Hypothetically speaking, what's the best way to fuck up a parked car? Other than lightning it on fire

Hypothetically speaking, what's the best way to fuck up a parked car? Other than lightning it on fire.

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Why?

You need few things
A brick
A bottle
A gasoline
A rag
To be a total dickhead.

Why are you doing this pal?

Neighbors' feud.

Before you do, get a respirator and a tank of helium. Breathe that shit overnight to mask your voice so you don't get recognized.

Hypothetically not being a shitskin

or this

stand next to it and take a picture, only works if you're OP though.

Key it but not with key but lathe cutter.

Had trashy friend who did that to expensive cars. Even got caught doing it and then he proceeded to beat the shit out of the owner that confronted him.

>not with key but lathe cutter.
This is important. You want to get to the paint, not just the clear coat.

A guy vandalized my car a while ago, tried talking to him and he was just being a bitch and denied it, this could've gone through insurance but now he can expect a visit from from some Hells Angels affiliates and paying for the damages with his own cash.

OP you better make sure you know who you're fucking with you little bitch

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

hehe good one

slash tires, break all the lights

This happened outside my office yesterday at 3am.

Probably an insurance job by a moron.

what an asshole
and mogi is a whore

shotgun to jaw

...

CALL THE TOW TRUCK
>super evil laughter starts

>PEDO
I've always loved that one. Elegant and brutal.

Loosen the drain-bolt on the oil-pan, not remove it, just loosen it to the point where it rattles loose after a few miles.
or
Open the radiator cap.
or
Drop a single drop of mercury on the aluminium block/head/calipers.
or
Brake fluid on paint.
or
Ninja-Rocks on window.

Make sure to get right down next to the tires, like inches away, and then puncture them with an ice pick, preferrably held in the mouth.

Barely loosen the brake bleeder screws on every caliper. After a while he will run out brake fluid. Won't be noticeable until the fluid is gone though.

If you can get the hood open. Jumper both battery terminal together with one cable of a jumper cable set. Fry every electrical module in the car, fry most of the wiring, and very possibly cause the battery to explode or set the car on fire.

Thin the oil out with two quarts of acetone. Engine will lock up after about 50 miles.

Drain the differential fluid. Axle will lock up while driving and possibly kill several people.

There are an almost infinite number of ways to fuck somebody's world with car vandalism.

jizz under the door handle.
shit in the exhaust.
my favorite is to pee in the windscreen washer reservoir but you need the hood open.

leave it alone Jamal

I left my car parked near a ghetto middle school for a couple of hours and returned to it covered in small footprints and dents on the roof.

I've personally never vandalized anyone's car though.

How would you open the hood if you don't have the keys to unlock the car? Asking for a friend

couldn't you put anything in with the oil? like high pulp high calcium orange juice

Good idea bro. I'm going to pick up some shit tonight and have a go at the boss's car.

Loosen the lug nuts on his wheels.

Just fight him, don't be a bitch and hurt the car. The poor car didn't do anything.

just fucking don't.
There's one thing if you really hate sb,in case you have access to a lifting carriage, or a forklift, put a pallet on it and some cardboard on top of that and lift the car to a different place or into a really tight gap or something.

Hole in oil pan. But please, for the love of God don't do this

>carefully mix powdered aluminium and iron oxice at a 27:80 ratio
boom you got thermite, destroyer of infrastructure and engines
>acquire small teacandle tins.
I'd just buy teacandles as the wax can be used for molotovs
>fill up empty tins, cover the top with a thin layer of wax while embedding the magnesium "fuse"
place on hood of car, light with pocket torch, and get the fuck outta dodge.
if you got time you could also force the hood open to place it more precisely.
expect many duds until you get the hang of it, thermite is a cunt to ignite.

Not that i or anyone else would do this, purely theoretical right lads?

Okay but can it melt steel beams?

pretty sure yeah
thermite can reach upwards of 2500 degrees celsius.
whats the melting point of steel? 1400? 15?

Get some tire balancing weights.
$50 for 500 of them
Then randomly place a 3oz weight in each of his wheels.
You have enough weights to do this 124 more times.

Acetone will solvate the particles with lubricating properties. Orange juice will just dilute them.

Lathe insert is carbide and gets into the metal.

Periodically spray salt water through the radiator.

>now he can expect a visit from from some Hells Angels affiliates

>affiliates

Time for bed, Timmy! No more Sons of Anarchy unless you are good.

kek sauce on gif pls

Lossening the lugnuts. by the time something happens you will be long gone

youtube.com/watch?v=a6iO3TQjXp4

Those comments are pathetic.

Not open it, get under te car and open it from below.

Works only if lanklet or turbomanlet...

Okay thanks
t. Ahmed

...

This desu

>yfw they drive to work and come home in a cab

>open fusebox
>switch around all the fuses

Any faggot that messes with a man's car should be fucking shot dead on the spot.

Lmao.

>acquire Schrader valve core puller
>empty tires
>remove valve cores
Guaranteed to ruin someone’s day, not even a bike pump can save them

Not all valves have removeable cores...

Since when? I’m a heavy duty mechanic, every vehicle I’ve worked with you have to take the valve core out to fully empty the tire. Is it different on passenger vehicles?

I have one lathe cutter bit attached to my keyring. Also if one wants to be evil do the cut low invisible part like door sills or the very low edge of the door. Owner may not even notice it until the metal starts to rust.

And you didn't kill him?

No. He's full of shit.

It's better to remove the cores and then quickly put the cap back on though. The cap will keep the air in until they get moving and the tires heat up. Then all four tires blow out at once, possibly at speed.

cover the hood in brake fluid

Does it only mess up the coat/paint? I've always heard about this one

> Buy cheapest oil you can get or use your shit from the last oil change
> pour entire 5L on ground so it appears the engine has dumped it's guts
> tow truck and mechanic head scratching visit

Mind games are the best revenge. Plus the poor car didn't do anything wrong so don't hurt it

The guy isn't in the club himself, but most his friends are, so i guess i should've said "hells angels affiliate and members" to coddle your autism?

Never watched sons of anarchy

tennis ball in the exhaust pipe

poke dog poop or prawns into the air vents. The stink will be there whenever it rains.

Put extra wheel weights on the rims

Put super glue in the key hole.

I went to the comments to see how bad it is
I never learn not to

>key hole
>2001+17

you going to fill up their tank with leaded gas too?

your friend is the worst kind of person

slice 3 of 4 tires, if all 4 tires are sliced they could claim it for insurance purposes, not if its only 3

You go back to grade school and learn how to act like an adult

Piss in the tailpipe. Funnel and hose makes this easy. Alternatively, piss in the air intake. Or pour a lot (like several gallons) of water into the gas tank.

Walking over it from front to rear makes an interesting effect not unlike racing stripes. ;)

A good way to get revenge is just a line of red spray paint or spray some on each panel so every panel needs to be cleaned and such. A mustang boxed me in after speeding up to block me in before a lane ended so I couldn't merge and nearly got run off the road. Turns out he was my neighbor a few houses down so when he pulled in and I stopped to speak he quickly went inside. Week later; sprayed it at 3am when I was heading out to work.

Loosen every part you can find. Doesn't hurt anything, it's just a pain in the ass tightening everything again.

Bump

>get several friends
>lift car up off the ground
>put it in obvious towing zone (sidewalk, fire lane, etc.)

This would be funny until it causes a big wreck

Most I used to do was just some harmless pranks on peoples cars.

Like putting long zipties on drive shafts so they constantly hit the under body and make a fuck load of noise.

fucking devilish

Just throw shit all over it. Sends a message, is hilarious and causes them serious smelly discomfort having to clean it, and it's not illegal since you didn't actually damage anything. Tell the cops you just misplaced part of your exotic feces collection.

You can literally get buckets of horse shit for free. Bonus points if it bakes on in the sunlight.

Retarded boomer detected

This would be awesome

cars are super easy to get into.

>lift the rear wheels with your friends
>crash the car against some other car and put it back where it was
>hide in the bushes and watch them fight as they both think the other hit them

Actually, you don't' even need friends. Just lift it with a jack and put a trolley under the wheels.

>do it or die

FULL METAL CARS

It's perfect for all the following reasons.
>chances are the car is owned by a douchebag and parked semi-illegally where there's nothing you can do about it
>you're not doing anything illegal (property damage, etc.)
>douchebag can't claim insurance damages because no damage to car
>everyone is aware of his already poor parking habits, which will make police doubt his story

Take schrader valve cores.