreal once.

I was driving a hmmwv in iraq. Had to shit urgently and can't stop for a hour. So I tell my truck commander to reach over hold the wheel. I open the door and stick my ass out. While a stream of stewed MRE is flowing out. I yell at a guy in the back to get some wet wipes out and them to me. One hand holding me up while me ads hangs out, other hand cleaning my ass. Someone on the radio is asking who is hanging out of a truck.

Later we arrive at Balad. During the after action review. Someone mentions the soldier who pooped out the side. Then some others chimed in and sa8d it smelled horrible.

i did quite a few times, i just gun it and try to hold the shit till i get home because i hate shitting anywhere esle but my own toilet

I drive all day for work and occasionally get the shits (thought I had IBS but turns out its mostly coffee that does it to me).
Subway has saved my ass a few times. Twice it was bad enough I contemplated pulling over and pooping on the rubber floor mat.

My sides just got detonated by an IED

a Burger no doubt

Yeah it would have been a story about sucking off Iraqis if he was a Euro 'solider'

True story time
>driving from fairbanks to anchorage alaska
>3 girls in car with me and my m8. chances look good
>had Carl's Jr. for lunch
>[guts]bubble[/guts]
>no rest stop signs
>not making it to cantwell
>pull over on shoulder of parks hwy.
>trudge into tree line
>remove pants and underwear
>lean on a tree and shit in the woods
>wipe ass with boxer briefs and pitch 'em
>put pants on and walk back to car
>daaaamn I had to piss
>I started dating one of the girls in the car
>posting from our house 6 years later.
>those draws is still in the woods somewhere outside of denali.

did you piss in her vag?

thanks for that mate.

>ate white castle
>driving parents back from some cherry picking farm in the boonies
>get mad intense stomach cramps
>try to fight it, see if I can hold it
>nope.exe
>its fucking pad, I am seconds from shitting my pants
>pull over immediately right after passing a bridge
>get out, grab some paper towels, and my water bottle
>run off the side
>tall grass, bugs, and pointy things around
>drop shorts
>massive explosive diarrhea
>never smelled anything so bad in my life
>dad comes running out asking what is up
>STAY THE FUCK BACK I yell
>mom is worried, and gets out
>I yell at her to get back in the fucking car
>horrible lime green liquid shit comes out my asshole
>worst smell ever
>It starts to gather and flow towards my shoes
>I take a few steps forward, but trip over my shorts, and fall face first into the ground
>my hands are not free
>I faceplant on my forehead
>continue to spray shit out my ass
>crawl forward to keep away from the puddle
>It finally stops
>wipe my ass with wet paper towels
>take a breather
>make sure not shit is on me
>rest for a few minutes
>return to car, tell my parents what happened, drive back in silence.

>Has anyone ever driven while on the verge of diarrhea?
The timing couldn't be more perfect for this story

>be at a rodeo event with my cousin while in Texas
>we've already seen everything interested so we decide to get food
>she gets fish tacos with cheese while I get some chili cheese fries
>when I'm full I give her my chili cheese fries
>for dessert I take her out for ice cream
>five minutes later she starts screaming
>user! WHY DID YOU GIVE ME SO MUCH DAIRY!?
>when we get into the car I hear her stomach roaring like there's a god damn demon in her uterus
>40 minute drive home
>she's cursing me for giving her so much dairy the entire time
>mfw
>as soon as we get to her place she runs to the bathroom
>stays there for an hour
>mfw everyone in the house could hear her shitting the whole time
>ever since I've been trying to buy her ice cream and cheese heavy food whenever we hang out

>Be me
>Get out of work at 5 am
>Stop at 7-11, buy Mexican Donuts, Ferrero Rocher Chocolate, Snapple, and Nachos
>Park by School and eat
>Decide to take nap and wake up when school starts
>Wake up
>Stomach Pains
>Have to shit really bad
>10 minute walk to nearest bathroom, or shit in school bathroom
>Run to school bathroom
>Look for most private toilet
>Go in, dude is already taking a shit
>Leave
>Don't want to go to other bathrooms for fear of loud farting
>No other choice but drive home
>10 minutes before arrival shit on seat

And then it happened again the next year
>Have major math test
>Studying
>All of a sudden stomach hurts
>5 minutes until class starts, no time for shit
>Say fuck it and go home
>10 minutes before arrival shit on seat
>Drop class

Then it happened again a month later
>Nap before class in car
>Wake up with a sudden urge to shit
>See a bag, can't decide if use or not
>Rain is covering the windows so no one could see me if I decided to use bag
>Drive a small Toyota Tacoma Pickup truck, so no room to shift
>Cover the seat with bag and drive home and prepare for shitstorm
>10 minutes before arrival shit on bag covering seat

I just keep a bottle of Peptol Bismol and don't eat anything bad for me before school.

>go on weekend trip to NJ with a friend when we were 19
>stay in some bummy motel because that was the only place lenient enough to rent a room to kids under 21
>wake up in the middle of the night thirsty as fuck with nothing to drink
>decide to gamble and drink a glass of tap water
>stomach is fucked when I get up
>check out of hotel in the morning and go have diarrhea in White Castle bathroom
>~5hr drive ahead of me, so I start panicking a bit
>go to a CVS and head back to the pharmacy
>about 6 camel jockeys working behind the counter, no white people in sight
>sigh and explain to them my situation
>they tell me to try pepto chewables
>they actually worked and I didn't have to shit again for the entire drive
>I always keep a thing of pepto chewables handy since that day

Sometimes I wonder how many of the cars auctioned at Copart are listed as biohazard because some dude with IBS couldn't reach a bathroom in time and the interior mess meant total loss.

This is my go to 'this is why I'm speeding officer' maneuver. Shit works yo

>amerifats

>How do you manage when you are like 3 miles away from the nearest bathroom?
Some public chairs, notably those in the public library, smell poopy. I don't sit in those. Always check your chair before you sit down. Otherwise you contaminate your clothing and when you sit in your car, you transfer that contamination to your drivers seat as well.

what is everyone a fag with a destroyed sphincter?

>lactose intolerance
lmao amerimongrels

BUMPER DUMP

I know how to make my shit go backwards

>me 14 years old
>riding home from church with family>dismiss it thinking I can hold it (First mistake)
>Family goes into Wallgreens I wait in car still thinkin I can hold it
>House is still 18 miles away (Lived in BFE)
>12 miles to go, intense gurgling in bowels
>11 miles to go, alert my parents I have to shit but no stops, only private residences and trees
>10 miles to go, Diarrhea asserts it's presence... it's a matter of time
>8 miles to go, clinching my buttcheeks together manually to stop the unstoppable tide of Diarrhea
>7 miles to go, It happens. It comes out in spite of my efforts.
>Shout loudly "ITS TOO LATE!"
>Father in drivers seat literally crying from laughing
>Pulls over by some woods
>I waddle into the trees and salvage what I can of my dignity.
>ditch boxers
>jeans still have shit in them
>next 7 miles we drive with the windows down and my father laughing

I learned that day to listen to your body