You are with your girlfriend/wife/crush/oneitis/whatever in a carpark and this guy comes up and slaps her ass. Overwhelmed by his bold approach and autism you find yourself stunned, overcome with an onset of crippling Assburgers, watching helplessly as he walks to a dirty old white Crown Vic. He puts a rag under his foot and poses and challenges you to a race.
Now this isn’t just some regular old Crown Vic, it’s a goddamn second gen P71. Police. Fucking. Interceptor. Built to leap kerbsides and chase down the bad guy, the Sperg has gone a step further and equipped his Autismobarge with an oil slick, smokescreen, blinding lights and genuine Aussie FPV badging for an additional 50 horsepower. Under the hood he’s also packing the 7.0l V12 out of an Aston Martin Vulcan, albeit nigrigged in and stuck farting through stock exhaust. He’s still making six hundred and sixty six horses at the rear wheels.
But it gets worse. He’s just chloroformed the bitch and stuffed her in the spacious back seat now he’s driven up to the exit, popped the P71 into neutral and started revving it hard so people think he’s in a manual car.
You are standing next to your shitbox. You have $10,000USD to blow on it, which will be magically installed as soon as you hop in to chase the Sperg down. If you are a nocar you have an additional $5,000USD to spend on a shitbox; it can only be spent on the shitbox though, so any leftover vanishes. As soon as you get in he takes off and the race is on.
First you’ll have to chase him down a straight road which ends in a sharp turn and leads into a nigger neighbourhood full of twisty roads and roadblocks and burning piles of rubble. Once you’re out of Coontown it’s onto the toegay where halfway down the Sperg will proceed to look at his GPS instead of the road and crash into an embankment. If you aren’t tailing him he’ll be able to get out unharmed, take your qt and escape with her so you’ve got to be on his ass by the end or you're made into a literal cuck.
What is your shitbox and what have you done to it?
Kevin Anderson
>$10,000 Drop the shitbox and get a used literbike.
Jackson Wilson
I don't have a girlfriend/crush/oneitis though because pic related
Nathaniel Adams
What if I'm gay you homophobic piece of shit? Did you ever think of that? Huh?
Jackson Thompson
1991 Subaru Legacy Wagon
Drop the most built vapeboy EJ25 I can find in the thing and beef up the remaining driveline to handle the power. add some decent suspension and good to go
but really
Lucas Baker
gross
Grayson Miller
/thread
Juan Mitchell
Forget a literbike, for $10k you could get something way funnier >implying he'll ever get away from 250cc of two stroke fury
Leo Gray
I mean, he's not getting away from any decent bike. I just said liter bike to crush any hope of escape he might have. You'd still have money left over to buy a nightstick to crack that dome.
>touches you with the side of his car >you fall >runs over you
Matthew Lewis
Forgot pic
Ian Robinson
What's funny is that I've actually net this guy and he is a bit of a cringy character but for the most part he's actually nice and a lot of fun to be around. He comes out to some of the CA Veeky Forums and /k/ meets.
Owen Moore
I thought he was from Texas
Daniel Myers
Plot twist: I make my shitbox fast enough where he can't bring the annoying bitch back. Your problem now, Mike Honcho.
Connor Diaz
>civic em2 >spend 3k on Foxbody >spend 1k on custom driveshaft >FR convert Civic >spend 5k swap D-17-A1 for RSX TypeS K-20 >spend remaining 1k tuning engine for as much power as possible
Ethan Harris
Does the one from eBay come with the neat little "type in password to start ignition" feature, too?
Gabriel Young
kek, not sure about that I know Peugeot 406s do. I almost bought one last October and it was a big meme feature for me but I ended up getting a Renault Laguna that speaks.
William Gonzalez
Oh and also the Peugeot had it disabled
Jaxon Richardson
t. the autist himself
Cooper Richardson
>I ended up getting a Renault Are you the guy who posted this thread is your car still sentient
Robert Wright
>standing next to bmw m3 e46 >7k stage 2 supercharger
with 600bhp its a bingo for me and my 600 ball tied bavarian warmbloods
Luke Gray
no way Alan could do this be nice OP
Ryder Howard
Mercury Grand Marquis
$50 swaybar, $200 junkyard run for the rear diff from a P71. Spend the rest of the money on Little Trees which will fill the cabin to the point of instant headaches and vomiting when the door is opened, then immediately veer to the side when the race starts and cause universal implosion due to two oversized shitbarges becoming one.
Sebastian Bailey
Nope, not that guy lol. I'm the guy who sometimes brags about smoking A4s at stoplights with my Volvo engine. Cropped pic because I was in it
Joshua Perry
*rips it to Neutral* *Revs his engine obnoxiously* you think your bad gringo? *Tips Sombrero* *lowers the paisa Mexican music* do you know what this car is? *floor shifter now on 2 for race mode* its your car's daddy pendejo *commences brake boosting* Aluminum SVT Block Puto, 32valves *audible procharger wine* you can keep the whore *drops the brake, tire smoke becomes prevalent* more where that came from *very fast marauder running at very hihg speed, quickly followed by 10 ICE agents in unmarked Australian caprice ppvs*
Gavin Smith
i'm pretty sure a P71's daddy is a ford LTD
Joshua Scott
...
Luke Ward
the way I understand it, modern 04+ P71 have parts borrowed from the Mercury Marauder.
Landon Johnson
Welp, it's time.
David Diaz
This thread made my fukken night lel
Just change that to one of those Aussie LS V-12s or a GT500 swap and subtract the rapey shit, and it's pretty spot-on to my pipe dream 'Vic build.
Also I have more FPV badges on their way, so does that gain me any extra horsepower?
Austin Jenkins
I've met him too, he seemed fine
Jason Rogers
That pretty much confirms he's an insufferable autist and probable furfag
Christopher Davis
hey wanna swap engines with me i have a 1zz 4cylinder
Hudson Scott
No thanks, I already have a weed-whacker. :)
Daniel Sanders
>me >furfag
Andrew Jones
post proof that you're the guy in the OP
Chase Edwards
You're not my supervisor.
John Taylor
HOLY SHIT IT'S GOTTEN WORSE
Luke Nguyen
I have a 900hp Supra so I'll use that 10k to get an extra 12HP and shit on his ass, spraying my internals at his windscreen
Levi Cooper
How will he slap my tulpa's ass?
Ryder Harris
...
Justin Smith
Did you get deported
Logan Kelly
>Saving old pics of a stranger on the internet What, you need fapping material or something? Seems unhealthy.
Charles Fisher
...
Sebastian Green
[ Unhealthy behavior intensifies ]
Nicholas Richardson
Damn where are you finding these
Leo Hill
>Hey this guy seems like an attentionwhoring faggot, I'll keep this for later so maybe he'll shut the fuck up Nope, more attention.
Aaron Watson
...
Dylan Morris
yes and no.
spent 10 months in a detention center, appealed my deportation.
I got convicted of a non-significant misdemeanor of "harassment" suspended sentence of 57 days. ICE under USCIS guidelines wasn't suppose to detain me and attempt to deport me, got my work permit revoked, now I'm officially an "illegal alien" :^)
lost my job, place and $20K in legal defense lol
Andrew Richardson
why is it black
Xavier Allen
racist piece of shit
Brandon Richardson
10mo without fresh memes where fucking brutal.
Anthony Williams
Muh fee fees piece of shit >>>/tumblr/
Anthony Lee
But I managed to hold on to my toys
Connor Phillips
Oh shit dude, that blows. We wondered where you were.
Gabriel Lopez
First it was Dead, then Neonfag, the Montego, followed by Frosty and finally CVPI. Why do you guys idolize these fucking autists? They become the literal avatars of shitposting. CVPI's too sperg to grab his own ass let alone a female's
Julian Wilson
bro we've missed you fanime wasnt the same without the drunken shenanigans. do your best to make it to the next bay area meet mate
Gabriel Harris
When I found out Donald Trump was president I though all was lost.
a Federal Judge in the 9th circuit ruled that a Petty Offence of Crime Involving Moral Turpitude was not grounds for deportation, brain dead ICE agents thought they could get away with it.
Luke Ramirez
Illegals get deported, you'll have your day.
Mason Morris
the same drunken shinanigans that got me in trouble lel.
I got to deal with probation, but I'll try and make it to one.
Tyler Myers
only if ICE can catch me in the toegay
Alexander Peterson
They can if they're driving modded P71's like mine. :')
Brandon Lee
not in california they dont
Camden Reyes
Who cares, it's cali, may as well be in mexico already. So glad I left that shit state.
Ryder Clark
you're an absolute leftist any other time
Juan Jones
wtf are you talking about?
Adam Lopez
>dem quads
California retuning to Mexico Confirmed.
William Baker
>admitting to being a braindead moron lol
Aiden Baker
...
Hudson Williams
>Make America Great Again Let's start by raising the punishment for bestiality. :^)
Austin Cook
Quads confirm
California is a sinking ship, I got the fuck out too >tfw we might sell the house and move to Montana
Owen Flores
back to your drumpfkin safespace retard
and stay there.
Dominic Hernandez
>the gay nigger hates trump WOW, COLOR ME SURPRISED
Kevin Bailey
...
Jacob Jones
I say let Mexico have it, then wait 5-10 years and let Mattis take it back, along with Baja California and surrounding areas. That time under drug cartel control should cull the SJW population a little too.
Isaiah Gutierrez
>liking trump I don't have brain damage so I don't support morons.
anyways back to /pol/ you racist
Christopher Reyes
Ayy lmao
Dominic Anderson
you cant overlook that California is the RICHEST STATE IN THE UNION. Despite being progressive with a large social safety net. Go ahead and leave senpai
Tyler Flores
White people made it good, now the brownies are riding it, it'll fall soon.
Angel Perry
Veeky Forums is /pol/ sorry facts are facts
Connor Robinson
It's the biggest state and it has heavy agriculture; no shit it's got resources. It's still a crime-riddled shithole with oppressive laws.
Lucas Evans
The facts are in.
Trump is an idiot and so are you.
Luke Phillips
fake news
Kevin Jackson
>STATUS: MAD
Its the agricultural sector, often worked by Hispanics.
David Hall
Or Mattis could simply invade Mexico for the lulz
>poorfag nigger hating on Trump Get a job busrider
Xavier Garcia
Trump's an idiot, Hillary's an un-American crook. There were no good choices, and I'll take a drooling retard over the personification of the Democratic party any day.
Eli Smith
So you're saying mexicans are low IQ and good at labor, farming etc. That's not a very good thing to be proud of.
Gavin Roberts
and there is no reason to oppress them.
Ayden Cruz
Yeah, California has done well profiting off of illegal labor. Doesn't change the fact that it's a crime-riddled shithole with oppressive and unconstitutional laws.
Jordan Cook
>stop bullying trump! ;__; Sorry I'm not stupid enough to be a republican.
pic related is cuck trump I suppose. Still doesn't make him any less retarded.
Evan Miller
>and there is no reason to oppress them. They are destroying everything we have built, so yeah, that's wrong.
Kevin Hughes
OH GOD HE DELIVERED also you look a bit like Riley Stearns, you could get lucky and end up getting a chick that's Mary Elizabeth Winstead tier
Camden Jackson
"we need mexicans to do the jobs white people won't." - democrats
Michael Kelly
this, did he get it repainted?
Logan Wilson
Yea, except Mexicans do the same jobs as whites for cheaper. Maybe if white people weren't so worthless there wouldn't be a problem.
Kevin Reyes
Farming seems to be going fine in the midwest where there's a fraction of the number of mexicans vs cali, so yeah....
John Reyes
>So you're saying mexicans are low IQ
bitch, meet me outside.
Daniel Butler
if it doesn't pay 100K a year it's not a job, it's a yob.
Ian Ward
based autistic CVPI >now I'm officially an "illegal alien" :^) but you were working legally before, right? I mean if you had a work permit once... dogfuckers will hang, you'll have your day if you don't drive off a cliff first, that is kys
