Of all the jokes of history, is there any funnier than the British Empire?

Of all the jokes of history, is there any funnier than the British Empire?

Easy
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They seemed a remarkably paper tiger when a serious land war broke out. During the Crimean War, the undistracted capabilities of the British Army amounted to 200,000 troops in Crimea. In WW1, they had France and Russia doing the majority of the fighting against the Central Powers, even though Germany was on-paper much weaker than Britain. In WW2, the Germans casually bitch-slapped them off the continent and the Japanese captured significant portions of their empire with a tertiary force on a shoestring budget, and it wasn't until they were infused with massive American assistance that they were able to score any notable land victories. Even then, the vast majority of heavy lifting was done by other countries.

>Be American Empire
>Be at absolute height of your power
>Lose to rice farmers in Vietnam
>Fail to defeat rice farmers in Korea
>Only beat rice farmers in Japan with a massive bomb

>American "Empire"
>no African territory

That's not an empire, it's a trade co-op with a military.

>American ""empire""

good meme

this

>all of south/latin america as ours
i get the point but theres alot of pro vatnik governments there

There is no American Empire, please stop

hush now vladimir, go back to slep

The French Empire

>island country with mighty navy and massive trading posts around the world has small army

gee i wonder why

British history is pretty funny as a whole

Monroe Doctrine is a meme.
From 1825 to 1945 the Royal Navy controlled the seas and protected South America's independence, not USA.

The British also invaded and blockaded Argentina after the Monroe Doctrine was proclaimed without the USA doing anything about it, and the French invaded Mexico and again USA did nothing.

USA only became capable of enforcing the Monroe Doctrine after 1945. And today with Trump in office I'm not sure it would be enforced.

Holy fuck you must be retarded. But i'm gonna seriously answer, because i am bored

>Crimean war
First war with telegraphs and shit, and a prime example of how logistics can fuck up your military. There were lot of misheard orders, badly delivered messages etc, which fucked up everything and not just for Brits, though it was most remarkable there. The casualties sustained there were just a byproduct of introducing a new system of leading war.

>WW1
Britain is a NAVAL power. It was doing NAVAL combat.

>WW2
...
i wanted to seriously answer, but this is just too retarded.

In WWI pretty much single handily starved the Germans into submission while still beating the Germans on the while the French were mutinying.

>britannia rules the waves
>royal navy gets btfo'd by japs using ww1 vintage boats and spends most of the war by being unable to sink one german battleship sitting in a fjord

>It was doing NAVAL combat.

So sailed around and did nothing while its German counterpart sat in harbor and rusted away?

The mate the German civilians just decided to stave themselves for a laugh

The fuck is that second pic supposed to illustrate?

1945 might be a little late.

1915 or 1916 would be more fitting desu.

>Iran
>American Empire
nigga what

>Britain is a NAVAL power. It was doing NAVAL combat.

That's the issue
Britain LARPed as a superpower when they were just a naval power useless on the land akin to the Dutch in the 17th century

Yeah because land is what connects all the continents and all the trade roads, controlling sea is basically useless amirite?

It's bait, don't expect it to make sense.

>>royal navy gets btfo'd by japs using ww1 vintage boats
But it was the Royal navy using vintage ww1 boats. Other than the Prince of Wales all the new ships were in the Atlantic or Mediterranean. There was also a severe shortage of aircraft and it was usually outdated.

If you're not marching 100s of thousands of men to their deaths to win 20 square miles of worthless land then you're a meme

The plan always was to get European countries to do the actual fighting, France just kept letting us down.

If only most of the world's resources, population, and arable land situated on some kind world island formed from 2 massive continents trying to become a supercontinent or something.

France basically stood alone on the Western Front against numerically superior Germans until late 1916
It's pathetic that a country that called itself a superpower couldnt fully take part in a war it had joined until two years had passed

Britain was never a superpower like America is right now
That's the sad truth

French believed in that Britain would actually help them and paid the price for that mistake.

Of course they didn't learn anything from it and made the exact same mistake during the 2nd kraut chimpout.

Except ofcouse almost single handily starving the Germans of supplied and beating the Germans on land when Kitchener's army arrived, Just because the French are retarded enough to march endless waves of men towards German machine guns doesn't mean you're anymore noble or brave it just means you're morons that got bled white.

>Britain was never a superpower like America is right now
Totally. I mean, why didn't Rome just nuke Carthage while we're at it?

I wish flags existed on Veeky Forums so we could see how your country compares to this rainy piece of shit island in terms of how much we've influenced the world.

What a bunch of naive fucks
How could they do such a mistake after a millenium of dealing with perfudous albion

>beating the Germans on land when Kitchener's army arrived

That is funny way to spell "committed treason and fraternized with the enemy in masses".

That happened in 1914 and the French did it too. Dumb Yank.

One really shouldn't ally with a nation lead by krauts and kraut sympathizers when the enemy you're expecting to fight against is Germany.

There was; it was diagnosed with terminal cancer on September 11th 2001 and passed away on December 18th, 2011

How come only the Irish realize that the eternal Anglo and the eternal Teuton are one in the same?

>this is what frogs actually believe

Just because your retarded commanded ordered your men to endlessly walk into machine gun fire at Verdun doesn't mean you did more to win the war, you don't win the war by catching German bullets Muhammad.

>spends most of the war by being unable to sink one german battleship sitting in a fjord
by that point it was the only significant naval unit in europe that the british hadnt either sunk or had surrender to them, or otherwise rendered hors de combat

>Alexander the Great
Absolutely conquered them, then the Bactrian state withered away
>Mughal Empire
Really, Afghanistan defeated the Mughal empire?

the american empire wouldn't exist with the eternal anglo

there never was an american empire you cynical faggot

The American Empire is the continuation of the British Empire, dumbass.

We didn't lose, we pulled out.
The Vietnamese lost.

It's just a term used because of America's power, land, and influence putting it on the equivalent level of many Empires of old.

america's land hasn't changed since the 19th century

>we pulled out

because you didn't win.

the US intervened to prop up the south vietnamese government. it failed to do so and gave up

You seem to have a clear bias against Britain

We pulled out because of hippies.

Losing a domestic political conflict against bunch of LSD addicted STDs cesspits is even worse than losing a military one against bunch of zipperheads armed with AKs.

^this

Please shut the fuck up, while Britain was somewhat succesfully fighting a war thousands of Kilometres away from home with it's tiny ass domestic army utilizing new crude telegraph technology your country was spending 5 years and hundreds of thousands of men and equipment failing to suppress a riot of inbred rednecks.

>
>high level of discourse
Oh well, why bother, he's an anglo.

>literally typing in English

>in American

Ftfy

test

>America is literally an English colony
Fuck off, German diaspora.
America is British, culturally, linguistically, and racially. Or, at least, we have the largest minority, at something like 20%.

t. proud English diaspora

Large-scale exposure to the horrors and trials of modern war during America's Civil War ensured the country was better prepared both militarily and strategically for it than anywhere in continental Europe.

>larping americans pretend they had an empire too

Oh my

lol

You have no idea what you're talking about

The civil war was a backwards war

I can only imagine how hard the American army would've been mopped-the-floor with if it had to fight a war with a European army given how hard-fucked it got by a pack of inbred rednecks using an army supplemented by Europeans and niggers.

>American empire
More like american hegemony

Mughal Empire started from Afghanistan.

Yeah, so another proof the British empire was actually weak as fuck ?

It makes me laugh how salty the Yanks and Frogs on this board are about the British Empire.

Suck it up, lads.

>Be British Empire
>Have modern army with cannons, cavalry and gatling guns
>Lose to bunch of niggers from Africa, armed with spears and straw shields

>Eritrea

>part of the british empire

What

Nixon managed to end the war with an independent South Vietnam. The Democratic Congress under Ford however cast South Vietnam aside

It was a cut your nose to spite your face moment

>Be America
>Be at absolute height of power
>The literal pinnacle of military and economic power
>defeat communist the only other super power in history
>19 Pakis inflict more psychological damage than the entire Japanese fleet
History is the most simultaneously retarded and epic story.

Not all Yanks.

you literally can't be addicted to lsd
that's not a thing

that's dumb

It's true.

not really. america and britain are really only superficially similar in terms of culture and linguistics. same goes with race, as pretty much every american that can trace their blood back to english colonists can also find natives, and/or later immigrants (like polacks or irish) in their ancestory.

All Brits are genetically similar enough that, if you teach 'em English, their kids'll be English.

And no, our cultures are not only superficially similar.
Maine culture, for example, is probably closer to English culture than to, say, Texan culture.

>Only beat rice farmers in Japan with a massive bomb

Not true, America had already won and was firebombing the shit out of Japan. The nukes were because
>didn't want to engage in a potentially costly and drawn-out land war
>wanted to brag to the rest of the world that America had nukes

Also lost to China

Of course the US are an empire
-leading military
-most important currency
-dominant language
-dominant culture
-vassal states
-biggest economy
- and of course they are the good guys and morally superior.

Their enemies are always evil, barbarians and/or terrorists

>I don't have a single fact or argument to back up my claims but I need to tell you how triggered I am

Gotcha.

What you have done there is describe 95% of Veeky Forums no other country on this board can extract salt on such a level as Britain.

Are you retarded?

If you need to engage in a costly and drawn-out land war then you're not winning.

>a Brit using Muhammad to refer to French people

is this bait?

But you literally can. It's just psychological dependence, not physical.

US

France has a higher muslim population than Britain. He could also be from Scotland or Wales.

NATO is essentially the Delian League in a modernized form. All the other members rely on the US militarily, USA exercises authority throughout its sphere.

While previous administrations were content with the mere fact of submission, Trump has been calling for the allies to pay tribute for their protection. Could this cause the EU to become comparable to the Peloponnesian League?

>French soldier literally stabbed today by a muzzie

lmao, France is a mess

Why is Veeky Forums so eternally salty about the British?

>December 18th, 2011
What happened here?

Iraq withdrawal

>The United "the somme" Kingdom is complaining about other nations having costly offensive tactics
honhonhon, at least France didn't take 6,0000 casualties to 12,000 enemy casualties while her ally did most of the work like the British did at the Somme on the first day

And?