ITT: unexpected life lessons you learned from history

ITT: unexpected life lessons you learned from history

I've had chronic indigestion, but when reading about Charles V I learned that his deformed jaw prevented him from properly chewing his food and gave him digestion problems.

I chew my food better now and I can digest just fine. Thanks Charles V!

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Holy shit I'm going to try this
Thanks Charles V!

Hitler tried doing two things at once, and it did not work. Thats why I never see my girlfriends at the same time.

Charles V taught me that when barons are increasing in power, it's not a good idea to persecute a beloved religious reformer.
But seriously, Charlie V was a solid dude and taught me even the best people can overexert themselves, so it's a good idea to relax when it's prudent.

Thanks Charles V!

Henry VIII taught me that being fat and gross will cause your wives heads to fall off, so I've carefully avoided women my whole life! Thanks, Henry!

>Hitler tried doing two things at once, and it did not work. Thats why I never see my girlfriends at the same time.
While the Soviet Union is thinking I'm fighting the Brits and the Brits are thinking I'm fighting the Soviets, I'm actually home alone drawing paintings.

Thanks Charles V!

push yourself hard enough and you can achieve anything

Marie taught me that giving cake to the peasants lead to way too many beheadings and driving your country to shit

So now I eat the whole cake alone.

Thanks Charles V!

I'll try this. Hope it works. Thanks anyway though, Charlie.

>waste dads money on conquests
>cause a riot an de massacre 30k people
>when riot starts you start packing but then your wife tells you to stay
>when you down empire is over extended and broke as shit and Constantinople is filled with diseases
>instead of attacking Persians or arabs when you have the upper hand you attack shitty Germans for Muh feels

Can we stop this meme that he was a good emperor ?

>Removed Kebab
>Removed Protestants
>Removed Indios
>Cucked France
>Gives health advice

Is there an emperor as based as Charles V?

Thanks Charles V!

Italian Renaissance sculptors showed that marble can look like silk, so now I wear suits made of marble. Thanks, Bernini!

Based Charles V still helping from the sky those willing to listen in the 21th century.

Thanks Charles V!

T-thanks, Bernini...

Thanks Charles V!

Thanks Charles V!

I don't get why he has the reputation of being inbreed. His parents were not close relatives.

Inbreedness was mostly a problem for later generations of Habsburgs.

fuck charles v, Bismarck showed me that germania must be groß

>implying

>must be groß
>makes a kliendeutsche state

Thanks Charles V!

It's probably just because of the habsburg jaw

You have been visited by Charles V

Properly chewed food and good digestion will come to you only if you post "Thanks Charles V!" in this thread.

Inbreeding is bad, 'mkay

Thanks Charles V!

...

Stand for what you believe in

Even if you stand alone

Thanks Charles V!

>not all sex is good

novelok.com/essential-writings-machiavelli?page=0,280
novelok.com/essential-writings-machiavelli?page=0,281

Thanks Charles V!

Thanks Charles V!

Thanks Charles V!

Thanks Charlie 5!

Gracias Carlos I de España y V del Sacro Imperio Romano Germánico.

Thanks Charles V!

Are you God?

Thanks Charles V!

¿Por qué?

This

The law code was based, but overall he crippled the empire with his vanity conquests.

Thanks Charles V!

...

Based Charles V made me learn that God speaks spanish.

Thanks Charles V!

>tfw no marble gf

Gracias mi emperador.

What the fug.

>tfw you just read a 16th century greentext

How many languages did he speak? He just seems like a joker.

It was perfectly normal for a noblemen of that era to learn many languages, and specially for a man that ruled such a multicultural empire BUT had no absolutist power and needed to have a somewhat personal relationship with his vassals.

He was born in the netherlands, became king of Spain at the age of 16 and emperor when he was 19. French was the language of diplomacy, italian the language of poetry, literature and art in general (not to mention his multiple possesions on Italy). It's not surprizing that he was able to speak spanish, german, french, italian. Probably flemish/dutch or the equivalent of the time too, and latin.

I wonder if he spoke English. Though I doubt anyone on the continent bothered to learn English back then.

I don't know, but he probably didn't. His son Philip II might have spoken some english though, since he was king consort of England for four years.

Ironically Charles allied England (albeit reluctantly) while Philip invaded it.

Gracias Carlos Quinto!

You made me remember we have had this in Mexico for decades.

It has changed through the decades but they can never get the emperor completely right.

Carlos V brought chocolate to Europe.

Thanks Charles V!

Thanks Charles V!

Gracias Señor Cinco.

Nestlé changed the recipe

He couldn't attack the Persians because they were stronger. The Riots were completly justified as they had no reason to rebel. Constantinople crippling cause of disaeses is literally out of his control, the only thing he shouldnt have done was waste so much money for conquests

Thanks Charles, by the grace of God, Holy Roman Emperor, forever August, King of Germany, King of Italy, King of all Spains, of Castile, Aragon, León, of Hungary, of Dalmatia, of Croatia, Navarra, Grenada, Toledo, Valencia, Galicia, Majorca, Sevilla, Cordova, Murcia, Jaén, Algarves, Algeciras, Gibraltar, the Canary Islands, King of Two Sicilies, of Sardinia, Corsica, King of Jerusalem, King of the Western and Eastern Indies, of the Islands and Mainland of the Ocean Sea, Archduke of Austria, Duke of Burgundy, Brabant, Lorraine, Styria, Carinthia, Carniola, Limburg, Luxembourg, Gelderland, Neopatria, Württemberg, Landgrave of Alsace, Prince of Swabia, Asturia and Catalonia, Count of Flanders, Habsburg, Tyrol, Gorizia, Barcelona, Artois, Burgundy Palatine, Hainaut, Holland, Seeland, Ferrette, Kyburg, Namur, Roussillon, Cerdagne, Drenthe, Zutphen, Margrave of the Holy Roman Empire, Burgau, Oristano and Gociano, Lord of Frisia, the Wendish March, Pordenone, Biscay, Molin, Salins, Tripoli and Mechelen!

Thanks Charles V!