Your "god" transports you back in time to the year 1314, somewhere south of the Alps in Europe. You have the same body...

Your "god" transports you back in time to the year 1314, somewhere south of the Alps in Europe. You have the same body, skills, memories you always did.

So what're you gonna do? Try and live your life in this time or keep being a faggot?

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I would be killed as a Mongol spy.

Go fight for the English and do my best to help them win

I know how to speak spanish, but I don't know how far modern day spanish can get me in this era.

I'd probably journey east towards asia or the middle east in search of cannabis. I'm sure people in Europe in this year aren't even aware of weed, much less getting stoned, so I'd probably have to travel to find it.

I'd pretty much travel, hunting and maybe robbing and stealing from small villages as well if I don't get caught trying to make my way to the asia or the middle east in search of the weed plant. Along my travels I'd craft a chillum pipe out of clay for when I finally do find weed.

My life would just be one big journey to find marijuana in medieval times. I wonder if I'd make it.

pic related would be me in 1314

Damn that would be awesome assuming I don't die I'll find my way to the Americas and warn them

Kill atheism by telling the future.

I'll create a new mythology with Hitler as Woden returning and /pol/ being the collective consciousness of good and Veeky Forumsn'Reddit being the collective consciousness of evil. Good is led by Hitler and his Aryan army, evil is led by Karl Marx and black 'people'.
I shall write these, seal them in a tomb until the year 2017.

>Donald Trump is the physical manifestation of Zeus

too bad this post ruined any chance of it working

>Thirty years before the Black Death

hitch a ride to Greenland

warn them about what

White people

Invent a timemachine, go back to the present, load up on machine guns, then go back to 1314 and machine gun the fuck out of everyone I meet.

Don't forget to quick save

But you could get hemp in Europe from an alchemist. It was a known medicinal substance since Roman times and written about.

Yeah but does it contain THC or is it just the CBD crap? I wanna get STONED son

You would have no tobacco or paper. That means no spliffs, blunts, or joints. You'd have to make your own pipe.

I said in my earlier post I'd craft a chillum pipe out of clay. It's how ancient monks used to smoke and shit.

So would the shit I could buy from an alchemist be like smokeable weed? That would mean I would have to hustle up some cash in this era too.

It would be smokeable, but probably pretty bad weed by modern standards.

Yeah, like it'd be worse than ditch weed. You could become the first marijuana horticulturalist tho. Just say RIP to those lungs.

OP said 1314, they wouldn't want to hear that pagan nonsense.

As long as you have the seeds you could start growing weed. Then grow increasingly stronger strains but that'll take a while. Then you'll really have the OG kush

Cannabis was already being bred for THC by 1314, just not in Europe. You'd want to hitch a ride to India or Baghdad.

Would any dukes or lords fuck with me if i started growing weed outdoors? I don't have the technology for an indoor grow in the 14th century.

Since weed isn't illegal and shit

If you're growing it on his land, you owe rents and labor.

Nobody would care about your hemp farm as long as it's on your land.

Nobody would give a fuck as long as you could pay for the right to work the land. But that's going to be a pretty big hurdle, since it means your first crop would have to be a financial success and basically nobody was smoking weed yet in Europe at that time.

You'll probably end up as a landless hobo wandering around with a huge sack full of weed.

It's gonna be on someone's land. If it's arable land, it belongs to someone. And you're gonna pay for the right to farm that land.

So like your average Californian?

You'll more than likely be a peasant and never own land.
No that's the average Coloradan

>gets peasant and serf mixed up
Off yourself.

Guess I'd just ditch the farming idea and make my way towards India in search of good quality dank instead of inferior european alchemist dirt weed.

I'd probably make money by stealing or odd jobs using my modern-day spanish to get around if I can get around at all.

Make it to France or England where I can at least understand someone.

Tip my fedora and scream "You've set me up, Being X!"

>England
English back then sounded like
youtube.com/watch?v=VplHUpcukmc

I'd probably try to teach people about the future and then get executed by the church for blasphemy.

Better shot than sticking around the Alps.

Introduce four-field crop rotation and guns :^)

You'd be talking to the church. That's were educated people who would give a damn about what you had to say would be.

>no Veeky Forums

Why live

You remember 8th grade history

so you just add an e at the end of every other word, what could go wrong?

hope you're muslim because if you thought baghdad was a bad option i've got some bad news...

Read Timeline by Michael Crichton and check out the words and phrases being used. I thought it'd be pretty simple but it turns out that the language is just completely arsefucked and I'd have no idea what I'm saying.

Imagine English 100 years from now it'll probably be only emojis

I'd find my way to England and try to warn them about the black death/teach them what I know of the importance of hygiene and sanitation in preventing disease. Essentially I'd do everything I could to kick-start an early revolution in medicine.

Thoughts:
- Likely to be seen as insane - can you imagine approaching a farmer and trying to explain to them that you're from nearly a millennia in the future? Even if they spoke English they would barely be able to understand you if at all.
- Probably would be burned at the stake?
- Would you be susceptible to commonplace diseases at the time?

Any of us, once we get past the communications barrier, would be looked at as some weird warlock. Knowledge that we take for granted would be seen as wizardry. If we don't keep a low profile, some kings may want to use us as advisors, base education on us or whatever. The church would try to kill us probably, as their entire pre-reformation history is about maintaining a monopoly over these kinds of services.

I happen to be a multiracial with Asiatic features so I would be some type of mystic.

How would we even convince anybody in 1314 Europe that we're from the future?

I mean, aside from the way we speak and possibly clothing if we get transported with that we have no proof we're from the future. We're just weird tall people with bizarre speech patterns to them.

Even with our knowledge of the coming black death, it's not for another 30 years. So unless you specifically know events happening shortly after 1314, nobody's gonna believe you're some mystic or warlock.

You'd just be a larger than average person who sounds weird/retarded and probably homeless.

Dude that shit is far easier to accomplish today than back then.

Back then even people from the neighboring village were considered enemies and beaten up, let alone a fucking stranger who looks totally different and doesn't speak the language.

They would probably immediately burn you on the stake. And if they caught you stealing they would chop your hand off.

You couldn't travel fucking anywhere unless the king got your ass and you are surrounded by 30 well-armed soldiers.

except you can read/write, know history, can do maths and if you are not an utter pleb you could quickly find a way to demonstrate some piece of natural science knowledge they have no idea about yet.

So there were no lone traveling monks back then or some shit?

I'd travel to England and try to give them an edge over the rest of Europe. Somehow. Maybe give us a kickstart on colonisation.

>black guys in the 1300s

They'll either think I'm a black Moor and kill me on the spot, or...

Actually, I've got nothing.

>become apprentice to local glassblower
>learn how to make lightbulbs
>invent electricity
>build generator in my room at the glassblower's place
>make mad bucks from installing electrical wires and selling lightbulbs to locals
>buy property
>invent metric system
>hire workers and teach them how to produce bricks with mm precision
>build metal foundry and factory
>hire gunsmiths and teach them how to produce guns and cannons with mm precision using metric system
>invent semi-automatic guns
>invent sniper rifle
>invent plastic
>invent internal combustion engine
>produce tanks in factory
>invent body building and fitness nutrition
>invent tractor
>continue making mad bucks
>buy lands and harvest mad amounts of crops thanks to insane efficiency from tractors
>hire local tough guys to be my security guards
>make detailed fitness program for them
>start collecting a 20% sales tax from local enterprises in favor of protecting them from the state's taxmen and bandits
>start local empire with modern weaponry and soldiers who are leagues stronger and more agile than the average soldier at the time
>oversee everything happening in empire, but let private businesses compete with each other
>hire workers who have proven themselves to build roads to my specifications
>hire smart people and create intellectual elite which will help me in modernizing my empire
>take over europe
>modernize christianity through pressure on the vatican
>modernize forts and castles, reinforce southern borders
>conquer the middle east and replace islam with christianity
>invent planes
>discover america
>colonize america
>skip the importing slaves part, make america a whites only country
>create ancap society
>create american constitution that explicitly says communists niggers and shitskins don't count as people, and are therefore not protected by the NAP
>invent the camera and keep accurate records of everything, so future generations know exactly what went down

Monks with language skills, knowledge of the customs, knowledge of geography, maybe some connections to other monks/churches.

Nobody would believe that you're a monk, unless you could cite the bible in their native language and not only any bible but their version of the bible.

Well maybe it is possible that you could convince them that you're from an exotic land and your ship crashed or some shit, but since the geography was well known I even doubt it. A soon as they forced you to show them your place on the map you would be in trouble.

>pass myself as a traveling merchant from arabia (i'm black but light enough to where someone 700years ago would be fooled)
>find a place to stay as i get ready to travel the world
>a few days later many people in the town get really sick
>oh shit it's the plague
>wait that's not for a good 30 years
>slip out of town to avoid suspicion
>not trying to get killed yet
>go to another town and the same shit happens
>leave to another and it happens again
>realize that the sicknesses i'm carrying are much worse than what they're used to because of vaccines and shit
>mfw i may have killed humanity

I would tell them I'm from a land that isn't on their map and I'm just traveling the land in search of cannabis.

You can't read or write Latin, which is the only language that matters, much less Greek, you probably haven't read any Caesar, Cicero, Augustine, Aristotle, Plato, the Bible, or any of the other important works. You probably don't know feast days. You probably don't remember high school chemistry or physics or even biology. You don't know which plants are poisonous and which aren't. You don't know how to set a trap, and if you do, you don't know if you won't be hanged for poaching. You don't know what thunderstone is or coke. You don't know shit. You're fucking fucked.

>mfw you actually ARE the black plague in history that happened because "being X" sent you back in time to the 14th century
>30 years after you're sent back in the 14th century, the diseases you've spread become a full on plague
>you know this and go back in time anyways like Bruce Willis in 12 monkeys

Twilight Zone episode material

But I do remember a lot of biology. And other shit as well. And I can read Latin with a sloppy pronounciation. It's just the letters. We'd be enough of an enigma for them for word to spread to someone important, after which the church would probably off us if they could.

They'd think you were black, that doesn't mean they'd just kill you.

Would I have to make it 100% clear that I'm not Muslim then?

Not really.

Being black might even be a plus, since it's a proof that you are very exotic and not a spy for their neighboring rivals.

Being a muslim wouldn't get you killed, either. Muslims visited Europe, as merchants for the most part, and weren't just slaughtered on sight.

> I'd probably journey east towards asia or the middle east in search of cannabis.

So you would leave the only place on Earth where slavery is basically illegal to another place where mass slave trade would likely see you end up a slave.

Interesting strategy Jim.

Cuck all modern day theorists by writing down their theories before them and become known as the smartest man to ever live

Like your idea

fuck off facebook shitstain

Join the ottoman beylik obviously.
Also none of the other languages I know will be understood by the people of the tome so maybe turkish will manage.

>tfw to much of a layman to utilise any of my knowledge effectively in the middle ages
I could make a lot of wild claims but I couldn't back up any of them

body build and train in combat like a mother fuck, build a sick house and a sick collective and have a merry fucking life

and breed every female thereafter

1314. First and foremost prepare for the famine of 1315-1322. Make a fortune off it.

Second of all use my knowledge to start bringing industrialization to the world.

3rd of all see how far this can take me. Maybe try to mount and blade this shit only with basic understanding of future tech and how to avoid the black death.

>tfw can speak Old norse but am 1000 miles too far south to use it

>be me
>1314
>invent """electricity"""
>get rich
>buy land and slaves
>do experiments on said slaves
>do drugs
>die of overdosing
>live in history books

dubs and I agree

*executed for heresy*

How would you get the wiring material? Also remember to teach them basic hygiene

Iceland? Faroese?

i would proclaim myself as the emperor of the holy alpine empire

Steps to become a European Emperor:
1. Be powerful enough to claim the Roman imperial legacy
2. Go to the Pope and tell him you'll help defend the Church and her interests if he gives you the Imperium and crowns you
3. Be the Pope's bitch boy and pray you don't get a Commodus or Carlos II as a son

That's why Europeans kings with imperial claim couldn't declare themselves Emperors in Europe but they were able to form imperial titles from their foreign holdings, like Elizabeth's Empress of India. The Germans and the Austrians both convinced themselves they were continuing the HRE. Russians thought they were the successor to Byzantium.

this

After finding someone to teach me the necessary language skills and customs, I imagine I would build a hot air balloon and sell it to a kingdom as a reconnaissance tool. Then gradually build up to bigger and more complex flying machines. Powered flight is probably too difficult to achieve; given the available materials and manufacturing methods of the time, an internal combustion engine that is both light and powerful enough to use on an airplane is likely impossible. Still, a balloon or glider would probably be enough to earn me respect, which I can then use to avoid some of the meaner aspects of Medieval life.

I have acute bronchitis right now and am on anitbiotics so I guess since now that I'm homeless, can't speak Italian, modern English isn't a thing and in I'm 1314 I fucking get pneumonia and die.

i'd love to be a blacksmith

Stop getting your opinions from Monthy Python you fucking retard.

>people would burn any wanderer at the stake just for being a stranger
Yeah right, GTFO.

you feign illiteracy, join the church and learn latin. simple. Literacy in Latin was never common for the adult population. life as a monk in this age was so boss pretending to love god is an easy ride. You could be edgy and make prophesies about the shit that's going down in a year or thirty too.

>boo hoo I can't fuck anybody

You can't fuck anybody now.

>you probably haven't read any Caesar, Cicero, Augustine, Aristotle, Plato, the Bible

what type of unwashed pleb do you take me for

I liked that book.