Be Britain

>gets BTFO by a former colony, never wins another war without our help

burgers.jpg

What if he's really old, a time traveller or a really old time traveller

Scots re British you fat, ugly, yankee cunt.

>be English
>get invaded by French Normans and become cucked forever
>become upset about this a couple centuries later and decide to try and conquer France
>lose despite trying for over 100 years to beat the French
>head back home and pretend that they won
>for many centuries keep joining coalitions in an attempt to finally beat France
>fail
>Prussia and France are at war
>while the French are distracted in the real war, the English head to America in an attempt to steal French colonies
>colonies are mostly undefended, but nonetheless lose most battles and only win after 9 years of fighting
>France becomes a republic
>don't like this and join the rest of Europe in trying to defeat them
>lose in two consecutive wars
>declare war on France and pay the rest of Europe to fight for them
>lose three times
>invade Spain and try to defeat France
>only opponents are outnumbered, under-supplied and demoralized soldiers from the French army, but only win after 6 years with Spanish guerrillas doing most of the fighting for them
>fund another coalition to beat France
>actually get involved this time and lose most of the battles they fight
>France is beaten by Russia, Prussia and Austria
>Napoleon is sent into exile
>Napoleon returns
>France almost defeats the English, but they get saved by the Prussians

Why are the English so bad at war?

name one lmao

D A M A G E C O N T R O L

Of course. That's what a revolution means.

The 100 years war was a French civil war.

Whats with the whole "Iberian" latelly?

>French Normans

>250K bitons killed
>ten romans slip on blood and scrape their elbows

I made this green text, still no one has corrected >Bravely decide to the last Russian

Bad damage control desu

>celts
Who cares lmao

>>France almost defeats the English, but they get saved by the Prussians
>Why are the English so bad at war?

lol

Yeah he should have just said "French"
French Norman is like saying "British Welsh" or "American Texans"

whats with all the bong butthurt lately

where's your argument Nigel? posting ''d-damage control'' doesnt make you right

>throw your allies and henchmen to the pit before you go yourself so your foe faces you weared and wasted
>so good at war
Americans applied that one into brits

>whats with all the bong butthurt lately
Seems more like self-deprecating humor to me, the french in this thread seem to be the ones that are butthurt.

This, The Prussians won in Waterloo, in fact, was the shitty frinds of Napoleon who can't do anything

>this damage control

>All this damage control

indeed

the British very nearly managed to hand Napoleon reigns in europe yet again, even after they had every advantage

it was the continentals, in whom they always hold complete contempt, that carried the day

>even after they had every advantage

Prior to the Prussians arriving, the British were outnumbered.

>in whom they always hold complete contempt
This is a meme. Most Brits back then and today did not hate the continentals. it's a meme made by the French in the Napoleonic wars to try and make their puppets accept the continental system and isolate England.

The fact is, there was a strong sense of kinship the British felt to the Prussians in particular, especially considering their royal family's German roots.

A pocket full of English gold is the worst enemy of:
Scots
Continental Europeans
Americans
Indians
Irish
Australians
Africans

The only ones who can resist their vile duplicity are the Dutch.

They're breathing fresh air provided by Brexit.

And Chinese, my bad.

Imagine not being British. How do those poor souls not immediately kill themselves?

>Dieu et mon droit
England is basically a french colony

>The only ones who can resist their vile duplicity are the Dutch.
elaborate

cheeky and somehwat self-deprecating, I keked
asshurt, unironic response

Remember that time when france and britain were allied, but france surrendered so britain blew up their navy?

good times

West Germans know each other's tricks! They're objectively the most treacherous people on this earth

>French
>Normans

They're the only happier merchants, capable of out - merchanting even the English.

And better at ruling the waves, desu.

>And better at ruling the waves, desu.
t. Alberta Van Der Ossa

>France kills all the Prussians

I think you mean
>t. de Ruyter

That was before the act of union. Scottish testosterone ended the Dutch once and for all.

Was this before or after they rewarded the Scots with attempted genocide?

>Britain vs France the old rivalry all comes down to this
>The Battle of Waterloo
>Bravely decide to fight to the last Scot
more like "bravely wait for prussian reinforcements"

You should bravely read a book

>Upon learning that the Prussian army was able to support him, Wellington decided to offer battle on the Mont-Saint-Jean escarpment, across the Brussels road. Here he withstood repeated attacks by the French throughout the afternoon, aided by the progressively arriving Prussians. In the evening Napoleon committed his last reserves to a desperate final attack, which was narrowly beaten back. With the Prussians breaking through on the French right flank, Wellington's Anglo-allied army counter-attacked in the centre, and the French army was routed.
t. delusional anglo revisionist

>anglo
nope. You're just mad because your little empire got beaten by sea jews on land.

Yep, OP went full retard
The Prussians surrendered en masse before the French could kill them

What made the French army of this time so effective?

Wellington basically said he was fucked without blucher

They weren't chainsmoking homos yet.

1. Napoleon

2. Better generals because of meritocracy (while coalition generals were all struck up nobles chosen for their titles rather than for their skills)

3. Better moral (because of victories in the previous wars and revolutionary ideals)

>Be British
>Get asshurt that Germany is using Belgium as a highway or some shit
>Try to 'ook Jerry a quick one in the gabbah
>We'll be 'ome by Christmas lads!
>Suffer embarrassing losses at the hands of the Germans and Ottomans of all people
>Fail to defeat a navy half your size
>Have to trick Americans into doing your fighting for you
>Twenty years later
>Pick another fight with Germany
>Get decisively blown out on the continent
>Don't even pretend to have plan beyond "make America fix it"

>can't handle the bant
>make a shit greentext

A bit more on the second point, by the time Napoleon was on top France had the best generals Europe had to offer.

And now they had Napoleon, too. No contest.

You realize OP's text was self deprecating sarcasm, right?

>self

OP's a frog or a kraut

Oh come off it, us Brits humour is built on self deprecation

Not at argument

They were very much French, and even if you weren't to consider them as such, half of the force at Hastings was comprised of people from various other regions of France, like Burgundy

>Not at argument

They can't handle the banter

ALL THIS

D A M A G E C O N T R O L

>vikings settle in france
>after a few hundred years they become french

>normans settle in england
>after a thousand years they're not english

>thinking us englishmen hate our glorious norman ancestors

That doesn't sound like an argument

>France kills all the Russians
>anglo education

You realize we're not arguing? Everyone you're replying to is baiting you, and they're baiting you because you were too dumb and asshurt to realize OP's post was a joke.

>English
lol who cares

Fuck off a*glos

>>spend another 5 minutes destroying the rest of europe's fleets too just in case
can you explain? sounds funny

Was Waterloo really that important?
I mean, sure, it was where Nappy lost, but I was under the impression the French were really on their last legs there, and even if they had face rolled at that battle they'd have still been rekt in a month or two.

Exactly what it sounds like. Usually in harbor, because they weren't actually at war with them yet. Japs got nothing on perfidous Albion.

If Napoleon won, the Spanish and Austrians wouldn't be able to put up much of a fight.

Russia probably would have been the biggest threat, but Austria and Spain were floppy fish.

>Be Britons
>Irrelevant, cucked by Romans
>Be Romans in Britain
>Cucked again
>Be English
>Cucked by French Normans
>Be new-English
>See the bog island next to you
>They're all fighting each-other
>Conquer it without too much trouble (because it's a fucking bog)
>They keep rebelling
>Get harsher and harsher
>They forget how to grow potatos fucking somehow
>Get autistic about trade and let them starve
>Get confused when they rebel even harder
>Some faggot from the bog in Tyrone rebels and almost bankrupts your nation
>Finally get shit under control
>Suddenly some fags occupy the bog's local post office
>REEEEE so hard that you turn most of Ireland against you
>Get absolutely BTFO by Michael Collins and his memeraiding scamps
>At least those fags in the north bog are still loyal
>Better make sure to bully the irish there some more so they don't get too powerful
>Get styled upon by the IRA
>End up having to disband the fucking police force
>Cucked so hard that your last bastion of Britishness in NI is legally bound to have equality quotas for hiring bogniggers and brit-flavoured bogniggers, while the guys who bombed you get into government
>Be British "Empire"
>Can't even subdue a fucking bog
>Be British """"Empire""""
>Lose almost all of your territories
>Be British """""""""""Empire""""""""""""
>Have more open immigration laws than the fucking prison colony you created
>Be British
>Spend every waking moment trying not to kill yourself

I would assume another army would have trashed them, and the impression I got was that France was running out of warm bodies. Was victory really achievable without Waterloo? How closer was it?

I'm sorry for being clueless, but American high school history covers the Hundred Days as "a thing that happened", and it was a couple years ago when I skimmed Wikipedia about it, but I thought i remembered there being multiple other coalition armies on french soil when Napoleon finally rolled snake eyes.

imagine being THIS autistic

Someone understands the copy pasta

France wasn't running out of manpower. It was going broke and Napoleon was growing old.

Napoleon's final gamble was basically this:
>Beat back britain and prussia, they're the 2 main threats
>Defend against Russia
>thrash spain and austria
>create favorable peace treaty
>try and recover France's economy

Napoleon was growing old by 1815. He was not the daring, bold, rebellious and brave war hero he was 20 years ago. He was tired, and so was his country. The Revolution took place in the 90's. It's ideals and messages had faded in the hearts of the French People.

Why are non-anglos so bad at banter?

Natural inferiority complex.

any situation in which the british have attacked a french fleet were either during wars between the two nations or you could be refering to mers el kebir in which the french were given a clear warning
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attack_on_Mers-el-Kébir#Ultimatum

that warning included terms the french commander was under orders to accept if they were offered. And was delivered after the french had broken faith with the english by not removing their fleet from german reach before seeing armistice as they had promised to do,

>>France almost defeats the English, but they get saved by the Prussians
firstly the french werent winning waterloo, even before the prussians started turning up they were just about spent, the prussians turned a bloody draw into a rout but the anglo dutch army had already done most of the work by holding napoleon and bleeding his forces dry all day

typical non-anglo twats.

Is this what non-anglos call banter? This was non-ironic, not witty at all, and completely revealing of user's natural inferiority complex, through how butthurt he is.

You're all being baited by OP, WHO WAS JOKING.

>any situation in which the british have attacked a french fleet were either during wars between the two nations or you could be refering to mers el kebir in which the french were given a clear warning

Actually nope
The British had a habit of attacking French merchant ships anchored in the UK right before declaring war
They did it before declaring the Seven Years War and before declaring the Napoleonic Wars

It's unfortunate you had to point this out. Damn, people are dense.

and the french did the same to the british, seizing merchant shipping docked in your ports was commonplace

>and the french did the same to the british, seizing merchant shipping docked in your ports was commonplace

Bullshit, only Britain did that
Napoleon did retaliate to this dickmove though (not by seizing British ships since they all had been informed of the nearing war and left, but...)

>On 17 May 1803, before the official declaration of war and without any warning, the Royal Navy captured all the French and Dutch merchant ships stationed in Britain or sailing around, seizing more than 2 million pounds of commodities and taking their crews as prisoners.
>In response to this provocation, on 22 May (2 Prairial, year XI), the First Consul ordered the arrest of all British males between the ages of 18 and 60 in France and Italy, trapping many travelling civilians

still a valid tactic, warfare being primarily about commerce

This wasn't even funny. This actually is worse then any kind of shitpost I could create.
t. Canadian living in Nova Scotia

...

Well it's France that's good at war, as you can see by the helpful timeline you laid out.