how do i become confident and talkative, and not a boring loser like i am?
>tfw no friends >no social skills >almost a mute because i never say anything, don't know what to say >always overhear coworkers talking and laughing, and wonder what i need to do for people want to tell to me, or for me to be able to tell jokes and make people laugh i don't want to continue being me
>almost a 30 year old kv, with no friends or gf... >still considered "shy" help
First think that ur not in high school anymore. People aren't going to embarass you if you ask someone out. But don't do that at work, do that in places that no one will remember you. Like practice.
Finding friends around work is easier because it's not a relationship. Just hang around people, try to speak.
Observe your environment and think if clever things to say. Practice telling jokes.
I will tell you one thing. Just talk about random boring bullshit even if you dont want to. Ask em generic everyday questions. Speak about sports, fashion. Tell them what you dont like about you. Tell em what dream you had. Ask for their opinion about your pants. Complimenta their clothes. Speak about the weather. Aks em about their holiday plans.
Eventually something will come up and you will make friends. I did this one time even tho i was finding this very normie for me but hey i did make some friends out of all that but then i stopped doing this cause i had to put much effort for that so i said fuck it and stopped. For the girls you need to go somewherre where it is acceptabel for you to get drunk. Get drunk and let all your shit to come out. Be cocky and all that. Hope that helps
Don't so this unless it's a sales position. If you're at a counter or a register you're going to say the same 4 sentences all day everyday
i already have a full time "professional" job
i can't think of anything to say. i overhear conversations and most people just tell stories of things that have happened to them... nothing happens to me like stories about parties they've been to, or stories about funny conversations they have had with others. i don't have any stories and don't know how to get stories without having friends in the first place
Like i said dont talk about your experiences. ask them about their experiences and look like you are interested. Also ask generic question about everyday life
people love talking about themselves, try asking questions more than talking about yourself
dont go too far though, dont want to look like a cuck
that's unfortunate, I used to be exactly like you but fortunately for me I started going out in my first year in college and became friends with an confident alpha group of boys and we're good friends now so their confidence has rubbed off on me now bitches love me
Join a bowling league. It works without fail.
thanks for the advice other than coworkers who can i talk to, to make friends?
what do i say when asking people about experiences. people tell me stories and i just say "yeah" over and over.. i don't know how to contribute tbqh
>people won't embarass you anymore if you ask one out >but do it in places no one will remember you
You can't start out being retarded in places where it will matter
You needa learn to turn off the filter in your brain that makes you think "no don't say that"
The shit that pops up in your head is what makes you YOU, I only started saying whatever the fuck I felt like somewhat recently and I'd either get a positive reaction or some sort of reaction for the random shit that comes out of my mouth or I'd start a new conversation nomsayn?
>people tell me stories and i just say "yeah" over and over.. i don't know how to contribute tbqh wtf it's not that hard you retard just say anything that you can remotely relate to or know anything that's any bit relevant to any part of their story
One time i visited my friends house. There was his girlfriend too and so at first this situation was unexpected for but i thought that this was a good opportunity for me to practice some conversation skills. First i noticed when she said something about her nails and so asked her about what colour she likes to dye them , then i asked her about why she doesnt like red colour and bla bla bla. I know it sounds like faggotry but i was keep talking to her for a long time because the every question she was rumbling about it. Girls from my experinece love to talk a lot so i have no problem asking them these kind of questions.
The same goes for when people tell you stories. Lets say some dude tell you that was out yesterday driinking . You can ask 1. Where was this place.2. Did he had a good time ? 3.Did he had a good company ?
Dont answer with yeah.. This is boring. Instead always when a dude ends talkin you ask a question about the topic he was talking. Come on you are a smart man . You will figure it out. The same goes for everyone. Dont ask creepy question tho
>what do i say when asking people about experiences. people tell me stories and i just say "yeah" over and over.. i don't know how to contribute tbqh dont say one word anti-responses like 'yeah" or whatever. try to contribute, even if its totally vapid. try to leave room for them to give a response back. for instance, they say something, try to relate, give an opinion, preferably in a way where they can respond back, keep the chain going like that. if you feel like no response can be given, change the topic to something else, keep it going.
honestly just practice, social skills is like an invisible muscle as stupid as that sounds
THIS, like @fashion retail where lots of wominz go. HM or someshit !
The same way you get good at literally ANTYHING ELSE.
JUST. FUCKING. PRACTICE.
You'll be shit at first, don't give up. Treat it like lifting. Be consistent, get them incremental gains, keep trying over and over, get them social reps, etc. Set goals and try to meet them.
Can I just directly ask grills out on the street?
No man no one does this in real life. Dont be that guy. Its creepy and awkward.Hell you can meet new people in library, bus etc
Damn, that was my plan for the weekend. Is it alright after a movie at the cinema?
best advice i can give you is to go to meetup and search for your interests. join a shit ton of meetups and then find events near you that appeal to you. once you're there, no one knows anyone so everyone is usually pretty open. i found a meetup for pub trivia that meets weekly. i didn't know what to talk about but it didn't matter cuz we were all playing pub trivia and didn't need to have conversations.
try it out. good luck user.
I dont know. Usually people go to movies with friends and couples so it will be weird for you to rush into a group of friends and start talking. But it might work if you are lucky and charismatic.I say that cinema arena is for experienced players. Do it if you have the balls. You will gain experience thats for sure. This. Go to meetups OP . There you can simply approach anyone and introduce yourself without any akwardeness
Sauce on picture? That looks dope
>for you to rush into a group of friends and start talking >group I was thinking about 2 at the very most.
Fuck no, retail is a soul sucking job especially if you have some social anxiety to begin with.
Lie, tell them you have been to crazy party and are getting laid 24/7, people will think you're cool and fun and invite you to real parties where you can make friends and get laid Fake it until you make it >only virgins think this is wrong
Just start by practicing talking to people. Find circumstances that dont make you too uncomfortable and start there, then move on to things that make you more and more uncomfortable. Like progressive overload you will become more comfortable in social situations regardless of how awkward/uncomfortable they seem. I wouldn't recommend starting by trying to pick up girls on the street but if you dont mind rejection it couldnt hurt to try and it does constitute practice talking to women.
Dude, I've been a total loner for the past 10 years. I don't have a single friend, not even online. I don't see where I could start.
#1: Women are as insecure and socially awkward as we are
#2: You have to be proactive. Women will never make the first move.
#3: Ask the girl out within the first few messages. Many girls use dating sites for personal validation and have no interest in going out.
#4: Don't develop oneitis. She is not the perfect girl, you will meet many more. Don't work on just one girl, it's all about numbers.
#5: Social confidence is all about practice. Go to bars and coffee shops and just talk to random chicks. If you say something dumb who cares. You'll never see her again.
#6: If she agrees to meet you in person, she already thinks you are hot. Dates are all about making sure you arnt a complete autist.
#7: Practice your bullshit routine aka elevator pitch. Be able to sell yourself. Never let the girl think you are not actively improving yourself. Girls look for potential and will excuse a lack of accomplishment if you are still a college student. What turns them off is stagnation and lack of ambition.
Attractive or average women aren't socially awkward as they get throned by all kind of guys. They have tons of social experience.
The less able you are to interact with people the smaller you have to start. Its like starting squatting the bar. Try talking to the fucking cashier at the grocery store, old ladies on the bus, literally anyone you think wont immediately walk away. Pay attention and try to improve. It's not impossible but you're like a hamplanet who doesnt want to go to the gym because he thinks hes too far gone; its 99.9999% possible for you to become a sick cunt if you just stop metaphorically eating shit and not exercising and just start moving however slowly in a positive direction and keep at it.
but don't tell anyone about your dreams, no matter what happened its very boring
>#4: Don't develop oneitis. She is not the perfect girl, you will meet many more. Don't work on just one girl, it's all about numbers.
I truly can't get over my former coworker. She was so sweet and absolutely beautiful. She never came up when discussing "hottest bitches in the office" so I assume she was just absolutely my type. There's not a clone or a replacement of her and it really makes me depressed that I'll never have her. Some types of oneitis can be really strong.
I'm going to see two movies st the cinema this Friday. I have like 1 1/2 hours between them to do stuff. Can I use this for sick social gains somehow? I don't want to talk to groups. 2 at most. How do I do it?
you gonna see those movies alone?
Talk positively about Trump. People will appreciate the honesty.
when you press, you lift problem above head, problem gone.
>Women are as insecure and socially awkward as we are >You have to be proactive. Women will never make the first move.
so they're MORE insecure than us, not "just as"
I don't have friends, yes.
Fuck around with Uber. Socializing on EZ mode DESU. They're usually drunk normies, so listen to the bantz, try shit out. You'll never see them again, so there's no reason to be overly embarrassed when you say something stupid. If you do try Uber make something up for your craziest story, someone always asks.
>Don't have any interesting stories Almost any inane sounds, when cobbled together correctly, work once you've got the timing and flow down. If you really want something you think is interesting steal greentexts or stories from here (Veeky Forums and the internet in general, not just Veeky Forums) and adapt them to your life, make them sfw etc.
As others have said, avoid yes or no answers. Give opinions, expand on topics, talk local news, new bars or attractions, ask questions, let the conversation branch out. Talk about something you like and are knowledgeable about. Computers, cars, lifting, literature, internet memes, doesn't matter. What matters is it carries a conversation to more branching off points. If something gets boring or incomprehensible to whoever you're talking with they'll usually take a tangent off of whatever is currently being discussed.
>Most important is PRACTICE Practice in your head if you have to, but practice. Imagine success, not failure. Training the pathways in your brain is essential. It's like noob gains, your body and brain get used to the action and do it more efficiently.
Hope this helps. We're all gonna make it brehs.
Do things. What do you expect to talk about if you don't do anything but post on Veeky Forums and work all day? You could watch sports after work like a normie if you insist.
I always thought personality and 'being yourself' was a bit like 'flow' in sport. Chasing flow, as an athlete or a person, I think the answer is instinctive, but sometimes we get distracted and caught up by whatever and doubt comes in etc, we develop inhibitions, and that stops the flow of water, talent, personality. Start recognising the things you do shy away from, dont put other people who can do certain things on a pedestal, things like little tactics to make the next step easier are alright, but dont lose sight that the main thing is to challenge yourself continuously. "Ooo, that made me feel a little out of my depth, Ill go in balls to the wall and fuck my shit up", learn from it, try again, its character building.
tldr; I guess my point is that its more so character building than skill set building. "Give a man a fish... teach him how to fish..." glhf
give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime
Live an interesting and enriching life and most of it will come naturally, unless you suffer from a legitimate personality disorder.
I'm a volunteer first aid officer at public events which forces me into a lot of weird situations and exposes me to complete strangers regularly. It gives me a lot of funny stories to retell to my mates and has definitely boosted my confidence.
Listen up here, OP. There are a few rules/hints you want to keep in mind:
1. When you're at work, the easiest thing you can talk about, believe it or not, is work. Ask them during your and their breaks if they're alright, or if they feel tired if they seem to be. Ask them what's the matter. Don't don't do it out of the blue though, do it nonchalantly like >ahh you're not looking so hot, tough workload?
2. Don't overstep your boundaries during conversation. There are endearing compliments and there is outright flirting. You want friends, do the former.
3. Actually listen, and maintain eye contact. Follow up with open ended questions so that they may share their opinions. Agree with whatever resonates with you, as people seek validation.
Hope this helps, and remember this: We're all gonna make it brah.
I'm 28 with legit 0 friends. It won't come naturally. I can talk to people just fine without turning in a being of pure spaghetti but I don't know how to approach random people.
That's still just oneitis
>women will never make the first move Hahaha what is this? You must be ugly senpai
Not that guy but I'm a social loser and switched workplaces and found a girl focusing on despite never even held small talk with her. Just hi and bye but I'm not meeting new girls, so I don't know how to overcome it.
>sperg who hates socialising >graduated and got engineering job >desk I'm given happens to be in the sales area so surrounded by guys who chat shit all day long, start to join in >can feel the autism leaving my body over time
I still hate going out with people but at least I can hold a conversation without dropping spaghetti constantly now
just gotta work on being yourself buddy
I used to be quite outgoing, friendly and funny, but dwelling/becoming fixated on my shortcomings made me go cocoon mode . Thing is I've barely achieved anything since doing so and I've lost so much of my social ability. I get so caught up on the fact that I'm shit at everything and this means I can't have a laugh anymore like I once used to be able to.
I'm not half the person I used to be. Not to mention I'm about to graduate with fuck all job prospects available. I don't even believe I can do a job anyways. Is there any hope or should I just kms?
Just be yourself bro.
Thanks, man. You opened my eyes. I've never been myself before.
how do you approach girls at bars and coffee shops? what if they are on their computer or phone, should i interrupt them . or if they are there with a friend?
i really don't know how to sell myself. I'm boring, have nothing really going for me and no ambitions that i think i will be able to achieve
>Just start by practicing talking to people. who can i talk to if i have no friends in the first place?
>bars everyone there is with their friends already, should i, the socially awkward guy with no friends, just interrupt them?
Read Models by Mark Manson. I'm absolutely not a fan of self help books but this really is different (and helpful)
>be me >night auditor at hotel >only employee in the entire building from the hours of 11pm-5am >german girl staying in hotel. 3rd floor >qt3.14. blonde hair blue eyed master race >get a call at the front desk >it's her >she asks me if I have any bandaids at the desk >I tell her I do and offer to bring one up >she agrees >I get to her room >she is wearing the white robes we provide >asks me to put the band-aid on her foot in her cute accent. the cut was near the edge of her back heel and she told me it would be easier if someone else did it >grab her foot and put band aid on >quickly tell her I need to get back to watch the front desk and leave
I feel like such a loser. I could've at least tried to make a move
This video honestly made me view my shyness in a different way and really changed my everyday life, highly recommend.
Look for "Day Bang" by Roosh, I haven't tried it yet but it helps precisely with that situation.
i am myself
Join acting classes, OP. That's the best way to appear more confident and talkative.
>Don't work on just one girl, it's all about numbers. Something that put this in perspective for me was day traders. A good day trader isn't a success 100% of the time, since that is impossible. A good day trader is a successful 55%-70% of the time. Like that one basketball nigger said, you miss every shot you don't take. If you're making 10% of the shots then you're doing it 10% right which is something to work from.
How do I approach grills in a bar correctly? Is talking to a pair in front of the cinema before / after a movie wrong? I'm alone, no friends, no wingman.
The Sun Sets Sail by Rob Gonsalves
who do i talk to practice?
don't think my coworkers want me to talk to them while they're working
How about you delete all these pictures of slutty women off of your phone, get off Veeky Forums and venture off into the world like a normal human being? Eventually you'll become one.
You may not like this answer but it's what you need to do.
Heh. Listen kid, all you need to worry about is avoiding my sharpened blade.
Honesty ly if ur on Veeky Forums, it's better to not talk.
Opening ur mouth so "tfw no gf" can come out is a net negative.
Stop trolling give advice here bro if you wa in his positoon you dont want to heat stupid shit like this.
Where do I find girls that want to hang out other than a disco? I have no social circle.
Nice b8 9k
GO BACK TO 9k
Report this fag for off topic
Pls don't tell an autismo to tell jokes. They're usually bad
I was thinking of doing this the other day. Is bowling a good way to make friends? I'm kinda shit at bowling.
Things happen to you, you're probably just not interested enough to remember. 90% of the conversations I hear are complete garbage, just empty vibrations. Everyone but the dumbest of normies realize that small talk is just a check to make sure the person you're talking to isn't a defective.
give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life
get on tinder dude
OP you have to go out and have experience.
You need to enerate things that will make interesting conversation pieces.
I've noticed myself becoming more boring over the last few years because all I do now is work on the company I started.
what are things i can do to generate experiences?
it seems much more difficult without friends all my coworkers talk about things they do with friends >travel >new restaurants, shows and events >parties with friends the only thing they do alone really is some take classes to learn a new skill
>the only thing they do alone really is some take classes to learn a new skill
Answered your own question, take a class or join a club or sports league for something you know little about but find interesting. You gain social experiences to talk about, actual skill in said activity, and you'll be spending time with other people who you know you have common ground with (you're all interested in X, so that's something to talk about). It's not hard to make at least loose friendships that way. just make sure to follow up, as in ask people for their number or add them on Facebook before the last class is over so you can meet up again, if it goes bad you'll never see those people again so it's ok
just wasted 6 minutes of my life watching this useless video. Thanks user!
how? all it says is shy people think of themselves as different?
that doesn't help me really
other people are different, they are more interesting
go to some anime covention. You can go there alone and even if asked why are you alone you can tell that your friends are not into this sort of things. You can talk about your favorite anime characters with strangers and practice your social skills.
i don't watch anime anymore
and conventions happen like once a year, anything i can do on a regular basis
Copy pasta time
How to get girls as a non autist
First make sure she's a least a tiny bit interested in you physically
Talk to her and make really bad jokes and if she laughs and gets all giddy then shes into you.
Normally i would ask for her number but you might run into this girl again so ask for her fb/snapchat/ig and go from there and escalate that you are open to being more than friends
Fall back if you start getting red flags that she's not into you like that. You don't want to ask her outright and get awkward looks every time you see her at the gym
A lot of girls flirt but have boyfriends or are looking for validation asking for social media and subtlety trying to escalate is better because if you get the impression that she's not into you can just pivot and pretend you were just being friendly and now you have a hot female friend in your social circle who can introduce you to other girls
And besides she's probably still end up fucking you when she breaks up with her boyfriend/starts getting lonely
Warning a lot of women will never tell you about their bf if you do this and you might be a guy she monkey branches with/cheats on with
Again this is good for trying to get with girls you'll probably run into again in the future if you get rejected outright it will make things super weird everytime you see her if she's a rando just get the digits
>t. male slut
who is this?
literally just be yourself
worked for me tbqh
where do i find these girls to talk to?
and more importantly, what do i even say, i don't know how to make jokes
I've of my biggest problems is not knowing what to say
Is it woth befriending women, so that they try to get you to know their single friends? Do they do that?
>make a move is a bit vague. play it cool, build rapport, and sure, you could have talked to her and made sure she felt better/was alright. don't just leap on top of her like a sperg going "I'd like one sekk pls" cuz then you'll get fired.
cons are only good to meet hunnies if you're a) fit/attractive, or b) networked (i.e., you have friends that are girls that know the community)
that said con girls are fucking wild party animals so if you have both a) and b) then you're fucking minted
I'm like most of you lonely autists but I force myself to go to a couple local bars and a pool hall on the weekends After a few times of small talking with the bartenders they all "know" me and look out for me, which is important because the only people you will run into every time you go to a bar is the staff. I sit there, or play pool, and drink my drinks until I'm friendly, and 100% of the time a qt will walk up to order, or a group of a couple decent dudes, or a friendly older couple that's reliving their college days, and I shoot the shit with them about whatever they want to talk about, because like OP not much happens in my daily life, but other people love to talk about themselves and I usually know at least a little about whatever they're talking about. If the conversation fizzles out, or the qt has to go meet up with her friends, or whatever happens to end the exchange I just rinse and repeat until someone decent says "hey you should come sit with us" or "we're heading over to blah blah blah you should come!" I understand this probably won't work for some of you uglier fatter guys, but if you're at least like a 6 and can pretend to be outgoing I recommend this. I've had about 15 one night stands doing this, and could have had a lot more if I had the desire, just by being casual and putting myself out there
>how do i become confident and talkative, and not a boring loser like i am?
Go out and actually do stuff. Even if it's something that you think you might not like, go anyways because at least you'll be able to make a story out of it.
Secondly, participate in functions that your company has and take part in whatever extra curricular groups they have. This will get you to interact with your coworkers more and make more friends.
If all you do is lift weights, play vidya and watch anime during your time off, then of course you'll be boring and non-talkative because you'll have nothing to talk about!
I wanna go out and do stuff. So I go to the cinema tomorrow. I have a downtime from 1 1/2 hours between the movies. It's a big city, so there are tons of bars within the area. Should I just go to one? But I most likely will just enter and be competely alone all the time.
thsoe are full of fat people. Fat people get fat because they're boring.
Don't just go to a bar alone to drink. Go with the intention of trying to interact with somebody like playing pool or something. I would avoid going to bars if you're trying to become more talkative and go to a festival or local event instead.
There's also a meetup app that's useful in bringing open minded people together that worked for me when I was living on my own. I joined a volleyball meetup group and had sex with two people from there and the people were all nice.