I work as a Canadian computer tech. This day I've made more than most of you do in a year. Want to know how...

I work as a Canadian computer tech. This day I've made more than most of you do in a year. Want to know how? It's because while you chucklefucks are wasting your time "mining" and "trading" (lmao), I'm stealing crypto wallets right off of people blind.

I started work at 9:00 AM today. I was able to find a stay-at-home dad whose wife's son had some computer issue. Turns out he was overheating his video cards by overclocking them to mine shit. No permanent damage yet, all he needed to do was get some better cooling, but I told him the mainboard was fried and that his entire RAID array was in danger of immediate malfunction. I have this cute little "diagnostic" app that lists all sorts of issues (imaginary of course) just to really scare people, which causes certain file to pop up as "corrupted". They fall for it EVERY time. So this kid (he was like 28 but you know how it is these days) tries to access his Electrum wallet and sure enough "Corrupted, this file is permanently damaged".

HE FUCKING CRIES and goes on this tangent about how he was an "early adopter" and had been mining since 2014. I have no problem feigning empathy however and tell him that I'll try my hardest to fix his problem and that I know how tough it must be. I load up my "firmcore CPU emulator" which is literally just a fucking border added around the "corrupted files". Of course his wallet pops up and I realize this little bitch has 21 BTC just sitting there. He lets out this pathetic SQUEEEEE and I tell him that I need his private keys to perform full diagnostics. He's hesitant, but then I use my remote control to discretely BSOD his screen, and before I know it he's telling me everything. He then gets really serious and tells me he'll cut me with his katana if I steal anything from him. I tell him to chill out and it's no biggie, then bill his parents $2000 for a computer I assembled for $400 off of Newegg. I walk on out calmly, change my name, and move to the next house.

Easy pickens.

GOD DAMNIT CANADA COMPUTERS, FUCK YOU. I'm from Ottawa and hate you pajeets.

you know any good plumbers having some leaks

I'm not a Pajeet, I'm white and wear a nicely-fitting clothes. If you want to fix computers for corporations it's fine being an immigrant, but then you're usually attached to a larger firm and people are breathing down your neck, you're lucky to get 25% markup on most jobs. The secret is to come off as a total normie and have at least 8.5/10 facial aesthetics, that's how you gain access to upper-middle class family computers without belonging to a major business.

you're literally a cunt, i hope you rot for this kind of shit no excuse to be a pathetic human being....

It's not my fault that you're gambling on crypto without knowing how to secure it.

lmao I hope this meme never dies

stay poor cuck

Nice, just fixed 100k 'puters.

>he'll cut me with his katana
>change my name

Nice LARPing fag OP

love this meme
make one with a software engineer

Holy shit I just got a call that's too good to be true (but is because I know how the system works).

A few weeks ago I had a fairly standard job, clueless mother at home, young children at school, mid-level manager father prepping the bull up the corporate ladder. They had Alienware computers for each child and one of them got a virus after installing some kind of Minecraft mod. I told them the entire network was infected (a lie), charged them $800 to "reroute the virus into a digitrap", and then said that the original computer developed "memory septic shock" and that the stress would likely cause the power supply to explode. Sold them a $50 surge protector for $250 and a $10 power supply (that's the critical thing to make sure they come to me again soon) for $200. Altogether, an easy $1000 profit and free lemonade and cookies for 30 minutes of work and 2 hours of searching for the mother's homemade porn (no dice sadly).

ANYWAYS, they were so impressed that I fixed their problem that she recommended me to her friend, who lives downtown as a fashion designer with her (actually half-successful) indie game developer boyfriend. They want me to build a high-tech photo rendering workstation, and the sky's the limit when it comes to what they want. I'm posting from my car right now, I only got a brief glance of their current setup, but at a minimum I'm going to make $6k off of this job, and that's assuming there's nothing to steal when transferring data from their current computers to the new ones. This line of work will literally NEVER not be profitable.

Shitlarp. Go back to tugging it to Wild Kratz.

>charged them $800 to "reroute the virus into a digitrap", and then said that the original computer developed "memory septic shock"
I died

Crazy how all these Canadians make a shit ton of money, eh?

So, just got an alert on my laptop that the Song family triggered one of my tripwires. Expecting the call any minute now.

How does it work? Basically, Mr. Joo-won Song, head of the household, as a porn habit. He got a computer virus two months ago, a simple matter, charged him $400 + gas/time (another $250) and included my free, trade-secret Software Shepherd(tm) at no extra cost. Why so generous, you the inexperienced cryptotrader may ask? Investment. I log everything he does on his computer and track certain activities. He and his wife originally considered counseling, but I told them that it was perfectly normal for a man to watch internet porn, but that he should stick to safe sites like Pornhub, and only watch once a week.

Knowing Mr. Song, it was going to be all or nothing, so I knew I was all-in. He used Pornhub like a good little normie, but every once in a while he'd try some other streaming site, at which point Software Shepherd(tm) would pop up warning him that he had just been saved from a potential virus. Every time he'd predictably

- Hey, look who's calling, give me a sec -

Hahaha, hook line and sinker. Anyways, he'd predictably stop watching porn entirely for about 10 days, then go back to Pornhub and then another smaller site. Anyways, it was pre-programmed so that after the second digression, his entire computer would seize up and be inoperable until I fixed it. Now that he feels really guilty and knows he fucked up, I'm going to tell him every computer in his house has been ruined and that his personal information has been compromised. $400 yesterday, $5000 tomorrow. This strategy doesn't work on everyone, but on religious fathers it's a guaranteed hit, has never failed me.

Hey that's cool i'm actually Canadian. A Canadian Plumber. From Canada.

that's some bitch nigga shit, homes

i doubt this story is true.

on the slim chance it's legit,

you arent a computer tech, you are committing robberies. And, lemme tell ya, Techie Dork,

you re gonna rob the wrong person and be sorry charlie.

Are you a pro thief? if not, you better think about what you re doing.

somebody got their viruses rerouted into a digitrap

>i doubt this story is true

glad i got your attention,

good luck with the Bonnie and Clyde game

skipper,

I'm Canadian drywaller working in Ontario. If any of these kids stashed their keys in the wall let me know. I can partner with you to remove the drywall and rehang it. I'm making a killing hanging drywall with the Canadian plumbers cutting into unnecessary walls.

this reads like a gay porn with the sex ripped out

Well???? Fix it??????!!!!??

>letting some retard install shit on your computer
This may have worked into 2000s and 90s but not anymore

Interesting proposition, let me think about it
The trick is to not look like a retard. Look sharp, professional, and when dealing with men, be able to speak half an octave lower than them no matter what. With authority and respectability, they'll allow you to install anything.

This fucking thread.

OFC YOU ARE A CANADIAN , you don t need to tell us you fucking shitposter

I work in computer at Canada. I charge white man $400 to replace hard diskette and keyboard. White man reterd lol.

>all the gullible morons itt
Sickens me. We need a real crash to purge these faggots.

Nice larp
If this was true that NEET would be reading this extremely specific story right now. He would surely hunt you down as well, I mean 21 BTC is 21 BTC, and display his sad katana skills
Sry bruh you dun goofed

>Nice larp
>If this was true
Case and point. God I'm sick of you newfaggots.

Guys, it's me the OP, I'm stealing wifi at a client's house, and business continues.

Basically, a guy called and said he heard a rattling the previous night from his computer, so I yelled as urgently as possible, "IMMEDIATELY shut it down, RIGHT NOW, it could be a cooling fan which could mean blowing the CPU gasket, and if the coolant gets into your electrons, you're fucked". He did as I said, and didn't even open the the case to check it out. When I got there I slowly took off the side panel while wincing, as if expected a puff of smoke to blow into my face, then exhaling calmly in relief, causing him to follow. I pulled out my flashlight and magnifying glass and gave a good look over his GPU just for the fuck of it, then started twiddling with the case fans.

One of the case fans clearly just had a bad bearing while spinning it, a $4 fan off of NewEgg, but I could tell this guy was a little younger than my usual customers. I made a big deal about four screws and a two-pin power connector, he'd probably just call bullshit and refuse to pay my driver's fee.

Instead, what I did is take every single fan off, including those for his CPU, GPU, hard drives, etc and just started prodding them with a voltmeter. I'd lean over so he couldn't see anything and when he got too close I told him I couldn't work like that, but that he could come get me in 30 minutes. He leaves and then I pull out a soldering gun, some junk wires, and neon wire sleeves. First I chuck the bad fan into the trash, then I cut every single fan wire, slip the neon sleeves over them, solder them back together again just for the hell of it.

When he walks back in, I'm donned in a welding suit performing deep-circuit maintenance on his system, which I ensure him is totally necessary to prevent a catastrophic breach of the ROM fuselage. I then drop some blown capacitors out of my pocket and tell him I found those inside his computer. At this point he has deer eyes and happily parts with $1600.

I'm not very familiar with drugs but this looks like some deep hallucinogenic shit.

Bump because it's nice to see a quality thread for once.

LOL

>wow great
do you have time to do a woman? they have money and computers too it's 2017

Add this to the didn't actually happen pile.

You should write a book.

>HE FUCKING CRIES and goes on this tangent about how he was an "early adopter"

oh you

>>>/plebbit/ or kill yourself, I don't care which.

Holy shit I had never read that pasta before, amazing.

I love this place, I truly do.

>blowing the CPU gasket

fugg I'm dyin