You suddenly wake up in Ancient Rome (50AD) with no possessions. What do you do to make it in life...

>Crassus already dead
Fuck.

kek

d-delete this

I can invent steam engine

Flee to Dacia, learn dacian, teach them modern metallurgy, gunsmithing and army formations.

Proceed to watch as they conquer everything, impose their culture and continue depending on me for what is essentially a technological revolution.

On deathbed, tell them I was Zalmoxis' gift to them.

>Augustus alive in 50 AD
Nigga

>not fucking different woman each day for the rest of your life like Genghis
Not gonna make it

You go find one of the 12 apostles and follow them around helping them

I thought it was implied.

Augustus became one of the titles of the emperor after Octavian aka Augustus.

You know he (or you) didn't mean that and actually meant Augustus Caesar.

Fuck. I was thinking Caeser died in 44 AD, not BC, then followed with some very incorrect assumptions.

I'm sorry Veeky Forums.

Lateen sail (and basics of flight)
Basics of carvel construction of ships
Water wheel gears
Basics of steam power and thermodynamics
Rudimentary antibiotics
Germ theory
Principles of Vaccination (cowpox)
Gunpowder (carbon, sulfur, potassium nitrate but sugar can actually serve as a substitute to the last one)
Stirrups
Carriage suspension

Dacians would prolly kill you on the spot for being a foreign cunt.

>I'm sorry Veeky Forums.
Apology not accepted

Commit sudoku

How about I give away some of my stars instead.

Here (You) go
⭐⭐⭐⭐

> unintended consequence
> Europeans are so convinced of their inherit superiority they actually exterminate everyone else by about 1300

I mean, they're hitting the industrial revolution at around the same time everyone else is figuring out how steel works. Some fags don't even have bronze yet. Their sense of superiority is justified imo.

...acceptable

50 AD?
I could live off the streets for some days as a beggar and when i had enough beard to look like diogenes i would rant like a madman about historical events known and unknown by the roman populace becoming something of a living legend.

I would live in a barrel and proceed to become a living legend, and id would ask for an assembly with the emprah

Since romans loved bantz, they would send me to the emperor so id sperg out in front of him everything i know about modern governance and basic supply chains, about medicine and such.

Id say all this knowledge came from X god or goddess and if im not immediately executed for witchcraft i would promote myself as a demigod and avatar of said god becoming kind like a single person oracle of delphos, requesting to fuck redhead qts and free food in exchange for my services

That would be the life

>from X god or goddess
Just claim it's lost ancient Greek knowledge and name drop some philosophers.

I'd be a blacksmith. Would be a cool job.

A coastal south-Italian settlement overlooking a large grain field. A Roman Senator, flanked by equites, stands in front of a docked ship. Senate man watches the chariot pull up, hard. The lictors jump out of the vehicle. Pompey leaves the chariot and approaches the Senate man.

Senate man: Gnaeus Pompeius. I’m Senate.

Pompey nods, nervous. Senate man hands him a fasces.

Lictor: He wasn’t alone.

Senate man, confused, spots the legionnaires. He turns to Pompey.

Senate man: You don’t get to bring hastatii.

Pompey (shaken): They are not my hastatii.

Lictor: Don’t worry, no denarii for them.

Senate man: Why would i want them?

Lictor: They were trying to grab your consulship. They work for the populares. The wreathed man.

Senate man: Caesar?

The Lictor nods. Senate man turns to his equites.

Senate man: Get them on board. I’ll call it in.

The sea vessel struggles over misty waves. The three hooded legionnaires kneel by the railing. Senate man grabs the 1st prisoner.

Senate man: The passenger list i just filed with the fleet lists me, Pompey, and the optimates, but only one of you!

Senate man: First one to talk gets to stay on my ship!

Senate man pulls out a gladius.

Senate man: Who paid you to cross the Rubicon?

Nothing. The equites yank the man back in.

Senate man: Non bonum natare! Who wants to try next?

The equites grab hooded legionnaire nr 2, and hang him over the railing.

Senate man: Tell me about Caesar! Why does he wear the wreath?

The prisoner says nothing. Senate man presses the gladius at the man’s throat, he cocks the gladius… Nothing.

Senate man: Lot of loyalty for a Gallic auxiliary!

Third prisoner: Or perhaps he’s wondering why you would order a man to disband his legions before the end of his term as proconsul.

Senate man: At least you can speak latin. Who are you?

Third prisoner: It doesn’t matter who we are. What matters is our potentia.

Senate man, wary, approaches prisoner 3 - pulls off his hood, revealing a bold-faced, harsh, mediterranean man with a laurel wreath. The eyes are cold. This is Caesar.

Third Prisoner (Ceasar): No one cared who i was until i conquered Gaul.

Senate man: If i fall on my sword, will i die?

Caesar: It would be extremely shameful.

Senate man: You’re a big roman.

Caesar: Tibi.

Senate man: Was the triumvirate part of your plan?

Caesar: Of course! Pompey refused my offer in favour of yours. I had to find out what he told you.

Pompey: Nothing! I said nothingl!

Senate man: Well congratulations, you got hailed as imperator! Now what’s the next step of your masterplan?

Caesar: Crashing this republic…

Another ship approaches suddenly out of the mist. It is filled with legionnaires of the Legio XIII Gemina, loyal to Caesar. Their boarding ramps are raised and ready.

Caesar: ...With no survivors!

>become a playwright and retell modern stories
cool

Haha

Memes!

didnt you need to own land to participate in the military? Before the civil wars at least...I guess I gotta timeline 50 AD.

warn them about German and Slav and Mongol and Turk and Arab problem

The answer here is no. Sulla, Caesar, and Augustus were all know for giving land to their veterans, Augustus later used veterans to create colonial settlements on the borders of the empire or where fighting was suspected to happen.

>tl;dr No, you don't need to own land to be a legionnaire.

did i do good?

>didnt you need to own land to participate in the military?
Early roman republic yeah.
By late roman republic being a military man became a well paid job with benefits.

I would totally be a baker. If i could make a living doing that, maybe even work the ovens in a patrician's villa, I'd be content.

I'd become a philosopher.

I'd bring modern philosophy back into the past.

I'd do everything in my power to stop the apostles, or at least make Christianity less autistic.

Present myself as a foreign ambassador that barely survived the trip to Rome.

>I'd bring modern philosophy back into the past.
You'd just bum everyone out.

How would a 6' + person be seen back then?

It's a bonus but not that amazing

>Warn him about some things.
Like what? That his 4the wife is a backstabbing bitching who is going to kill him so her abortion of a son will inherit? It's possible britanicus could have turned out as bad, but since he was poisoned as a teenager, we will never know.

I have no skills which would be useful in that period. I know the basic recipe for gun powder, but have never experimented with it so I'd probably blow myself up trying to make that in between odd jobs on a farm somewhere.

I doubt your knowledge of history is detailed enough to impress the Romans. A war will happen in the east, or the Jews will revolt, isn't even nostrodomus tier prophecy. You'll probably just die in the streets on your first night in any case.

I would probably invent some simple things like the sandwich, or pasteurization. Bigger things like gunpowder or steam power would require too much industrial capital to be useful. Low-effort, low investment inventions is where the easy money is.

>i would invent the sandwich

kek

To be honest, I wouldn't even invent the sandwich to go down in history as the guy who invented the sandwich, I'd do it because I would miss sandwiches after a while, and I'd have all the ingredients so why not?

Draw maps.

Call them "fuccpies" instead of sandwiches

what

did you mean tires user

>Did they have wheels yet?

Thanks dad

Travel bavk to Greece and start fishing/farming desu

It would probably be easier to get your hands on potassium nitrate rather than sugar

Try really hard to get someone to travel to the Americas earlier so our history wouldn't be so boring

I can produce simplistic rifle tech and penicillin. I'd be like a god.
50AD is too late though, the republic has fallen

Nigga roman republic is the most interesting time in history and American history is incredibly dull. If anything we need to go further back

>Become a scholar using basic knowledge of the modern world

Not that hard, especially since you didn't specify memory loss.

How much of that knowledge cam you actually prove, though? A lot of it requires tools that wouldn't be in your reach.

How the fuck would you manage that if Sicily wasn't even conquered untill the midevil period

>Did they have wheels yet
kek

Anyway, I couldn't do shit.
If I had a way to advise the head-honcho and have him heed my advice, however, I'd say

>Nigger stay the fuck out of gaul
>Nigger design everything east of Sicily as though it will some day be besieged by a bunch of assholes on horses
>Nigger get a hold on corruption and make sure that shit is brought to a standstill
>Around Brutus watch your scootus
>Populate pompeii with at least a basket full of wet blankers
>Tell fishermen that they might catch a legion in the Rubicon
>Send some slaves up the alps and build some kind of wall or hindrance to slow an army down enough to fuck them up if they were ever up there for some reason
>There is nothing worthwhile to the north

Join the Legion. Use all knowledge of roman combat techniques I know to fly through the ranks. Become an optio or centurion. I'd request a legion transfer to where Varus was massacred by the barbarians. Use beforehand knowledge of the area to rout the barbarians, and push deep into Germania. Romanize the goths. Retire from the legion. Become a patrician with the denarius earned from legion service. Become vassal ruler of the Varian lost territory. Tu Rex gloriae.

Or more likely, die in combat.

>Around Brutus watch your scootus
50 AD user

>Use all knowledge of roman combat techniques I know to fly through the ranks.
Wat. You think you know more than contemporary professionals?
Also patrician is a matter of lineage, you can't buy it

I probably don't know more than contemporary professionals, but what I do know would assist in rank ups in the Legion.
Also, regarding patrician status, I'll just go figure out a way to acquire some land in Germania and settle down while repulsing barbarian hordes.

Nigga if you're not wildly successful in this time period what makes you think you'll outcompete people who have the advantage of being born and raised in Rome? What the fuck makes you so much better than the scores of other dedicated professional soldiers?

>become a merchant
>open trade routes towards the East
>export some good ole ganja
>huffing dat puffing with my Senate m8s

Ok, I'll go join the Legion, and then hope to Jupiter I don't get run through by a barbarian in Brittania or Germania. Then maybe, I'll become an optio or centurion, and request a legion transfer to the Varian disaster. Should the request be granted, I will attempt to rout the barbarians a second time, and should I succeed, will attempt conquests deeper into Germania,

- invent the bicycle
- invent gunpowder
- invent handgonnes (yes, they can be made from brass or bronze)
- invent the movable type printing press
- invent the alcohol still and show people how to sterilize surgical instruments
- attempt to introduce the Romans to iron working
- draw up reams of plans and notes talking about all sorts of modern inventions and scientific concepts in the greatest amount of detail possible. Hopefully I will be remembered as a great inventor and my notes will survive long enough to be read by more advanced civilizations that can make use of them

Oh an DUDE WEED LMAO
Once I managed to gain some fame I would pay someone or request that they bring me some dank weed for "research." Then I could start farming the stuff and I'd introduce the Romans to hash if they didn't already have it.

Probably not. Roman metallurgy was too primitive to make the high pressure vessels you need to run a proper steam engine. You could create a novelty toy like Heron's "engine" but it wouldn't be able to do much work.

I'd be taken slave in a matter of days and probably get pumped full of illegitimate children tbqh.
Otherwise I might try to introduce electricity somehow

>invent the bicycle
How are you gonna do that without rubber?

I know how to make crude explosives from basic materials that I know I can get a hold of at the time. Same with basic gunpowder. Introduce that to the army.

Dude I'm a 16 star general lmao

Not him, but
>Anime

Imagine reteeling the Star Wars saga?
That shit would get you executed:
>republic usurped by chancelor (consul)
>turns into empire
>empire is evil

X/X flawless

I remember that StarTrek episode where Kirk builds a cannon to kill that Lizardman and I introduce the Romans to black powder cannons.

I also pass along novel ideas like irrigation, crop rotation, water mill, gears, and sanitation.

I then get rich and live out my days banging my slave girls.

Lest Darkness Fall is a pretty entertaining take on this

This has been my fantasy scenario since childhood and the older I get the more positive I'm sure I wouldn't make it. If I could suddenly speak Latin, it probably wouldn't be hard to learn how to read and write it, then I could rely on my literacy, write fiction, philosophy or about physics or something, try to teach Arabic numerals. Make maps maybe or propagate the brewing of coffee beans if I could collect enough capital

I'd take the Silmarilion with me and use it as influence for a scripture and try to reform European paganism into monotheism with Platonic philosophy

You'd be a wealthy and famous man for teaching them modern glass making techniques. You could invent stained glass almost 1500 years early

>Once I managed to gain some fame I would pay someone or request that they bring me some dank weed for "research."
This would probably be me as well. If it ever got to the point where I could just sit back and smoke while everything went its own way I'd be fine [spoiler]so I can spend the rest of my life contemplating what series of events led me to being stuck in ancient times and how I would never see any of my friends and family again. [/spoiler]

Or just fucking kill myself for fucking up that spoiler. That works for me too.

Go to Japan/

independent.co.uk/news/science/archaeology/roman-coins-discovery-castle-japan-okinawa-buried-ancient-currency-a7332901.html

Joining the legion would suck balls, not just for the physical component but for having to deal with the draconian military laws which severely punished even the smallest infractions. There was one officer from this era nicknamed "cedo alteram", Latin for "bring me another", which is what he would shout after breaking his vine cane on the backs of his men. His men hated him so much they killed him in a mutiny.

I become a doctor.

With just basic common-sense shit I should easily become the most famous and highly paid doctor in the land by dispensing wisdom such as: "Wash your hands!"

What were some of the laws user? Just curious.

>Each of the men who have gone the rounds brings back the tesserae (passwords) at daybreak to the tribune. If they deliver them all they are suffered to depart without question; but if one of them delivers fewer than the number of stations visited, they find out from examining the signs on the tesserae which station is missing, and on ascertaining this the tribune calls the centurion of the maniple and he brings before him the men who were on picket duty, and they are confronted with the patrol.

>If the fault is that of the picket, the patrol makes matters clear at once by calling the men who had accompanied him, for he is bound to do this; but if nothing of the kind has happened, the fault rests on him. A court-martial composed of all the tribunes at once meets to try him, and if he is found guilty he is punished (fustuarium).

>This is inflicted as follows: The tribune takes a cudgel and just touches the condemned man with it, after which all in the camp beat or stone him, in most cases dispatching him in the camp itself. But even those who manage to escape are not saved thereby: impossible! for they are not allowed to return to their homes, and none of the family would dare to receive such a man in his house.

>So that those who have of course fallen into this misfortune are utterly ruined. The same punishment is inflicted on the optio and on the praefect of the squadron, if they do not give the proper orders at the right time to the patrols and the praefect of the next squadron. Thus, owing to the extreme severity and inevitability of the penalty, the night watches of the Roman army are most scrupulously kept.

While the soldiers are subject to the tribune, the latter are subject to the consuls. A tribune, and in the case of the allies a praefect, has the right of inflicting fines, of demanding sureties, and of punishing by flogging. The castigato is also inflicted on those who steal anything from the camp; on those who give false evidence; on young men who have abused their persons; and finally on anyone who has been punished thrice for the same fault.

Those are the offences which are punished as crimes, the following being treated as unmanly acts and disgraceful in a soldier - when a man boasts falsely to the tribune of his valour in the field in order to gain distinction; when any men who have been placed in a covering force leave the station assigned to them from fear; likewise when anyone throws away from fear any of his arms in the actual battle.

Therefore the men in covering forces often face certain death, refusing to leave their ranks even when vastly outnumbered, owing to dread of the punishment they would meet with; and again in the battle men who have lost a shield or sword or any other arm often throw themselves into the midst of the enemy, hoping either to recover the lost object or to escape by death from inevitable disgrace and the taunts of their relations.

>The Roman army put their soldiers through basic training. They did running exercises, obstacle courses while wearing all their armour and weapons, and marched eighteen miles three times a month. On these marches the soldiers had to carry all their equipment. They drilled in flanking and column movements used in battles and ceremonies. The Roman army was very strict about being perfect in drilling. But most important they trained in the usage of their weapons.

>The Roman army also believed in punishment. If a guard was found asleep at or left his post then he would be stoned or beaten for putting fellow soldiers at risk. The outcome of that was usually death. Even entire legions can be punished. If a legion is defeated it is usually banished from Rome.

>A legion contains about 4,200 to 5,000 men. It is divided into ten sections. Each section is called a cohort. One cohort is bigger than the rest because it contains the cooks, messengers, and clerks for the legion. A cohort is made up of six parts each called a century. And a century is comprised of ten contuberniums which each have eight men who eat and sleep together. The Roman army has about four legions but can be increased in emergencies.

>Each century is controlled by a centurion and the second in charge is an optio. Each century has its own signifer who carries the century's emblem. He also provides the burial club for his century. The tesserarius of each century gives its own century a new password every morning so impersonators will be filtered out. The praefectus castrorum is in charge of all building and engineering. The cohorts were each led by tribunes. Each legion has its own legatus. The legatus has full charge over his entire legion. Every legion has a silver eagle on a staff carried by an aquilifer. If it is to be captured the entire legion will be banished.

Convince Neo to let me set sail to America, steal all the fucking gold and silver. Then use that to build up my military and take the rest of the supplies to American, Genocide the Native Americans. I would then go to Africa and bring around 200,000 slaves. Tell them they'll have freedom if they can build metro like city. Give them freedom, genocide them. Have the Persians come over to my land. Let them continue build up the east coast. Then genocide them. Now this is the tricky part. Convince Roman Citizens to leave Roman Empire and have them live on the East Coast of America. That is what I would do.

I would do magic tricks and teach first aid. That way they'll think I'm Jesus.

>young men who have abused their persons
what did he mean by this

metal wheels with replaceable wood tires
it works even if it's not the most efficient

>not inventing penicillin and saving billions of people and overpopulating the world even more until it all collapses

another example of the US American education system.

kek
kek even harder at the people who took it seriously