Tfw spent the last 4 hours looking up painless suicide methods on random online forums when I could have been spending...

>tfw spent the last 4 hours looking up painless suicide methods on random online forums when I could have been spending that time doing something productive like starting a business

>Tfw had a 16 hour depression nap, woke up and looked at suicide methods for 2 hours, ordered a pizza and went back to sleep.

>tfw posting from a mental hospital after a suicide attempt

Did u find any useful methods?
If not maybe u can start a company offering painless suicides.

Please send me your bitbean before exiting the market.

I'm a CBT therapist. AMA depressed fags and I'll tell you how to make it.

Dunno if this is depression, but I have come to the conclusion that all actions are meaningless, and as such have limited ambition and no drive to work.

Yes, I know the best way to painlessly kill myself: Nembutal.

helium is the most painless method

Anhedonia, hopelessness, general negative perspective are all symptoms of depression. Google PHQ9 and answer those questions. It's an amazing measure but I bet you score 2-3 on most?

It's NOT an amazing measure*

4 is my score, I'm fairly certain this isn't depression because I don't feel heavy, it's more like I don't care about anything, and am more comfortable observing instead. It might be important to note that I tend to be incredibly non-judgemental.

Apathy

My thoughts are your score is higher than 4 you just don't recognise the symptoms. Which tells me it's possibly dysthymia as people tend to forget what's normal. That said I might be way off the mark. If we were speaking I'd ask you more directly about being comfortable to observe and what it meant to you to tell me you're non-judgemental. If I had to make a wild presumption based on those we might find some social anxiety but I wouldn't be surprised if there isn't as I've got so little info. You'll know if you worry about how people perceive you in social situations (e.g. "What if I sound stupid", "what if I run out of things to say"). But could be anything at this stage and nothing. If you're content with it that's all that matters, becomes problematic if yo want it all To go away.

How much alcohol do I need to make it all go away?

I tend to avoid social situations as I find them pointless. When I am put in social situations I'm curt and to the point most of the time. My appearance is mostly unkempt and I prefer loose clothes so my attire is normally a very loose tank top and shorts with an elastic band. If I have nothing to say I don't force myself to say it.

Why are things meaningless? Because we die or because something about how you do them?

None. We don't even see people who drink excessively because it fucks shit up.

For several reasons. In the first place things only have meaning because someone ascribes it with meaning. I'll give an example with the USD. All a dollar bill is is a piece of weaved cotton with some ink on it, but because people ascribe it with some sense of worth it becomes worth more than a piece of cotton with ink on it. This same concept applies to all facets of humanity, any status symbol is inherently without meaning, and the same for any symbol of poverty. But let's assume that there's something that determines objectively what things are worth. In this case you have to question that something's objectivity, as all objectivity is subjective. Let's now consider that any particular life is quite fragile, and quite short, be it the lifespan of a human or a lifespan of the earth, and as such makes obsessing over small-time issues like that a waste of life. Let's also consider the fact that in a few million years all records of anything humans have ever done will be wiped away due to the sun's expansion, and it's impossible for humans to escape the solar system. And finally, due to the impossibility to prove the supposition, my last argument is that due to the nature of parallel universes any and all outcomes are insured, so worrying about your possibilities seems to be pointless because it's already happened or will happen.

Death by starvation is apparently very comfy and relaxing after you get over the initial excruciating headaches, stomach and muscle pains.

Ok. I can completely see what you mean and I've seen people who think similarly to yourself in the past and all have been young guys. What you've said is true but I guess where the problem lies isn't in what you've said but why you care about that. There's nothing in CBT that tackles that directly, CR obviously will if you can use it properly. But rather than do that I'll just tell you why that doesn't matter to me:
- money is both meaningless and incredibly meaningful. If tomorrow the currency turned into how many ghosts I've seen I'd still play the game. My goal is to achieve. If I start to get caught up in undermining every achievement by telling myself it's meaningless then you can wave good-fucking-bye to that dopamine.
- we know nothing about what's going to happen, we know nothing about anything other than what's happened and what is currently happening. So whatever's here is the most meaningful things we have whether we perceive it as meaningless.
- ultimately it boils down to changing emotion, changing how you feel. Everything is down to that. Tell me one fucking thing in this world isn't driven by changing emotion. So yeah, whether something is meaningless or not is irrelevant, it's whether you care enough to destroy the opportunity to improve how you feel.

Thanks, bought 100k

If I see money as a way to improve my life, whether it is or not, bang the second I get money I'm happy even for a brief moment. If I see money as worthless then I either never try and never get it or when I do get it I feel nothing. If I say working out as meaningless as in 15 years I'll be riddled with shit that'll stop me then yeah I'm going to feel empty as fuck when I'm swole. If I see it as something that makes me superior to others and gives me great health then I'm content, whether it does that or not. Ultimately the only thing you actually get is an emotion. I can't cash in abs or money for anything internal other than feeling good about it.

Well as I've said I don't feel bad, in fact I feel airy headed most of the time. And I've never had a dopamine rush, and I've had some pretty intense workouts.

This may be where we don't see eye to eye. I don't really care about my status. I'm happily willing to admit my proper place in this world is most likely shivering to death in an alley somewhere.

It's hard to convey what I mean over typing but I didn't mean it to come across quite like that. I'm saying things are worthwhile if you see them as that, or they're not and you receive no neurotransmitter reward. Sense of achievement = dopamine, sense of closeness = oxytocin, sense of enjoyment = serotonin (same neurotransmitter SSRIs and SNRIs target), exercise = endorphins. You get a good variety of those senses you're going to be happy. By seeing activities as meaningless you'll receive none. It's that simple. You're obviously accepting of how you feel and I'd be cautious telling you to do anything different if you're content. No point making a problem out of no problem.

So my final statement would be that I have no goals. And no ambition.

And that my friend would be where the solution lies. In fact you'd probably be a perfect candidate for acceptance and commitment therapy. I prefer it over CBT. Because of your level of intelligence and how you see things it won't come unless you make the effort. People who tend not to be smart enough to think about things the way you do will often see quicker gains because they just trust us and do it. Others need some persuading. And people like yourself need to arrive there themselves.