If you were sent back into the Middle Ages in Europe, how would you live...

If you were sent back into the Middle Ages in Europe, how would you live? Would you try to approach the aristocracy with you phone? Would you say you were a time traveler? How would you avoid execution for being a witch?

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Depends on what we get to bring

If i could bring modern weaponry like an automatic rifle and body armor I would make myself a small time noble and maybe work my way up to King if i had a large enough following.
Then i would die a glorious death as my lads and i charge the field after i finally run out of the ammunition i brought

Or maybe i would just be a peasant. Probably just a peasant.

Since I'd barely be able to understand my own language, I'd just travel to someplace in the middle of nowhere and build a hut and hunt/farm there until I die of a broken leg when I'm 40

Executions for being a which were non-excitant to uncommon in the Middle Ages. I doubt that would be the charge.

>How would you avoid execution for being a witch?
Don't come near Protestants. Since there weren't any, I should be safe.

I would approach actual qt witches with my phone to get some witch puss.

>bitch, I'm the lord of darkness; wanna see some real magic? *battery dies* JUST

I'm sure if you brought your technology with you, dressed in what you were dressed now, you would undoubtably be tried as a witch.

As a Jew, I would declare myself Moshiach, of course, and use my technology to conquer the lands.

>into the Middle Ages
Thats a 1000 years and a fuckton of land, you know that, right? Can you try to be even more unspecific?

>Don't come near Protestants.
Not that a problem, given there where no protestants in the middle ages.

You would die from any number of diseases before you got anywhere.

Further your phone would be a useless toy because you'd have no access to the internet.

Other way around I thought?
If you were of European descent and you're in Europe you would be rekking people with your diseases that they don't have resistance too.
Also your phone would still be able to operate and do cool shit like take pictures.

>You would die from any number of diseases before you got anywhere.
No, maybe smallpox, maybe pest if you hit a bad year. If you had your childhood diseases and your vaccinations you should be even better of than the locals.
Other than that it was not much worse than today. More parasites though.

This. The flashlight function alone would be enough to grant me wizard status.

Since I can read and write, I would work my way up starting with working for aristocracy. I assume my language will be synchronized with the place I am transported to. I'm also decently athletic and know basic combat defense so if I'm desperate, I will try to work my way up being a soldier.

Mallaria.

Shit drinking water.

Bouts of plague.

Tuberculosis.

Scarlet fever.

All of these would kill your ass. This isn't even including the flu because the modern day strains are entirely different from the old ones, this is why you need to be given shots sometimes twice a year.

Whatever diseases you are immune to almost certainly do not resemble the strains of 500 years ago. Your immune system can't even handle seasonal to seasonal influenza without weakened strains. And stuff like that is a fucking novelty at best. On a good day your phone has what? A ten hour charge? How would you stretch that over the rest of your miserable life?

if you're of european descent there's a fairly decent chance you got built-in resistance to the plague though, or at the very least knowledge on how to avoid it as best as possible

and what kind of idiot wouldn't boil his water?

You can't read or write in any languages from the middle ages, can you?

>Mallaria.
Only the less virulent parasites, not the tropica strain. and only in swamplands.
>Shit drinking water.
You know that, so only drink spring water or ale, or boil your water.
>Bouts of plague.
not before 1347. thats at the end of the medieval so good chances you make it around.
>Tuberculosis.
same as plague, only at the very end of the middle ages
>Scarlet fever.
If you had it as a kid (most kids do) you are immune for life.

More problematic will be all kind of endo and exo parasites, flees, worms, bedbugs, you name it.

leave some bread overnight, be a God in the morning

I wonder, how much could you do with a crank powered laptop and access to offline (text only) wikipedia if sent back to the year 1000?

>>Bouts of plague.
>not before 1347. thats at the end of the medieval so good chances you make it around.

Plague came and went long before the Black Death. Justinian's plague for example.

This is why time travel would be deadly no matter what.
Either
>you go back into the past and infect people with diseases and viruses you are immune to
Or
>you go into the future and die of a disease or virus that you are not immune to

You could be an accounting god. You could easily keep track and update registry of everyone in the kingdom. You could teach everyone what herbs and plants can cure what diseases. To them you would be a witch, and they would burn you desu

Plage is a bit generic, what are you talking about? Smallpox? I stated that that was the dangerous one, but then it is still unlikely that you get it, and if you are born the before the late 70's you got a smallpox vaccination. If not, you can make one yourself easily.

Depends, am I send back right now or do I get time to prepare?

If I get to prepare I'm going to bring all the knowledge I have of the most important things that are going to happen in European history, some of the most important military, technological and scientific discoveries and bring them all to the Holy Roman Empire to prevent it from collapsing later and turning Europe to shit because it can easily decimate all of its enemies.

>bring latest science to hre
>get burned at the stake
Nice plan

>Plage is a bit generic
It doesn't matter if it kills you all the same. It's definitely a concern, and not something to hedge your bets on assuming the vaccinations you have now will protect you from whatever these historical plagues might have been. Even if you were vaccinated for whatever disease it was, there's no guarantee that centuries old strain is the same as the one modern medicine studied and learned to counter.

The point is, the Black Death was just one single plague epidemic out of hundreds throughout history, some of which were just as deadly.

Anything unexplainable back then was witchcraft or heresy

I would probably go ahead and throw myself in a river since everyone would probably stink and be ugly anyway

>Holy Roman Empire to prevent it from collapsing later
The HRE collapsed in the First World war. before that it only had internal struggles.

Totally worth it if they eventually notice that I was right all along.

depends on which HRE and who you know

Vesalius managed to get away cutting open corpses in the name of SCIENCE by buddying it up with the emperor

Depends on when in the Middle ages, but I would probably, unironically, travel to the Middle East where the civilised muzzies were and not those dirty european cluniac maniacs.

Swamplands were all over the fucking place, especially in France and Germany. Plagues were used generically for a number of deadly diseases. TB is still a possibility because the OP just said Middle Ages. Scarlet Fever is also not something you want to fuck with because not everyone caught it or was immunized against it.

The HRE was destroyed by Napoleon in 1806 right?

Also my country was first part of the HRE, then the Habsburgian empire and also conquered by the Spanish, if I manage to make the HRE the strongest force my country wouldn't split and turn to shit later.

>the HRE collapsed in the First World war

the HRE was dissolved a century before WW1

>It doesn't matter if it kills you all the same
It is pretty important what it is. Smallpox for example you can vaccinate even in the middle ages, you'd be the fucking hero of the millennial if you'd tell them early.
Yes, there where other plagues, but then you have an immune system that is spawned by those who all survived those plages, plus vaccinations, and immunities to strains that got much less virulent over time.
I'd still go for the parasites that will kill you, like worms that will eat you up alive or something.

Sounds like someone's bought into the revisionist "le Muslims were so pure and pro science" meme

they had serious faults as well

>Scarlet Fever
Wait, this here en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scarlet_fever
I had that as kid.

warning the muslims about the mongols a century early would do a LOT of good for a large part of the world

Well sure, but I reckon some neat theses on algebra and astronomy would go much further in Grenada, Damasque or Baghdad than some damp castle in the austrian hinterlands.
Not Istanbul though, I don't want to get stabbed by some venetian dick.

Sorry, my bad, I thought of the Habsburg monarchy. Anyways, Napi is 300 years from the end of the medieval, and the HRE was not technically underdeveloped, but politically divided, so it won't help much.

I'd much rather try and stop the fucking Turks from destroying the last vestiges of the Byzantine empire. Depending on the when of it, I might actually stand a pretty good chance.

That's just it. You hope it's smallpox, in which case you could attempt to vaccinate against it. But even vaccination is incredibly dangerous without being able to acquire a safe strain. You'd be relying on infecting yourself with the original strain, and hope you don't end up dying anyway because you now have smallpox, not an artificially developed sister strain that does nothing but can trick your body into training itself to fight smallpox. You wouldn't be any more a hero than the Asian nurses who were attempting this sort of thing for quite some time, with mixed if slightly improved results.

And you don't have that immune system. Your vaccinations are nice and all, but no guarantee against any strain at all times. And you'd end up surrounded by the infected since you're the only one, which wouldn't help your chances. It's why a single kid who doesn't get their shots can fuck up a whole school system despite most kids getting their vaccines. It doesn't make you invincible, it means you won't contract and spread a disease as quickly if your body encounters a little bit of it.

I really doubt it, the Byzantines were doing a mighty fine job destroying themselves and even if they survived the Turks the Mongols would have likely wrecked the empire anyways

The Mongols wouldn't have done shit.

I would introduce the concept of grapeshot to early cannon fire and rend the steppe niggers into mince meat.

you're going to try and apply 13th century cannons against mongols?

even with grape shot, good luck

>without being able to acquire a safe strain
Cowpox, thats the safe strain. Thats how vaccination started.

Enjoy getting beheaded.

Mongols can't against walls. If Constantinople had access to the sea they could resist the mongols forever.

Pic related.

Witch trials are more of an Early Modern than a medieval thing. The position of the church on witchcraft has been throughout the middle ages that it is Pagan superstition.

Again, depending on the year I would be able to create a home grown or at the very least Venetian design, and begin acquiring as many as possible. I'd also have the advantage of knowing how to make iron cannons en mass. Which I actually do thanks to my studies on piracy. Then depending on how long I live, I might be able to start pushing for matchlock or wheelock rifles.

>Mongols can't against walls.
then they bring in a chinese siege engineer and fuck up your walls regardless

you might be able to but the bigger issue would be, even if you save the byzantines from making the turkish fuckup, to ensure that after you die they won't make a similarly big mongol fuckup

>chinese siege engineer
ChingChong pls

Doubtful.

Constantinople was surged, what, twelve times I think and only twice was it taken. And let's not forget that on one of those occasions it was literal trickery by dickhead knights during the 2nd crusade. The Byzantines were able to completely nullify the Turks cannon fire at a rate in which they rebuilt their walls outpaced the shot. It was only when they found a suitably weak enough spot did they force a breach.

If you are going back in time you'd show the Byzantines the designs for star forts and shit, which would make taking the city a hopeless effort by either the Turks or the Mongols.

how would the byzantines deal with say, the mongols tossing in plague corpses and waiting for diseases?

after all the turks did want the city intact, mongols were known for just building skull piles if their opponents were arrogant enough, and I somehow could see the byzantines pissing them off enough to reach that point

>I'd also have the advantage of knowing how to make iron cannons en mass

Do you actually, though? I mean, have you ever actually made one using only natural materials and period correct tools?

In any case, I'm not sure you fully grasp how to effectively destroy a nomad force with artillery, or how useless it would be in the logistical hell that is central Anatolia against a fast moving enemy. And in focusing your attention on the Turks because of a few years of /int/ memes, you'd lose sight of all the other enemies both within and without that would just as easily destroy the ERE.

Present whatever knowledge I had as divine and claim that they had been visited upon me by saints and angels.
Suddenly national leader likes you and so does the church. Not that fucking hard.

Literally refer to my next sentence

>I assume my language will be synchronized with the place I am transported to

If this is not the case in this scenario, then the third sentence of my post will be my plan.

Good question.

With gun powder I introduce the concept of demolitions mining; and how to more easily find gold/silver deposits. This would do wonders for the economy. Fuck the slaves who die in the process.

If I angle everything just right I'd probably be able to pull off killing the Emperor and have myself instated with the full force of the citizenry and palace guards who I pay off with generous donatives thanks to the influx of state wealth.

At which point I go full Augustus and set about proscription lists and murder the fuck out of everyone before instituting a more modern form of governance. Or should I say, a proper Republic. Then I simply step aside after showing people how this shit is run. It worked in England.

that sounds like a good way to ensure a civil war, in which one side will use the oh so trustworthy turkish mercenaries

Thats the Gorgan wall, right? Finest piece of Persian engineering.

That's Constantinople.

Probably just join the priest hood since I can read write. I would keep myhead low, try to be viewed as a dimwitted but harmless oddball so I didnt get burned.

Im fat so I would be very desirable to the woman of that time so I would try to poke a few milk maids

warn everyone about the mongols

Who is this qt

>Im fat so I would be very desirable to the woman of that time

>go back in time
>chad monk gets all the milkmaids
>"b-but they've said I neeeed to BE FAT, REEEEEEEEEE"

kek

You're not desirable to any woman in any time in any timeline.

Live in the lands of al andalus

>how would you avoid execution for being a witch

The church outlawed executing people as witches since the 9th century. Witch hunts were an early modern period thing perpetrated mostly by prods.

A solar powered pocket calculator would be way more useful and impressive than a cellphone.

Constantinople was massive. They would need to throw those rotting corpses pretty far over that wall senpai.

Invent steam power.
I have a rudimentary understanding.
The question is, where?
Which nation do I want to bolster?

The Roman Empire of course.

I'd go to the nearest person I can find and make a praying motion and imitate church bells. Hopefully they'd point me in the direction of a church. I'd go to clergyman, make the sign of the cross, fall to his feet, and implore him. I'd draw a map and point to England and Germany, then my tongue. Hopefully he'd take a hint and hook me up with a priest or monk who speaks English or German. Then we'd be able to figure out each others' languages and I'd say I'm a Christian from a distant land and ask to speak to a cardinal. I'd explain to the cardinal that I was sent to bring technology to defeat the Saracen hordes and wipe the curse of Islam from the world once and for all. I'd also warn him about the Jews.

No.

There were cases of people showing up in the Middle Ages claiming to be from alien worlds etc and they weren't burned at the stake.

Considering I actually speak OHG I would plagiarize modern scientists, inventors, musicians and storytellers out the ass. I want credit for everything. I would eventually preach myself as the reincarnation of Socrates and attempt to steer Europe into a neoplatonist alt history with me as a western Buddha of sorts, eventually demanding that every day for every subject begins and ends with praising my name.

God dang it, same. Finally someone has a mindful plan.

>this is where the Black Death originated

You're fucking retarded, read a single book on Kublai Khan, his conquests basically relied on Chinese siege and battle tactics

This, but to a lesser degree. I probably would try to focus about being a great writer by using the story of movies and books I like with their current setting and hope that shit sells or something.

Which reminds me to my favorite question from that Time Traveller movie
If you had to bring 3 books to rebuild the world, what books would you bring?

>Walls of Constantinople
>5.7 km south to north
>Inner wall: 12m high, ~5m thick
>Outer wall: 2m thick at base, 9m high
>Moat: 20m wide and 10m deep


>Chink city-wall
>14 km long
>12m high, 13m thick at top, 16m thick at base
>moat of 18m wide, 6 m deep

>How would you avoid execution for being a witch?
By being male.

He said that they don't exist ya fucking ogre

They'd kill me on sight for being a Mongol/Tartar so yeah I'm proper fucked

I'd die of diarrhea after drinking the water

I can pick up Middle English pretty quickly, I've read a lot of Chaucer. I'd invent the printing press / moveable type and pump out pop sci pamphlets about the germ theory of disease and the potential of capitalism. Also, there's a whole continent across the Atlantic, just FYI.

nice fanfiction.

>Stay out in the wilderness, living off the land.
>Die in obscurity.
>Cause outrage and scandal in the archaeological community 1000 years later when they find my medieval smartphone and car keys.

I actualy learned Middle-Dutch and Frisian so while I could make myself understandable, I'd most likely die of eating or drinking anything.
If I didn't I'd try to play of the 'son of exiled noble' or something like that. (Having the ability to read and write would heavily imply nobility anyway)