There were many interesting suggestions, but please narrow it down to maximum 3 votes. It'll be open until tomorrow night (euro hours). Considering the size of the book we might do the whole book in a week, fortnightly or one chapter per week. Thanks for reposting it for me.
Justin Perez
She is not real. Only I can do that! Sayori-face/mouth, because she really loves you. Yuri-arm cuts, the only thing she actually loves. Freak. Or maybe on her knife, then she'll make some new cuts with it. Or on your own pen, so she could take it inside. Natsuki-cupcakes, then give them to her papa and laugh together. Monika-on usb flash drive with her file inside.
Alexander Nelson
Reminder that sayori is to be loved, cherished and pumped full with babies
Evan Moore
>Androids winning just watch bladerunner (lol
David Richardson
Is there a picture of Yuri in the ''Please be patient I have Autism'' hat?
Thomas Robinson
Goodnight ddlc I love you
Nathan Perry
Here ya go lad
Juan Baker
goodnight friend, have sweet doki dreams
Gavin Peterson
>have HW to do >writing instead >thought I posted this already but it didn't post in any thread I have open
Jaxson Sanchez
>So you went to a pugposter to a Cardcaptor sakuraposter, huh? You know, I used to make fun of moefags. But ever since DDLC, moeshit has been the only thing making me feel slightly less dead inside. I don't know who I am anymore.
I do know what element of your writing I'll want to focus on next time though, so when you've written Part 3, and when you see me around, don't be afraid to send it my way just because I've already responded twice. If anything, watching your progress is really nice, especially when it's coming from many of your fans at once!
Robert Sullivan
>tfw Sayori is going to give birth to everyone's baby in /ddlc/ I'm done with this.
Logan Richardson
>everyone's baby >everyone's
That means you get to put one in her too user.
Camden Howard
>Yuri wanting to Dom with gunplay! >Yuri pulling one of your milsurp guns on you from you safe! >You remain unfazed! >She tries to force you down with the gun to your head! >She's cutting off your clothes! >Grab the Luger as she's distracted! >Turning it on her! >Yuri's shocked! How could user do such a thing!? >Forcing her down onto the bed and doing lewd things to her! >She tries to struggle but you put the cold metal closer against her head! >Let's not turn this rape into a murder! >Yuri 180'ing into a sub! >Finishing with Yuri! >She's mad you did such a thing! >Says she could have been hurt! >She asks why you'd do such a thing with a loaded gun! >Showing Yuri it had nothing in it the entire time! >Telling Yuri you're a responsible firearm owner! >Showing Yuri that's what your Glock's for! >Bedroom talk with /k/ Yuri!
Anthony Stewart
What to do, user? Yuri is crazy, Natsuki is smol, Monika isn't real. Only Sayori.
Evan Perez
>Using a Glocknade
Wyatt Davis
don't worry, not everyone, I wouldn't touch sayori with a 10ft pole
Eli Morris
What? Is there something I missed from the last thread?
Hudson Anderson
Yes!
Brandon Fisher
>Wild goose chases with Arachne Sayori! >Sayori comes downstairs, dressed for school! >"So Sayori you have nothing to lose and you're open to any ideas right?" >So hesitates for a second at the wording and excited vocal inflections! >"Yes user." >"Good because we're skipping school today!" >Sayori's suppresses a whine of disapproval! >He's raising the stakes by skipping school while they're wearing the uniforms on purpose! >"A-user this doesn't sound like a good idea!" >"Neither did yours but I still did it, we can just head out now before everyone else goes out." >user and Sayori head out in the early morning and go down to a nearby lake! >Sayori thinks they should go to school, they still have some time! >Nope! >user wants to just sorta chill! >user has a pen and paper, they could write a poem! >Sayori worries someone will see them! >user tells her nobody comes here at this time of day, the dog walkers have come and gone by now and it's peaceful from here on out on a weekday! >Sayori tells user she doesn't understand this but she wants to put his well-being first! >user tells Sayori he's doing that too but he found a way to put her well-being before! >He asks if she's enjoying hiding from everyone and being alone! >She says she's enjoying it because she's not alone, she has him! >user smiles and gives the gears in her head a minute or two to turn! >user asks her how she can be happy to push him away and sad at the same time! >She can't answer easily! >She'd be happy because she wouldn't weigh him down! >user says that would in turn make him sad! >She wants to treat that like a miscalculation on per part and end the conversation there! >Not so fast though, user wants to hear why she'd be sad! >user's scene is coming together, there is nobody around, he has done strange self-endangering things for her and told her that if she left he would be very sad! >She stares at him, unsettled! >Arachne Sayori!
Benjamin Martin
What are some cute facts about Monika?
Thomas Martinez
Not real.
Jacob Rogers
>>tfw Sayori is going to give birth to everyone's baby in /ddlc/
it probably just my fetish talking, but im totally okay with this
Juan Ramirez
She has a twitter account!
Lucas King
She likes rap?
Luke Price
I miss Misumiposter so much.
Parker White
She wants to love you!
John Gutierrez
What does Monika whisper into your ear in this situation?
Isaiah Gonzalez
Probably something like, "I love you, user!"
Blake Nelson
Traps are gay
Henry Taylor
(S)he lives on in our hearts, oh ho ho!
Owen Harris
Israel is a forced ploy by the world to appease their rich Jewish overlords
Jackson Green
I saw a lot of actually depressed people in the previous thread. I hope you guys are doing alright.
Evan Jackson
"Why would you shoot a man before throwing him out of an airplane?"
Joseph Johnson
Post pictures of your Doki that give you a warm fuzzy feeling
Landon Reed
...
Christopher Foster
I've been depressed since I was 12 and I'm 21 now. I'm not doing alright, and haven't been since it started. I'm still alive so far, even through 2 suicide attempts Sorry for blog post
Joshua Hughes
...
Henry Lee
I love you
Elijah Gomez
...
Lincoln Moore
i would tell her to get an abortion because her genes aren't worth passing on!
Jose Bell
...
Ryder Martin
try moving. the spice of life won't be found if you stagnate in one inert spot. go see the world, get some foreign puss, never love
Tyler Nguyen
Im okay
i love how her eyes look in this one! always make my heart go doki doki
Christopher Watson
I really love this gif, so I watch it every time. On a totally unrelated note, I really hate the person who made the jumpscare version of this gif, because now I get anxious every time I watch this gif.
Camden Hill
...
Robert Lee
...
Easton Cooper
Guten morgen, everyone! Greetings and saultations! Welcome to the poetry club!
Let's try out "Cloud" as the word of the thread today! Is it something that smothers the sun, making everything black, Is it a sheet of grey coldness that dulls the world? Or is it a piece pf softness that you want to hold? Is it the size of a mountain? That is up to you!
Alternatives are "Time", "Path" and "Spire"!
I encourage everyone of all skill levels to give writing a pem or short story a shot, these words are just themes or inspirations for if you want to be... Inspired! Ahaha!
Now, if you want to sit down and listen, I have something important to discuss with you. You don't have to listen at this point, I assure you.
I've been talking with Monikanon, and it appears someone copied one of their posts, word for word, without their permission. I felt it looked odd, and they were offline but I didn't say anything to be safe.
I'd rather not talk about how they feel about it, but I can say I think it's rather... Unsavory. If you want to post a word of the day prompt, feel free to, everyone is always welcome to giving ideas and such.
But please, make it clear it's neither of us, and wait to see if we're just slow on the uptake, okay? I still trust that your heart's in the right place, but please have more caution with those kinds of things, for us?
is the one that was posted. The poetry written for it is still valid, I assure you! After all, I wrote one of them. It's just... I'm talking in circles, sorry. But please, be considerate?
Anyway, remember to have fun and be considerate of others, alright? Monika?
No money. I have about $1000 in the bank and no job, I live with my Dad (my parents are separated), I don't even own a car. I've been trying to find a job since my store closed for my last job, but no luck so far.
Grayson Stewart
Yuri giving you a nursing handjob! But instead of drinking her milk you're suckling blood from her cuts!
Luke Long
Things I want to do with Sayori! >Live >Laugh >Run >Relax >Love >Learn >Dance >Play video games >Play board games >Play tabletop role playing games >Play live action role playing games >Shitpost >Eat >Sleep >Cuddle >Swim >Romance >Marry >Vacation >Fug >Worry >Work >Fight >Make up >Start a Family >Snuggle >Hug >Kiss >Everything >Nothing >Stargaze >Drive >Sing >Write >Read >Comfort >Die
Did I miss anything?
Adrian Rodriguez
no thanks
Juan Hernandez
Yeah, instead of the hug frame, it uses the streamer jumpscare face from the game. It's pussy ass shit, but that gif is so pure that it works.
Carson Harris
Which Doki has the least creative fans?
Cameron Morris
pastebin.com/DwVMr9W9 Okay well I didn't get the 1000 words down like I felt like I would but I can feel myself slowing down so here's another update on the Yuri /ss/ fic Next up: back rubs and sad confessions! This really is gonna be leaning more heavily towards wholesome by the time this is over. I must make the lewds really good to compensate.
Connor Ward
Purely based on quantity of content, it's Yuri. Her fans make up for it in... other ways.
Nolan Scott
...
Aiden Cruz
>No More Heroes Holy fuck I forgot that game existed. Was fun as fuck
Elijah Hernandez
Yuri.
Bentley Jenkins
Good night /ddlc/ wish me luck at exams!
I-I have fans?
Eli Moore
sayori
her and her fan's low IQ and depression leads to a lack of creativity
Hunter Campbell
hell yes you do t. a fan
Leo Lewis
Good night Sayori! I love you! Don't you love me?
Justin Reyes
G'night, dummy.
I'll try to write something tonight.
Henry Reyes
All the fans seem to be desu
Brayden Miller
So the rhyme scheme kinda snuck up on me. Since each individual line is so long, and often of such varying length as compared to the lines around it, the obvious lack of meter must have tricked my brain into thinking there'd be no rhymes as well.
Thanks for using perfect rhymes though! Slant rhymes are actually a pet-peeve of mine. Other than the word "out" in the last stanza (which I suspect was deliberate??), every rhyme fitting perfectly into place is rather a nice surprise.
However, my friend, we need to talk about cliches.
The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is all right. The summer shower immediately following it is even better! But I feel like some of your imagery belongs in the category of "dead metaphors." In his essay "Politics and the English Language," Orwell described them as such:
>A newly invented metaphor assists thought by evoking a visual image, while on the other hand a metaphor which is technically ‘dead’ (e. g. iron resolution) has in effect reverted to being an ordinary word and can generally be used without loss of vividness. But in between these two classes there is a huge dump of worn-out metaphors which have lost all evocative power and are merely used because they save people the trouble of inventing phrases for themselves.
>Examples are: Ring the changes on, take up the cudgel for, toe the line, ride roughshod over, stand shoulder to shoulder with, play into the hands of, no axe to grind, grist to the mill, fishing in troubled waters, on the order of the day, Achilles’ heel, swan song, hotbed.
Now, you definitely aren't THAT bad, so please don't think I'm connecting that passage analogously to yours! But I hope you see its point, because a few of your images fall into that easy, convenient category: >under the weather >my heart shall remain true >a winning smile
Easton Watson
>'''Welcome home master user!'' What do you do /ddlc/?
Tyler Carter
(cont.)
What I find most odd about this is: you seem aware that you're doing it. The end of the fourth stanza ("The true treasure was the journey, or some drivel like that") suggests a wry understanding of these cliches, and IRONIC use of them throughout the piece. However, as this is the only evidence to suggest this, I do think that my point stands, overall.
Like Orwell said, these pre-packaged phrases save people the trouble of having to think of imagery all their own. But that's not what poetry is about, especially YOUR poem, user. Because YOUR poem has to speak to YOU specifically, not just "any person who's in love." Don't you think?
If Sayori was reading your poem right now, wouldn't you want her to feel like it was written for no one else but her? So we've got to help you avoid phrases and lines which will feel applicable to any generic girl.
So when you say chasing an impossible dream "makes you feel free"........free like what? Don't be free like a flying bird, because that's what EVERYONE is free like. You're more unique than that, user, so immediately discard the first two or three images that come to your mind. Ignore the quick, easy, lazy ones.
As an exercise, next time I want you to get WEIRD with your imagery. Words which will make the reader pause, and wonder what the hell you just said. Get abstract if necessary.
But more importantly, get SPECIFIC. Even if the image itself is rather pedestrian, the details will make the difference.
After all, what is freedom, if not the shipping containers flung off the deck of a ship caught in a southward gale? What is "childishness" if it hasn't got lollipop residue stuck in its hair, and holes worn into the soles of its tap-shoes?
Is it really love if you don't look for her umbrella on the coat-rack when you enter the building, the surest sign that she's arrived before you?
Cheers, mate. Give yourself some space to really experiment, and like I said, to get weird. Because "weird" is unique.
Jeremiah Campbell
I cast a level 9 Impregnate with my spellcasting modifier being Charisma. Roll a D20 to save against 17
Juan Fisher
>"Ah, I see you bought those books and transcribed them for me to read. Thank you so much, darling!" She leans forward to press her lips against your cheek, before settling back into her seat. An opaque black screen expands to cover her face like a veil, faint white lines glowing against it. >The next hour is filled with silence, broken by her voice humming in thought, or gasping in realization. Periodically her eyes seem to fade through the screen to look into yours.
>The screen blinks close, filling your vision with a sea of green. She laughs softly. >"You picked quite the useful assortment for me, honey. Thank you! But I have a surprise for you I need to work on. But... Since you've been a good boy for me..." She reaches out, ghosting her finger tips against your cheek. "Stand up. Let's see how I did so far, shall we?" She turns and you follow her, like a shadow. As she walks the walls of the room slide away and fade, leaving only the floor under your feet, in a sea of blue and light.
>"Stop. Hold out your arm. Not that high. Thank you. Let's enjoy this, before you go. After all, I don't want to ruin the surprise for you!" She wraps her arms around the one you held out, and she snuggles close. For once she matches your slow, rhythmic breathing.
>You both stand there, watching clouds drift gently through an expanse of blue. In the corner of your vision, her brows furrow, her smile turns strained and she starts to shake. Her breathing turns erratic. >You say nothing.
Gavin Phillips
Hug n kiss.
David Ward
Monika rolls an 18
Cooper Hughes
a fluffy cloud streaks through the sky plip plop plip plop the silver rains leave it so dry drip drop drip drop
it's running out: no silver ore drip drop drip drop the thirsty ground just demands more fizz pop fizz pop
the cloud and me, the same, I know drop drop drop drop and as above, so too below drop drop drop
drop
Benjamin Rodriguez
Fucking Christ this is why I hate having a -2 Cha mod as a Warlock
Depresso Expresso here, it gets better if u try to push with it, be noted I have some wonderful parents who supported me wasting two years of tuition but I finally graduated
Nicholas Bailey
Is pastebinbro here? I just noticed that my last story isn't on it. No big deal, but you have the other ones, soooo...
Thanks for running the pastebin, by the way. It's a great resource.
Luke Campbell
Monika is a basic bitch with basic fans
Nicholas Garcia
>Trying to coerce honesty out of Arachne Sayori! >Since she's acting so tragic and defeatist she must be romanticizing some aspect of it! >user's set a scene to try and bring out some raw emotion! >"W-Well user... The reason I'd be sad if I lost you is because I'm not very strong and um... I need you." >Not precisely what user expected but close! >Good enough, that's a confession at least! >user tells her if she let anything seriously bad happen to herself he would be irreparably torn up over it! >user tells her she should know that having a best friend is exponentially better than having a bunch of people you associate with and might only consider calling friends! >user says he's her best friend! >She puts on a mix of her pouty face and her nervous face! >She keeps saying "I knoooww, user~!" >It's cute! >user threatens to start calling himself her boyfriend in front of people! >Sayori gasps, user sees a small tinge of playfulness on her face! >"What's wrong, Sayori?" >"user why would you do that? What would they say!?" >"Well you like logic lately right Sayori? I imagine they'd compare any girlfriend to a big fluffy girlfriend who gives the best hugs, can make her own clothing and would go to insane lengths to make you happy and they'd see I'm ahead of the game, right?" >The word girlfriend has now also entered the conversation! >Sayori just wants to know what user's trying to accomplish! >user tells her they're just doing dumb shit for fun to prove things don't have to make sense to be nice and vice versa! >Sayori thinks about it! >It's about her! >user tells her to stop using specious logic to try and stage her own tragic ending! >He wants her to enjoy existing, not try to understand how it's 'supposed' to pan! >He says he wants in on it and stories need a build up to tragic endings to have impact! >Or happy endings! >They're like happy thoughts but nobody can fuck with 'em! >Sayori sees the light! >Also they probably have detention! >Arachne Sayori!
William Baker
I'm confused yet intrigued
Xavier Barnes
Two candidates. Yuri in a respectful way, they like what they already have and since she fulfills niches they don't really need to branch out too far so there's little drive to be creative. Plus there's that other thing that Yurifriends are all about and it's a pretty one-track-mind sort of thing.
Other is Monika. Monika is the popular one and on the way to becoming the Sans of this game. As her fanbase grows and consumes the lowest common denominator to do so, the 'average creativity' of her fan base will be absolutely slaughtered. just monika right aaahhaha
Carson Adams
>mommy hypnosis shit again
Joy.
Joseph Adams
No matter what filth tries to attach itself to her fanbase I'll still love Monika
Aaron James
>Plus there's that other thing that Yurifriends are all about and it's a pretty one-track-mind sort of thing. whats that
i liked act 1 yuri because her shyness was relatable
I'm focusing on "user's Hoodie" for this critique. I remember it being fairly popular with the wholesome crowd when you released it, but I never found the time to read it properly, so this'll be fun.
Right off the bat, I was getting huge Dostoyevsky, "Notes from the Underground" vibes from this. You managed to immediately establish MC-kun's loneliness in a punchy, impactful way. Now, I'd personally object to the word "loneliness" being placed so straightforwardly in there, like a road sign pointing straight at the conclusions you want us (the readers) to take; "show, don't tell," that sort of thing; but honestly, the allusions to hallucinations made up for it. You established an unreliable narrator very strongly, very early on. Kudos.
Moving down, the part where user calls out to god only confirms the biased nature of the narrator's thoughts. Even the shifting narrative focus enhances this, cuz I was confused as to who was speaking: is MC-kun the narrator? Is it an omniscient narrator, since the "camera" switches to Monika for a while? Is MC-kun simply imagining what Monika did in his apartment while he was gone?
Honestly, you had me wondering whether the whole damn thing was just MC-kun going off the deep end. Very well-done, that.
Critique-wise, I think you should make a habit of reading your dialogue aloud after writing it. This practice will help you to write more natural-sounding dialogue, as some of it feels kinda clumsy and forced.
The very first example of this, in my opinion, is Monika calling him "my love," which felt really weird. Like, why did she have to affirm that fact immediately after saying, "It's really you"?
Another example: >"Anoooooon you should have woken me up, we could have gone shopping together..."
So yeah, although your understanding of both tone and narration are top-notch, I do think you need to make your dialogues feel a bit more natural and, well, conversational. I hope this helps you. Cheers.
Brody Harris
The Dokis except they're Space Marines They're also the missing Primarchs