Alright anons your Paris, what do you do?

Of course with out hindsight or this is pointless

Wasn't Persephone even more of a hardass than Hades once she got settled in?

Hm.

Athena is the only one that offers wisdom. The other two offer pussy and property, but only good old Athena offers anything of actual value. I pick her. Which is fine. I like her already.

Too beta to try and steal a Spartans 10/10 whore wife.

On the plus side I didn't destroy my civilization.

She wasn't a whore. She was a good woman. During the Odyssey she's telling Odysseys' son how she came to her senses and realized she'd been tricked by a goddess and wanted to return home to her husband and daughter -- which she does.

Which is one of the few positive notes to emerge from the literal fucking shipwreck of the Trojan war. It was the largest rescue mission in antiquity...and it succeeded.

>wanting your wife back after she ran off with her lover for a decade and fucked him 24/7 the whole time

The original cuck.

>mfw Artemis wasn't there
>she wouldn't offer that sweet virgin pussy for me telling her she's pretty
>I will never be the father of gods
I guess I'll choose Hera

Patrician choice.

What about Atalanta?

I don't know man pussy sounds great

Everything looks much better than the abomination that OP posted.

Athena literally had the best gift
>I will make you have intrinsic talents.

Hera offered Kingship of Europe and Asia. Aphro offered Helen. Both can be lost.

You can lose wisdom too, traumatic injuries were common in warlike societies

Give it to Athena.
Traditionally Hera is the most deserving, but her reward is more like a chore to the average man.
Aphrodite is very tempting, until you realize she's just offering beauty rather than love.
Athena is supposed to be the least deserving, but fuck it between her gift and her divine portfolio she's the most likely to successfully protect you from the ires of the other two, so she gets it.

>What about Atalanta?
Not a goddess.

>she's the most likely to successfully protect you from the ires of the other two, so she gets it.
I'd trust Hera more to protect me. She's got a lot of loyalty and a lot of jealousy. Choose her if only to not piss her off.

Traditionally Hera is the goddess that gets fucked over the most. No way I'm trusting her not to get hoodwinked by Aphrodite or Athena.
Besides her prize is a fucking kingdom. What the fuck am I gonna do with a fucking kingdom? I don't want the hassle, and I don't have the competences for ruling it even if I did.
I'd much rather have a waifu (granted, Helen came with way too many strings attached to be considered a decent reward too) or an actual brain upgrade.

There was no way Paris would've chosen the mind upgrade seeing how his sister was Cassandra. All of the choices were some monkey's paw bullshit. Paris probably chose the safest one and it still resulted in the destruction of his kingdom

>There was no way Paris would've chosen the mind upgrade seeing how his sister was Cassandra.
What has that to do with anything? He didn't even know about his parentage at that point I think. And even if he did, I'm not seeing the relevance.
And I'm not seeing the downsides of Athena's offer either, aside from the ires of the other two divine bitches.

It would've been similar where he was super smart but no one gave a shit about anything he said so his intelligence was useless

That's ridiculous, the benefits of being smart and wise aren't dependent on others. Besides where is it said that nobody would give a shit about what Paris said anyway?

>Best waifu
Do you mean all of Greek mythology? If so Hecate is the best waifu of them all, prove me wrong.

What would he do with it then? What would be the point of intelligence if you couldn't make productive use of that intelligence?

>What would he do with it then?
Anything. Invent or build shit, trade, become a merc, literally fucking anything. Hell stay on his fucking hills and just chill while being the best farmer and shepard in the Ida region.
Where is it even said that he wouldn't be able to make use of his intelligence?

The point of the myth is that no matter which one he chose the other two would be pissed and come after him. Intelligence wouldn't help him much when Aphrodite sends Ares after him nor when Hera convinces everyone around you to fuck you up. Being the most powerful man in the world would be his only chance of actually surviving.

Athena offered Wisdom AND skill in war.

Eat that fucking apple and tell those bitches to stay out of my sun.

Surrender

Zeus made a good choice here handing off the decision to Paris instead of dealing with the other godesses ire
Really though the decision that would've caused the least strife for everyone would've probably been taking Athena's offer, but it wouldn't make for as good a story

underrated

No, she became the main ruler but she was always called "Kindly Persephone". Hades isn't a bad guy either, people fear him because they fear death, but he's content to keep to himself and his judgement is always just and sometimes gentle.

>"The wisdom I grant you is this: You should have picked the pussy."
>*micdrop*

>wanted to return home to her husband and daughter -- which she does.

Uhh.... only to murder her husband in revenge for Paris. Real "coming to your senses" material.

Artemis is a virgin deity like Athena, she once killed a man for accidentally seeing her naked and is essentially the butchest of butch dykes, you really think she'd lay with YOU? I mean I don't want to be rude, but LOOK at you!

Also death. The legends of Alexander and Paris are honored even to this day, no-one mentions user the wise goatherd who live a good life and died alone.

>Traditionally Hera is the goddess that gets fucked over the most.

This is because her cult was based in Argos and not in Athens, so we get a very biased view of her. On the Peloponnese, Hera was viewed at the kindly protective goddess and Athena was the but of all the jokes.

Is Athena still a virgin if Hephaestus came all over her?

Yes. She's the "Parth" in Partheon, which means "place of the virgin". Her virginity is eternal, like saint Mary's.

Give it back to Eris. Go play your mischief elsewhere!

>Eat that fucking apple and tell those bitches to stay on my cock

Fix'd that for ya

>Eat that fucking apple

You- you realise it's made of gold, right?

>Atalanta
Does she drink lean and listen to trap?

it bestows immortality if you eat it

What's immortality good for if you have no fucking teeth?

>Not choosing Hebe as best Greek Waifu

I am so ashamed of you right now Veeky Forums

You're thinking of the apples of Idun, or possibly the pomegranates the Sumerian gods ate to become immortal. The apple of discord was made of gold and embossed with the motto "for the fairest".

...

Eat.The.Fucking.Apple.

Teach them humanity is hardcore and don't play by no rules.

>apples of Idun

Was thinking about the apples of Hesperides

Well, choking to death on an apple-sized chunk of gold you're trying to swallow will certainly make an impression.

Say beforehand that I won't accept any gifts in exchange for my judgement then pick honestly (chances are aphrodite would be the most physically attractive) and then hope at least one of the goddesses I don't pick thinks I've been just. Alternatively all three of them will be pissed and take their revenge immediately, without fucking up my home for a decade.

Honestly, trying to eat it is probably your only shot of getting out of it with your fate, if not teeth, intact.

-"What is he d...oh hell, he's eating it. Of course. What were we thinking?"

The gifts are incidental, it's the act of choosing that is the poison chalice. Zeus is the wisest of the gods, and he cleverly dropped this little doozie on poor old Paris.

The only winning move is not to play. Claim to be an inadequate judge and pass the responsibility to someone else.

>without fucking up my home for a decade.
they'll fuck it up for eternity, greek gods are spiteful cunts

>yfw the Greek gods once watched a human choke to death on a solid gold apple
>this is why they treat mortals as children and imbeciles

IT ALL MAKES SENSE!

So judgement essentially becomes The Ring tape? Not a bad idea

There's a good horror movie premise in there.

We need more horror movies based on greek mythology in general, most of it is pretty fucked

>no matter where you run
>he will chase you
>no matter how you hide
>he will find you
>LABYRINTH
>all paths lead to FEAR

Pick Athena, with her blessings seize all of Asia, conquer Greece, take Helen as one among my vast imperial harem.
Also she's obviously the hottest herself.

According to what source?

It's assumed to be a golden (as in gold colored but edible) apple from the Hesperides which in fact gave people immortality.

>pick Athena for wisdom
>nothing happens
>yfw you were wise already because you correctly assumed that you are ignorant, that's why you craved for wisdom, but realizing your ignorance is wisdom already.

Just pick wealth or pussy.

Then Paris a retard and apple-eating guy is the REAL winner.

Atheists BTFO

Maybe the story is actually a fable that says don't believe in promises and bribes, instead, try to forge your own fortune, you will be much better off?

>Also she's obviously the hottest herself.
Tradition wants that Hera is the hottest, but prim adn shrewish so she underperforms.
Then comes Aphrodite, who is a slut and expert in charming men, so she overperforms.
Last comes Athena, who is androginous and beyond femininity, so she doesn't even compare.

I'd laugh and and go fuck my lovely, holy wife Oenone.

>Zeus is the wisest of the gods
Top kek, absolutely not.
Still, choosing is indeed a trap in itself.

Incorrect. Athena is the hottest.

But user it's written in a book so it can't be made up. That's what my preacher said when I asked about Samson.

I don't like old hags.

In your headcanon, sure. But then only you care about your headcanon.

What god do you think is wiser than Zeus? In later Antiquity he was endowed with attributes of being all-knowing like Christians would later claim for their guy, but even in the earliest myths he's the cunning god.

>canonical hotness
Taste isn't the same between all.

Ah but cunning is not the same as wise.
Coeus, Phoebe, Metis, Athena, Apollo are all supposed to be wiser in traditional greek religion. It's a bit inappropriate to consider late antiquity, because by then Zeus is not really the greek Zeus anymore, he's simply the agglomerate of all mediterranean chief gods.

Horus for one. He tricks Set constantly with brains over brawn.

Zeus is constantly shown to be worshiped just because he's the strongest Olympian not the wisest.

You can't really call on taste.
It's a tale, the goddesses don't exist in the flesh. Their beauty exist only in how they're described and compared to each other.

Athena. On a side note what the fuck is the point of Ares? He's the god of war but gets thoroughly BTFO by Athena, who's also associated with war but a host of other shit too. If he's not the best at fighting what's the point? Every confrontation he's less impressive like when Athena renewed Diomedes' vigor to defeat both Aphrodite and Ares.

Here's a question: why did everyone paint these divinely beautiful goddesses as fucking landwhales?

I mean, fucking hell.

How about instead of an apple, you compete for a fucking Stairmaster?

the answer is Hera. if you own half of the known world, you can have any woman or book you want. It's just more choice, and it's not like you HAVE to rule your kingdom for more than a day, anyways.

Also Hestia is best goddess

Zeus is the lord of all knowledge, look at his daughters, they have names like "Memory" and "Mind". Athena is of course also his daughter, and again she is a paragon of wisdom (for the northern Greeks, in the South she was the wicked vengeful figure and Hera was the wise one).

>Apollo
He is the father of civilization, but Zeus is the father of philosophy.

>Zeus is constantly shown to be worshiped just because he's the strongest Olympian not the wisest.

What? He literally became King of the Gods thru trickery.

>On a side note what the fuck is the point of Ares?
He represents physical combat and savagery, as opposed to Athena's strategy and generalship. He's supposed to get rekt, to show the power of brain over brawn.
Yeah he's a shit war god, the dignified view of Ares we have nowadays is basically all due to Mars, who was actually seen as a positive divinity, a guardian and a soldier rather than brutal warrior.

I think we can all agree that Aphrodite was the absolute worst choice.

Paris was already a Trojan prince, he could get plenty of hot girlfriends whenever he wanted.

That said, choosing the others would have had major catches as well. Hera makes you king of Europe and Asia? Terrific, your subjects are now in revolt against the king. Athena gives your wisdom and skill in battle? Great, now you're just smart enough to know how fucked you are when the Greeks come a rapin'.

It's also regional. Sparta had a great temple to Ares and honored him as the God of Hoplites. Naturally this made the Athenians cautious of the god's cult and since they wrote the only books we have from the period, their view has become our view.

He can dish it out, but he can't take it. He gets tricked just as often as he tricks.

Zeus is clever, not wise.

She offered a teenage boy the literally hottest woman ever. Hera and Athena never stood a chance what does a young man care for power or wisdom when he's jacking off nine times a day while he watches goats.

If you think another god is cleverer than Zeus- the Homeric reference for intelligence- then why hasn't Zeus been overthrown? Except Athena, who may well be his match, but she is Zeus's wisdom, and loves him.
You consider Seth to be Zeus, then? Their mutual identification with Ba'al would support this, but the Greeks themselves considered Ammon to be Zeus and Seth to be Typhon, who was conquered by Zeus.
There are canonical, sculpted depictions of the gods in human form, user. I've seen Athena right next to Aphrodite. I know well which I'd pick.
Also, Athena is a deliberate and well-courted virgin. This makes her insanely desirable, since her favors ever being yielded- which they will not be- would be so much more an honor.
Moreover to have wisdom is superior to having vulgar pleasure, since the former is not only pleasurable in itself, but required to truly have and keep secure vulgar pleasure.

Hmm... yeah, in retrospect, that probably was the better pitch after they got him all riled up with their godly blowjob contest or whatever.