If you could bang one historical figure, who would it be?

>tfw youll never have strong warrior gf to sit on your face and call you her bon garçon

patrician taste

I'd just rape Boudicca to be honest.

>no Anne Frank

My mom who passed in '91, she was pretty hot

Queen of Sheba, but only if she converts to christianity first and legally marries me.

Caligula.

[spoiler]I'd rape Mary[/spoiler]

JFK, no homo

Pics with a written time stamp next to them? Also name to verify?

>ywn be alone with her in the attic when she can't scream because the nazis are just outside
Inb4 not historical.

*fapping intensifies*

Can't do that because I made it up

I am genuinely in love with Anne Frank. She was beautiful, witty, and graceful young woman whose light was snuffed out far too early.

I frequently fantasize about being Peter van Pels hiding with her.

Oh god, just imagine deflowering that sweet girl on a lazy Amsterdam afternoon, lying and learn what each other's bodies were for.

Now imagine nine months later, she's got a massive bulging stomach from carrying your child inside of her and it seems like she’s gonna pop any moment now. Her popped belly button makes it look like she's got a giant third boob where her stomach once was. She waddles around and can barely move half of the time. She's developed an insatiable craving for your dick and you've likewise developed a taste for her pussy. You’re both cooped up in an attic all day have nothing better to do besides fuck like an unsustainable third world population. You lie down on your back, she strips off her almost comically too small clothes and kneels on top of you. She grabs a hold of your rock hard cock, inserts it deep inside of her, and begins to ride you like a stallion. You feel the pressure from her incredible weight and huge round belly bearing down on you but the indescribable pleasure of her tight pussy throbbing on you cock negates any discomfort. You sink into her beautiful soul, into that secret place where no one dares to go. After 30 minutes, you and her are both moaning with ever greater intensity, you know it won't be long now. Suddenly, you feel your cock shaking like a V-2 rocket and the orgasm reaches it's climax as your cum literally explodes like an 88mm AT round inside her Sherman tank, blowing the turret right off. You and her join as one, souls screaming from the sheer ecstasy. As the elation wears off, she lies next to you. Too exhausted to do anything else, you simply hold her in your embrace. In that moment, there is no family squabbles, no Nazis, no war. Just you and her, watching the sky turn pink as the sun sets.

You dream of the beautiful face you have found in this place. So soft and sweet.

One day you will both die and your ashes will fly from an aeroplane over the sea.
But for now you are young and all you want is lay in the sun, and count every beautiful thing you can see. Love to be in the arms of all you’re keeping here with you.

What a beautiful dream that could flash on the screen in a blink of an eye

Suddenly, you awaken from your slumber to the sound of a bloodcurdling scream. You open your eyes to darkness, it takes a split second for your vision to readjust. You feel lonely and cold. Another shriek knocks you back into reality. Anne sitting next to you, clutching her belly, face contorted from pain. A foul smelling fluid lies pooled on the floor around her mid-section. Your hot dirty fuckfest has brought on labor. she cries your name, begging for help, begging for you. The noise. She’s louder than a line of Louisiana Tigers giving the Rebel Yell right now. You raise your finger to your lips to tell her to be quiet. But the agony is too much for her to bear. You’ve got to do something or else it will awaken the entire neighborhood and with it, the Nazis. Suddenly you remember the bulge in your pants. You’ve got morning wood. It’s not the best gag, but it will have to do. You stand up, squat like a slav, using her belly as an impromptu stool, grab your still cum-crusted cock, and shove it right inside her mouth. At first, she tries to scream even louder in surprise, but your circumcised 100% Kosher dong blocks her windpipe, reducing her screams to a barely audible gurgle. Suffering from unbearable pain, she bites down on her your meat with each contraction. Now you’e in pain too. With each contraction, she bites down harder, it feels like she’s gonna tear your cock right off. Eventually, the pain subsides for her and she doesn’t bite down as much. Now it seems almost as if she’s starting to enjoy it. You can feel your child kick on your testicles. Clearly it’s excited too. Suddenly, your cock starts to shake like a V-2 again, you pull it out of her mouth just in time. You bust your steaming hot and sticky load, blanketing her like an incendiary carpetbombing of Dresden. Semen stains her mountaintops (all three of them), along with her hair and most of her face. She quietly giggles from the ironic amusement of it all. You giggle too.

Then a look of sharp pain shoot across her face. She’s having your baby. You wish you could bear all the pain for her, but all you can do is sit and watch. You look down at her vulva, still oozing with cum from that great fucking you gave her a few hours ago. You can see a head of black hair poking out. You fear that she’s gonna start screaming again, much to your relief, it seems that she’s gotten better control of the pain, thanks to you. She begins to softly moan, it seems as if instead of experiencing excruciating agony, she’s experiencing an orgasm. You can’t help but grin as she keeps pushing. As more of the head becomes visible, her moaning intensifies. Finally a small head emerges from her vagina. You can see a face wrapped in an umbilical cord. A small pair of hands grab the head, she weakly tries to pull the head out. You put your hands around the head and begin to help her pull. Desperately, she goes into the next contraction with all of her energy, and pushed with everything inside of her. She feels everything. She feels shoulders and hips and feet all slide down inside of her and pop out in one long push, with a rush of fluid behind it, and it feels amazing. She throws her head back with a rip-roaring orgasm that penetrates the very heart of her soul.

You look at the newborn now lying on the floor and see that it is a boy. You have a son. Perfect, perfect in every way. He begins to stir and you realize he’s about to cry. After all that’s happened, you don’t to given away to the Germans from the wails of a newborn. You gently lift him up and place him on Anne’s semen stained mountaintops. The baby quickly finds the breast is soon sucking happily. Semen, blood, amniotic fluid, breastmilk all mix and fill the air with a strange scent that while repulsive, is also extremely arousing. You can’t resist the urge anymore. Your mouth land on top of Anne’s opposite breast, sucking first your own cum, but then her tasty milk. You look into her eyes, she’s somewhat annoyed, but too exhaust to really care. A gust of wind coming from a hole in the wall blows through, cooling both of your sweat-drenched bodies, but also disturbing the little one. You’re afraid he’ll start shivering. You look around the dusty attic for something to keep the baby warm. You settle on Anne’s fur winter jacket, having sat unused for the past two years. You know Anne will definitely not be happy that you ruined her favorite coat, but it’s for the best. She hasn’t been able to fit in it for the past nine months anyway. You carefully wrap your little one in the coat and hand him to an exhausted Anne, she continues to quietly feed him. You notice the dead silence for the first time, not even the other occupants of the Annex, mere feet away in the next room, were roused. You feel a sense of relief. You’re safe, for the moment at least. Eventually you curl up next to her quietly and begin to doze off. Your secret sleeps in winter clothes. Tomorrow, you can find a way to explain the night’s events to your parents and hope they don’t kill each other. You can somehow find a way to get your little bundle of joy to safety. But tonight, you just rest, your first night as a family.

Oh god, just thinking about this is making me rock hard. The hardest I’ve ever gotten. Oh, I think I’m gonna… I’m gonna-

*Cums in Diary*

JFK

Sophie Scholl

>Anne will never hear wails of a baby for the first time after enduring hours of excruciating pain laboring and pushing that leaves her too sick and exhausted to even sit up
>Anne will never cradle the newborn in her arms, filling her heart with a joy only a mother can feel
>Anne will never feel the sting of the teething infant biting down on her nipples while she feeds him, but have her discomfort instantly vanish watching the baby make a milky smile
>Anne will never hear her child's exuberant giggling as she tosses him up and down in the air on a bright summer day, with the scent of roses filling the air
>Anne will never tuck her little babies into bed, kiss them goodnight, softly singing them lullabies in Dutch and Hebrew
>Anne will never comfort her child's nightmares by telling him how she survived living one for six long and awful years, but now that the world is a better place and he should not to be afraid
>Anne Frank will never be a MILF

feelsbadman

>book masturbation

>nobody saying Napoleon and posting the FaceApp pic
fags

Napoleon just look like normal plus makeup. I'd much rather fuck Caracalla's faceapp daughter.

How many people have nutted to this pasta/drawfag by now?

My guess is at least six million.

Like Anne Frank, she was a beautiful, independent-minded young woman who met a terrible fate, literally for the crime of speaking her mind.

The chick from the Mona Lisa

How? She only ''spoke her mind'' after she died and her diary got released to the public. Is this bait?

Was referring to Scholl.

fuck wrong pic

napoleon's josephine, that nasty little slut

>She’s louder than a line of Louisiana Tigers giving the Rebel Yell

t. Civil War buff or LSUfag aka cancer

Catherine of Aragorn was described by contemporaries as "the most beautiful creature in the world", so I'm going to say her.

Queen Elizabeth (11)

As fucked up as this pasta is, part of me wishes it was real. That Anne had a baby in hiding, it was smuggled out and given to a foster family, and she died at least somewhat content knowing it was safe.

>tfw no Ghosty-Anne watching over her little boy from the the Netherworld

this

Terrible waste of promising young lives

>Netherworld

I see what you did there.

I wanna the Maid of Orleans.

TWO HEADED BOY
ALL FLOATING IN GLASS

Kek'd

Still sad though

>chick
Nigga that's da Vinci in drag

Suetonius? What are you doing on Veeky Forums?

Who's to say she didn't?

I mean think about it.

>She was in hiding for over two years during which period little to no independent documentation of her (medical records, photos etc.) exists.
>Only a handful of the people who knew her (i.e. would've seen her pregnant) during that time survived the war and since they would have already been discouraged from talking about such a development could have simply agreed to take the secret to the grave.
>There would obviously have been no birth certificate so no paper trail would exist outside of Anne's diary (which could've been scrubbed of any reference to it). Such a discrepancy in public records would be common during wartime so a child with mysterious parentage would not be scrutinized heavily.
>An adoptive family might have no idea who the child. Even if they did, I doubt they'd be inclined to disclose it to anyone.
>Anne's body was not recovered and an in all likelihood never will be, so chances of an autopsy showing signs of pregnancy are effectively zero.
>Even if the Dutch government were to ever discover, it too would be inclined to not to publish such a finding to avoid the public embarrassment of having to potentially file criminal charges against Otto Frank or anyone else involved in a coverup with fraud.

These points all apply to her sister Margot too btw. In fact, it would explain why no trace of her diary has ever been found.

cont. below

The only way such a conspiracy could be unraveled would be:

>a former of acquaintance of the Anne making a deathbed confession
>the actual child (well over 70 years old) in question coming forward and having the DNA tests to prove familial relation
>a random Dutch person taking a genetic test and getting a maternal link to her and having it published
>someone piecing together a paper trail (i.e. adoptive family getting bank transactions from Otto as a bribe/bizarre correspondence between the parties)
>Anne's body eventually being uncovered, positively identified and the autopsy finding signs of pregnancy (coroners would specifically need to have a fairly intact pelvic bone to find signs of childbirth). Even then, autopsy reports can be sealed by court order and their results would never be made public.
>Otto Frank's will arranging for the disclosing of this information and assorted evidence (photos, genetic tests, diary pages he had removed and withheld from investigators) well after the last persons who knew Anne died and her diary's copyright had completely expired to prevent anyone from demanding a share of the revenue (which they would be entitled to.

TL;DR unlike 's claims of her diary being a fraud, Anne Frank's having a living descendant could be surprisingly easy to conceal thanks to a lack of wartime documentation, doctor-patient confidentiality laws, and good old fashioned political arm-twisting.

Deffo Theodora

Cleopatra
Since my childhood I'm attracted to Cleopatra
I have no idea why

No way, I got boner too, source of this?

Which Cleopatra though?

I'd fuck a young Elizabeth II. I'd fuck Boudicca too.

I expected this here

Julia the Elder
fuck Augustus

Hypatia of Alexandria desu

Claudia Octavia but less out of lust, more so she'll fall in love with me and I can save her from her cruel fate. She deserved so much better.

>Julia was well known for her gentle quick wit and sharp tongue. She was deeply loved by her father who admired her wit.
>Despite Julia's reputation, the people who knew her described her as a good-hearted and kind woman who was very popular with the Roman people not least because of "her kindness and gentleness and utter freedom from vindictiveness."
So basically she was just kind of a fun-loving party girl and easy lay but really nice as well so you could probably chill out with her and have a good time while being fuck buddies. Sounds nice.

>need fap material
>spend years sculpting a marble block

...

Lucrezia Borgia
Or
Christina Sforza

How's the waifu, Pygmalion?

*beheads you*

She was, like, 65 years old.

She had rotten teeth and her breath smelled like death.

That's just irresponsible.

The right answer is pic related, boys.

Nigger can't handle Renaissance waifus

>She had rotten teeth and her breath smelled like death.
Yeah, but she still gave me boner.

>picks 2 women from Ass Creed
Don't think I'm not onto you, user.
And your taste in vidya is as bad as your taste in historical waifus. You pleb.

...

habsburg tier

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yoshiko_Kawashima

Her or Grace Kelly. Why do women have to be women on the outside AND inside?

I'll give you that one, but I'd rather pick the ones I know something about than the ones I know nothing about, or I could just go with the cliche cleopatra

>She was, like, 65 years old.

An old bitch that takes care of herself? That's what you want.

I was about to dismiss you as a conspiratorial lunatic, but dubs never lie.

>mfw this nigga's theory is actually starting to sound plausible

include me in the screencap when /pol/ doxes the kid boys

Genghis Khan

>If you could bang one historical figure, who would it be?

nest ferch rhys, AKA "helen of wales"

>dat feel when you will never have a real southern belle from the 1860s have good bye sex on your way to fight the yanks after you secretly impregnated the house slave but made her watch you fuck your real wife to show you are still the master.

>why live

t. James Henry Hammond

Hmmmm, gonna have to go for the ones with the reputation. Cleopatra and Helen of Troy.

Someone get Officer Robert from /pol/'s >>>/CPD/ General and get him on the case.

Together with him and /pol/'s weaponized autism, we can unearth a painful past that was better off being left alone and drive Anne's long lost child insane with requests for AMA threads.

This thread just made me realise all the women I've ever loved are all dead.

sorry about your mother and grandmother user

the first genetically modern human female.

so all humans can be my off spring.

>You will never be Bohemond

Rape, fictional allowed: Apollo, but the Sirens are a close second
Rape, non-fictional: No idea, probably one of the Oracles from Delphi
Tender loving sex, fictional: Is there an ancient Egyptian Goddess with an anteater head? I'm not sure. If there is, her. If there isn't I'll roll with Helen of Troy and tell Agamemnon to get cucked.
Tender loving sex, real: Probably a cute ancient Egyptian or MesoAmerican girl, the kind that run around nearly naked and have sexy toned bodies from helping hunt or farm all day. I don't just want to sex her, I want to be in love with her and learn about her ways.

Why, the Empress Dowager, of course.

id adopt a girl during the black plague somewhere in north western Europe to save her from being eaten by her parents then pay for us by my labour and travel the lands

>tfw Theodora literally cucked Justinian

Fuck off Kira

>ywn kiss her growing belly, marveling at her the fruit of your love under her heart
>ywn playfully have a written argument over baby names during the day, passing each other scraps of paper with a name written on one side and your/her rebuttal on the other
>ywn make love passionately at night
>ywn feel the pressure from her incredible weight and huge round belly bearing down on you but have the indescribable pleasure of her tight pussy throbbing on you cock negate any discomfort
>ywn bust your load into your beautiful, nearly ready to burst Anne, filling your sweet love oven with your seed
>ywn look on smugly as she reaches over to grab a rag she uses to clean up your oozing jizz
>ywn notice her father looking at you approvingly, knowing that you are treating his daughter to the very best of the situation
>ywn be smuggled out of the Annex you have been trapped in for two years with Anne as her due date nears, being given the task of watching after her by her Otto, gifting you his bayonet, a leftover memento from the first war, to use to protect his daughter if all else fails
>ywn help Anne give birth in a Dutch farm turned safehouse deep in the countryside, forever sealing your bond with her
>ywn watch Anne hold the baby in hers arms, never wanting to let go
>ywn marvel with Anne, watching the newborn sleep
>ywn sneak outside one misty morning to stumble upon a lone Allied sharpshooter trundling down the road, acting as a skirmisher for the rest of the Army, and greet him with the sight of a smiling baby, as you have no other gift to offer him. But it nonetheless instantly puts him back in good spirits, knowing that despite a world consumed by slaughter, there is in fact still some humanity left in the world.

Hypatia of alexandria. Patrician tier "witch" of astronomy, philosophy, and mathematics.

the boy prostitute roman emperor

Get a feeling so complicated...