Is this the definitive edition of the New Testament?

>Long time afta, God wen go check out Abraham. He tell um, “Eh Abraham!”
Abraham tell, “Yeah, wat you like?”
2God tell um, “Go get yoa boy Isaac, da ony one you get, da one you get plenny love an aloha fo him. Take um an go Moriah side. Wen you get dea, I goin show you one a da hills ova dea. Take yoa boy on top dat hill, an kill um dea, fo make da kine sacrifice wea you burn up da whole ting.”

I love how this translation makes everything seem cheerful, even Abraham's attempted murder of Isaac

Protestants suck cock for vernacular translations so how is pidgin Hawaiian worse than vulgar G*rman?

Neva was lidat, wit Michael, da main angel guy. He was fighting wit da Devil bout da body afta Moses wen mahke, but he no dare poin finga da Devil an talk bad to him. He ony tell da Devil, “I like da Boss tell you, ‘No good wat you doing!’ ”

>Wen you show peopo love an aloha, do um fo real kine, no ack. Hate all da bad kine stuff, stay tight wit da good kine stuff. 10Give da bruddas an sistas plenny love an aloha. Go fo broke fo show da oddas you get plenny respeck fo dem. 11Wen time fo work hard, no be lazy. Make shua yoa heart show dat you go all out! Work fo da Boss. 12You can stay good inside to da max, cuz you know wat God goin do fo you bumbye. Hang in dea wen you get any kine hard time. An make shua you pray all da time. 13Use wat you get fo kokua da peopo dat stay spesho fo God wen dey need help. Wen get peopo from odda places, make shua you show um aloha an take care dem.

it's not, it's just mutually intelligible with English so these idiots can understand it

“Da peopo dat hundred percent fo God inside,
Dey can stay good inside
Cuz dey goin see God.

You guys jalike one snake ohana! You guys no good. How you guys goin talk good wen you guys not? Wateva stay inside you guys, goin come outa you guys mout.

/thread

Jesus look up an see plenny peopo coming by him. He tell Philip, “Eh, wea we can buy food fo feed all dese peopo?” 6You know, Jesus wen say dat jus fo check out Philip, cuz Jesus awready know wat he goin do.
7Philip tell him, “Somebody gotta work mo den two hundred days fo get nuff money fo buy bread fo give all dese peopo even litto bit.”
8Andrew, he Simon Peter's brudda. Andrew one a da guys Jesus stay teaching. He tell Jesus, 9“You know, get one boy hea dat get five small barley kine bread an two small fish. But how dat goin feed so plenny peopo? No can!”
10Had plenny grass dea. Jesus tell his guys, “Make da peopo sit down.” So dey sit um down. Had bout five tousand guys dea.
11Den Jesus take da breads, an tell God, “Mahalo plenny.” He give um to his guys, an dey give um to da peopo dat was sitting dea. Same ting wit da fish. An everybody eat how plenny dey like.
12Wen everybody get nuff fo eat, Jesus tell his guys, “Go get all da lefovas. No good waste um.” 13So dey go get da lefovas, an fill twelve big baskets wit da bread da peopo neva eat.
14Afta da peopo see dis awesome ting Jesus wen do fo show who him, dey say, “Fo shua dis da Guy who goin come inside da world fo talk fo God.” 15Jesus wen know dat da peopo goin come fo grab him fo make him come king. So he wen go way, an go up on top one hill wea nobody stay.

Everything happens the cheery accompaniment of the ukulele.

Fo Da Rome Peopo 1:26-27

26 An dass why God wen let dem guys do all dat, an dey ony go do how dey like do. An so dey all come all itchy, an no mo shame notting. Eh, you know, even da wahines, dey no like make like dey wahines, dey like change how dey stay. 27 An same ting wit da guys. Dey no like make like dey suppose to wit da wahines. One guy stay all itchy fo one nodda guy. Dey no mo shame notting fo how dey make wit each odda. So fo dat, dey goin get it! Cuz dey stay far from da right way, an dey going get watevas fo how dey wen make.

Da way you guys judge da odda guys, dass how God goin judge you guys too. An da rules you guys use fo judge, he goin use da same rules fo judge you guys.

i feel warm and happy inside

>tfw da jesus book onlyist hawaiin baptist
if you aint in my church u aint gettin no aloha

The purpose of the bible is to point to Jesus as the Creator God, Redeemer of Mankind, and Eternal Salvation.

If it does so, it's fine. Nothing I've seen mocked in this thread is as bad as the catholic bible's worship of Mary as goddess "Queen of Heaven".

*tips venomous snakes*

did something happen to make you fags lose your sense of humor or were you just born that way?

Fags aren't born! They're made! *rubs rosary*

Hawaii is based

kek

bump

...

...

>Wen Jesus go inside Jerusalem, all da peopo was amping, an dey aks, “Eh, who dat?”

reading this both gives me a headache and makes me feel fucking retarded

This is fucking goldmine

Da Young Guys Make Fun A Elisha
>From dea, Elisha go up Bethel town. Wen he stay walking, some young guys come outa dea town, an make fun a him. Dey tell, “No come ova hea, you bolohead!” He turn aroun, an look at dem, an he tell Yahweh put kahuna on top dem, cuz he Yahweh guy. Den two bears come out from da fores, an attack da young guys an hurt forty-two a dem. Den Elisha go on from dea Mount Carmel side, an from ova dea he go back Samaria town.

Tell me fo how dis stay yo bibul

bruh dem haoles wan scrap, dey ge licked

noice

"We hear them declaring the wonders of God in our own tongues!"
- Acts 2:11

this is the work of men who know the gospel.

Holy shit I actually own a copy of this book