/ss13g/ - Spessmen on a Spess Station General

clwon edition

Last Thread: Last time on /ss13g/ - spessmen on a spess station:
>i want to fuck a small ukranian boy with my massive clown dick hmu on snapchat

>What is Space Station 13?
youtube.com/watch?v=FHH1vfY6HTA
pastebin.com/VNcX2Quc

>New player guide
ss13.moe/wiki/index.php/The_Basics
ss13.moe/wiki/index.php/General_Help

>BYOND client
byond.com/download/build/LATEST/

>Pomf Serbian, main Veeky Forumsstation server
byond://game.ss13.moe:7777

>Test server
byond://ss13.moe:1337

>Public server list
byond.com/games/exadv1/spacestation13

>How do I connect to the servers?
Hit the cogwheel in the upper right corner of the BYOND hub and pick "Open Location"

>Veeky Forumsstation forum and logs
ss13.moe/forum/
game.ss13.moe/logs

>Map renders collection: updated sometimes
game.ss13.moe/minimaps/images/maps/

>Coderbus, here!
github.com/d3athrow/vgstation13
@rizon #coderbus @rizon #vgstation
discord.gg/fE3Ts8A

>Cryo Autism
pastebin.com/raw/YmAyagUa

>Round Stats
stats.ss13.moe/

>SS13 booru for all your SS13 images!
ss13.booru.org/

>How To Install BYOND: The Video Tutorial: The Movie
youtube.com/watch?v=-iWiZwv9f1o

>Nostalgia
boards.fireden.net/vg/search/text/ss13g/
ss13.moe/index.php/bans

>OP Pastebin
pastebin.com/raw/z7czw5WQ

Other urls found in this thread:

ss13.moe/index.php/poll/102
twitter.com/SFWRedditVideos

>Objective: Die a glorious death.

WHAT DO YOU DO

>clwon edition
Do we have a pastebin of the cookbook yet?

Place two bags of holding into one another.

>Arrest the mime for a petty crime
>NT default borg confiscates his PDA and shoes from his cell
>When asked for a justification, it says that the mime was attempting to break windows (regular shoes cannot harm windows)
>After getting released, mime throws harmless objects at an NT default borg
>NT default borg arrests the mime and tells it that it will kill him if he damages station property again
>Go do some other arrest
>When I come back, the borg is harmbatoning the mime to death. The cell windows have literally ZERO (0) cracks.

Secborgs, I know you can't do your job at all when you're on Asimov, but please understand that incidents like these are why people are hesitant to put you off Asimov to begin with.

Yes, I did Ahelp it. And no, I wasn't the one that put them on NT.

suicide with a ducky

Wow borer shields are strong. Shame we didnt use them until round end.

it has been a priviledge to serve with you, lord clown

Souhai, I didn't have a chance to explain at the time, but one of the clothed people in cryo was a plasmaman on the verge of death, and the other was a braindead in an empty tank, only there to stop from bleeding to death if his player came back into the game.

I did have some method to my madness

>helmet of mombrino

Dude, that's just a shaving basin.

AI here, not sure what was going on. Should've reminded him that law four (survive) is below law three (protect), so damaging a cyborg/AI is not the same as a law one (station) action. Sorry about that.

Fitting for a barber

Souhei is just retarded, don't mind him

your last knight was drilled to death after finally returning to life

What's the quickest and surest way to get yourself justifiably sentenced to permabrig, alive, without breaking server rules and while causing minimal disruption to the round and other people, as any job?

Asking for a gimmick.

no u

How do I get a human waifu gf as a vox
Please respond

Sorry I couldn't save you Fridge. My crowbar did nothing to the RIPLEY.

the constable of fashion was not a knight yet. He died in glorious battle against the machinery of hell and that is how the bards will remember him.

This is kind of a shitty answer but you can usually just ask to be perma'd. Security officers are usually happy to comply

good thing the two glorious knights were beating the machine to self detonation

Feed them your bird dick.

I've asked to be permabrigged before and security just went with it. You could also law two the AI. Otherwise, I guess giving the AI meme laws? Or major B&E and resisting arrest while asking for perma.

They gave their life for the island, and G-D sent a bolt from heaven to assist them in their noble fight.

breaking into the AI core, but not doing anything

Sorry I should have specified, but it's also important that I be sentenced to perma with security thinking it's against my will and that they want me to stay stuck in there.

I have also just asked before and been let in, but that doesn't work with my gimmick.

>be detective
>detect things
>Message from (Nurse), "Please come to the morgue ASAP. And please reply if you got this message."
>oh goodness, missing bodies and a body with no blood!
>scan
>Janitor, doctor and a roboticist come up
>contact roboticist
>I just went to get some cigs and bumped into tray
>odd but decide to investigate janitor because that's even more suspicious
>check out office, clean
>check out back, blood
>blood is janitor's
>warning bells
>ask him why there is blood
>some guy with a balaclava died there
>WARNING BELLS
>start questioning him in the shuttle
>all shifty and contradicting things
>it was actually the roboticist who did done it
fug

Break into the captain's office, or any head's office without destroying the doors

unban test

only a birdbrain would still post about waifushittery

fart in the captains face repeatedly, when arrest comes, fart in their faces too. when interogated, respond in farts. Fart fart fart

This

The crimes that grant you life sentence or something else are as follows
>Major B&E
>Grand Theft
>De-Implanting Oneself
>Grand Sabotage
>Murder
>Enemy of the Corporation
As it stands, Major B&E + Grand Theft is the easiest way to get a perma without seriously inconveniencing other people, as:
The following items fall under this : All Mechs, Command-level IDs, the Captain's Antique Laser and Secure Armory weaponry, Hand Teleporters, the Stations Blueprints or a photo thereof, the Hypospray, Ablative Vests, Advanced Magboots, Advanced Toolbelt, the Pinpointer and Nuclear Authentication Disk and all Heads Jumpsuits.
This means you can break into secure areas and take, for example, the RD's jumpsuit
This is a great one because the RD has very little in their locker that they won't have taken at roundstart, so even if you bust it open and don't lock it again you're not leaving much out in the open to be stolen
Two 15 minute/life sentence crimes will usually get you tossed in perma, especially if you try and break out of a normal sentence
If you want to be kept in there by sec, I advise doing everything in your power to slip and punch sec, but only punch/kick/bite them after you slip them, since this will cause minor brute damage that will heal quickly without needing a doctor
Do remember that too many offenses can cause execution, though

Thanks for the input, I appreciate it.

>Extreme cold makes Diona pass out and stunlocked forever, but they never die to it if they have a light source, because they outheal the damage.

Eh.

Stick with the baton

Baton with the baton

A NONLETHAL TAKEDOWN IS ALWAYS THE MOST SILENT-

Chickchicky boom, chickchicky boom

They will die but it will take an hour at least

What makes you think that?

Number one:
That's greytide
Number two:
That's greytide

Experience.
By the way, the coldlock for dionaea is not as bad as the radiationlock

Welcome to the station, Warden
I might as well start using hyperzine

What was up with the captain that round? I'm just trying to hack some APC's and he's flogging Ian to death. How rude.
Watch out for intercoms if you are ratting on the AI.

>deff brig has brewery dispenser thingy
>spend whole shift making tea and coffee mixes
>there is no warden to taste my coffee

Old clowns, running NanoTrasen. A new age.

If you can get to the bar, a security informant will get you an ID to the cult base
he responds to the codephrase "One day while Andy was masturbating, Woody got wood. He could no longer help himself! He watched as Andy stroked his juicy kawaii cock. He approached Andy which startled him and make him pee everywhere on the floor and on Woody too. Being drenched in his urine made him harder than ever! Woody: "Andy Senpai! I'm alive and I want to be INSIDE OF YOU." Andy: "Oh Woody Chan! I always knew you were alive! I want to stuff you up my kawaii ass!" Woody grabbed a bunch of flavored lube and rubbed it all over his head Woody: "Oh my! It's cherry flavored lube! Cherry is my favorite! Woody then stuffed his head up into Andy's tight ass! The other toys around the room watched intently as Woody shoved his head back and forth into Andy's nice ass, continuously making a squishy wet noise. The other toys also became aroused and they all gathered around Woody and Andy and started to urinate all over them, and then they started to masturbate. Andy: "Oh my goodness, Woody Chan! You are churning my insides up so well! Your nose is stimulating my prostate! OH YES! All the other toys became so aroused by this, that they could not help themselves anymore! They pushed Woody completely inside, and they all went inside. All of them wanted to be inside Andy's nice round ass. Andy: "No wait guys! My ass cannot hold this much! I'm getting so full! All the toys went inside of poor squirming Andy and pretty much, he was beyond full, and died from having his insides completely damaged. The mother came inside and found Andy, dead with a huge ass hemorrhage on his anus, with a HUGE belly full of toys."
banana peels might be useful

Head of Security here, I got locked in the armory, broke out, attempted to use the minimap to get to the AI core, got exploded, and then proceeded to get covered in plasma and then lost trying to find the AI core and change out of plasma laden clothing.

Isn't harming Ian insta-valid? I know some other servers have this rule about not hurting the doggo

I heard that you can get me inside.
Whatever, but I know the Captain because he's my pal. Don't think you know something about the commander.
Here's a picture.

no

Those look like lungs

Only if you are the HoP, and even then I'm not sure.

Weird, I remember people getting fucking lynched for hurting Ian regardless of role back in the day

Nanoaugmentation when

If you're the HOP you can murder people who fuck with Ian, sure.

within six months

Old clowns. Warning. Warning.

ss13.moe/index.php/poll/102

It's over lads, attack animations have won

>Had Die Glorious Death
>Jack a handtele, set tele to satellite and yank the cell so nobody can change it or use it
>Head to sat and use sat tele to pop into aux engineering
>Smash a window on the SME, wait for engineers to run to investigate, then sneak past and steal the entire PA and a singu by teleporting them to satellite
>Build PA in the northern part of the satellite, placing singularity directly north of the sats teleport beacon
>Buy singularity beacon and put it on the opposite side of the teleport beacon
>Bribe the QM to let me order some "farm animals"
>Sneak in three 3 supermatter shards with the cows and teleport them to sat immediately
>Place the shards between the singularity and the singu-beacon
>Turn on the PA, teleport to station, pick up the beacon I teleported to and take it to the bar
>"Hey crew, please gather in the bar for my special one-man show!"
>Jump back to satellite and wait until I see yellow on the horizon
>Teleport to bar and immediately open a portal to the beacon between the singularity and singularity attractor
>"SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT!"
>Super singularity appears underneath me and erases the bar and everyone in it

Don't repost this, I already regret making it.

and so it begins.

But No already won. What the fuck.

From the IAA Wiki page:

>Procedure
>Do not worry if people are loathe to answer your questions or outright refuse to. Refusing to answer case-related questions is a briggable offense. (To a minimum of ten minutes)

However, Space Law itself doesn't have any clause to the effect of this. So which is it? I sent Centcomm a fax about it last round but didn't get a response.

>have 3000ms ping
>still arrest my fair share of cultists

*law

I am not happy about capturing cultists.

Amazing, I bet you got bwoinked for it though

Well you know I'm not happy having my soul eaten by NarNar - as nice a guy as he is.

IAA doesn't matter.

If anyone plays along, it's cool, but nobody is required to, and you won't get in-game or admin support for that, nor should you expect it.

That's the sad truth. Disregard pretty much everything on the IAA wiki page, and realize that the role doesn't have real power and never will, because nobody cares enough to give them any measure of backing to their presumed authority.

It's just the way I was doing things felt dirty.

I don't know what alternative universe we came from

What were you? Sec, cult, or borg?

Because if borg, yes you were just bizarre last round.

Not necessarily, there was one round in which the captain was a rogue shitter, and when I faxed centcomm, they shipped in a new captain named Discount Dan to assume authority, armed with 10+ stun revolvers to assert his authority.

I was actually the detective, the one people kept tasering due to being undercover as to make me look less threatening.

If you somehow get an actual trial going, I believe its referring to when people are in court.

Also, IAAs have the POWER to do things but they need a following, one IAA and a fax machine won't do enough. You either need a large following of lower ranking crewmembers or one higher ranking one.

IAA is a rev in disguise.

>going undercover all
>in a cult round

You do realize that if you got into trouble, you'd have been carted off to the cult runes and - when they failed to covert you - killed, right?

So what purpose did being in suspicious areas constantly serve you exactly?

>If you somehow get an actual trial going, I believe its referring to when people are in court.

No, it's referring to an investigation.

>Procedure
>Crewman X would like to register a complaint about Crewman Y's behavior/conduct.

>It is your task to learn Who, What, Where, When, Why, and How when launching a new investigation.

>Who is involved in the incident
>What happened
>Where it happened
>When it happened
>Why it happened
>How it happened
>Interview each and every crewman involved before summarizing your findings into a report that you present to the offending party's department's head of staff. The matter at hand can range from obvious prisoner abuse to simply leaving the Xenobiology pens open or refusing to serve drinks at the bar.

>Do not worry if people are loathe to answer your questions or outright refuse to. Refusing to answer case-related questions is a briggable offense. (To a minimum of ten minutes)

>You do not want to know what happens to people who lie to a IA Agent.

>Get new trialmins
>Still a ton of NO ADMINS TIME 2 GRIFF or only one admin online

great job probe

It worked though, he didn't expect it coming.
I tried to make sure everyone knew who I was by constantly speaking over the radio, also I thought it was funny and that is what made it definite that I would not dress back up as a detective.
If I died my SPS would go off, I don't mind dying.
I did not mean to be in suspicious areas constantly, I just walked around looking for any runes or responded to things over the security radio that sounded like needed scanning.

buy explosive implant and memechete

Did Veeky Forums go down for anyone else? I can't connect to their website either.

Did TGstation just go down?

excellent

After all that hard work building the aux station because of THAT FUCKING DRAKE

be honest, is tg only worth playing for labaland

>metaclub again for the fourth time in a row, at 7% or lower chance.

Please stop pressing buttons, shitmins.

I wish the map vote interface would stop breaking, forcing a repeat of the current map

lavaland ported to vgstation when

When you port it, or when you find a coder who hasn't come to hate you.

>Be security

>Get promoted

>Get Borer bro

>Die in an explosion with no way to survive it.

lamp oil. rope? BOMBS? YOU WANT IT?

PLEASE YOUR MAGNIFICENT HAVE MERCY

>Afk for a bit, decide to hide in locker
>Suddenly massive explosion goes off
>The room to the south of me is completely gone
Maximum wew.

ONCE YOU'VE SCRUBBED ALL THE FLOORS IN CENTCOMM, THEN WE CAN TALK ABOUT MERCY

>it's metaclub 4th time in a row meme

Meta is the new Box.

Reminds me of one round where I ran into one of the toilet stalls in rec and shut myself in because I needed to go afk for a little bit and when I came back and opened the door, it was a horror zone, bodies and blood everywhere with signs of a horrible gunfight

>Traitor CMO
>Need to steal antique laser
>Silenced pistol emag
>Five minutes in HOP breaks into cap's office, gets caught, grey shirt runs off with laser
>Fuck
>Chill, help some people
>HOP somehow ends up in medical with nothing but a jumpsuit
>Clown fucking with him
>Break up their fight
>Clown says he's rogue and a traitor
>Pull out pistol
>shoot clown into crit
>Drag him into maint
>"HOP we need to talk"
>HOP's face when

>Five minutes in HOP breaks into cap's office, gets caught, grey shirt runs off with laser
If it was only 5 minutes in, he was probably securing the spare so he could become acting cap

Shame mutli-level station maps haven't been done, just so the station isn't always a flat pancake in terms of construction.

I think there's even a tile for an elevator shaft somewhere.

Oh god, imagine Deff with a second floor. It'd be a nightmare.