- Gallic Wars

- Gallic Wars
- Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. [Or at ths time in history, a Roman -ed.]

- Hundred Years War
- Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Sainted.

- Italian Wars
- Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

- Wars of Religion
- France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

- Thirty Years War
- France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

- War of Revolution
- Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

- The Dutch War
- Tied

- War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War
- Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

- War of the Spanish Succession
- Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

- American Revolution
- In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

- French Revolution
- Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

- The Napoleonic Wars
- Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

- The Franco-Prussian War
- Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

- World War I
- Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States [Entering the war late -ed.]. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

- World War II
- Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

- War in Indochina
- Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu

- Algerian Rebellion
- Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

- War on Terrorism
- France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France collapses?"

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage."

Or, better still, the quote from last week's Wall Street Journal: "They're there when they need you."
With only an hour and a half of research, Jonathan Duczkowski provided the following losses:

Norse invasions, 841-911.
After having their way with the French for 70 years, the Norse are bribed by a French King named Charles the Simple (really!) who gave them Normandy in return for peace. Normans proceed to become just about the only positive military bonus in France's [favour] for next 500 years.

Mexico, 1863-1864.
France attempts to take advantage of Mexico's weakness following its thorough thrashing by the U.S. 20 years earlier ("Halls of Montezuma"). Not surprisingly, the only unit to distinguish itself is the French Foreign Legion (consisting of, by definition, non-Frenchmen). Booted out of the country a little over a year after arrival.

Panama jungles 1881-1890.
No one but nature to fight, France still loses; canal is eventually built by the U.S. 1904-1914.

Napoleonic Wars.
Should be noted that the Grand Armee was largely (~%50) composed of non-Frenchmen after 1804 or so. Mainly disgruntled minorities and anti-monarchists. Not surprisingly, these performed better than the French on many occasions.

Haiti, 1791-1804.
French defeated by rebellion after sacrificing 4,000 Poles to yellow fever. Shows another rule of French warfare; when in doubt, send an ally.

India, 1673-1813.
British were far more charming then French, ended up victors. Therefore the British are well known for their tea, and the French for their whine (er, wine...). Ensures 200 years of bad teeth in England.

Barbary Wars, middle ages-1830.
Pirates in North Africa continually harass European shipping in Meditteranean. France's solution: pay them to leave us alone. America's solution: kick their asses ("the Shores of Tripoli"). [America's] first overseas victories, won 1801-1815.

1798-1801, Quasi-War with U.S.
French privateers (semi-legal pirates) attack U.S. shipping. U.S. fights France at sea for 3 years; French eventually cave; sets precedent for next 200 years of Franco-American relations.

Moors in Spain, late 700s-early 800s.
Even with Charlemagne leading them against an enemy living in a hostile land, French are unable to make much progress. Hide behind Pyrennes until the modern day.

French-on-French losses (probably should be counted as victories too, just to be fair):

1208: Albigenses Crusade, French massacared by French.
When asked how to differentiate a heretic from the faithful, response was "Kill them all. God will know His own." Lesson: French are badasses when fighting unarmed men, women and children.

St. Bartholomew Day Massacre, August 24, 1572.
Once again, French-on-French slaughter.

Third Crusade.
Philip Augustus of France throws hissy-fit, leaves Crusade for Richard the Lion Heart to finish.

Seventh Crusade.
St. Louis of France leads Crusade to Egypt. Resoundingly crushed.

[Eighth] Crusade.
St. Louis back in action, this time in Tunis. See Seventh Crusade.

Also should be noted that France attempted to hide behind the Maginot line, sticking their head in the sand and pretending that the Germans would enter France that way. By doing so, the Germans would have been breaking with their traditional route of invading France, entering through Belgium (Napoleonic Wars, Franco-Prussian War, World War I, etc.). French ignored this though, and put all their effort into these defenses.

Thomas Whiteley has submitted this addition to me:

Seven year War 1756-1763
Lost: after getting hammered by Frederick the Great of Prussia (yep, the Germans again) at Rossbach, the French were held off for the remainder of the War by Frederick of Brunswick and a hodge-podge army including some Brits. War also saw France kicked out of Canada (Wolfe at Quebec) and India (Clive at Plassey).

Richard Mann, an American in France wants to add the following:

The French consider the departure of the French from Algeria in 1962-63, after 130 years on colonialism, as a French victory and especially consider C. de Gaulle as a hero for 'leading' said victory over the unwilling French public who were very much against the departure. This ended their colonialism. About 2 million ungrateful Algerians lost their lives in this shoddy affair.

That'll shut the mouth of the french posters and frenchboos in this board for good I hope

Epic, simply epic. These French people sure don't know how to war! Look how many wars they lost!

List of major wars France have won

Wars of Charlemagne (768-814)
Norman Conquest of England (1066)
First Crusade (1096-99)
Hundred Years' War (1337-1453)
War of the Holy League (1508-16)
Franco-Spanish War (1635)
Franco-Dutch War (1678)
War of the Reunions (1683-84)
War of the Quadruple Alliance (1718-20)
War of the Austrian Succession (1740-48)
American Revolutionary War (1775-1783)
French Revolutionary Wars (1792-1802) (this is not the French Revolution)
War of the First Coalition (1793-97)
War of the Second Coalition (1799-1802)
War of the Oranges (1801)
War of the Third Coalition (1803-06)
War of the Fourth Coalition (1806-07)
War of the Fifth Coalition (1809)
Greek War of Independence (1821-30)
French Conquest of Algeria (1830-47)
Crimean War (1853-56)
Second Opium War (1856-60)
Second Italian War of Independence (1859)
Mandingo Wars (1883-98)
Sino-French War (1884-85)
First Franco-Dahomean War (1890)
Second Franco-Dahomean War (1892-94)
Franco-Siamese War (1893)
Boxer Rebellion (1899-1901)
Wadai War (1909-11)
World War I (1914-18)
Rif War (1920)
World War II (1939-45)
Gulf War (1990-91)

Cavalry - French word
Infantry - French word
Melee - French word
Volley - French word
Soldier - French word
Troop - French word
Corps - French word
Division - French word
Musket - French word
Musketeer - French word
Pistol - French word
Sergeant - French word
General - French word
Lieutenant - French word
Captain - French word
Colonel - French word
Corporal - French word
Marshal - French word
Commander - French word
Officer - French word
Company - French word
Platoon - French word
Brigade - French word
Armor - French word
Archer - French word
Battle - French word
Alliance - French word
Machine - French word
Car - French word
Army - French word
Military - French word

>Wars of Charlemagne (768-814)
>Norman Conquest of England (1066)
>First Crusade (1096-99)
>Hundred Years' War (1337-1453)
>War of the Holy League (1508-16)
>Franco-Spanish War (1635)
>Franco-Dutch War (1678)
>War of the Reunions (1683-84)
>War of the Quadruple Alliance (1718-20)
>War of the Austrian Succession (1740-48)
>American Revolutionary War (1775-1783)
>French Revolutionary Wars (1792-1802) (this is not the French Revolution)
>War of the First Coalition (1793-97)
>War of the Second Coalition (1799-1802)
>War of the Oranges (1801)
>War of the Third Coalition (1803-06)
>War of the Fourth Coalition (1806-07)
>War of the Fifth Coalition (1809)
>Greek War of Independence (1821-30)
>French Conquest of Algeria (1830-47)
>Crimean War (1853-56)
>Second Opium War (1856-60)
>Second Italian War of Independence (1859)
>Mandingo Wars (1883-98)
>Sino-French War (1884-85)
>First Franco-Dahomean War (1890)
>Second Franco-Dahomean War (1892-94)
>Franco-Siamese War (1893)
>Boxer Rebellion (1899-1901)
>Wadai War (1909-11)
>World War I (1914-18)
>Rif War (1920)
>World War II (1939-45)
>Gulf War (1990-91)
nothing compared to what i listed

What? You listed wars they lost in and I listed wars they won?

In fact my list not only has more wars (35-32), but a large amount of yours are either Pyrrhic victories listed as losses or ties, or French revolts and revolutions.

Sorry, I don't mind the French, but you got BTFO in WW2. Furthermore, the French population collaborated by far the most, to the point where the French SS were the last line of defense. Even further, the 'Free French' in Africa were by majority composed of colonial units only fighting for post-war concessions/independence.

They got BTFO, true, and were occupied for 3-4 years, but they were on the opposing side to Germany and Germany lost WW2. Logically we can conclude that France, therefore, won WW2 (not on its own of course). The point stands.

You forgot the best part, the Frankish invasion where the Germanics for the first time took Paris.
They then built France, which itself is still named for the Franks.
>The founding fathers of France are Chlodwig and Kerl

Most of these wars France was either not a primary participant or not a participant at all

>Most of these wars France was either not a primary participant
Irrelevant.
>or not a participant at all
No. Name them

And if you are going to really sperg out on this and say they have to win wars by themselves, automaticallly 9/10ths of OP's wars are also removed because there were many more opponents than France and allies. Please don't do this, it's retarded.

It's an "John of Arc personally defeated the English, even though the Hundred Years War would last another 20 years after her death" episode

The French Norman's is a meme the Norman's never saw themselves as French and did everything to be independent

>Name themselves after their region of France
>More than 150 years of breeding with the French people there
>Swear fealty to French crown
>Speak French
>Immersed in French culture and traditions and laws

North Men.

Norman.

Yep.

The people in the north of France.

>Irrelevant.
When you hardly even took part in the conflict, you didnt decide it and therefore you cant claim credit for the victory.

>Name them
Wars of Charlemagne (768-814) Francia=/=France
Norman Conquest of England (1066) Normandy=/=France
First Crusade (1096-99) Catholic church=/=France

>they have to win wars by themselves
I am saying that it counts if they were one of the major countries on either side and therefore played a crucial part in the outcome of the war

>A language heavily influenced by french have alot of french words

The 30 years war was a massive success for the French, and so was the War of Spanish succession.

If OP, you think winning wars is like EU4 blobbing, you are quite mistaken, most modern wars are about neutralising your rivals. Which was what happened in both wars.

Sure France did not technically win, the Italian wars, but they still managed to check Habsburg dominance in Northern Italy.

As for Revolutionary wars and Napoleon, even if it was a defeat, it transformed Europe, and shaped the balance of power in Europe for the next 200 years.

France loses every war because they will be annexed by the sun in 12 billion years.

Why isn't the 7 year war on here when they lost this as well and it was far more impressive by the other side

t. mad anglo-saxon

You would be mad too if you constantly had to save Frances ass

honestly how assblasted do you have to be to write this wall

>Said he in a Franco-Norman dialect

>Name themselves after their region of France
They gave the region its name you idiot
>Speak French
They used to have their own language

they were acculturated french and im saying this as an english speaker. the reason why a quarter or more of our vocab has words of latin origin is because of the loan words from norman french, the latter language which they spoke for several centuries before eventually adopting "english"

LOl

we raped you for most of your history

Let's talk abouty reality now

We fucked your women so much that 45% of your dna is French

Germans fucked you so much that 25% of your DNA is German

ANd now it is the turn of Pakis

These are facts, mongrel

The baitiest of baits.

>The latin name of France isn't France
Nice denial

>Norman Conquest of England (1066) Normandy=/=France


Pic related

>First Crusade (1096-99) Catholic church=/=France

LMAO

You're in denial the (French) Pope went to France to preach the Crusades, the First Crusade was just a French and Provençal war against shitskins

ITT: /int/

>garlic chewer """""""""military""""""""" history"

Wow they really checked it with that Spanish Habsburg Rule of the whole of southern Italy, Sicily, Lombardy, Habsburg rule of Tuscany, and the on and off Austrain Habsburg rule of Northeastern Italy.
No, as in men from the part of the world north of france. Namely Scandinavia. Normans were Scandinavians that assimilated linguistically and (to some extent) culturally. Their status as a fief of the Frankish Crown was not in suordination. Rather, they took that land from France. Hence William the Bastard's disregard for his status as a fief of France.

lmao

Friendly reminder that William the Conqueror had black hair, not very Nordic if you want my opinion

Ever expanding since 496 :)

ITT? More like all of Veeky Forums

God I fucking hate the French, I don't even know why.

>ITT: Thinly veiled Lindybeige thread
Fuck off with the autistic limey.

your linguistics are pretty fucked up frog-senpai

My favorite copypasta. I'll ignore all of the victories it ignored.

>Gallic Wars
Gauls aren't French
>Hundred Years War
French victory
>Italian Wars
A series of wars with France winning many, France didn't just fight Italians, retard.
>Wars of Religion
Hugenots are French
>Thirty Years War
France wins
>War of Revolution
More bullshit, "the war of revolution" were 2 wars of France against the whole of Europe with France winning both
>The Dutch War
tie
>War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War
mostly tie
>War of the Spanish Succession
tie
>American Revolution
American and French victory. France played a vital role
>Quasi-War
Tie
>Napoleonic Wars
A series of wars with France winning most, also it was only 50% French for ONE year (1812)
>Mexico
Mostly a French victory, had a stunning victory at Camaron and left Mexico after their Mexican puppet government lost
>The Franco-Prussian War
First actual defeat on this list
>World War I
French victory
>World War II
French victory
>Indochina
Loss, most of troops weren't even French
>Algerian war
Was a military victory but a political defeat

>Most of these wars France was either not a primary participant
So does that mean every war Britain has won is irrelevant?

it's the nasal quality to their voice

in part why I can't stand canadians

I say, someone's asking for a just and right longbow fusillade!

Canadian French is unbearable to Frenchmen too.

France didn't win the war, the Allies won and France played absolutely no part in this victory. They contributed less to the Allied victory than Italy did.

It's pretty sad that most of Veeky Forums is too young to remember this.

>lost in 1940
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Frog history revision is really something else.

>Wars of Charlemagne (768-814)
not french

>Norman Conquest of England (1066)
not french

>First Crusade (1096-99)
same lads who aren't french joining the whole of europe in a grand concerted effort

>Hundred Years' War (1337-1453)
well whomsoever wins, a french royal line shall triumph

>War of the Holy League (1508-16)
>Franco-Spanish War (1635)
>Franco-Dutch War (1678)
>War of the Reunions (1683-84)
>War of the Quadruple Alliance (1718-20)
>War of the Austrian Succession (1740-48)
minor dynastic shenanigans that only set up the fall of "new france"

>American Revolutionary War (1775-1783)
I suppose that counts, "you" were on the "winning" side

>French Revolutionary Wars (1792-1802) (this is not the French Revolution)
yes, remarkable

>War of the First Coalition (1793-97)
lost

>War of the Second Coalition (1799-1802)
out

>War of the Oranges (1801)
in

>War of the Third Coalition (1803-06)
the

>War of the Fourth Coalition (1806-07)
grand

>War of the Fifth Coalition (1809)
scheme

>Greek War of Independence (1821-30)
>French Conquest of Algeria (1830-47)
oh yes, very strong getting a hand back in the colonial pantry

>Crimean War (1853-56)
you were invited

>Second Opium War (1856-60)
that's our bag m8, hangers on or not

>Second Italian War of Independence (1859)
>Mandingo Wars (1883-98)
blimey

>Sino-French War (1884-85)
if

>First Franco-Dahomean War (1890)
a

>Second Franco-Dahomean War (1892-94)
modern

>Franco-Siamese War (1893)
european

>Boxer Rebellion (1899-1901)
"power"

>Wadai War (1909-11)
dominates savages

>World War I (1914-18)
"a few more victories like these..."

>Rif War (1920)
more colonial fracas

>World War II (1939-45)
participation award

>Gulf War (1990-91)
you know, even the Belgians can make this claim...

Good post but you're forgetting about Vichy france. They lost world war 2 twice.

>modern european power dominates savages
I guess that makes every British victory irrelevant, considering that is the only way they can win a war by themselves

>lost in 1940
Lmao. What about Corsica and Piedmont to Italy?

That makes sense to me, Occupation doesn't mean annexion, Alsace Lorraine were added to the German Territory ( As promised by Hitler ) while Northern France and Savoy - Corsica were just occupied but remained De Jure parts of France.

>This, retard

Richard pathetic lion heart - notary frog since he only spoke French and spent most of his time as the unhappy 'guest' of various European dukes, lords and other neveau riche upstarts, emptying England's coffers to pay ransom.

Francia=Frankish France
We are not speaking latin here so the latin name doesnt matter

That pic just calls normans french and disproves nothing

The popes nationality doesnt matter and the first crusade had plenty of italians, flemings, germans and occitains.