ITT biggest fuckups at work that you almost got away with

>be me
>be engineer
>working on a million $ piece of equipment
>make a minor fuckup with the wiring
>"meh its not going to be a problem, and my shift is almost over"
>finish my shift
>next day
>find out the place has been sealed off by fire brigades and ambulances
>find out that the machine exploded setting up 1/4 of the building on fire
>the guy who took my shift suffered 3rd degree burns on his face and arms and became permanently blind in one eye

Its been 3 years since that incident and I work at a different state altogether now. Even though insurance covered all the damages from the machine, that guy probably has a hunch it was me.

no one can beat that

Yeah idk man that's pretty fucked up

Well that guy eventually sued the company on health and safety violations and won millions in the settlement. Wish it was me in his place t b h

>wanting your face fucked up for a million

Nice.
>Be me
> 4 years ago, deputy fund manager for a multi asset strategy
> Enter into a spread trade on two highly leveraged index futures
> Intend to short Brazil, short Mexico instead
> Trade blows up in 2 months
> Me and my ex boss let go, with threat of criminal negligence
> ex Boss tries to throw me under the bus
> Know of ex boss cheatijg on his wife of 15 years with a hooker. Threaten to tell his wife and kids
> He agrees to keep me as part of his deal with my former company
>Escape charges but obviously fired
> Ex boss keeps job but shunted into a middle office role
> get new job, no one any the wiser
> Manage multi-millions now as lead fund manager at new company
>Mfw

idk man

he's retired in his 30s already while I still wagecuck like a good goy

>Criminal negligence
>You can go to jail for causing rich people to lose money
Holy shit.

>boss tells me to send a report to engineering about faulty O-rings
>I blow it off

well, fuck it, killing a man would be less worse. you won OP, landslide victory

Bet that blew up on you later

Nah it was great I got to meet Feynman

Wew lad, I know we're in a shrouded in anonymity with this being Veeky Forums and all but this is one of those things you should never tell anyone because it could seriously bite you in the ass. I'd actually advise you to delet dis if it's really true

murder him and his family by ironically blowing up his house up then burn your own face. You then take his identity so you can mooch off of his insurance plus the extra insurance of his blown up house and face

Dude you completely fucked that guy's life up
He was probably a normal guy before you turned him into Frankenstein
Fuck you you careless piece of shit

Hory shit man.

No way I can beat that.

When I was a lifeguard as a teenager, sometimes at night we would pour a gallon of dish soap into the pool water lines.

Then when they turned the pool on in the morning (their was a kids giant sprinkler thing) it would create an insane amount of suds, like flood the pool with suds. It was awesome and we still got paid for our shift and did not have to watch the pool.

How the hell do you short the wrong country and not notice for two months?

Oh got one more.

>worked in a high end pet store
>Puppies were $1k+
>Two teenage girls come in
>Ask to hold baby chihuahua
>I give it to them then walk away to do some paperwork
>They drop the chihuahua on it's head
>They quickly hand it to another employee and exit the store
>The chihuahua immediately seizured then died

Not a single tear was shed that day as I'm not a chihuahua fan.

>Brand new private fresh out of basic training in the US Army
>Job is with m1 Abrams tanks, assigned as the driver for my platoon sergeant.
>First day they have me pack all my shit
>Second day we take a bus to the national training center in California
>After a few days there we drive out to go pick up ammo
>We pull up really close to the truck to grab 7.62 and main gun rounds
>Finish getting ammo, tc says "okay user pull off to the right and I'll go sign for the ammo"
>Accidentally turn right too hard, back end of the tank clobbers the ammo truck, machine gun ammo flying everywhere.
>People screaming and yelling, tank commander yells at me "FUCKING GO GO GO"
>We drive off, didn't sign for the ammo and hope to god they don't remember who we are
>Nothing happens, it's now 3 years later and people still wonder who did a hit and run on the ammo truck.

>Brand new private fresh out of basic training in the US Army
>Job is with m1 Abrams tanks, assigned as the driver for my platoon sergeant.
>First day they have me pack all my shit
>Second day we take a bus to the national training center in California
>After a few days there we drive out to go pick up ammo
>We pull up really close to the truck to grab 7.62 and main gun rounds
>Finish getting ammo, tc says "okay user pull off to the right and I'll go sign for the ammo"
>Accidentally turn right too hard, back end of the tank clobbers the ammo truck, machine gun ammo flying everywhere.
>People screaming and yelling, tank commander yells at me "FUCKING GO GO GO"
>We drive off, didn't sign for the ammo and hope to god they don't remember who we are
>Nothing happens, it's now 3 years later and people still wonder who did a hit and run on the ammo truck.

Sorry for double post not sure how that shit happened

>android dev
>Make an app for cops
>At a training
>App is super fucked for some reason
>Just absolutely jacked not working at all

Their tablets all updated to Android 4.3 while I was presenting and my app didn't work on thay version at all apparently

Literally LOLed at work

Fuck no, my face is WAYYYY too pretty for that

>be me
>be working at a petrol station where it was driveway service, so i had to pump peoples petrol etc
>lady drives in, asks for $20 worth I think
>I grab the nozzle and try to turn it on but its not working
>Ive got the nozzle in my hand holding down the lever and fucking with the pump when it suddenly comes on, spraying petrol all into her face
>Like a really good fucking dose, she was drenched in petrol, probably swallowed some of it
shes was really nice about it though and I continued working there

bonus fictional ending
>suddenly some sort of spark ignites her and she burns to death right in front of me

Ive got another one from that job

>car drives in, wants LPG
>you have to screw the LPG nozzle onto the tank to fill them up
>fill it up, he pays me cash
>the dumb fuck gets in his car and drives off while im frantically trying to unscrew the nozzle
>the entire hose rips out of the pump, LPG gas is spraying everywhere
>boss comes running out, hits some sort of emergency stop button

good times

>have internship at shitty engineering company
>mixing some sensitive metal samples
>company can't afford actual vent box for fumes and such
>use cheap plastic bags with gloves attached and little plastic spigot to pump argon in (pic related)
>pouring sample of powdered titanium out of steel container
>i drop container and it sparks
>bag is old and leaking so plenty of oxygen inside
>titanium lights up into fireball inside plastic bag that my hands are in
>i yank hands out but end up just slinging melting plastic and metal all over lab
>burn arms and hands up pretty good
>huge crater on lab floor where bag ends up landing, burnt shit all over lab
>they pin it on me
>i show them my burns and threaten to sue
>they give me a raise and pretend like it never happened

10/10 on the LARPing, user!

when i used to work as a fluffer one time my hand slipped and i stopped jacking the guy off for a few seconds , he was kind of annoyed, nothing to crazy though

Fucking shit user...

I dont generally fuck up at work as jobs are few and far between around here.

One that comes to mind is running large machinery.

Get trained shitty. Like 1 hour and something brakes down and on my own. Greese machine daily. After 1 week notice on i been missing. Is on the fluid side of cylinder. Roll all over the place and ask 3 co workers. Nobody knows. Figure they all work there and dont greese it? It would surely be broken. Too late to ask boss now or would be fired. Figure hydraulic fluid somehow is sealed in with it. Shrug and go on.

1 year latter almost die. Hydraulic cylinder snaps off. Fuckfuckfuck.jpg. grab grease and smear on it with my finger as boss pulls up cussing me out like he does daily.

Chain comealong it together and limo ot to the shop after working 16 hours. Pull the key. Forget to tag it out. 1 hour drive. Oh well, we got anual company meeting tomorrow. Aint nobody gonna be there. No big.

Some faggots whine we closed.
Multimilionair boss sends his son to run equipment.

Snap chains because he doesnt know wtf a pre-shift inspection is or even bother to look or check fluids before he got in my equipment.

Owner comes down.

Sent home a week without pay after both him and my other faggot boss both scream at me.

Have another meeting next week with whole company.

Its about taking care of litteral scrao yard pull machinery and cussed at for a 3rd time.

Tell entire company of 3 years i'm sick of their shit.

Cuss back at bosses and at certain faggot lazy retard co-workers.

Tell him truth about me getting 30 minutes of training when by law 8 hours minimum.

Tell him fuck u for about 30 other things.

As boss twice my size tries to get uo and escort me out u till him fuckoff and set his ass down our i'd call uncle sam and tell him about 10 things i know of that they cant fix. Cause after report is felony if they close the site. And they would.

Comoany would lose tons

It's not rocket science.

How embarrassing lol, I bet your friends didn't let you live that one down

...
You guys have no idea what the capabilities of plastic surgery are. You can literally look like a fashion model if you're willing to drop some doe to some specialized doctors.

It can even make you a god.

I took a truck tire thumper and was ready to fight a guy who was already cooling down, and I nearly escalated the situation back up to full.

They gonna restore the sight in your eye too? Don't think so

I have no idea why some people just overdo it like that.
Well, maybe if you invested a couple billion in the cure for blindness it could.

dear god why?

lmmfao