Redpill me on italian history, i don't know shit about my ancestors

>hey look at me guys i'm retarded

first rome happened then italy became disunited and no one gives a shit about it aside from the pope until it unified in 1870 and even then not that many people cared about it and its generally a completely unimportant player in european politics and is generally incompetent

oh also like 90% of northern italy is righteous french clay and south italy is spanish clay so it really shouldnt even exist

I'm loving the pasta rage in this thread

Im not a pasta dude, dont get mad at people calling you out for being an ignorant on a history board

ok ok the venitians (who were basically crypto-french) werent as utterly incompetent as the rest of the penninsula

he could at least make it funny

Honestly, I'm more just goofing around than being serious. But seriously, what did the Italians really accomplish after the Romans aside from a few scientists and philosophers?

Let me guess, you think HREcucks had any real power over the Italian city-states, right? And you aren't aware they became the wealthiest and most developed part of Europe in the 12th century along with the ERE, right?

as do we all, ultimately. that's really a pointless thin to say.

"no"

They made immeasurable contributions to Western aesthetics.

Made top quality full-plate armors that were superior and more aesthetic to Germcuck armor.

Etruscans and Latins hate fuck each other. Ancient Rome ensues. Goths come in and destroy everything. Meanwhile the Christian church grows. There's a bunch of schisms between the east and west christian sects, as well as south and north. Renaissance ensues. Italy stops being important for a bit, then its unified. Italy joins Germany and Austria in a defensive pact before WW1 only to end up joining the allies. Mussolini comes in, makes Italy fascist. He joins Germany and Japan in WW2 but Mussolini is overthrown and Italy joins the allies. Italians comes en masse to the United States where they become guidos and form the mafia.

>believing in the Hollywood Italian mafia meme
>doesn't know it was just a coverup for the Jewish mafia

Also, Italian immigrants in the US were all poor terroni from Sicily, Campania and alike. Not the best kind of Italians. Still, they weren't all criminal monsters like Jews like to portray them as.

they're a bunch of niggers that blew their wad 2 thousand years ago

>da jooz

go back

t. Schlomo: youtube.com/watch?v=y3GMDcFOq0g

>voltaireposting
You are aware he's a joke right? As in, nobody past middle school takes him seriously, much less academic circles?

...

t. hreboo

Voltaire is taken exactly as he should. He wasnt a philosopher, just a man of letters that liked to piss off people.

voltaire was literally the bill nye the science guy or any other public """intellectual""" of his time. he was even a popularizer of newton.

He's right tho

Ukrainian mob was/is flooded with kikes too

>the cover up
>Boardwalk Empire, Once Upon A Time In America, etc. feature prominent Jewish mobsters

hmmm

Veeky Forums is full of uneducated anglos and amerilards who think that a bunch of poor military performances after the unification nullify a millennium of cultural accomplishments.

>Italian
>history
kill yourself

If you're from North of Rome, congratulations you are a Lombard rape baby and have stronk Germanic (Lombard) blood running through your veins. To you belongs the proud heritage of the merchant princes of Pisa, Genoa, and Venice.

If you're from the South, you're a Muslim Berber rape baby.

>Tfw irrelevant Sardinian

Highly complex, very regionally based, Rome

Basically you're going to be doing a lot of reading if you want to know about Italy.

pasta, mario and that guy with a big nose ruling over the romantic empire

>You will never live a simple comfy live as a bronze smith in a Nuraghe.

Give me a rundown on the fine Sicilian History

You literally don't know shit about genetics. Germanic admixture barely reaches 2% in Lombardy.

/our guy/ uncle Benito did nothing wrong (except trust the eternal kraut)

Rome is pretty damn awesome, obviously.
The Church, not so much.
The Renaissance is interesting, a lot of groundbreaking art and science.
Unification is fascinating. Garibaldi was a fascinating figure and worth studying a bit.

Why does Veeky Forums has so many butthurt envious snowniggers? Please stay on /pol/. You're a cancer. The Italian peninsula has the strongest continuity of accomplishments through the ages. You can't stay at the top all the time considering the cyclical nature of civilization, yet they were still able to overcome that to some extent.

You can't stop Pan-Germania.

>considering the cyclical nature of civilization
>he believes in a cyclical theory of history

laughingsluts.jpg

>being "progressive"
you are a laughing slut

Italian history begins in 1861 when the general Digestive Garibaldi liberated lombardi from the austrian empire on behalf of the first king of italy, thus forming the kingdom of italy, the first time the entire italian peninsula was ever unified as a nation state.

Following that, they fought on both sides of both world wars, then more recently Emperor Biscuit Burlesconi filled the entire parliamentary house with prostitutes, leading to a crap stand up comic becoming president while it turned out that prostitutes are surprisingly good ministers due to their experience running their own private businesses.

Rome fell after successive German invasions.
Lombardy named for tribe which took over northern Italy and corrupted Latin, turning the first cog towards modern Italian.
Southern Italy a see-saw battleground between popes, petty princes and the Byzantine Empire, North flows with ever changing "Dark Ages" power structure.
North eventually part of Charlemagne's "H"R"E"
Triangle of power struggle between new Norman Kingdom in the south, a now city or two Byzantine grip there also, and the growing power of the northern cities (eternal sea-Jew the biggest entity) and the Emperor.
After France chases away the Eternal Anglo, its power in the south increases and by the time of Charles VII Hapsburg, is constantly a presence in inter-city struggles and Papal assholery
Hapsburgs lose a lot, only have Austria, after they chase the Turk to the Danube and claim Hungary, they have similar presence in the East as France does in the west
Millions die in Southern Germany and Northern Italy because of this between 1600 and 1800
By this time Ottoman control over the East Mediterranean depletes the trading cities coffers, as well as the deaths.
Concert of Europe shits on Italy bigtime, Venice basin goes to Austria, France gets hegemony over the Pope.
Alliance with Prussia ensures oldest house in Europe becomes King in a messy, fateful unification.
Steady decline into mockery since.

sardinians are pretty cool. I don't know too much about them but sard is one of the closest modern languages to latin I believe.

They wuz roman n shiet in ancient time
Then they became irrelevant until the 16th century
In the 16th century, France, Spain and the HRE fought to know who would rule over these weak fuckers
Spain (which was ruled by an Austrian dude) won and got to rule over them
Then it was transfered to Austria because of Habsburg family stuff
Then the French Revolutionary Army under Napoleon kicked the Austrians and ruled the place for two decades
After Napoleon's fall, the Austrians took it back until France under Napoleon III liberated Italy in 1861, thus allowing Italians not to be ruled by foreign overlords for the first time since the 1500s
Now a free nation, Italians kept getting humiliated in various wars (Ethiopia, WW1, WW2)

Tl:dr: An extremely pathetic nation that has been constantly under foreign occupation by various countries from the early 1500s to 1861
Let that fucking sink
We make fun of France for 4 years, we make fun of Poland for a century, but Italy has been the bitch of foreign powers for over 300 fucking years

>Expecting decency from the Eternal Teuton

see

It's funny. When you account all Italian explorers, generals, holy men, craftsmen etc you realize that Italians never stopped being relevant.

If you're American they're probably Sicilian or somewhere in souther Italy.

Sicilians WUZ GREEKS N NORMANS
Central and Southern Italians WUZ ITALIC N ETRUSCANS
Northern Italians WUZ ETRUSCANS N GAULS N LOMBARDS

>venitians (who were basically crypto-french)

Pls tell me more you've triggred my interest as a Frog

errrr