It's another episode of user fucks shit up doing basic maintenance

It took me 3 days of trying everything I could to bleed my clutch after replacing the soft line. I hated myself that whole time thinking I'd fuckered it good.

Eventually I got it figured out, and it's better than ever. It's just the way things go sometimes

Stripped the spark plug sockets on the alluminum head

>shitty plastic emblem broke off
>order new used one from ebay
>no tape, gonna glue
>fuck superglue runs down car
>try to remove super glue runoff with rubbing alcohol
>paint starts coming off
>touch up paint
>gets on emblem
>try to scrape off paint
>break emblem

Quite a few times...
>Putting in a "new" transmission into my RX7
>Had gotten a spare off an old parts car that hadn't ran in 8+ years
>Get old one down, put "new" one up without changing any other parts on it
>Have everything all done, just needed to bolt up the starter, the extra brace, and then the exhaust
>Putting in the starter, top bolt goes in easy
>Screwing bottom bolt, seems a bit tougher than getting it out, but figure it just needed a bit of muscle
>Suddenly, SNAP
>Bolt broke off nearly flush to the bellhousing
>Take off starter, bust out the drill, and after about 2 hours of drilling and a few screw removal tools, finally get the old bolt out
>Grab some taps and start tapping a new hole for some M10 bolts
>Rest of the shit goes smooth

And on the same job transmission after pulling it a second time to replace a few worn pieces I should've done the first time I had it down.
>Had ordered a new reverse sensor
>Put it in, not aware there was a washer on the old one
>Shifting it through gears nice and smooth
>Shift it into 5th and it feels a bit difficult
>Think nothing of it and go into reverse
>It's stuck
>Think the shit is fucking broken
>Ended up undoing the wiring thinking that might be it, and found the washer on the old one
>Bingo, all works again

Didn't have anything the Supra, but then the Integra decided to be a cunt earlier today actually.
>Brake light switch is going out
>Stop at Vatozone and pick one up
>Next day, go in and try to get it off
>For some reason, forgot I can just back the switch out a bit to loosen the nut
>Trying to get a wrench onto it
>Finally get it on, start applying force
>It slips off and my hand flies into my face, hits pretty hard
>Ended up not getting the switch out because the plug is too difficult to unplug
>Search it up, some people have taken to the dealer
>Made the dealer promise on a price over the phone
>They take it to the dealer, and the dealer has had to remove the steering column to get to the switch

I did mine myself for the first time this year, its EZ except i accidentally took off my parking brake tensiooner spring and had to spend 2 hours figuring how to put it back on with channel locks and zip ties

this ones a marathon boys. ive never worked on anything before so this will be top shelf im sure.

>servicing my vx that's in real nice condition, but has sat in the caryard for too long for human history to record

1 - RADIATOR FLUSH

>triple flushed no worries at all
>time to put the new coolant in!
>ok that's the coolant in. now what's next?
>im sure theres something im supposed to do here
>what do i do next
>squeeze the radiator hose a bit, watch the stuff burble around
>my dad comes out & checks what's going on, takes the car for a drive, etc
>he also has a puzzled expression & starts squeezing hoses & watching stuff react
>during the test drive, dad punched the dash in such a way as to make the aircon with a broken switch come back to life
>my brother comes out to help
>everyone sits out the front smoking just staring at the engine bay & bottle of coolant for 2hrs jostling & testing things
>the job was already done

2 - OIL CHANGE

>sump plug is seized as fuck
>my 33 year old bipolar brother who recently got caught doing 140 in a 60 zone on meth & then shortly thereafter wrote off his burnout pig AU falcon is sure he can get it off using the torque from his ego alone
>he's under the car in the australian spring heat for almost 4hrs stripping the nut as best as he can
>he hands me the wrench
>i stick my head under the car & inspect the sump bolt
>shinysteelsphere.jpg
>get a new bolt from repco & get a favour from a mechanic who's a mate of my dad's
>ez done, no charge, they even change the oil & filter while i'm there!

3 - OIL CHANGE RETURNS

>car starts to feel a bit anemic about 3 days after the oil change
>check under the car
>she's pissing oil from the filter like a drunk racehorse
>go to various places i've been visiting post-oil change to inspect my parking spots
>absolutely soaked in oil
>go grab a new filter & bottle of oil
>inspect old filter
>"Z145"
>inspect new filter
>"Z154"

im going to kill that mechanic

just buy a new bolt, it's not the end of the world

some things are out of bounds to fix ourselves

I learnt this the hard way by fucking up a $600 phone to replace a $2 microphone in it

>decide to do some quick repair/mod
>screw strips or rusted in place, something is poorly accessible
>10 minute job becomes 2 hours one

Oh come on user, even Jeremy Clarkson managed to change a bulb

>can't be bothered moving cars around to change oil in my garage pit, finding ramps is faster and its an easy 5 minute job
>drain plug apparently precisely fits into the hole in my neat oil collecting jug
>not enough space under car for magnet on stick to fish it out
>mfw no cardboard under car
>quickly construct token dam with kitty litter
Still seeing oil when it rains a month later

> bought "new" VW golf with a bad thermostat.
> Buy new thermostat, Decide to replace the part on a friday night, expecting to be it a job of 30mins max.
> Remove top radiator hose from engine, Find out that its not where the thermostat is placed on a VW golf 4.
> Had to drain the complete cooling system, remove the alternator and power stearing pump.
> 50% of the bolts a seized and rusted.
> Can't get the alternator back on because its some self tensioning, spring loaded POS.
> FINALLY have the alternator placed back, find out i forgot to place the stearing pump belt back on: alternator has to come back of. fuck.
> Everything is placed back, spend the next 2 hours filling the cooling system and getting al air out of it, car keeps overheating.
> 30 min job took 8 hours to finish

Thank God it works now

This post is far too relatable. Anytime I try to help my car cosmetically I end up making it worse

Drop the pan, replace the pan gasket, and install a new OEM pan. Don't over tighten your plug next time.

>bulb explodes after I plug it into harness and turn on the lights
Because you left all your greasy oily fingerprints on it. Lesson here is wipe it clean with metho next time and dont touch the glass.

>regular oil change
>stuck filter
>strap wrench dents filter
>one more try! strap wrench crushes filter, slips, hand slams against shittily positioned oil pressure sender, breaking plastic connector
>chain wrench shows stuck filter who's boss
>new stupid ass sensor makes oil change cost $30 more

Existential question: why do I over-tighten filters? I'm pretty sure I did it this time, too. What's wrong with me?

>tires need some air
>fail at disconnecting the nozzle
>have to put more air in

This is why I leave oil changes to the professionals

Just take a breath anons, and calmly assess the job, or else you're always U2-Running_To-Stand_Still.mp3

>Got a half-shaft bearing to replace
>Decent sort at the dealership parts desk likes old Fords too, says he'll get a mechanic to pull the old bearing and press the new one on for me if I can get the shaft to him before the workshop closes
>Light is fading, winter, want to get car finished before dark and cold creeps in
>Bust knuckles getting the half-shaft out but I get there, getting dark though and running out of time before the dealership workshop closes
>Rage, rage against the dying of the light
>Move sister's car so I can get to my work truck, by this point almost hyperventilating
>Throw sister's keys overhand at full force into the cab of the truck
>Belatedly recall physics lesson well-known by all pool-sharks, relating to angle of incidence and reflection
>Watch as keys bounce in perfect slow-motion off passenger seat and proceed to smash passenger-side window
>Well, now

Singing ha, ah la la la de day
Ah da da da de day
Ah la la de day

youtube.com/watch?v=FvUI-s4Azw4

>use free pump at gas station
>it's rusted to fuck but fits perfect
>when i try to remove it, it gets stuck
>mfw i let out three times as much air as i just put in

Makes me remember how a bulb exploded when I inserted it, didn't even use more force than normal. Had to attach a thin tube to a vacuum cleaner and another to a compressor so I could suck and blow it out. Not even a cheap shit bulb either, true jdm quality product

>teaching room mate how to change brakes
>get everything done ezpz
>have him put everything back together while I clean up
>come back out to him visibly frustrated as fuck
>cross threaded bolt that holds caliper in place
>he decided to grab largest breaker bar and just keep cranking it down
>snapped the bolt head off

>replacing windshield wipers
>first one done in a single motion, less than 2 seconds
>second one takes like 10 fucking minutes

>Rear driving light stops working
>Its in a compact light bar
>Open up The bar
>Replace bulb
>Curse a lot
>Its faulty wire
>Get voltmeter to confirm, and yes its faulty wire inside the fucking bar
>Bar is made out of metal bars around melted plastic, not possible to disassemble
>Its not made in a fashion where its possible to access fault(fold between sides)
>Its not possible to just solder on wires on the metal, doesn't stick or melt
>Could most likely just drill a well placed hole, and use a heavier solder than tin
>Can't be arsed to order a replacement from ebay, yet

>replacing epass sticker with sunpass on windshield
>get razor blade to scrape off adhesive from epass off windshield
>huge fucking scratch cause I was holding it wrong initially

>aquire fresh shortblock (ford v8)
>ok lets start assembling things
>slide in camshaft
>go to bolt on cam retaining/thrust plate
>held in by much smaller bolts than one would think
>fuck it then need to be tight right?
The first thing I did to a nice new shortblock was sheer off two tiny bolts fml. Luckily i was magically able to get them out without destroying anything

>car is running mildly bad, idle is lopey when cold
>figure it's old upstream O2 sensor
>replace
>car runs way worse
>change old one back in
>continues running worse
>start shotgunning major suspects
>intake mani is loose
>replace gasket, helps
>do scottys smoke test
>massive vacuum leaks everywhere
>mainly the vacuum tree which has a proprietary o-ring
>cheaper to order a new vacuum tree from a closer dealer vs. gasket only from across country
resetting fuel map for o2 sensor brought out the lope/mani leak issues
FML, getting replacement gaskets and vacuum tree today after waiting two weeks on backorder
total time and cost: at least 40 hours and $75 worth of parts to fix a problem that didn't severely affect driveability
>most time just spent staring at the engine bay and vacuum hoses

protip: just use your hands

>blower motor for my old car's AC siezes up, it's the middle of winter and demisting my windscreen by hand is getting fucking annoying
>order new blower motor
>locate broken blower motor
>it's literally impossible to remove without taking out half the fucking dashboard
>start taking out various bits and pieces until I can finally remove the blower motor
>eventually get the new one fitted after much swearing
>half the bits I removed won't go back into place
>the AC no longer blows out warm air

>Be me, working on my 97 shitbox Cavalier
>Windshield wiper nozzles suck, spray everywhere but on to windsheild
>get replacement nozzles that mount to the hood
>mount to the hood, no clearance between hood and cowl for the hoses
>drill into cowl for clearance, drill directly into wiper control module
>fuck up wiper control fixing wiper nozzles

>protip: just use your hands

Alternatively, you could read the package on the filter, the part where it says hand tighten and then give it 3/4 of a turn more with a wrench.

So I hand tighten, and then do 3 quarter turns with a wrench...

Never had any issue getting it back off- all it takes is a proper lockup on the filter wrench and a good solid tug with the 1/2 drive ratchet, and she comes free.

>what is a torque wrench

absolute retardation

>8-10ft lbs
my torque wrench set to 10ft pounds but it was apparently way to low to read accurately. probably went to about 20 and they just snapped. the engines fine though so whatever

>taking door handles off
>front two take 30 seconds each
>back two i cant even fucking do at all so i just give up

you need an inch/pound wrench.

i realized this afterwards

>Replacing lower balljoints on my Lexus
>Drivers side is an absolute bitch, takes a good 4 hours due to everything siezed solid
>Eventually finish, have lunch and psyche myself up for the passengers side
>Literally takes 15 minutes.

What in the fuck

Funny. The exact same thing happened in my 944. The drivers side was fucking riveted on. I was too much of a jew to get new control arms, so I spent a couple hours filing them off because I couldn't get a grinder in there and my Dremel shat the bed. When I finally got it in, I sat back to take a breather to prepare for the passenger side. When I got there, it turns out somebody had replaced it and stuffed in bolts instead of rivets. It took me all of 5 minutes.

>look up video on how to change fuel filter on my car
>pfft this is gonna be easy

>don't have the kind of pliers the guy used
>end up stabbing the end of the fuel lines with a screwdriver and pull on them as hard as i can for half an hour before i get it off and the new one back in

same user, but i gave up on the second balljoint cause it was taking me over 2 hours
>have work in an hour and a half, shit is not done
>fuck it, torque everything down to spec, put everything back on and take it mechanic friend
>does it in 20 minutes and for 50 bucks

>absolute shitshow trying to use the wrench to tighten strut compressors
>just use car and second jack to squish and unbolt
magic

Did something similar on a Saab 9-3
Trying to inspect the fuel pump because I got P1171 and P0171 and managed to snap the hard plastic lines trying to pull them up from the pump assembly.
It's one solid line from the tank to the fuel rail for the return line, and to the filter for the other one.
They are like a billion dollars new so I just went to the junkyard and managed to get one off without snapping it
Still didn't solve my codes

>change plugs on truck
>takes all of 20 mins

>change plugs on bmw
>remove air box
>remove coolant reservoir
>remove cabin air filters
>still only about a cunt hair of extra space to remove plastic cover from coils
>break plastic cover pulling it off
>replacement is 65 bucks
>don't even bother to change the plugs because I know the driver side is even more of a pita and I don't want to break the other cover
>reassemble everything
>sit inside and feel like a dipshit
>feel like hanging myself every time I see the new plugs just sitting there

>Step 1: Remove O2 Sensor
>Realize I need a special O2 wrench socket and is in a really tight spot
>Drive to store and get it
>"Wow this is fucking tight"
>Soak in PB blaster, use huge breaker bar
>Ratchet snaps
>return to store for new rachet
>This time the O2 sensor comes out - YAY
>The entire fucking hole is stripped
>Return to store for O2 sensor size tap
>Spend an hour tapping the hole, one ratchet click at a time
>Spend another hour installing the new O2 sensor, one click at a time
>feels like a two day job for one fucking O2 sensor

You didn't use a breaker bar, you put a pipe on a fucking ratchet. Monster

Forgot to keep adding brake fluid during brake bleed

Just finished bench bleeding, very time consuming process for a dumb mistake

>F150 has a slow coolant leak
>Can apparently be fixed with $15 aftermarket part
>Don't trust myself to fuck with it
A-at least i don't buy premixed coolant, right?

What'd you expect? Those racing stripes aren't painted on

>be half hour ago
>cleaning ground contacts
>one bolt is stuck
>cant use breaker since /small space/
>wrap hands around ratchet
>bolt breaks free
>rip knuckles on random bolt underneath hands
youtube.com/watch?v=1Bix44C1EzY
>mfw knuckles rekt
CONGRATULATIONS

>use a wrench
>read the package
no just use your hands you pussy
t. Chad oil change

>air filter housing has two clips on one side and a nice hinge on the other for ease of access
>gotta spend 10 minutes wrestling with the intake tubing anyway

>go to change plugs
>done it a billion times on other cars
>shit the plugs are in a DEEP ASS PLUG WELL and i dont have my magnetic stick
>put plugs back in and rush to auto store to get shafted on a magnet stick
>get home, take out old plugs
>new plugs arent magnetic so i gotta put a bit of rubber tube on them and carefully thread them in a few turns
>cyl 3 refuses to tighten
>put the rest in and leave it
>car still runs fine 6 months later
ticking timebomb, plus the new plugs aren't magnetic so fuck knows how i'm gonna get them out

Dedicated spark plug socket with the special rubber inside
Or rig up a rubber o-ring in a 5/8 deep socket
or a very stiff rubber hose
e.z.

don't do this yet user. Buy a brand new plug at autozone for 3 dollars. If that doesn't work, buy a tap for your drain plug thread size. if that still doesn't work, buy a tap for a bigger diameter plug and just buy a new plug. worst case scenario this user is right and you need a new oil pan. I seriously doubt you fucked it up that bad. just use a quarter turn after you figure it out. I've done it before too man just fight the impulse to use your gorilla strength

>buy expensive Philips bulbs to replace old bulbs
>get old one out, clean the connector
>take new one out of pack
>drop bulb on concrete floor

I forgot about this meme.
>get code for 02 sensor heater failure

>replace 02 sensor
>get code for another 02 sensor
>replace
>repeat
>i have now replaced all 02 sensors

>biss

but

>one month later
>02 sensor code again for 02 heater wire again
>REPLACE ORIGINAL 02 SENSOR
>PROBLEM DOES NOT GO AWAY THIS TIME
>PROBLEM PERSISTS UNTIL I TOTAL THE CAR

>Dedicated spark plug socket with the special rubber inside
>Or rig up a rubber o-ring in a 5/8 deep socket
have two of these with the rubber taken out because it's fallen into the cylinder more than once
>or a very stiff rubber hose
maybe something like a vinyl tube that sat in freezing water except the very tip

>have to replace water pump
>99 S10 4.3
>Only know how to change oil and replaced MAF once
>Fuck it I can do this

>Took me an hour to figure out the radiator fan was reverse threaded
>Bolt is rusted shut, couldn't get it off
>Decide a chain and some leverage might bust it free
>nope
>Tie up my dog to the bolt, and wait for a squirrel to go by then release
>Dog nearly flips truck over(Rhodesian Ridgeback, 145lbs)
>Take out radiator, first time ever doing that
>Take out water pump and fan in all
>Cram crowbar into old water pump, have friend lube up bolt and after three hours we finally get it off
>No garage, starts raining like a motherfucker
>Get called into work, have to be there in an hour or lose that sweet OT
>Hustle to put it back together in the rain
>Forgot hose clamp, truck overheats when I get to work
>Fix it when I leave

That was a nightmare, and my first lesson in always having the right tools. I had a shitty walmart socket set and a big wrench and a crowbar.

I think i replaced a total of 8 o2 sensors. wtf
did I need a new wiring harness? what a fucking nightmare

>car makes a knocking / pinging sort of noise on steep uphills
>definitely isnt loud
>no ecm codes
>no other troubles with engine
>everyone thinks i'm hearing things (deaf cunts)
>buy timing light
>find out my timing was advanced by about 5 degrees at the distributor
>turn it back to spec
>noise goes away
they all laughed at me, well who's laughing now

You made me realize the instructions on the boxes are for griplets or something . I think I'm going to try almost hand-tight next time.

>tie my dog up to the bolt

based doggo

Long leash, replace chain with bolt, pray and fail

>had to remove the steering column to get to the switch
one time my a/c blower motor broke and i had to replace it outside in the freezing col, removing half the dash and the steering column to get to it

Another one
>94 ford bronco, 5spd manual, 5.0
>Be a bit more mechanically inclined at this point in my life
>Go out mudding with friends. Truck has had trouble starting from time to time but it always started up after a few tries
>It's -5 and snowing
>Friend wants to drive, says he can drive stick
>Decide it's fine
>Kills it when we're almost 3 feet in mud
>Axles are buried, can't see my tires. 35" Mickey Thompsons
>Decide starter is out
>Go get new starter, get back to truck and realize only shovels we have are old e-tools
>Four of us start digging like it's basic training all over again
>Replace starter
>Find there was a recall on the starter wiring
>Wiring ends don't fit, parts stores are closed at this point
>Finangle it to work somehow
>get unstuck
>Get the fuck home and enjoy the heat of a wood stove

check continuity from plug to power and to ground

Remember the faggot who was switching spark plugs and dropped them in the cylinder I think it was, then people told him to pick up the car and shake it, or drive with the spark plug inside, the funniest was turn on the car and catch the spark plug when it comes out of the exhaust oh my fucking god I died at that one.

Wonder if that user is still alive

And last one
>Buy a Pontiac G6 GTP 06 with 70k miles on it last year for 1.8k
>A/C went out on it while test driving, so go me it can't be that bad
>No pressure
>Figure it must be wiring, trace it to bad ground. Mice chewed through the wires
>Be wiring autist and cheap ass and try to find the wire
>End up unable to find it, decide fuck it run a new ground
>Ran new ground wire A/C works fine
>Decide to put in new stereo deck while I'm at it
>Quickly discover that pontiac's interiors are the absolute shittiest of shit
>Break like 5 tabs taking the damn thing apart
>Get stereo deck in there, stereo keeps falling back into the slot by an inch, can't get it to stay
>Tried extension, no go
>Finally get it in there, get it plugged in
>Stereo lets out an extremely loud bass sound
>Blows rear speakers in process
>Discover to get to the rear speakers, you have to take the back seats out
>Break every damn latch and lever and god knows what
>Whole fucking interior is apart finally
>Break more getting it back together
>Break break break break break break

Duct tape and some super glue and call it done. I love the car, hate the interior quality.

Oh wait, no one more
>1994 Toyota Corolla
>Buy it for $500 with 160k miles
>Super pristine clean, one owner, the trunk still had the cardboard sheet thing, engine was spectacularly clean. No rust at all
>Brake line was leaking on it, no big deal easy cheap fix, hence the price(Guy would have had it for $1000 but didn't know how to fix it)
>Find all the brake lines are rusted out, and if they aren't leaking now they will by winter
>Never done a brake line before
>Go to autozone for all new lines, they give me the wrong ends
>Go back and hustle down the county highway at 100 mph in 94 bronco, get there just before close
>get right ends
>Put in new brake lines
>Bleed brakes
>Drive it great, daily for a solid three weeks
>Suddenly, no brakes
>totaled

No fucking clue what happened. I miss that car.

Just paint over it ya dingus.

I literally get them on and off with my hands

>almost hand-tight
no you're not reading hard enough
tighten it down by hand
then grip it while activating CHADGRIP™
and actually tighten it

>Tap new hole
>now there's metal shaving all in your oil pan
Lol no

What are you talking about? I don't hear the difference.

I've replaced my miata's clutch slave cylinder and then bled the clutch 3 times.
It works for the first drive or so, then I come back and the clutch has no pressure and the master cylinder reservoir is empty.
I've taken a flashlight and followed the hard lines all the way down, and there's no visible leaks anywhere. No puddle under the car either.
Where the fuck is the fluid going? I'm losing my damn mind.

Pack tap/drill bit with grease, flush afterwards. Aluminum pans especially are not going to make small enough pieces to get past the pickup tube.

If it's not the slave or the line it's the master... What the fuck dude?

Check your floor mat for drips

Kek. I was the one that told him that. He's probably dead, or at least has another car by now.

clutch master is leaking under the floor

I'll take a look tonight when I get back.

No, I think you don't understand. Apparently my hand tight goes beyond chadgrip into retard strength tight. They require an 18" chain wrench to remove. Maybe I should just get a griplet to "hand tighten" them for me, then I can turn them an additional 3/4 turn or whatever.

>uses all his force
>can't understand why things are going poorly
only use one hand and learn2strength

...

fucking this.

>attempt to take skidplate off
>one bolt left
>a little bit tighter than the others so put some elbow grease into it.
>bolt strips harder than a girl with daddy issues.
>put funnel between skidplate and oil pan drain
>put end of funnel through small hole in skidplate and put drain pan underneath.
>works perfectly
>tfw bolt is still stripped and my next oil change is in 400 mi.

>go to jack up car and change oil
>jack slips off of the crossmember
>broken splash guard and oil everywhere
fuck

>be me
>first oil change on new to me 2001 f150
>have previously done oil changes to 1995 suburban
>cant find the oil filter on the f150
>find white filter towards the front of the engine.
>wont come off and brother broke oil filter wrench a few months ago
>stab it through and take it off
>this isnt motor oil
>first time ive ever seen an external trans filter
>mfw autozone doesnt cary the part
>mfw they have to order it and im left without a truck for 3 days
>finally find oil filter
>its on top of the fucking differential mounted on the side of the fucking engine under the exhaust manifold
>fucking ford!
>get trans filter and finally drive truck
>oil pressure randomly drops.
>pull to the side of the road turn off engine
>find out i double gasketed the oil filter
>spend day hitch hiking to town and back
>mfw i now hate the truck and cant stand it anymore

Consider yourself lucky, imagine what else that jack could have punched through

This is why I google literally everything.

Sorry but isn't this what oil filters are for?