21

Tagged for /bant/ scavenger hunt: Tagged for the Egyptian user 1603967

I've been out of the house for 4 months. My older brother is schizophrenic and tried to kill me and my parents don't care. I left because he broke my nose and I knew if I stuck around he'd kill me eventually.

Rent is $750 a month and I make $2,200 a month. When the lease is up, my plan is to move into a cheaper apartment with a roomie, which I initially avoided because I come from a family of 11 and I wanted peace and quite; also, I'm really fucked up. I behave like a machine. I didn't want to embarrass myself infront of someone by how cold and impersonal I am.

I'm not angry. I'm just sad. I'm going to die. My life is just shit. It's not going anywhere. The chances of someone like me leading an enjoyable life are so slim, it's simply implausible.

Volunteer to build shit housing in some shithole of the orient, you will be surrounded by faggots like yourself and might score yourself a village whore.

You said you're from Canada...have you considered plumbing or the trades ? Apparently there's one guy here making a killing.

OP your 21. Stop bitching and just get your life together.

I tried going to bars, I tried going to cafes, I've worked on construction sites. All very social places, where people connect. When I try and be part of a group I bring everyone down. I don't share their experiences. I can't hang back and shoot shit. "Hey guys, see the hockey game yesterday?", "See X movie?", "You play guitar? What kind of music do you play?". My speech patterns are like I'm having trouble forming simple sentences. After 60s seconds everyone has the same expression, like they've just met a really sad and broken human being. They see it instantly. I can't cover it up. I'm fucked up to the bone.

I thought I had Klinefelter's Syndrome (XXY chromosomes), but one of the main indicators of Klinefelter's hyper taurodant teeth, and I've seen my dental X-rays and I have normal teeth. I still can't shake the idea that perhaps I'm even fucked down to my DNA.

This sounds like a pity parade, but I know I'm not like functioning members of society. I work 12 hour night shifts. The loneliest most depressing type of work. I think my supervisor specifically moved me there (I started on morning shifts) so she wouldn't have to meet me. In the type of person who gets pushed into the shadows because it's depressing to be around.

And I try to be sociable and friendly, but it isn't in me. I'm not smiling inside, so when I try to be sociable, it comes across as incredibly shallow and false.

Do you live in Vancouver

Most of the social interaction I've been having since I've moved out is on a discord server, and we talk politics, history, languages, and I get the piss taken out of me by a very articulate Australian for sounding like a robot or a Native American chief. He asks me to say things like "the White man came and took our land for 6 beads". I'm not native, but my very slow unnatural speech patterns gives the impression of one apprently. Which we associate with Native chiefs because they're taking thoughts in their head from some native language into English so they speak very slowly. I speak low and slow because I have to collect my thought and try and present them in a way that doesn't come out incoherent or sad.

user keep your chin up

>21
You are still young

>No education
Go to school - I started college at 24 and loads of others even later

>No money
Make more and save, buy some bitcoin and hold

>No friends
They are not as important to your life as you think

>Dead-end job
Go to school, then you can fix this

>No car
>No driver's licence
If it's important to you go get a licence

>Fat
>Ugly
Exercise

>Family disowned me
Fuck them

>Everyone thinks I'm mentally-handicapped
Fuck them too

>Social Anxiety
>Depressed
>Insomniac
>Aspergers
Get some pills

>No opportunities
Small steps will bring you there

Edmonton.

I've gotten melatonin pills recently and I've finally been able to sleep. Like I said, I work 12 hour shifts, so when I don't sleep between shifts, it's hell (36 hours awake). Two weeks ago I got off work, got to bed straight away, laid there sweating for 9 hours, tried to clear my mind, had get up, be back at work, and I felt like a corpse by the end of the day and collapsed on my bed when I got back home.

Now I can actually get to sleep. I take double the dosage (melatonin is a hormone and you can't overdose on it), because one doesn't work as well and I really want to make sure it works, and it's been working.

I've been told "you need to get the energy out of you, then you'll sleep". I'm walking 6 hours a day (occasionally running). I have an overactive brain filled with dark thoughts, it gives me anxiety, and the anxiety makes it difficult to sleep. That's where my insomnia is coming from. It's fear, it's loathing, it's depression, it's my memories, thinking about my future. It keeps me up for hours. I'm happy when I get 4 hours of sleep. 4 hours is better than no sleep.

That is a solid plan, I will say. My plan for the longest time has been to go to college, but I need to minimise expenditure so I can save. I have 2 more months on my lease, and I'll be looking for cheaper rent. If I stay where I am now, I won't be saving much.

Dude, you have severe depression. See a counselor, and get help.

I was a fuck up at 21 and turned my life around, but I knew what made me happy and pushed through. You're young as fuck, I would kill to be that age again. I'm 35 now.

What is your happiness? If you can't find joy in anything, then see a doctor.

my friend, you have exactly one problem and that is being fat

don't be fat, eat less, eat better, do sports, find a way! it will be hard but it will also be worth it

good luck!

You're in Canada, you can get help anywhere and have a social worker help you out. Look into meditation the subreddit is full of information. Start by meditating 15 minutes per day I garantee you within one week you'll feel better. Just do it and keep us posted.

This is why I haven't gotten medical help: one of my molars chipped when I was 18. I went to the family dentist. I explained very clearly twice before I went on the chair what was wrong. He brings me in, he does an "X-ray". "Do you see it?" I ask him. He brings out a drill, he just starts grinding away at my molars. I tell him he's not getting it, he's just grinding away at my teeth. He says he knows what he's doing, I trust him. End of operation; he spent an hour grinding away Athens the right molar, and ground everything BUT the fucking chip. "That'll be $200 (insurance pays 90%). I tell him he didn't get it, he doesn't listen to me.

That is dentists. I think dentists are especially money-grubbing, but I haven't had a GP since I was 18, and I don't know if I can deal with poor workmanship on my health. My furthermost upper-middle molar still has a chip in it and it's half the size of my other molars.

I swear, I didn't fuck up at all, the fucker just ignored me. He didn't listen to me at all. He just thought I wanted my tooth drilled away at so he could get $200. He probably does 8 checkups a day, and when he's operating in my mouth all he can see is insurance money. The guy was Lebanese, but I don't think that had much to do with it. Dentists in general are just sort of trudging along with every procedure not listening to the patient and their needs.

I've lost 60lb since last year. I'm 210lb right now. Most of the weight I lost when I was in temp construction. I'm still a fat ass though, I was just much more horribly obese before.

I don't eat a lot, or particularly badly. And I know that's funny coming from a 210lb guy, but I gained most of that weight as a shut-in teenager. I wouldn't have lost 60lb if I still are like shit. I don't drink milk, I avoid sweets, I don't drink sweet drinks. I eat two or three frozen meals a day, and sometimes I cook pasta. That's my sustenance at the moment.

The fatness is a problem. I wish I didn't grow up eating the way I did, but that's just idle wishing. It's much more than that though. I've actually gotten over being insecure about my weight, which I was as a teenager. Even if I were average weight, I'd be full of self-doubt and loathing.

A this thread has devolved into what I didn't want it to devolve into, and autocorrect has fucked up half of my posts.

It's a shipwreck.

I'm gonna be posting on /int/. A better waste of time than focusing on myself.

>night shifts
I''m diagnosed with schizophrenia and GAD, so I know where you're coming from in regards to speech, conversation points and just making friends in general.

I've come to terms with the fact that I'm not meant to socialize. When I was 21 I was desperate to fit in and have a large social circle, but in doing so I ended up being taken advantage of or abused.

I actually prefer being alone these days. I don't have to worry about being socially anxious, being stabbed in the back, if some bimbo wants my d, people liking you for ulterior motives or agenda, etc.

I haven't used social media for at least a month now, and even before that, I used to only check facebook about once a week to play games or sell stuff in Buy/Trade/Sell groups.

Ever since I left people behind, I've found life significantly more enjoyable and less stressful. I'm completely content trading shitcoins, playing vidya, lifting, eating out somewhere nice once a week, reading books and occasionally going on a adventure. Possibly the happiest in my life.

The only issue at the moment for me is that I can't get autismbux (only neetbux) and will have to get a job soon, which means co-workers and the small talk that comes along with it, being told what to do and dealing with the neverending drama shitshow that is workplace politics.

I'd kill for night shift work. Seriously, if you live in Aus, if you really don't want your night shift, I'll gladly take it off your hands.

It's exactly what you wanted.
Lots of people have sob stories, get over yourself.

I'm done with the son stories, but working from 8 to 8 isn't the best schedule for getting out and doing things. I have a few hours on my off days to get serious shit done. But it isn't the worst thing.

I thought I could have articulated it better. Overall, this was an awful thread that could have been better.

>fat
Your fault. Work out more.
>deadend job
Look for another job
>no friends
Most friends are made at work. Find new job
>aspie
Try meds
>no license
Literally how?

>Literally how?
I don't know about OP, but here in germanistan getting a license costs about $2.350.

Fuck that shithole. And I've seen your police. They are all wimps so just drive without one. As long as the plate is valid it would be unlikely they would pull you over unless you give them a reason.